Illuminating Anorexia & Eating Disorder Recovery

Have you ever lost something precious to you and gone searching, scouring every nook and cranny to recover that precious item? I’ve lost many things that have set me on this search. Some more precious to me than others. The joy I experience when I recover something I have lost and searched for, is hard to describe. The more precious the item is to me, regardless of its material value, the deeper my joy in its recovery. I got thinking about this this morning when I got up at the crack of dawn to try and recover an item that I lost in the sands of the beach yesterday. As I was driving home I stopped to let some schoolgirls cross the road. They were on their way to the same high school I attended when I first began my slippery slide down the scales into anorexia as a young teen. What would have helped me then and at every point in my journey—into, through and beyond—anorexia and disordered eating, was to know at a deep heart level the preciousness of my life. If you are somewhere along that pathway I want to tell you your life is more precious than anything I can give voice to, and there is One who will never ever give up searching for you until you are found in a way that you know the preciousness and unshakeable worth and value of your life. You will need human help as well to recover from disordered eating. In my view it’s not one or the other. You need both human and divine help. In my experience that divine reassurance—of your preciousness, of your unshakeable worth and value—experienced deep in your heart and soul can help you hold on and move forward when you’re attempted to stop searching for it. [email protected]

We are never too old (or clever) to reconnect with our playful self, be it swinging on a swing, walking barefoot just because, goofing off with a pet, dancing like no one is watching, whatever it may be that reconnects us with our sense of play and fun. Intentionally doing something playful (just for the joy of it) can significantly improve our physical and emotional well-being, and this becomes all the more important if we’re having a difficult day or in a season of slog. Little steps, taken regularly and with intention, really can make a difference to how well we travel the road of life.

The one thing that has been most transformative in my healing journey from anorexia has been the ongoing, unfolding and deepening revelation of the love of the Father (God) for me. This revelation is available to every hungry heart. As spiritual truth gets “fleshed out” in our experience of life it heals and transforms us from the inside out. How does this happen? In this podcast I unpack and explore this process and invite you to consider my findings from your own perspective. Your questions and comments are welcome: [email protected]

I have just received the news that a friend’s niece has passed from medical complications after a long battle with anorexia. My heart breaks…I have no words….for you who loved her…and for she whom you loved. But I want to stand with you in this moment. In silence more than anything. To acknowledge your immense pain and suffering. To acknowledge her immense pain and suffering. To honour the life of she who has passed. She who struggled so strenuously and for so long against such an incredibly difficult dis-ease and insidiously destructive dis-order. I stand with you in acknowledgment…and in solidarity. I grieve with you, and for you, in your loss. I hold onto a hope that I accept you may not feel or even want to entertain in this moment. That death is not the end. That Love never fails. I hold onto that hope for you and for your loved one. Despite all. I stand with you. I see you…but not nearly as well or as compassionately or as helpfully as He who created you and your loved one…He who knows each hair of your head and hers, and every breath that you and she breathed, He who loves you both in a way beyond description. May He fill you with a hope for yourself and for your loved one in a way that seems impossible in the darkness. I am so deeply sorry for your loss.

Understanding and experiencing the Love of the Father* has been one of the most profound and significant keys to helping me overcome the fear and striving at the heart of my anorexia. Sinking the roots of my being into this Love helps me manage all the ways anxiety continues to show up in my life today. If this content resonates with you and you would like to explore these ideas further feel free to contact me at: [email protected]

*The way I speak of the Father reflects my beliefs and experience from a Judeo-Christian worldview.

Late last year I had a dream that brought home to me in a powerful way the preciousness of each individual life, and fuelled within me a desire to let every individual to know how precious they are, how much they are loved and how much their life matters. May this truth blossom in your heart and lead you to a life that is free and flourishing.

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Freedom is a journey that has no end because it is a state of the heart more than anything else - and we can always be growing in our sense of inner peace and security. I am many years recovered from the bondage and self-hatred of my anorexia but the journey beyond "recovery" into a life that is free and flourishing has been a longer one. And it continues. In this podcast and the last, I want to share a recent experience that illustrates how this journey into freedom has come about for me, how it is progressive in nature and how the inclusion of a spiritual dimension has been a key factor in apprehending the freedom I experience today.

To help clarify what I mean by recovery and freedom : to me recovery means no longer using food and body/weight/shape control to deal with difficult emotions and life's many challenges; freedom goes beyond recovery to incorporate the experience of living with a heart at peace, a healthy acceptance of self and body, no longer striving, driving or bending ones self out of shape to be something one is not or to please others but rather living from a deep core sense of well-BEing.  For more information go to: michellesparkes.com

Freedom is a journey that has no end because it is a state of the heart more than anything else - and we can always be growing in our sense of inner peace and security. I am many years recovered from the bondage and self-hatred of my anorexia but the journey beyond "recovery" into a life that is free and flourishing has been a longer one. And it continues. In this podcast and the next I want to share a recent experience that illustrates how this journey into freedom has come about for me, how it is progressive in nature and how the inclusion of a spiritual dimension has been a key factor in apprehending the freedom I experience today.

To help clarify what I mean by recovery and freedom : to me recovery means no longer using food and body/weight/shape control to deal with difficult emotions and life's many challenges; freedom goes beyond recovery to incorporate the experience of living with a heart at peace, a healthy acceptance of self and body, no longer striving, driving or bending ones self out of shape to be something one is not or to please others but rather living from a deep core sense of well-BEing.  For more information go to: michellesparkes.com

Wherever you are, whatever space you find yourself in, may your heart be encouraged, you are not beyond hope, you are not beyond help. Nothing is impossible with the God who loves you. If you feel exhausted, defeated, hopeless or despairing, I pray you experience His grace reaching in and taking hold of you, lifting you up and out of the miry clay, the stuck places, the hopeless spaces. I pray you experience His truth strengthening your bones, bringing surety to your steps, bringing peace to your heart despite the challenges you face. Hope and help, natural and supernatural. For me the help of the Helper has been the one thing that has made the biggest difference. Again and again. 

No matter how long you’ve been struggling with an eating disorder or disordered eating, you can get free of the attitudes and behaviours that keep you feeling stuck, hopeless and despairing. You can get off the food and weight control treadmill and recover your life. Hear the stories of four women experiencing this transformation in remarkably short periods of time. If you are ready take action, reach out: michellesparkes.com