Jerk Practice

Listen up you wage-slaves! The JERKS are talkin’ about, what else?, running H for District 12 State Senate on a platform of whiskey boots, caps on soda (literally), and STROKES FOR ALL!

Every Jerk a King,

Every Jerk a Ding,

You can be a booth babe too.

But there’s something a wizard had to say,

The JERKS are dangerous fools.

“That guy’s tough as nails! He keeps puttin’ smokes out on his ankles!”

“I heard you need booth babes!”

“I heard you need booth boobs!”

“That’s my kickin’ JFK!”

#Reminish #BarkNormand #CarpeRectum

Sadly Halloween now passed us by, but don’t worry the JERKS will make you feel better by talking candy, cheese, and blow-jobs (candy cheese blow-jobs?)

Listen in as the Hard-Sads™ 2on2 debate pb v caramel Twix, Lincoln v Douglas v H, and why Hogan would make one helluva T-Rex!

“I love the hard-sads. I’m a hard-sad”

“My costume is suicide by cop.”

“How many times haves you won the mega millions?”

#OopsAllStuffed #OopsAllHills #OopsAllSuicide

It’s Part II of the October Halloween Sadness Bracket™ 

Who will the JERKS choose as the champ of 2022!?! Here’s a hint… It’s exactly what you think it is…

“One, Boo, Three…”

“Even more haunting than a human fly lifting a shotgun into its own mouth.”

#BadDreamsOnBirchAvenue #BramStokeTopStuffing #NerdStings #1Boo3 #FlySuicide

The October Sadness Halloween Bracket™ continues as the JERKS uber-nerdishly discuss Freddy v Jason, Invisy v Franky, and kinda think they are talking about other movies sometimes (“You mean I picked a King over Adam’s Family!”)

We “make the shit taste nice and seasoned” on this episode. We got ol’ Lyndsey Meghans locked up in our cream room and we’re talkin’ Elvis’ cousin, jackanapes, hot sauce collections, and half hot tubs…

“’Tis the Sleazon.”

“Who wins, sons or cousins?”

“Any flaky white will do, so I used the ol’ Hali”

#CleanBrained #RunnersDrys #BlueGoats

It’s the start of a new Halloween Tradition here on the JP Pod - The Annual Lindsey Meghan’s October Sadness Bracket™ Play along you Freddy Bed Heads!

Join the Jerks as they talk Step-Dads, Dumb-Dads, and the real horror that is Moms and Dads!

“The Hobbit pops baby!”

“Hey Steven, king me - you stink.”

#Proshima #ButterfaceMeyers #CandyMandingo #TheJerkies

RIP Mike Schank

Join Lindsey Meeghans for his long awaited return in this post-modern dad-cast! You gonna get “Yang Braing’d son!”

Bring your Yang Braings™ to the table as the JERKS talk stale rye, fat kings comin’ back, and why Casey doesn’t trust pre-creamed drinks.”

“I can’t do an emperor cream.”

“I put my taxes between the cheeks, cuz that’s where they belong.”

#MilkFedHands #VietNamDickStab#CheersChores

Listen in and find out if your Team I’d rather eat fingers or Team I’d probably go brains…

Alright you neckless truckers, wash those chimps and smoke those fingers cuz JP Halloween is upon us.

“I may have offended people with voice boxes.”

“Jesus would wear ‘em with me if we were mountain bikin’ on Mount Sinai.”

#Voiceless #Boxless #Hallowieners #Jallopeen #SpleenByMe

Pour yourselves some Tepid Mash and pop those buds past those cosmetic testicles in your ears, cuz this baby is as hot as the Kardashian’s nasty aunt Celeste!

Listen in as the JERKS talk H’s Cuba Gooding Jr. Embargo, Casey’s janitor role in the Matrix, and the new game “Would you / if you?”™

“Can we be done with team cosplay?”

“It’s my new toilet book: Olaf the Polish Dentist”

#Jobius #FallRoulette #FakeCheekies

Open up those “Dumb Dad Dead Eyes” and listen with ‘em, cuz this the Less Wheat Bread™ of episodes!

This one’s as hot as tinfoil in a microwave Jerks! H and C are talkin’ stress bloodies, Girl Hogans, Wolf Lake promoters, new-hire Cenobites…

“The pro feminine dump brought to you by Jon Hamm.”

“Hogan’s hair is like spiders’ silk.”

“Pull out your lute n’ give me a toot.”

#ShoePoor #MustForLust #Listed #SkinnySalsaJars

Listen to the JERKS that are just like Honest Abe… Only a little dishonest.

H is on the IHG Warpath this episode as the JERKS discuss Merlin’s Marlboros, Kevin Basmati’s Maserati, dead road eyes, and pet fees for days.

“Oh they leave ‘don’t fuck with me dumps.’”

“How dare you try to stop me from getting one over!”

#ExpensiveRice #ASDNYCZ  #TheInsuranceMines