Gimmeabreakman

Gimmeaflakeman, 気味abreakmam, Victor is in studio tonight!

Regaling us with tales of his Jvlogging lifestyle. Tune in to hear tales of Jvlog Hanami parties, and Sharla evolving into Sharlazard and using “Cunt” attack. It’s supper effective!

Victor hails from Nagoya, or as Knick calls it: Nagasaki. (Sorry, Knick suffers from Geography Attrition. He doesn’t even know west from east).

Victor is as Kanadajin would say, one of the longest living Jvloggers. He started his YouTube channel when he arrived in Japan for the Meiji restoration. He even had Thomas Glover and Commodore Matthew Perry on his live-streams. (See, the joke is that he is old).

Victor is getting ahead of the nomination by appearing on the show. Very clever of him. We talk about Strongs, Jvlogger infighting, and life in Japan.

It’s a very special two-part episode. Finally a goddamn guest!

Segment A: Heralding from Canada. Our challenger, The Jvlog started his cooking career in Nagoya. There he instructed others in the art of American-Italian Fusion cooking. He is known for his bold flavoring, using processed American cheese and ready made pizza sauce. He has entered Kitchen Stadium in the hope of challenging the Iron Kings. Who takes it? Whose cuisine will reign supreme?

Speaking of Iron, Nobita continues to be the Ironman of the Japanese Vlog Expanded Universe. This time Hiding in My Room’s Daniel Lord has blamed Nobita for Daniel’s failed marriage and divorce.

Segment B: Hello cats and kittens! Our nominee this week is the eternal 22 year old, the genki Lolita; Cathy Cat. More like LOLita! Am I right folks?

Where is Cathy from? We don’t know. How old is Cathy? We don’t know. How do you use a vending machine? We know. Everyone knows.

We theorize that Cathy is a time traveler from 1940. Wait a minute...A German from the 1940s? Oh no!

Cathy has an upbeat and fun energy, which really doesn’t match her messages about ageism and sexism. But don’t let her girlish fashion and high pitched voice throw you, she is highly educated! And she uses the weight of her intelligence to explain the complex nature of the vending machine (yes, we discuss Japanese vending machines, buttons on the right for drinks. Buttons on the left for likes, because Japan).

Cathy Cat gives indispensable love advice based on Shojo manga. Shojo manga is unrealistic female fantasy. KOK will soon be releasing advice based on harem and hentai anime.

And we talk about Totemo Drew! Because we are obsessed with him.

One slice of white bread
One rasher of Canadian bacon
Some salt
Processed sliced cheese
Pizza sauce

These ingredients combine to create the bizarre, the unpalatable, the undesirable, The Jvlog.

Legend says that Tom Del Montegu the Earl of Pizza Toast was playing a round of cards and lost his entire fortune. He came to be known only as Del Monte Pizza Toast. He went to his kitchen and created a meal that could be eaten with the hands and also made of ingredients discovered below the poverty line.

This isn’t just a jvlogger people. This is The Jvlog. A man who incapsulates the essence of jvlog. Zero Japanese ability? Check! Bitching about life in Japan? Check! Unstable marriage? Check! Disgusting living conditions? Check! Whoring out for attention even if it’s negative? Check! Unedited ramblings? Check! Unashamedly showing off nonexistent talent? Check!

The poor KOK boys have really suffered this week so you don’t have to. What started out as an enjoyable podcast dive into cringe jvlog content has turned into an expedition into the psychological issues of Canadians living in Japan. O Canada!

A Segment: Speaking of pizza. A great blow has been struck against racism in the form of a pizza coupon.

A crow! It’s a crow! Caught! On! Camera! Some new jvlogger called Totally Drew, who we have never seen before in our entire lives and is untraceable by SEO has emerged with footage of the the rarest and most beautiful of birds.

We drop in to see our good friend Daniel, our buddy, our chum. And we have the same discussion: alien? Comedic genius? Or mentally ill? (I think we all know the answer).

Where are they now?

It’s round up week for season 1! We check in to see how our nominees have been doing. The nominees are of course thrilled to be nominated for the crown. Many of them have been making last dash attempts to output highly volatile cringe in an attempt to usurp the others.

