Tuesday brings us David Waldman and KITM, brought to you by Cadillac, The King o’ Kars! Well, it could be if they gave us a couple Celestiqs… Celestiqes… but it wouldn’t change us at all.

Look at Donald K. Trump. That guy takes bribes all the time, and he never changes. If anything, it just makes him more so. Qatar is pro-Hamas, but Donald is pro-having their free plane. Trump is in the Middle East to get stuff, and the only way he’d sell out America is if it was tied to him getting more stuff, so...

Americans seem to be becoming less reassured by Trump’s complete venality. Gops grow quiet. Dems grow gonads. I mean, Chuck FN Schumer!

David Waldman throws the news at us and dives for cover.

Greg Dworkin tells us that the worst is by design, and he brings the receipts from around the world.

Trump makes the world safe for White flight. Donald stopped the war between India and Pakistan using only his mind. He is now wishing the war in Gaza to end. Who’s Ukraine? Maybe they got him coffee one time.

South Korea’s conservatives throw everything up in the air to see if it all falls into place. Germany wishes to ignore their far-right, but they are a noisy bunch.

After 40 years, the Kurdish group PKK says, “Oh well, it was worth a try.”

In Virginia, they have no one to blame but themselves but probably won’t.

So, Qatar is sending Trump a giant golden palace of a 747. Hey, can’t a country give their buddy a thing without everyone suddenly questioning it? The White House said Ceci n'est pas une émolument, or something to that effect. Anyhow, Trump is only borrowing it until he keeps it... that’s not “corrupt”, it’s called “being smart”. You’d have to be a radical Left Trump hater to say otherwise.

Trump said “tariffs”, setting off another sheep stampede. Time for another executive order to yell at another cloud, this time to demand that prices go down from up where they are. Drug prices should go down once the customer base passes away. James Bond still can rest easy, his car shopping remains tariff-free.

Insult to Nazis, Steven Miller, is thinking about suspending habeas corpus, inspiring fantasies of abusing his corpus. David explains habeas corpus, as does just about everyone with a keyboard this morning. We have always been at war with Eastasia.

Newark Mayor Ras Baraka refused to take the bait at an ICE detention center, but that didn’t keep them from arresting him. He’s lucky they didn’t send in Seal Team 6.

Today, David Waldman reports that the Pope is Catholic. The results of the KITM investigation into the bears of our local woods will be revealed on Monday’s show.

100% of the world’s supply of Popes is now proudly made in the USA. (Available in S, M, & L.) White Sox fan Bob Prevost is now Pope Leo XIV, a new chosen name and identity most won’t have trouble respecting. The Antichrist is laying low at the moment, but the Pope is already on the record with his biases, which to some theologians don’t ring patriotic. Anyhow, Leo now has an advantage in future Thanksgiving table family arguments.

Oops! The USS Harry S. Truman lost its third F/A-18 Super Hornet. Well, it has a pretty good idea of where they left them... Ever since Pete Hegseth decided to replace every 100 soldiers with a gorilla, things just haven’t been quite the same.

Pete can return to drowning all his troubles with fellow former Fox host Jeanine Pirro, now interim U.S. attorney in Washington, D.C. There’s got to be some ambassadorship left somewhere for Ed Martin.

Team Trump looked around and says, “Wait, are we the baddies?” Then said, “Meh” and broke for lunch. Laura Loomer wants to begin actual witch hunts. Trump Surgeon General pick Janette Nesheiwat had a troubled youth, with just a touch of patricide. Trump doesn’t know why he makes these decisions, maybe Bobby told him to. RFK Jr.’s former running mate thinks perhaps Bob’s mind is being controlled.

The FBI will be investigating Trump prosecutors for whatever they accused Trump on. The EPA will discontinue the Energy Star program, after all, who trusts what the government says anymore?

Greg Dworkin helps launch us into the weekend, with a rapid-fire roundup that somehow made a detour to Madison Square Garden.

There’s a new terrible Surgeon General nominee in town (who may or may not be into the raw milk thing), the old one having been chucked over on Laura Loomer’s say-so! But there won’t be much new baby gear in town, thanks to those tariffs. Any port in a storm, they say. But not in a trade war. And certainly not if it’s on the Gulf of Mexico.

