Keep Talking

Helen Fisher was an anthropologist, a professor, an author, and was one of the world's experts on the science of love.

This is the final summer rebroadcast of 2024, episode 47 of "Keep Talking," the most-downloaded audio episode from this show. Helen sadly died on Saturday, August 17, 2024. She was charming, brilliant, and a gem of a human being, and I wanted to honor her by reposting her episode as the final summer rebroadcast of this year.

During our conversation, Helen talks about her background interest in love, the role that love plays in human existence, the evolutionary purpose of love, how the subconscious influences who we fall in love with, how to know if you aren't in love, and wisdom she would provide to improve one's probability for healthy romance and a compatible mate choice.

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(00:00) Intro

(01:05) How Helen got interested in studying love

(05:18) Trailblazing the academic study of love

(06:22) What is love?

(11:01) Love and love decisions are life's most important choices

(12:46) Understanding "love maps" and the unconscious as it relates to love

(22:15) Millennials and "slow love"

(27:56) When are you not in love? When is it time to end a relationship?

(37:58) Identifying great compatibility matches

(41:53) Mitigating the risks of neuroticism from torpedoing a relationship

(48:30) Attachment styles and compatibility

(54:46) Identifying the root cause of depression

(56:46) Ending a relationship when indifference is present

(01:08:00) Designing a lifestyle that makes you a better and authentic partner

(01:11:27) The role of marriage in human life

(01:15:30) Helen getting married in her mid-70's

Richard Reeves is a writer, a Senior Fellow at the Brookings Institution and the author of "Of Boys and Men."

This is a rebroadcast of episode 67 of "Keep Talking," one of the most important conversations from this show. Richard presents data detailing how boys and men are falling behind in education and employment, that men represent three out every four "deaths of despair," and the confusion over what is good about being a man and what it means to be a man as gender roles have significantly changed.

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(00:00) Intro

(01:06) How Richard realized men are falling behind

(04:42) The data re: men falling behind in education

(08:02) The structure of education helps women's natural abilities

(12:26) A response to the indifference of male decline

(17:06) Stories of suffering of modern men

(20:30) Men are "opting out" not "acting out"

(25:42) What would men be doing without porn and video games?

(27:19) Big stats and small stats that reveal the decline of men

(30:56) A sense of agency is crucial for men who are struggling

(37:31) Jim Hollis' work for men

(38:46) Jordan Peterson is a gigantic listening ear for men

(44:06) The Andrew Tate phenomenon

(51:31) Jordan Peterson's rage and empathy

(57:09) Divorce and its effect on men

(01:02:44) What is the evolutionary purpose of men?

(01:06:46) Children need positive relationships with their fathers; married parents less so

(01:15:39) Solutions to increase male flourishing

Kevin Kelly is a photographer, a futurist, an editor, and the author of multiple books, including "Excellent Advice for Living: Wisdom I Wish I'd Known Earlier," the subject of our conversation.

This is a rebroadcast of episode 75 of "Keep Talking," one of my favorite episodes. On his 68th birthday, Kevin wrote "68 Bits of Unsolicited Advice" for his children - an essay that went viral. He wrote two more birthday advice essays for years 69 and 70. Now, after cleaning those nuggets up and adding 150 more, he has written a treasure-trove of wisdom, created and given to the world by one of America's most perceptive thinkers.

This is my favorite kind of book, and Kevin has created a masterpiece that I will consult for the rest of my life. I highly recommend it for anyone looking to become just a little bit wiser, a little bit better, a little bit more thoughtful.

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(00:00) Intro

(00:55) Why Kevin began sharing advice

(03:21) "68 Bits of Unsolicited Advice" popularity

(05:27) 10 pieces of advice

(07:42) You are what you do

(12:00) Character is about how you deal with power

(18:55) Look back 25 years from today to decide

(22:20) The three things you need

(36:15) Cultivate 12 people who love you

(40:35) Money is to allow you to do great work

(41:51) A perfect day to Kevin Kelly

(44:15) Success and wealth

(45:46) What's the point of obtaining wisdom?

Traver Boehm is an entrepreneur, a speaker, the author of "Today I Rise" and "Man UNcivilized," and the founder of the UNcivilized Movement, "dedicated to ending the unnecessary suffering in men to end the suffering caused by men."

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00:00 Intro

00:31 How Traver got into men's work

05:40 Living as an unconscious man for 40 years

10:53 Integrity and the book "How To Be A Man" by Robert Masters

16:26 Advice for men who feel out of integrity

28:04 Asking men: what do you want?

39:32 Shame, and how men can ask for what they need

55:22 Selecting women and the importance of male tribe

01:06:52 Male isolation and how to find good men

01:13:18 Vulnerability and how much Traver has changed

Orna Donath is a professor at Tel Aviv University and is the author of the landmark book "Regretting Motherhood." During our conversation, Orna talks about the lessons from her research, her own "silent knowing" that she didn't want to be a mom, the importance of knowing oneself, and her new research of elderly, childless women in Israel. Orna also talks about the role of fear in pressuring women to become a mom, her yearly dialogue with a dozen women who are trying to decide whether to have kids, healthy models for childless women, and her interviews with childless men.

