Influence Every Day

Welcome back to the Influence Every Day show with Dr. Ed Tori, where we make every day better by influencing for good.

Are your intentions as pure as you think, or are you unknowingly corrupting them? In this thought-provoking episode, Dr. Tori challenges the common perception of intentions and dives deep into how they can shape your character, influence, and relationships. Intentions are not just about what happens before you act; they linger long after the actions are taken. Dr. Tori emphasizes the importance of setting noble intentions and maintaining their purity over time and across different contexts. He explores how boasting, bitterness, or inconsistent behavior can taint even the most well-meaning intentions, ultimately affecting your influence on others.

Quickly learn the most impactful lessons and skills from the best books on influence and communication. Join a community of like-minded individuals striving to improve their influence every day. Learn more at InfluenceBookClub.com

Are you corrupting your intentions? It’s time to be deliberate. Reflect, refine, and align your intentions with your actions. Keep them pure and consistent, and watch how it transforms your influence and relationships. Share this episode with someone who needs to hear it, and help us spread the message of influencing for good.

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Enjoying the Influence Every Day podcast? Take a moment to subscribe, rate, and review the show. Your support helps us grow and continue to provide value. Go forth and influence for good—every day!

00:00 Introduction: Are You Corrupting Your Intentions?

00:25 Setting Intentions: Before the Action

01:30 Purifying Your Intentions: The Why Behind Your Actions

02:09 The Impact of Noble Intentions on Character

02:38 Corrupting Intentions: The Dangers of Pride and Bragging

05:29 Consistency in Intentions: Across Time and Contexts

07:42 The Power of Deliberate Intentions on Influence

08:34 Conclusion: Be Deliberate with Your Intentions

Learn more about Dr. Tori’s distilled insights on influence and communication at InfluenceBookClub.com

Host: Dr. Ed Tori
Podcast: Influence Every Day

In this enlightening episode of the Influence Every Day podcast, Dr. Ed Tori dives into the concept of the "Subconscious Simmer." Have you ever had a Eureka moment in the shower, while driving, or just as you’re about to fall asleep? Dr. Tori explains that these moments of sudden clarity and creativity often occur during what he refers to as "trance states"—times when your subconscious mind is hard at work making connections beneath the surface.

Dr. Tori discusses how stepping away from a problem or task—whether it's taking a walk, gazing at the ocean, or simply letting an idea simmer—can be the most efficient next step in solving complex problems. He illustrates this with examples like Albert Einstein’s approach to problem-solving and the story of how the design of bullet trains was inspired by a simple observation in nature.

But it's not all about the positive. Dr. Tori also warns about the flip side: the negative effects of subconscious simmering when our brains are filled with unhealthy or irrelevant information. He emphasizes the importance of controlling your inputs, especially during these trance states, to avoid the “anti-Eureka” moments of anxiety and fear.

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Listen to this episode and more on your favorite podcast platform, and remember to influence for good every day.

P.S. Want to dive deeper into the best books on influence and communication? Dr. Tori has distilled them all for you at InfluenceBookClub.com.

P.P.S. Here's a related book I recommend

Episode Title: 022 Psychological Safety - A Common Mistake for New Leaders

Welcome to the Influence Every Day show with Dr. Ed Tori, where we make every day better by influencing for good. In this episode, Dr. Tori delves into a crucial aspect of psychological safety and highlights a common mistake made by new leaders.

Key Points:

1. Brief Touch On Psychological Safety:

2. The Importance of Vulnerability:

3. Effective Vulnerability:

4. Practical Advice:

Final Thoughts:

Dr. Tori wraps up the episode with a reminder to consider who needs to hear this message and to share it with them. He encourages listeners to rate and review the show, check out additional links and materials, and learn more about his curated collection of influential books at InfluenceBookClub.com.

Go forth and influence for good, every day!

Additional Resources:

Call to Action:

If you found this episode helpful, share it with someone who could benefit from it. Remember, telling others is the best way to pay it forward and help spread the message of positive influence.

