Happy Thanksgiving!

We were live on the air for the holiday today, although by “we” I mean me, and by “on the air,” I mean streaming over the Internet. Also, by “live,” I mean except for the pre-recorded segment on Christian nationalists hiding behind their long-standing school privatization scheme, submitted by Michigan correspondent Rosalyn MacGregor.

Trump’s threatened tariffs were put to their first test yesterday: the test of whether or not they’re fake, that is. Evidence strongly (very strongly strongly) suggests they are.

“We” also take the opportunity to remind you that for some strange reason, Sen. Cynthia Lummis (R-WY) is considered Congress’ “crypto queen.” More importantly, we’re meant to understand that this is the root of the next round of crypto corruption.

Speaking of the next round of corruption, you already know that Every Republican Accusation is a Confession.™ So here’s another confession: Don Jr. is now doing all the things they said Hunter Biden was doing with Burisma.

You also already know that Trump’s flouting the norms on background checks. On top of that, he’s befouling the transition process by refusing to sign the routine ethics pledge, which he actually did sign last time (though to no avail). Is there anything to do about any of it? Well, there’s one suggestion: Biden can initiate background checks for them. Sort of as a favor, you know? That way, he can focus on the mandate he doesn’t have, for the agenda he denied having.

Gaetz has been gotz. But Pete Hegseth is still skulking around. Reports are that there are Republicans who are genuinely unhappy about that, too. (And with good reason!) Still, there are some bizarre interpersonal nuances in Congress and party politics which mean the reaction to Hegseth and other abominable Cabi-nut picks could go either way.

Rudy Giuliani’s best, last hope is that he thinks things could co either way for him, too. But it’s starting to look like there’s only way way to go: down. As in… the drain. Or toilet.

Hey kids, it’s Tuesday and David Waldman is here to lead our Camp KITM Sing-Along:  Second verse, same as the first, a little bit louder and a whole lot worse!

Upcoming confirmation hearings for Pam Bondi will reveal the intrinsic corruption, looming danger... etc. etc. Scales will fall from eyes that tune into… Spinco, or some such.

Ok, so 25% tariffs go on Mexico and Canada if our drug and immigration problems aren’t fixed. Well, FAFO, as we used to say 2016-2020, in between posting “But Her Emails!” memes. Good times.

Once again, a new group of backstabbing villains gather to loot as much as they can and yet find that they don’t get along. As usual, it’s all good as long as the boss gets the two scoops of ice cream. Boris Epshteyn is a double dipper.

No one is sure how evil Brooke Rollins will be. Sometimes, you have to play your evil rookies off the evil bench.

Citizens United is the funniest joke Elon Musk has ever heard, and one of the cheapest laughs he’ll ever buy.

How does Natalie Harp do it? Sweetie 2.0 has a lock on the ear and rear of all that matters to her. 

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin aren’t going to Mar-a-Lago, that SOB can come up here if he wants to apologize.

MAGA doesn’t math. How many immigrants are there? How many illegal? How much voter fraud? What’s a “mandate”?  How do tariffs work? What egg prices? Climate, crime, energy, pandemic… MATH! The numbers spin around their heads like birds. Education is their existential threat, although they still see some use in it for their kids, maybe.

D still hasn’t signed the ethics agreement required for presidential transition because who wants to do all that math and figure out who’s pocketing what? Nobody on his side, that’s for sure. Over on the loser side, they can easily do the math on how many days they have left, because those happen to be some pretty small numbers.

On the winning side, it’s a gold rush. Pam Bondi doesn’t have Matt Gaetz levels of cringe or cosmetic surgery, but don’t worry, she will. Kelly Loeffler may be the most corrupt in the upcoming cabinet (or the most temporary), Tulsi Gabbard could be the most dangerous, but who’s counting? Auditions are still ongoing for The Apprentice 2.0.

Meanwhile, we’re winning on abortion rights so far. Let’s build on that.