Speaking of which, I don’t know if any other countries are going to listen to us about that renaming project. But I know they’re not listening to us on the anti-DEI project. Why would they?

Why, exactly, is Elon Musk hoovering up so much government data? It’s irresponsible not to speculate!

North Carolina’s long regional nightmare is over. Incredibly, a Trumper appears to be listening to a judge! But maybe that’s because he wanted to be a judge.

Trump’s memecoin is a huge corruption scandal. Which (necessarily) means that its benefits skew entirely toward his wealthiest boosters. (Well, except one of them!) Especially the foreign ones. Strongly-worded letter to follow?

In the House, Trump’s “one big, beautiful bill” doesn’t look so attractive anymore. But that’s life with a razor-thin majority, I guess.

Trump and courts still just don’t really mix. His DOJ gets its ass handed to it in a key immigration case, with another egregious case—deportations to Libya!—likely next on the track.

The kids are alright. But they’ve elected an anti-pope! They may still be alright, but this DOGE kid isn’t.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are back on the Wednesday KITM, and probably still aren’t AI generated, although honestly, have you ever actually seen them?

Are Jesus and Buddha space alien lizard people? Trump TV is as unglued as Trump. AI chatbots will encourage you to believe this and much more while they take over your job, and eventually your life. In real life, Kari Lake is making One America News the Voice of America.

Apple juice will be one of the first things wiped off the shelves by the Trump tariff tsunami.

Ed Martin was intended to make MAGA great again but is too MAGA to even get out of committee.

Oh, so now disengaged voters are becoming engaged? Well, maybe too late is better than never. Dotard Donald is becoming more doddering with every passing day, and he’s completely lost his bullshit fastball. If only Democrats said what they mean, mean what they said, and got stuff done, it’d be so simple.

If you can’t imagine a worse fate for migrants than being kidnapped and sent to El Salvador, you don’t have the into-the-box imagination of a Steven Miller. Picture what awaits deportees to Libyan or Rwandan prisons!

At war with Houthi rebels, the Navy has resorted to the tactic of throwing fighter jets at them.

What has Ron DeSantis done for Trump lately? Not much, so into the meatball machine Ron goes.

It’s Tuesday, time for David Waldman to freestyle the Tuesday Freestyle KITM! Anyway:

Donald K. Trump is an idiot, but he is also the President and shouldn’t use his stupidity to avoid responsibility. Nevertheless, Trump is incredibly irresponsible, very dumb, and quite likely to behave that way.

Linda McMahon makes Donald Trump look like Atticus Finch. McMahon is such a dunce that the Education Department would rather go anonymous than quote the boss’s letter directly. 

Trump demands that the DOJ spring Tina Peters from the Colorado state pen. Trump will be announcing something in the next two weeks, but it probably won’t be Ed Martin’s confirmation to attorney for Washington, DC.

There exist morons too demented for this administration. Non-morons, however, are welcome, such as the folks at Palantir, who’ll do anything for a buck, and who made 300 billion of those this year.

Meanwhile, what’s left of US intelligence has determined that Venezuela is not in a forever war with us, and that we don’t need to forever imprison them in El Salvador. Trump fully understands and will send them to Rwanda instead.

Skype or no Skype, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin remain ready to entertain and inform us for another week or so, at least.

What incomprehensibly stupid thing did Trump do or say this weekend? What incomprehensibly stupid thing didn’t he say or do?

Trump will make America great again by sending people to Alcatraz again, and by sending troops into Mexico, again.

Trump announced 100% tariffs on Endor, Andor, and Xandar until they send all their greenscreens back to Burbank and Berea.

Like a snowball disproves global warming, Wall Street stocks are proving tariff skeptics wrong. When nothing comes into port, however, nothing goes onto shelves.

Donald could make a smart move in the Abrego Garcia case if he wanted to, but no one can make him. ICE will stop even ideas from crossing the border.

Little Marco Rubio is now Team Trump’s main man. All he had to do was lose a little of his attitude. Which Republican will have the courage to step forward?  That would suppose that there are any of them that aren’t incomprehensibly stupid, wouldn’t it?