Connect with Dr. Tori:

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Remember to influence for good, every day!

In this episode, Dr. Tori explores the intriguing intersection between artificial intelligence and authentic human interaction. As the world becomes increasingly virtual and artificial, our desire for genuine, sincere, and authentic human connections grows. Dr. Tori believes that AI can enhance these interactions, and he shares five practical ways to use AI to improve public speaking, relationships, leadership, and communication skills.

Here are 5 uses for AI in preparation for talks, workshops, difficult conversations, and other interactions.

Create a Glossary: Dr. Tori uses AI to generate a glossary of terms specific to the audience he is addressing. This helps him understand the language and nuances of his audience, fostering better rapport and connection.

Identify Challenges and Opportunities: By asking AI for the current challenges and opportunities faced by his audience, Dr. Tori gains insights that enable him to address their needs and deepen his connection with them.

Understand Potential Objections: Dr. Tori uses AI to anticipate objections his audience might have to his topic, allowing him to address these objections early and maintain audience engagement.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs) and Should Ask Questions (SAQs): AI helps Dr. Tori generate a list of FAQs and should ask questions relevant to his topic, ensuring he addresses key concerns and provides valuable information.

Recognize Limiting Beliefs and Their Underlying False Assumptions: Dr. Tori uses AI to identify the limiting beliefs and false assumptions held by his audience. By addressing these beliefs, he can offer perspective-shifting, life-changing insights.

Dr. Tori shares an unexpected discovery: his AI clone, available at DrTori.ai, enhances rapport with his audience. Interacting with the AI clone before meeting Dr. Tori in person creates a deeper connection and appreciation among his audience members.

Join the Influence Book Club at InfluenceBookClub.com. With each book we cover, Dr. Tori provides AI prompts for members to ask generative AI tools, helping them refine their skills and improve relationships, interactions, and leadership.

Go forth and influence for good. Every day.

In this episode, Dr. Tori recounts a playful yet powerful personal experience with a game called Snake Oil.

The game, known for its fun and creativity, becomes a surprising tool for teaching influence and persuasive communication. Dr. Tori narrates how he turned this game into a workshop to help others learn about persuasive speech patterns and communication strategies. Participants of the workshop gain insights into the automatic rapport-building and creative thinking that happens during the game.

The episode explores the contrast between game-time creativity and professional communication, encouraging professionals to bring this playful, tailored approach into their work settings.

Additionally, Dr. Tori highlights the benefit of creating a fun learning environment and how this can enhance retention and application of new skills.

00:00 Introduction: The Unfair Game

00:23 The History of Snake Oil

02:01 How to Play Snake Oil

03:55 Turning the Game into a Workshop

04:55 Lessons from the Workshop

08:49 The Power of Play in Learning

10:03 Conclusion and Invitation

Explore the profound significance of truly listening through the lens of the Chinese word "TING."

TING encapsulates a deep, multi-faceted approach to listening. Each component of TING is broken down to show how it can transform personal and professional relationships.

The Chinese word TING, meaning "to listen," is introduced. Its intricate components, each represented by different pictographs, are explained to offer a rich framework for enhancing listening skills.

Practical tips are shared on how to apply the principles of TING in everyday conversations, making one a better listener, communicator, and leader.

An introduction to the Influence Book Club, a resource for learning and applying the best lessons from books on influence, communication, and relationships. Visit [InfluenceBookClub.com](https://influencebookclub.com) for more details.

Additional resources and interactive worksheets on TING are available at DrTori.com/ting to help deepen understanding and practice of effective listening. 

Tune in to become a better listener and leader, and learn how to truly influence for good, every day.

