Episode 30

A Segment:

OREO: the key to teaching fat Americans how to talk. If you don’t like today’s show, try using it! If you don’t like our nominees, try using it! If you’re an ALT, try teaching it!

God gives us a thumbs up and sends us an angel, our new Mascot and hero of the show: Sign-Chan! A woman who defeats more evil than Sailor Moon, and has a power level over 9000. Sign-Chan unleashed her 卍解(final solution) Signbonzakura onto Majin-Drew. (You guys like me mixing these anime references?)
You will need to watch a clip for this to make sense, but trust us, it’s the funniest thing you will ever see.

Segment B:

A man who has failed the Turing test.

Dave Trippin, the robot sent back in time to terminate “Wao-Ryu! Only in Japan”.

Dave’s interest include {insert popular media here}, and {insert common human interest}.

His favorite Japanese tourist spot is Yotsuya Kaidan, but sadly he can’t go down them by himself yet.

Apparently he is showing signs of a personality, but so far it’s just be rude to people who turn up to YouTube Hanami events.

My ass has healed a lot by the way! Nobody has been asking, but I am doing just fine! Don’t mind me, over here with my two buttholes! Sorry for being a whole minute late! Sorry I was limping!

Episode 29 T.E.N.

Segment A:

Welcome to the meme economy people! Where shitlords run the planet. So you all better watch it!

(Invest in our new KryptOKurrancy)

Nanpalive picks up! The internet’s resentment at least. Did Nanpa listen to our advice? Let’s find out.

This starts the conversation: what do words mean? Jvloggers and their fans don’t know, even though they teach English.

Critique Vs. Bullying.
Don’t know the difference? Stay off the internet! If someone says things you don’t like, that is not bullying.
For example; making fun of someone’s content is not cyber-bullying, it’s critique.
Chasing someone around the internet and messaging them negative things constantly on multiple platforms is not critique, it is cyber-bullying.
Also, accusing someone of saying false and/or harmful things, is a serious thing. You’re going to need to bring an example of your claim. But let’s face it, if you watch Jvloggers unironically you can’t read, so who am I writing this for?

Speaking of bullying: imagine you don’t like someone, but they are too powerful and handsome to fight. So, you decide to take out your hurt fee-fees on someone smaller (like cancelling an interview with Radery). That could be considered bullying.
The teacher gave you an F, so you knocked over the skinny kid. No class in that reaction people.
By the way check out Radrey’s critique of us: https://youtu.be/JkewkhXikgE

Segment B:

Tokyo Expat Network Facebook Group. We are sick of Jvloggers, let’s “bully” regular fellow immigrants!

Normal day on TEN:

Kanji are scary. Light bulbs are scary. Remotes are scary. Maps are scary.

How do I tie the laces on my slippers? I can’t see them. Pls advice.

Japanese bear eating me. Wat do?

Where can I find Kimitsu no Yaiba Demon Slayer subtitle playing theaters?

How do I use the taps in my kitchen?

Get some advice from some real experts/bullies.

Why is English education in Japan so bad? Well you can go over to watch Nobita’s latest video where he consults JCE Gaijin Goomba and a porn star.

OR!

You could listen to someone who actually has qualifications and lives in Japan.

So what is wrong with the system? Quite a lot really. Let’s start with the awful training programs. Most of the foreigner-related English education is made up of for profit companies. These companies spend more time and budget on marketing rather than developing any kind of lessons or training. The staff they hire are under-qualified, undertrained and underpaid.

This staff is largely people who would endure anything just to live in Japan. They have little to no background in education, and learn everything from their trainers? So who are these trainers? Basically old staff. That’s right, you go from unqualified teacher to an unqualified trainer in a matter of years (or months).
The Dunning-Kruger effect is what convinces these trainers and teachers that they are in the right place, and that nothing suspicious is going on.
Training and advice within these companies and programs is made up of assumptions and passed along anecdotes. So essentially ALTs are using the same method of education as cavemen used to figure out how the sun and moon work.

We look at one such training seminar that a JET trainer was nice enough to leave unattended.

Make sure the safety bar is secured, it’s gonna be a real JET-coaster!

Tokyo Lens

Segment A:

Cam throws the gauntlet down and challenges Nick to push himself to be all he can be and find his ikigai.

Drew plays train Santa and teaches proper manners to the barbarian Japanese.

Daniel Lord discusses an old flame, and no, we aren’t talking about the burning in his urinary tract.

The KoK boys create a new “Combini Boys” game that they will play next week. Maybe?

Segment B:

What is the most basic concept of photography? Position the most important thing in the center of the frame. If a person were to constantly position one thing, for example a banana, in center frame, you would say “This photographer is obsessed with bananas”.
Tokyo Lens! The man who cannot get enough of himself. What is Tokyo? It’s pretty Norm apparently. Norm is rising from the south and will be hovering over Tokyo for the duration of the week.

Norm, another hemorrhoid on Japan’s ass spawned from Tokyo Creative.