1. Ryan Boundless gets in touch with his Jabba the Hutt
2. Drew refuses to be taken down by Ryan, he also decides that power harassment crossed with sexual harassment is a good pathway
3. Daniel Lord comes out shockingly not creepy this time. He actually becomes the victim of abuse. Hang in there Daniel, you have not been treated right. And despite our teasing of you, we feel you have not deserved the online harassment you’ve received.
4. Kelly Morita takes time out of her busy schedule of being unemployed to train us on how to be productive. She teaches us the importance of embracing the Japanese life target of acquiring “新品”.
5. Debito stays classy, whiny and dull. He is still out there fighting for our rights. So thanks?
6. Venus, our Angel, our glorious heavenly body. She has been sucking candy penis and collaborating with porn stars and man! Is it booooooooring. I guess we should have checked in with her mother Margaret.
7. Jake Adelstein has been less active than an activated almond, which are ironically inert.
8. Brianna Slaughter explains how to be non-binary by getting married, occasionally being called she, and liking penis.
9. Kanadajin is still upset with us, accusing our wonderful fans of harassing her in our name. Jay responds by negging her.
10. Nobita sets out to make that WAP! Go get it done Nobby, use your big light and small light.

P.S.A: Teasing is fun, harassment is not. Know the line!

UPDATE: Allah has answered our Dua and allowed us to reupload Episode 09.  Enjoy the forbidden fruit!

KING OF KANTO IX WALKTHROUGH

Touch the save point and get your party ready for a long mulit-stage boss fight. Make sure you are stocked up on healing items such as Strong Zeros potions and recovery Famichikis. No exadurations; this is a tough battle.

This boss grows more dangerous the darker her face is.

At the end of the hallway you will have a random encounter. It will appear like a regular weak white girl jvlogger at first, but she will summon multiple sock puppets enemies to attack you. She and the sock puppets are easily defeated by spells.

This is where Starbucks Vending-Machine Form Jvlogger will shift into Yellow Face Japanese Wannabe (also known as Bananagirl). This form is identical to the previous form and can be defeated with more spells and/or 離婚 blade.

She will then transform into her next stage: Kyabagyaru. Kyabagyaru is immune to spells and has an attack that will drain your gil, so watch out! The strategy here will be to keep your distance and she will eventually defeat herself.

The next stage is Social-Eksperimeent Blackface. This stage is similar to Masatoshi Hamada but minus the necessary Shield of Ignorance that protected him. This stage uses numerous toxic attacks that can set your movements backwards. She will also spam Big Booty Bitches which is more annoying than destructive.

The final and deadliest stage is Allah Akihabara. In this stage Mira will use Shisha Breath and 偽夫. This fight ends in a cut scene where Rody will break her heart.

In the segment A; Drew’s milkshake brings all the Phengs to the yard. Satima Drew is also ejected from a store for being himself.
Brianna gets married and apparently wrote “literature”. Hiding In My Room imbecile Daniel Lord finally gets a job? Who knows, we couldn’t endure reading or watching any of those dumpster fires.

A wild Sharmander appears.

Go Nikachu.

Nikachu uses ice cream burst

Sharmander’s accuracy decreased.

You got 2 great balls.

This week we nominate a slice of white bread covered in non-salt margarine.
A jvlogger so meta her most exciting video is overflowing with vanilla ice cream.
That’s right! Our nominee is the worst starter: Sharmander, aka Sharmeleon, aka Sharla in Japan, the soon to be Sharizard! Her Pokémon names may seem cringe, but originally she was going with the water-type, Shartle, which is what you do in your pants after too many Strongs.

There really isn’t much for me to say here. Sharla’s worst offense is having the flavor of tofu, saying “you guys” ever sentence and her work on Shin Godzilla.
Speaking of which, we do talk about Shin Godzilla and J-bae Satomi Ishihara. Finally, somebody attractive to look at! Satomi’s English however, not so beautiful, but now we know why. Turns out jiggling boobs, lucky bags , Pokemon knowledge and filming the inside of your apartment does not qualify you as a dialect coach. Little advice Japanese directors, when you hire a foreigner to train your actors in speech, HIRE A FUCKING PROFESSIONAL! Or at least hire an American to train American accent, instead of a Canadian. OH MY GAHHH!!

Also on the show’s A segment we talk about Gimmeabreakman, Gimmeaflakeman, Victor (will you jvloggers pick one name already?). Who took the time to discuss and critique the K.O.K. boys content. That’s right, we are reacting to a reaction video! So YouTube of us.

Stay tuned for the epilogue of this weeks episode as an excerpt from our officially unofficial fan-fiction: Tokyo Vice 2 Electric-Drewaloo.

We didn’t get a chance to properly smooch our wonderful Patreonins. We shout out to in an added clip from Jay, but we will give you proper love next episode.