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00:00 Intro

00:36 Stories of women who have regretted having kids

05:08 What has been traumatic to women about becoming mothers?

10:04 The role of fear in pressuring women to have kids

16:41 The lack of healthy models for women without kids

23:31 Lessons from elderly, childless women

28:51 Lessons from women who are wrestling with whether to have kids

35:57 Meaning and purpose in life without kids

42:27 Quotes in praise or Orna and her work

44:18 Men who don't want to have kids

54:46 Addressing questions Orna wants to answer

Roy Baumeister is a professor and a prolific author of many books, including "Willpower" and "Is There Anything Good About Men?" During our conversation, Roy talks about men as nature's "play things," his thinking on how homosexuality persevered through evolution, the truth about men in society, lessons from the book "Self-Made Man" by Norah Vincent, the importance of male cooperation in creating civilization, free will, how he's changed his mind, and more.

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00:00 Intro

00:32 Men are nature's "play-things"

05:04 There are more men at the extremes

07:23 How do gay people exist?

11:29 Lessons from "Self-Made Man" by Norah Vincent

15:48 Men and women were "designed" with different skills

21:01 What is good about men?

31:02 Why are men wired for cooperation?

37:12 Quotes from "Is There Anything Good About Men?"

38:37 The tragedy of the male sex drive

46:24 What is interesting to Roy right now?

54:26 In what ways has Roy changed his mind?

01.01:52 Who does Roy go to for information and truth?

Ian Marcus Corbin is an essayist and a philosopher at Harvard Medical School who works on loneliness in society. During our conversation, Ian defines loneliness, discusses Robert Putnam's book Bowling Alone, the importance of close social relationships, the decline in civic participation in America, the risk of isolation to human beings and society, and the recent assassination attempt of Donald Trump.

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00:00 Intro

00:21 Defining loneliness

05:12 Growing evidence of modern loneliness

07:12 Robert Putnam's work in "Bowling Alone"

19:00 Advice for combating loneliness

22:31 What causes loneliness?

27:13 The Harvard study on happiness - good relationships are most important

31:20 How to prioritize a wise, flourishing life

38:19 Trade-offs between working for money and having meaningful work

44:05 Loneliness and the threat of totalitarianism

46:00 The assassination attempt of Donald Trump

51:35 Loneliness and modern men

58:05 The lack of a script for men today

1:00:14 What communities or societies are flourishing today?

Joe Henrich is a professor and the author of multiple best-selling books, including The Secret of Our Success and The WEIRDest People in the World. During our conversation, Joe talks about the interplay of genes and culture in human evolution, the importance of our "collective brains," what we misunderstand about human nature, what he's learned from visiting other indigenous cultures, how culture influences testosterone levels in men, how we might help modern, struggling western men, what we've learned about menopause from grandmother killer whales, the frontier of knowledge in human nature, and more.

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00:00 Intro

00:44 We're not individually intelligent

02:56 The reason for green and blue eye color in humans

06:08 A unique psychological aspect of status and prestige in humans

09:02 Human's competitive superpower: our ability to sweat

12:00 A story from Joe's experience with the Machiguenga in the Amazon

16:44 The variability and stability of human nature

18:44 What Westerners misunderstand about human nature

21:30 The link between prestige, good information, and human survival

23:48 Ideas to help modern men

28:28 Where Joe thinks our culture is heading with dating and mating

32:25 We have far more female ancestors as male ancestors

34:14 Testosterone in men in monogamous and non-monogamous cultures

37:09 Big 5 personality traits are not found in non-WEIRD cultures

41:00 Gerontocracy mating cultures in Africa

44:03 What we learn about menopause from grandmother killer whales

46:46 Joe's views on cultural relativism

51:30 Why Joe is so interested in human nature

56:26 What is our best understanding of what it means to be human?

59:17 Joe's forthcoming new book

David Blankenhorn is an author, an activist, a community organizer, and the co-founder and President of Braver Angels. During our conversation, David talks about polarization in the United States, the workshops that Braver Angels puts together to bring together politically opposed Americans for conversation and common ground, the threat of division to the future of the country, the receding of a "civil religion" in the U.S., the importance of approaching disagreements with a sense of goodwill, and having hope in this dark time.

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00:00 Intro

00:28 The state of civic friendship in America

04:18 The growth of Braver Angels

11:13 What motivates Braver Angels' members?

16:37 The work and mission of Braver Angels

23:20 We're less polarized than we've been told

27:25 Who is benefiting from social division?

33:19 Habits to maintain one's humanity

40:14 Politics replacing civic virtues in modern times

49:28 George Kennan's threat of internal division

55:25 The example of Daryl Davis

Robert Glover is a therapist, a speaker, and the author of multiple books, including his best-seller, No More Mr. Nice Guy. During our conversation, Robert talks about choosing a woman who chooses you, the importance of male tribe for men, being open-hearted, and his newest venture: integration nation.

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00:00 Intro

00:25 "Choose a woman who chooses you"

20:27 Marriage, relationships, and male purpose

25:00 Being open-hearted as a man and red pill

34:00 The importance of male tribe to men

53:00 Integration nation and Robert's legacy