The power of being patient has been hiding in another language. You see, patience isn’t just waiting. In this episode, Dr. Tori explores the concept of patience, contrasting its typical interpretation in English as passive endurance with its more active and anticipatory nature in the Arabic word 'Sabr'. Dr. Tori delves into how understanding and redefining patience can shift our worldview and impact our actions. By examining the root meanings of words from different languages, the episode emphasizes that patience involves preparation, taking the right action at the best time, and skill building rather than passive waiting. Dr. Tori encourages listeners to actively engage in self-improvement, seek advice, and prepare for future actions as part of practicing true patience. The discussion concludes with a call to share the insights from the podcast and to continue influencing for good every day.

00:00 Introduction to the Influence Every Day Show
00:31 Exploring the Power of Language and Word Origins
01:07 Understanding Patience in English and Latin
02:00 Discovering the Arabic Concept of Patience: Sabr
03:31 The Active Nature of Patience and Anticipation
04:06 Practical Applications of Active Patience
04:16 Building Skills and Preparing for Action
05:34 Patience in Career Building and Personal Growth
06:55 The Influence of Language on Worldview
07:17 Conclusion and Call to Action
07:22 End of Show Notes and Now Go Share

[PS - Guess what?! Dr. Tori has distilled the best books on influence and communication for you. Learn more here: InfluenceBookClub.com]

017 The Upside of Up-Inflection - Lack of Confidence or Deeper Connection?

Host: Dr. Tori

Podcast: Influence Every Day

Theme: Dispelling myths about up-inflection in speech and exploring its nuanced implications in human interaction and influence.

Dispelling Myths

Understanding Human Interaction

The Nuance of Up-Inflection

Practical Application of Up-Inflection

Benefits of Up-Inflection

[ ***** InfluenceBookClub.com ***** ]

Conclusion

Call to Action

Additional Notes

[Are you ready to skyrocket your influence without overloading your busy schedule? Dr. Tori has distilled the best books on influence and communication for you AND he created a community around it: InfluenceBookClub.com ]

What if I told you that you could level up your performance in virtual meetings by wearing cologne or perfume?!

This is Dr. Tori. Welcome to another episode of the Influence Every Day podcast. Today I want to talk to you about a study. [Van den Berghe, P. L., & Mace, R. (1987). The influence of fragrance on women's perceptions of men's physical attractiveness and personality. Ethology and Sociobiology, 8(3), 173-186.]

In this study, 200 women were asked to rate men on their attractiveness. The men were rated when they were wearing cologne, and they were rated when they were not wearing cologne. And it turns out that they were rated as more attractive while wearing cologne.

Here's the thing. Those men were on video. The cologne couldn't even be detected by the women.

The men, themselves, were affected by the cologne. Their response to how they felt about themselves made them more attractive.

THE most important rule of influence is to MANAGE YOUR STATE.

Manage your state. So many things that depend on it

All of these are state-dependent.

There are lots of things that relate to and make up your state. It's not only mood and emotions.

Are you tired? Do you have to use the bathroom? Is there something that is causing some sort of urgency? Like you have to be somewhere, somewhere? Or did you just leave an argument? You're physiologically still revved up from that argument. 

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Want to level-up your performance on video meetings or recordings?
Check this out: Video Influence & Remote Rapport
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(referred to by my hypnotherapy teacher).

“When you look good, you feel good. And when you feel good, you look great.”

When you look good, you feel good. And when you feel good, you look great. Pay attention to that last part. “When you feel good, you look great.” That essentially sums up this study. 

The men were more attractive when they felt better about themselves, and in this case, cologne was the thing that made them feel better about themselves. It reflected in their body language and how they carried themselves.

What will it take for you to feel good about yourself?

Sometimes it's cologne or perfume. Sometimes it's the type of clothes you wear. Sometimes it's what happened in the hour before the thing, right? Sometimes it's whichever way you manage your state.

Too often, though, we're winging it.

Check in with yourself. What is my state now and what will it take for me to be in the optimum state for that thing I'm about to do? And in this case, logging in to a video meeting. If you have to put on perfume, put on cologne, do it. Test it out.

Here's what I've done: I have created a PDF called 101 Ways to Manage Your State and you can download that at DrTori.com/101.

