How To! with Charles Duhigg

Joey is a young creative living in Australia who can't decide which hat to wear. Should it be songwriting, skateboarding, acting, or should he focus more on his day job as a retail clerk? Fitting everything in during the week seems impossible and he feels guilty when he can't cross everything off his checklist. On this episode of How To!, co-host Amanda Ripley brings in journalist Oliver Burkeman, the author of 4000 Weeks: Time Management for Mortals. He explains how he too once wanted to do it all, but eventually realized that it's just not feasible. As Joey learns, letting go of some things and focusing on what really matters can actually lead to the 'joy of missing out.'

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Never Miss a Deadline"

Do you wonder how best to use your time? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

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Sharon is 38 and never been kissed. This, as she acknowledges, is "a bit weird." As a nurse who loves ballroom dancing, Sharon is smart, funny, and attractive. At the same time, she's deeply religious and has been waiting so long for the perfect man she worries that she'll never find "The One." In this classic How To! episode, founding host Charles Duhigg brings in one of New York City's finest matchmakers, Lisa Clampitt, for some tough love. Lisa believes Sharon has a lot going for her, but in order to find her first kiss she needs to go on a lot more second dates. This is no fairytale, but sometimes you have to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince.

Do you have a problem that needs a solution? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

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Keith prides himself on being a good dad to his three sons. But in a post-pandemic world with looming student debt and uncertain opportunities, the future can be really scary. He's especially worried about his middle son Ben, an introvert who doesn't know what to do after he graduates high school this year. On this episode of How To! host Carvell Wallace brings on Rebecca Lavoie. She's a versatile podcaster and former co-host on Slate's parenting show Mom and Dad are Fighting. She's also a recent empty nester, and has some tough love for Keith about how he can stop fretting and find more joy in his own life.

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Fill an Empty Nest"

Do you have a question without an answer? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

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Yuzuha has been interviewing people for six years. She's a journalist based in Japan who writes about business and technology but has dreamed of working in broadcast, interviewing people for an audience. Her first challenge is coming sooner than she expected. Yuzuha was asked to moderate a panel at a big conference in Tokyo. She wants to know how to speak with confidence, capture an audience, and ensure her questions get answered without putting on a fake persona. On this episode of How To!, Amanda Ripley brings on journalist Meghna Chakrabarti. Meghna is the host of On Point, a public radio show, where she is known for her artful live interviews that help her audience make sense of the world. Meghna has some wonderful advice for Yuzuha (and all of us) on how to harness your voice and ensure you're advocating for your audience.

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Speak Up So Others Listen."

Do you have a question without an answer? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

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Earlier this year, our listener, Rell, nearly failed a promotion. Not because she was unprepared or unqualified, but because she didn't maintain enough eye contact with the interviewers. Rell's eye hasn't been fully receiving information since she was born, a condition that's outwardly visible and known colloquially as a "lazy eye." It's beginning to affect her self-confidence and is this "ugly thing [she] can't let go of." On this episode of How To!, new co-host Carvell Wallace brings on Sarah Ruhl. Sarah is an award-winning playwright, and author who wrote about her experience with Bell's palsy in her recent book, Smile: The Story of a Face. Sarah has some wonderful advice for letting go of your inner rage, making interactions with strangers less painful, and even finding people who light up your mirror neurons.

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Dress with Confidence."

Do you have a question without an answer? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

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January is barely two weeks old and already some of our ambitious New Year's resolutions may be starting to fade. No shame! Approximately 90% of resolution makers don't reach their goal. Which means there's gotta be a better way. Our listener this week, Emily, is discouraged about her unhealthy eating and lack of exercise and wants to form better habits that last long after the new year. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Maya Shankar. Maya is a cognitive scientist and host of the award-winning podcast, A Slight Change of Plans. Relying on decades of research, she helps Emily (and all of us) set ourselves up for success based on what works for actual humans.

