Oriental Pearl

Segment A:

Cam invents a conspiracy theory and a new dessert.

Totemo Drew joins our Patreon and Discord. With ill intent!

Radrey from "Why Come Japan” loses his interview to Totemo Drew because of Radrey’s association with KoK. What kind of weak pathetic loser would take out their inability to listen to criticism out on poor lovable Radrey? And to cancel an interview with him just because he also interviewed us? Shame! What’s that? Oriental Pearl pulled the exact same shit a few hours after this episode dropped? Oh! Sorry Radrey.

Segment B:

There is a trope in movies, such as heist movies or something involving getting a team together. One person will be the “genius” espionage expert. They will always have the amount of languages they speak listed. It goes something like this:

Boss: (Protagonist), let me introduce you to the fifth member of our team, (love interest). She has twenty PHDs and speaks 300 languages. She is basically C3PO with tits.

It is lazy hack writing that quickly explains that someone is smart. And it is true, a speaker of multiple languages is often a disciplined, academic, or cultured person.

Think about what you could do with the ability of speaking multiple tongues. You could work in diplomacy, trade, humanitarian ventures. However, you would need some other skills obviously to be actually useful. A pop-star who speaks two languages probably couldn’t translate medical speeches.

But what if you had no other skills? Would you chose to shove cameras in the faces of small businesses and make prank-bros videos? Probably not, like who the hell would do that?

Oriental Pearl!

Welcome to the illustrious “polyglot” “community”. We are not sure if this is a real thing, but if it’s anything like the Jvlog community, it means being petty, thin-skinned, having an overinflated feeling of value, and annoying local Japanese people.

Chris Okano

A segment!

Cam comes in late (fucker).

Japanator is touched upon, but MicroKok incoming!

Kathy Kat, your favorite Jvlogger (apparently) releases a cringe top ten list.

Daniel Lord exchanges cereal for cheesecake.

Nobita tries to protect gaijin from toxic Japanese women.

Tkyosam kicks Jay out of Sam’s Discord group. Sam also says that KoK needs to “do their research”. An untrue statement that Jay ended up taking way too fucking seriously!

Yes sir! That is one fine looking A segment.

Segment B

Unlike our regular jvlogger flunkies, who grow up dirt poor and try to etch out a life with zero skills, Chris Okano was born to money, and still wound up with zero skills. Okano like all jvloggers creates content layered in dullness and unawareness. But the insidiousness of a Chris has another layer, he is a gigantic tit that has given milk to other jvloggers and is partially responsible for the current Jvlog industry.

Previous nominee Jvloggers such as Sharla and Kelly Morita are actually employees of his old company Tokyo Creative. And the sponsorships might actually play a hand in the gross spread of misinformation that Jvloggers espouse.

Segment B takes a dry departure from our regular comedic content. It is the result of a fall down a rabbit hole, but leads to some rich understanding of the “why” of Jvlogging.

Micaela (Muh-Kay-Luh? Mi-Shi-Eh-La? Michael?)

Segment A:

Smashing Mexican food

Should Sean Slap? Sean should slap!

Some fucking loser with body-dysmorphia and other major self esteem issues called Nick infuriates Jay. We also talk about Tkyosam’s friend of the same name. Let’s give a guy with mental illness the attention he craves by revealing that we know too much about him. This will confirm to him that he matters and should continue being a shitheel for dwindling internet fame. Or we could have just ignored him and he would have gone away, perhaps even improved himself. Oh well, do what we say, not as we do?

Japanator Japaninates! His channel, thrice by the time this episode drops. The ranting oblivious Québécois asshole. He is the hydra, we cut one head off and another appears. Only it’s a silhouette or a Japanese flag stolen from Google Images. We give the breakdown of his interaction with KOK. Sadly this dipshit dropped an amazing video of his third attempt at content right after we recorded this episode, so sadly this is a bit behind, but fear not, we will discuss developments next week. The cringe could no be contained!

Segment B:

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Gajin Goomba

We got some Moby Dick for your ears tonight! As in three white whales.

A segment:

White whale 1: the blowout between KOK and Tkyosam. Jay starts piling up on the fat jokes. We reveal why he is upset with us this episode.

Jay appears on a 3 hour deadstream with Japanator (RIP) and the Jvlog. (Episode note: this episode was recorded before The Japanator killed his channel)

Radrey from “Why Come Japan is in studio tonight. Will Radrey become u/LifeDaikon’s new muse?

B Segment:

White whale 2: A man you wish Mario could jump on/harpoon: Gaijin Goomba.

A man who help created the term Japanese Cultural Expert (JCE). A dude who has embraced the Steven Seagal lifestyle of talking about something from Japan and then becoming so fat, his face swallows his eyes.

A man offended on behalf of all Americans and Japanese. He has spent 17 years here! 17 years!

White whale 3: Gajin Goomba’s partner. What kind of lady is fine enough for a Mario themed wedding? Femininity like Birdo, skin like a Boo, thicc like Chain-Chomp and the personality of Bob-omb.