David Waldman counts the days up from the future leader of the free world’s felony conviction as we count down the days until the words felony and conviction legally require quotation marks. In 29 days, there will be the first of several attempts to drown the government in a bathtub. However, there’s only hours until the weekend!

Years before D lied to his voters, he just lied to people. Matt Gaetz was of course lied to, and of course part of a bigger lie. The truth will come out when Matt finally wears out his usefulness. Notorious dog rustler and foreclosure fraudster fluffer Pam Bondi will now find Gaetz’ cabinet member Botox and spray tan discounts, along with maybe a little something extra in her Christmas stocking, maybe a lot of something if she plays her cards right.

Marjorie Taylor Greene has now stuck around long enough to become the doyenne of Congressional headcases and announced liaison to the super-geniuses at the Department of Purging Excellence. Sure, Marge is a moron, but how smart does one need to be, to be Elon’s federal rubber stamp and designated waterboarder of Anthony Fauci?

Do you know how RFK Jr. falsely denied his connection to a deadly measles outbreak in Samoa? He lied. Get over it, like you’ll be getting over a lot of things soon. A Trump judge canceled the overtime pay for millions coming in for the millions calling in sick.

Meanwhile, droves of Haitians flee their shithole country… to return to Haiti.

David Waldman and Greg Dworkin are here today, and that’s something, isn’t it?

Think, what do Hillary Clinton and Kamala Harris have in common? Well, they’re both women who… Whoa, whoa, whoa! It seems we Libs are already off on the wrong track! The answer is, as always, economic anxiety.  Just ask any cornered last minute swing voter if bigotry or fear or economic anxiety swayed them, and of course they’ll tell you it was economic anxiety all along. After all, it is the singular topic that the trad wife and bro casters have been talking nonstop about… Right? (I don’t know, I have a life, so I don’t listen.)

Your new administration, however, has listened to everyone’s concerns and will address all of your economic anxiety like nothing you've seen. Chock full o’ cabi-nuts are now standing by to make America everything it deserves to be... as soon as they score a piece. According to police reports, Pete Hegseth dry humped a Republican women's conference event before serving a Jason Miller cocktail to a Jane Doe who attempted to prevent him from doing his patriotic duty. Meanwhile, Linda McMahon is set to shatter the glass cellar floor, joining her husband and Jim Jordan in looking the other way while men and boys under her supervision were assaulted. And Matt Gaetz… everybody hates Matt Gaetz, including Matt Gaetz, who has decided that his own behavior is too reprehensible to describe in public. Non-sexual abuse solutions to economic anxiety include Tulsi Gabbard, who even gives Nikki Haley the ick, and … drum roll please… Dan Bongino, who will cut everything from the Secret Service, other than those first two initials. Marjorie Taylor Greene, now most seasoned, experienced, and wise compared to everyone else in this paragraph, will lead a subcommittee executing the whims of Elon Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy’s Department of Purging Employees.

By the way, the president does have unrestrained constitutional power to withhold funds, you just don’t understand how pre-wrong you’ve been on the subject yet.

Are you on Bluesky yet? That’s where all of the serious political players have been going lately. David Waldman came over on the Mayflower. Greg Dworkin looks as if he might hold onto the last bit of flotsam sinking into the ex-Twitter vortex, but even he is eyeing the Bluesky lifeboats.  “Unpopular opinion” as the engagement farmers say at Threads, but I like Threads more… Engagement bait is sort of… engaging to me and Bluesky kind of felt like it had a stick up its collective butt. Popularity might change that exclusivity.

Well, as I have been saying, Republicans have been exploiting an increasing technological and hardball gap, and it’s time to catch up.

Cabinet appointments will be made to those who sound as if they can best destroy them, or at least further shake public opinion towards them. Linda McMahon will have Americans question the value of a good education. Pete Hegseth will erode people’s faith in our military, our country and in God. And Matt Gaetz will tackle our concept of innate humanity and intelligence.

