Israel Dagg had everything he'd ever chased - a Rugby World Cup, a young family, the life a kid from a Hawke's Bay state house could only dream of. Then he retired, and the question underneath it all hit at once: “if I'm not an All Black, who am I?”

In one of the most open conversations we've had on the show, Israel comes clean on the five years that followed - the addiction, the depression, and the spiral he kept hidden while the world saw a highlight reel.

After his mum passed away he hit rock bottom: he left his family, moved to Auckland, and spent a Father's Day alone in an apartment wondering how it got so bad. He's honest about what it cost the people who loved him, and clear that no one could have pulled him out but himself.

This is the story of how he did it - how ownership became the first step back, why nearly three years sober is the best decision he's ever made, and how he came to see that the happiness he'd been chasing had been in front of him the whole time.

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