The cognitive dissonance related to Japan is brought up yet again. It’s not filled with ninjas and girls running to school with toast in their mouth you fucking weebs! Don’t try to get the first job you can find here! It will suck! Get a real skill and come here as a useful gaijin! We need good representation, not more festering pustules!

Also Elon Musk is related somehow.

Valuepack

Cam is back from ass surgery.

Jay drops into Arggh Garry’s livestream.

We talk about the accuracy of Japanese culture in “Cobra Kai”.

We discuss how Australian cheese companies have ended racism.

We take a poll from Hiding in My Room’s Daniel Lord.

Segment B:

The KoK boys are delivering a value pack of KFC: Kanto Fried Cringe this week. A group not strong enough for individual nominations, but together they form a kind of poorly working Voltron that makes you say “I’d rather die than let that shitty robot save me”.

Angie’s Tea: Another white woman comes to Japan, unaware that on her quest to discover herself and display her individual take on life has ironically been done by millions of white woman clones before her. In the value pack, she is the white meat tenders that somebody forgot to give us sauce for.

Conbini Boys: You know everything you need to about this podcast just from the name. These boneless chicken pieces slowly describe combini food to you as they giggle endlessly like stoned teenagers.

Paolo from TOKYO: No, there are no typos in that channel name. Paolo only committed one real sin, but it is equivalent to biting the apple.

Tokyo Handsome Boy: These guys are the limited release special flavor, no longer available, but oddly memorable and confusing in taste.

Get your wet wipes ready, it’s gonna get crispy in here.

Nanpa Live

The 2nd KOK and JIJ crossover event

In studio: The delightful and always entertaining ladies from the Jaded in Japan Podcast, which you should totally be listening to if you’re not already.

We needed a ladies opinion on this wekk’s nominee “Nampa Live”. Wow! A pick-up artist, this is exciting! This guy’s video will be filled with hitting on Japanese girls. I am sure he isn’t going to be like every other Jvlogger, making a two hour stream with only five minutes of actual content.

Also, Drew emails us with an invitation for a KOK with STD crossover.

Arrgh Garry, makes a video about us. The video contains intense and thoughtful constructive criticism that is clearly laid out and easily understood.

Behind the scenes with the KoK boys.  Mostly our pee breaks, drink refills and sexual fetish commentary with a few connection errors sprinkled in for good measure.

KoKmas

Merry Cringemas!

2020 still sucks and we aren’t quite finished yet.

Feeling lonely, locked down for the holidays? Missing your family and friends? Can’t go back home for the holidays? Can’t sneak out for a drink? Never fear! The KoK boys are bringing cheer and gifts with your favorite nominees.

Totally Drew and Oriental Pearl, totally prank Radrey by not coming on to his show despite making assurances they would. Apparently an English school manager and a polyglot can’t figure out the meaning of the word professionalism. For more details tune in to Radrey’s channel.

Ryan Boundless goes for a morning Christmas gallop.

Kelly Morita and Daniel Lord (Hiding on my room) are not from the the North Pole, but they appear to be bipolar.

Sharla and Michelangelo are sexy reindeers with drinking problems.

Nobita is there.

Cathy Cat continues to provide nothing you won’t learn from a single google search or two hours of living in Japan.

Tokyo Creative blah blah blah.

Japanator

Segment A:

Which one of the KoK boys had perfect attendance at school?

We get hate from Gaijin Goomba and Oriental Pearl and then we go straight to this week’s nominee: Japanator! The clown prince of Japan. So get ready for the most poorly formulated rebuttals in history! Do North American schools teach debate? Apparently not.

Pearl accuses us of pushing a stereotype of gaijins, gaijin-smashing their way through Japan, and that’s why she hates us. It has nothing to do with us criticizing her. No, not at all. It’s that we are pushing the false narrative that some people are coming to Japan and acting like assholes. That never happens! And you should be ashamed if you have ever thought so!

As a general disclaimer, KoK loves Japan, the Japanese people, and we believe most of the foreign community is a well behaved and respectable collection of individuals. We just hate cringe Jvloggers like Pearl.

Segment B:

Remember that the guillotine is a French invention, as Japanator likes to get his French-Canadian self Kubi-ni-naru-ed.

How do you get fired from an Eikaiwa job? How do you get fired from multiple? Let’s find out!

Japanator regales us all with the tragedy that is his life in a tale worthy of Victor Hugo. (Not really, like all Jvloggers he is bafflingly unaware that he is the asshole in every situation)

On this MicroKoK installment we speak to Scott aka Unrested!  We cover important issues such as mental health, why you SHOULDN'T come to Japan, corona virus' effect on small business, being wary of insurance hustlers, and to top it all off we even throw in some eikaiwa horror stories for good measure.  This is the most adult podcast episode ever created by Strong Zero enthusiasts in the history of mankind. (Look it up, it's true)

A special thanks to Scott for joining us this time!  Go check out his youtube channel "Unrested" for more great content.