Liberals believe that there is nothing that can’t be cured with a good, thorough, explaining. The corollary to that belief is that ignorant people will be punished through their ignorance... eventually, somehow. No, those folks may be ignorant, but they’re not stupid. They’ve rebuilt all of their institutions to reinforce and congratulate themselves against any onslaught of reality. A couple of million of other people’s lives will hardly put a dent in that.

David Waldman delivers the Tuesday KITM. We’re still calling it “Tuesday”, right? It feels like we’ve already begun our 4-year long day of chaotic sludge. Perhaps if we didn’t make it all about him, but about what he’s doing, we would be able keep our head above the surface this time.

Elon Musk also makes it all about himself, but no one needs two assholes, not even Alex Jones.

This time the White House will be called “Mar-a-Lago North, Your Sex Party Headquarters”. Every cabinet meeting will be a toga party. Pete Hegseth believes that wives can’t be raped, nor the comatose. Matt Gaetz believes that age is just a number — Giggity! RFK Jr. will bring his legendary stamina to bear… but will be that guy at the orgy telling everybody what not to eat.

David Waldman is back, like Mondays, but more pleasant, except that it is still Monday, with him in it.

Greg Dworkin floats in on his Big Raft O’MFG X links! Nope... I won’t. Blue Sky, Threads or Daily Kos. Somebody’s techwiz has to fix this, not me.

You know who’s been smelling a little Vichy lately? Never Trumpers, reliable opiate to Dems until D’s Lame Duck in Perpetuity term… are now feeling like moving back with their ex... Bye, Felicias.

As our country advances to a stage 4, it becomes a bit harder to laugh about it. So then, let’s avert our gaze and instead focus on the ridiculous cabinet nominees, brought to you by recess appointments, brought to you by our present, not even future Trump SCOTUS.

Lowest hanging fruit in this regard might be considered Secretary of Defense nominee Pete Hegseth, although there is recent evidence mounting for hanging him higher. Drugging and raping allegations have surfaced, although Pete himself will tell you that if you drug them first, it isn’t rape, and if they were paid to forget, it didn’t happen. Pete is filled with Christian goodness; it says so right on his label.

The difference between 2016 and 2024 is that this time, the Oval Office orgies will be LIT. Markwayne Mullin used to think Matt Gaetz was a sexual predator but has since evolved to see Matt as more of a sexual colleague. As Health Secretary, RFK Jr. will probably ban synthetics at future White House bacchanals. Bob is against unhealthiness and will be sending anyone he finds hopped up to labor camps.

David Waldman delivers us to the weekend, which is back to being just another day of chaos before the two days of chaos before he returns.

Ever think about Donald Trump’s… future after politics? Following his election loss in 2020, D would have been lucky to get the plot next to Ivana. Now, he’ll be buried like a Pharoah, to better pwn the libs. America’s Greatest Hugest Traitor might still be considered Confederate President Jefferson Davis, but how much have you heard about Jeff lately? While visiting the Trump pyramids, be sure to check out the 200 ft. tall bronze Kevin Roberts shovel. At least all of this will occur long after we’re all gone, 2028 maybe.

All of this will be paid for with the bitchange found between Elon Musk’s couch cushions. Newbie KITM Correspondent Brian Henry reports that the fate of the entire world hinges upon the Elon Musk-Peter Thiel pissing match, which is odd, as both agree that the world should be ended. Wait. Is the world’s richest man, also the world’s most powerful? Yes! No! FU!

D has picked his criminal lawyers for key Justice Department posts which is appropriate, considering that they are also his criminal lawyers… Just don’t snitch to the FBI! 

President Caligula has selected Robert F. Kennedy Jr. to head the department of health and human services, based on the same criteria that he selected his previous cabinet, that is who can destroy that particular department most effectively, along with who would be the best fit in the monthly White House orgy lineup.