Around the world, fewer want to MAGA, the more they learn about it, while this administration eliminates our transnational crime unit before too many wise up.

David Waldman gets us to the weekend, normally the time the crazy really cranks up.  Anymore, it’s normally crazy, crazy is the new normal, and you don’t want to be caught acting normal, or people will think you’re crazy.

Donald K. Trump wants the US to start celebrating our victories, including our imaginary ones. It beats fighting imaginary wars with our imaginary enemies. We are now in a forever war with Venezuela but aren’t starting to bomb them yet.

At least, no bombing runs have been announced on Michael Waltz’ Signal account. Waltz’ Signal hasn’t been shut down though, Waltz and the crew have only moved their leaks to a different department.  

Steve Witkoff has been put in charge of endangering the world. Marco Rubio gets all the Jared Kushner jobs this time around.

From Ukraine to slashing U.S. institutions, Trump plays into Putin’s hands, yet did Peter Navarro save democracy by destroying the economy? But wait! The economy might rebound just in time to fund the Trump dictatorship! Either way, friends of Trump, that is, friends of Trump’s graft will be sick of all the winning.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin discuss the first 100 days; the next 100 we might need to take a day at a time.

Virginia’s Abigail Spanberger kind of leans Democrat, as so does her race for Governor in the state.

The Senate almost stood up to Trump on Tariffs, almost. JD Vance finally found his special purpose.

The US economy is beginning to cave in. It is weird how that seems to coincide with the Trump Tariffs. Trump explains that anything going wrong in this term will be Joe Biden’s fault, and to just wait for his third or so term to make any judgement. In the meantime, you might need to cut back to two dolls or two Big Macs when you had planned on buying maybe 30.

Pete Kegsbreath can’t be more of an idiot, although he does put in daily effort to do so. Pete attended Trump’s latest anal appreciation session and was personally singled out by Trump, which is a sure sign that… Mike Walz was to be bumped off. Oh well, plenty of morons where he came from.

ICE isn’t allowed to deport people, so how about the DoD? Ok, it’s the DMV, then. Donald asked if Abrego Garcia could come back, but El Salvador said no, so that’s that. The US has finally arranged to drink Ukraine’s milkshake. Purportedly. Trump and paperwork, man. When it comes to Harlem vs. Harvard, Donald prefers the one where Blacks know their place.

Trump is unconcerned with laws, because he plans to be the law.

If you really enjoy grifting, go where the graft is, the Executive Branch. If you want to appeal to Democrats… I don’t know, go wherever you see those hippy types. More Democrats need to go wherever Chris Murphy and Elizabeth Warren are.

The Frick and Frack of facts and fun, David Waldman and Greg Dworkin close out the month with today’s KITM.

Hoo boy are the next 100 days going to be awful. The Trump Tariffs Tsunami has begun to reach landfall and will be lapping over our hairlines in only weeks. Tourists are staying away in droves. Americans don’t support Donald K. Trump on the economy. They don’t support him on a lot of things. In fact, Americans don’t support Trump on so many levels, that if they had any other viable choice than Democrats to pick from, they’d have already fled to whomever that would be… even so, Trump is feeling pretty threatened. Like any wild animal, Trump has an instinctual defense ready: stupid lies. The more he’s threatened, the more lies, and the more stupidity until Trump’s pursuer gives up, or until Karoline Leavitt saves him. Karoline has her work cut out for her, as Trump would have dug all the way to ‘Gina in his ABC interview had Terry Moran only allowed him to.

She-Wolf of the DOJ, Pam Bondi, will tell you that Donald personally saved the lives of one third of the United States population in only 100 days. I mean, what more can you ask?

Trump says he “could” bring Abrego Garcia back from El Salvador, but doesn’t feel like it. A Fortune 500 company fired their lawyer who helped an immigrant family. The Turner Diaries is the MAGA Constitution.

El Salvador is in it for the money, crypto money, and by coincidence so is the Trump family. 

Believe it or not, Trump has a trust problem in the courts. Trump’s lawyers aren’t helping by being assholes. LeBron James of lawyers, Steven Biskupic, will be defending the Judge arrested by Trump’s FBI. Steven’s LeBron James of a sister will be reporting.