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Eat Whatever You Want" and "How To Lose Weight and Keep It Off"

Do you have a question without an answer? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen.

Podcast production by Derek John, Rosemary Belson, and Kevin Bendis.

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In the wake of the anniversary of the January 6th insurrection, and now similar riots in Brazil's capital, we're picking up our conversation about how to reduce political violence. In the first episode of our two-part series, we heard from Dr. Rachel Kleinfeld, senior fellow at the Carnegie Endowment for International Peace. This week, we're talking with Curtis Toler, director of outreach at Chicago CRED. After joining his first street organization at the age of 9, Curtis went from a gang leader to a violence interrupter. He talks about how to reach people entrenched in cycles of conflict, how to get to the peace table, and what Congress (and all of us) can learn from his success on the streets of Chicago.

Resources:

Chicago CRED

A Savage Order: How the World's Deadliest Countries Can Forge a Path to Security by Rachel Kleinfeld

An Ex-Gang Leader's Advice for Deescalating Violence in Politics by Amanda Ripley

If you liked this episode, check out: "​​How To Talk Politics With Your Dad (Without Yelling) Part 1 and Part 2."

Do you have a question without an answer? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen.

Podcast production by Derek John, Rosemary Belson, and Kevin Bendis.

Want a behind-the-scenes look at how we create the show? Check out Slate's Pocket Collections for research and reading lists, as well as additional insights into how we think about the stories behind the episodes.

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It's been two years since the January 6th riot at the US Capitol in Washington DC. Over 900 people have been criminally charged, but political violence continues to be a threat. Well, here at How To!, we are not content to just marinate in fear and blame so we're dedicating two episodes to see how we can prevent more tragedies like January 6. In our first episode, we bring on Dr. Rachel Kleinfeld, senior fellow at the Carnegie Endowment for International Peace where she focuses on the intersection of democracy and security. She explains how the US has gotten to this point, how we should productively grapple with January 6, and why we're not as close to the brink of civil war as it may seem. Next week, we'll hear from Curtis Toler, a former Chicago gang member who is now a violence interrupter.

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Get Things Done in a Divided Nation with Samantha Power."

Do you have a question without an answer? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen.

Podcast production by Derek John, Rosemary Belson, and Kevin Bendis.

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Want a behind-the-scenes look at how we create the show? Check out Slate's Pocket Collections for research and reading lists, as well as additional insights into how we think about the stories behind the episodes.

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Here at How To! headquarters, we give and receive a lot of good advice. This year we saved the planet, unbroke the news, discovered our style, sat in silence, found pleasure, put a small town on the map, learned to laugh, ran for office (without being an a**hole), and talked politics with our parents. On this episode of How To!, the team gathers 'round the mic to round up our favorite advice of the year. We talk about how we applied that advice to our own lives, share some surprising updates from folks who were on the show, and give a behind-the-scenes look at how the podcast is made each week.

Did we forget to mention your favorite advice of the year? Let us know with a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen.

Podcast production by Derek John, Rosemary Belson, and Kevin Bendis.

Want a behind-the-scenes look at how we create the show? Check out Slate's Pocket Collections for research and reading lists, as well as additional insights into how we think about the stories behind the episodes.

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TJ has spent years trying to heal herself and put her childhood behind her. Both of her parents struggled with addiction, which made for a very complicated, unstable upbringing. After sacrificing her own childhood to raise her siblings—TJ feels deeply wounded by her mother in particular. She really wants to let it go. The only question is how. On this episode of How To!, we bring on journalist Marina Cantacuzino. Marina is the founder of The Forgiveness Project, a charity that shares stories of victims, survivors, and perpetrators of "crime and conflict who have rebuilt their lives following hurt and trauma." She's also the author of a new book called Forgiveness: An Exploration. Marina shares some powerful stories about others who have opened their hearts to forgiveness—even if it took awhile—and began to free themselves from resentment.

If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Forgive the Unforgivable."

Do you have a question without an answer? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show.

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