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101 Ways To Manage Your State (PDF): https://www.drtori.com/101
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You can download this PDF and just look at it. There are 101 ways there, but there are thousands more that exist to manage your state. Pick one and try it and see if that helps in your next interaction.

Before you walk into that meeting, before you log into that meeting, before you walk into your home, before you greet your kids or your significant other, before you go in and ask a hard question or have a difficult conversation, try one of these things and see how you do.

Be deliberate about managing your state, especially for things that are important to you.

Go ahead. Download that PDF 101 Ways to Manage Your State (DrTori.com/101). If that one thing doesn't work for you, then try something else. If you've tried meditation and that doesn't work, try something else. If you tried journaling and that doesn't work, try something else. You've tried exercise, you try new things, and if those things aren't for you, try something else.

It's tailored to you and it's up to you.

Pay attention to your state before you go into things. Your state really matters to how the rest of the interaction goes.

It sets the stage, so be deliberate about it

Again: DrTori.com/101. I'll see you in the next episode.

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101 Ways To Manage Your State (PDF): https://www.drtori.com/101
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This is only the end of today's show if you let it be. Who needs to hear what you just heard? Go ahead and share it with them right now. The Influence Every Day podcast is free. We don't sell advertising space, so telling others is the best way to pay us back. But more importantly, it's the best way to pay it forward. If you enjoy today's podcast, take a moment to rate and review the show. Then check out the additional links and materials that go along with it. They offer more ways to take your influence, your impact, and your relationships to a whole new level. Now go forth and influence for good. Every day.

[ ***** If you’re a busy professional who wants to have incredible success at work and at home (without neglecting those who matter most), then check out The Influence Playbook at https://www.influenceplaybookmonthly.com ***** ]

There's something you want to change. There's an area in your life you want to grow in. 

For anything that you desire to change - a habit, an action, a behavior, or even a way of thinking or an emotional response to certain triggers - this one simple step can be incredibly high-yield.

Intentions are not plans. It's really common for us to hear an energizing and motivating talk and think, "OK, this is it. I'm going to change this thing." But what happens? It fizzles out or fades away. (and some of us... Eh hem, cough, cough... me) start to beat ourselves up about it.

But motivation waxes and wanes.

Intentions are vital. Motivation is vital.

In that moment of intention, in that moment of motivation, when you're actually experiencing a visceral “I'm going to do this,” … THAT is the time to set a plan. THAT is the time to set the next best action.

Think about something to tether your new desired behavior to.

A tugboat is tethered to a massive ship to then tug it through more dangerous or crowded waters. Right? It's tying something so that they move together, a tether.

It could be another habit.

It could be a repeated behavior.

It could be a recurring experience.

Some examples:

If you want to start to be a little more mindful... well what do you already do daily that takes a short amount of time, but is also uninterrupted?

Fine. Choose one and practice being mindful while doing that thing.

You want to start a gratitude practice? You want to start consistently working out? You want to call your mother more frequently? 

I've tried multiple methods and multiple times to develop a gratitude practice. 

I tried what the gurus said. I read and implemented some of the things I read on trusted social posts. I looked up the research and tried some of the validated methods. But gratitude wasn't as present throughout my day as I wanted it to be. I had to keep experimenting.

I'll tell you what it was for me. Ultimately, it was two things:

I tried journaling and it wasn't working for me. It took a lot of activation energy. I had to find the journal, I had to pull it out. I had a turn to the page and then I felt like this is going to last, so I have to write all this stuff. In my head, I was self-editing. It was too much energy for me.

Well, I have a treadmill desk that I use while I work each morning. Tether. When I start walking, I type five things that I'm grateful for. Easy. 

I type five things I'm grateful for and pause on each one for 10 seconds. A total of 50 seconds. Now gratitude has become a habit, even long after I've stepped away from the treadmill desk.

Similar example: I tied working out to learning with audiobooks. I LOVE learning. It's rewarding to me. Well, now, I've constructed it so that, I can only listen to audiobooks while I'm working out. If I don't work out, I do not permit myself to keep listening. If I do workout, I am rewarding myself.