There is also a song that is worse than the Ryan Boundless porno.

AndyJapandy responds to the Tkyosam episodes in studio. Giving his side to the story. Andy talks about how he got started making YouTube videos and why after 15 years he hasn’t “made it”. He also discusses work with Tkyosam, the split, the pay, the box!

Let’s squeeze some spaghetti!

Well it’s what the audience wanted (for some reason). We discuss the most controversial Jvlogger; Papa Tkyo. Will it be everything you wanted?
The KOK boys become instant hypocrites. Jay continues to defend Tkyosam as he is still angling for a future in Jvlogging. And, the boys debate sponsoring Sam’s YouTube career.

Do the boys make fun of Sam’s weight? They wouldn’t lower themselves to such nasty insults (for a few minutes). We also discuss why we had Gimmeabreakman on, and our own interactions with Sam.

Nickel teaches the only Japanese word he knows, “tsundere”. Jay stops rude Gaijins in a kaitenzushi and dates millions of women.

In A Segment we talk about being blocked by Kelly Morita’s Instagram, for reasons unknown. We also watch clips of Kelly and make fun of her.

Nickel explains where he is up to on his pizza toast mission

Jay tells a really ironic and funny motorbike story.

A lady from Sugita Totemo Drew’s past resurfaces, much like his content. This leads to yet another prolonged talk about his teeth.

Spoooooooooooky times is spoooooopy times.

A Segment: backlash from too many interviews! But we don’t really care, we are the biggest jvlogger hate podcast in Lithuania! Nick admits to his fetish and we explore his hentai degeneracy.

Jay Japaninates the Japanator with the Jvlog. 

Cam reads Japan’s worst resume cover letter.

B Segment: (finally a fucking B Segment) It’s Halloween, and some previous nominees have some horror stories of their own, Spoopy Totemo Drew (STD) became a 幽霊 (dull spirit) when he was barred from a bar due to a notice stating “Japanese Only”.

Kelly Morita and Sharizard (or should we say Sharndelure?) go ghost hunting. Woooooooo.
They find the ghosts of their sex-lives.

However despite these mind-breaking videos, we will be focusing on the very spine-tingling, nipple-rubbingly Jvloggers: Ghost Map Stories. Or as Grandpa Jay calls them, “Ghost Map Hunters”. A Jvlog duo featuring the courageous Dan and Wombat. (Not to be mistaken with the 90s talkback radio show “Dan and the Wombat”).

The two fearless men go where few dare to step; well-lit tunnels and tourist destinations. 

They also flex their advanced vocabulary with words such as “creepy, abnobabnality, creepy, and creepy).

They film frightening things, such as suitcases, dudes fishing and Hello Kitty graffiti.

You won’t believe it! I mean anything, you literally won’t believe anything.

Another fucking guest?

Yes, but this guest has two things that no Jvlogger has; life experience and useful advice.

Well advice if you expect to go to jail in Japan.

Marc Cavazos is in the house! The big house!

What is Japanese jail like? Do you get a phone call if you go to Japanese jail? Will you get raped in Japanese jail? Are there Yakuza in Japanese jail? And if so, do they know Jake Adelstein? Can I bring my Switch to Japanese jail?
C’mon r/japanlife! You idiots ask these stupid questions all the time! You can get an actual answer for a change.

Marc tells about getting wrongfully accused of drug smuggling in Japan and being defended by Carlos Goshn’s lawyer.

Marc also has strong connections to the Jvlogger community and has meet most of our nominees.

We respond to the Victor haters hatred of us having Victor on the show.

Just the tip baby. A small insert for your pleasure.

Remember when we said Season 1 ends episode 15? Lies!

Remember when we said we would do a vote rally? Lies!

Remember when we said we’d shit on people episode 16? Lies!

We address the lies in this MicroKOK episode 1...Lies!

Why does Interac do drug testing? Listen to find out.

We respond to The Jvlog’s response to our Pizza Toast Throw-down.

Why is his thumbnail off?
Where we wrong about him?
Why should you learn Japanese?
Why should you put rocket on pizza?
We restate how much we love Japan.
How old is The Jvlog?
Who gives a shit?

The KOK boys are in lockdown in the KOK Kitchen Stadium trying to perfect pizza toast.

Gimmeabreakman Part 2

Much like his videos, Victor cannot be contained to a mere one hour. Victor really chews the scenery, and by scenery we mean the world’s loudest, crispiest snacks he could find. Great choice for an audio medium!

Last week’s episode was the most controversial. Originally the Jvlog community hated us for ripping on them, now the hate communities are upset for us not ripping on jvloggers enough!

Don’t worry, we will get back to attacking people next week. No guests, just hate.

Victor continues to give intel on all our nominees, and details his personal experiences with them.

And! The final chapter to the ボーズラブ feud between Jay and Victor. A climax of epic proportions.