Repeated behaviors aren't necessarily always habits. For example, we open doors, we log into the computer, and we log into meetings. These everyday repeated behaviors can also be things that we tether things to.

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Imagine that it is now 3 weeks after your event and people are still raving about it. Not only that, they're describing how it changed their work and their lives.

Make it happen. Book Dr. Tori to speak: https://www.drtori.com/speaker 
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If you've heard one of my keynotes or taken my 7 Simple Rules of Influence course, then you've heard how I use doorknobs. The act of walking through a door is a behavior we do all the time. But I've used the everyday object of a doorknob as a thing to tether a behavior to.

When I grab a door knob, I "manage my state" (Simple Rule #1).

There's someone on the other side of this door. I need to serve them - whether it's my family, when I'm coming home from work, whether it's a meeting that I'm walking into, whether it's a lecture hall or a conference that I'm about to speak in, or a one-on-one consult or coaching. When I grab that doorknob, I think I have to serve the person on the other side of that door. Over time, it has become completely automatic to get into the optimum state for whoever/whatever is on the other side of that door.

Take a repeated behavior and just tie it to a habit that I want. You could do this with driving. You can do this with putting on shoes. You can do this with logging into a computer. You can do this clicking "Join Meeting." You can do this with anything that any repeated behavior that you have to do after you finish in the bathroom or before you eat your food. You can tie it to those behaviors. Another thing you can tie things to is a real-world object, which I alluded to with doorknobs. You can pick any real-world object that can be picking up a pen, grabbing your phone. You can just tie a behavior to a real-world object.

You can also tie it to a real-world experience, for example. When I experience negative gossip, right? I just really can't stand being around people who are constantly negative gossip. Like, it really bugs me. I struggled with, How do I get out of that conversation? Do I just abruptly remind them? "Hey, let's not talk about them behind their back" Sometimes that's awkward. Sometimes it could be potentially harmful, say, in the workplace with somebody senior to you or you have to interact with them later. It can be awkward. I struggled with that for a while.

But here's what I did. Essentially, I started to make excuses for other people… the moment I hear something negative, I would practice the act of making excuses for someone basically assuming the best, thinking about something that they do well or something that is good about them.

Why do I make the distinction between habit change and behavior change? Because not all habits are behaviors. Some habits are emotional responses or triggers. My emotional response to hearing that a specific person's name, that is often called a triggered response. But that's essentially a habit. And you can break that habit and insert a new one. And one of the best ways is with tethering

Thoughts can be habits, too. Somebody brings up a topic or a certain person walks in a room and you have certain thoughts. Those thoughts are habits - those immediate early thoughts.

You can change those thought patterns. For me, it was negative self-talk. Even if I crushed it, if one person felt slighted or was not enamored by something I did... 99 people loved it, 1 dude was less-than-enthused... my pattern was to think (& subsequently viscerally feel) like I was not good enough. I should've done better.

If you want to change your behavior habits, if you want to change your thought habits, if you want to change your emotional habits, then tie them to other things, tie them to other habits, tie them to other actions, tie them to everyday objects.

Keep this in mind this is a small action that can yield massive change in your life. So just tie these things together. It's super high yield.

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If you do want to learn how to change everything in a single, powerful moment, here's a free (& quick) micro-course: https://www.drtori.com/offers/ukqSTL77 
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Who needs to hear what you just heard? Go ahead and share it with them right now. The Influence Every Day podcast is free. We don't sell advertising space, so telling others is the best way to pay us back. But more importantly, it's the best way to pay it forward. If you enjoy today's podcast, take a moment to rate and review the show. Then check out the additional links and materials that go along with it. They offer more ways to take your influence, your impact, and your relationships to a whole new level. Now go forth and influence for good. Every day.

[ If you’re a busy professional who wants to have incredible success at work and at home (without neglecting those who matter most), then check out The Influence Playbook at https://www.influenceplaybookmonthly.com ]