Luna Matatas & Marla Renee Stewart join us to offer a sneak peek into their Kinky Tapas retreat. They answer all of our questions including:

How do I begin to explore my dominant side?

What’s the difference between Dominance & submission versus Topping and Bottoming?

How do I ensure safety when exploring psychological kink?

How do I introduce a bit of kink into our existing sexual routine?

When can pain be pleasurable?

How can I explore genital worship and torture?

Luna & Marla will take you to two dungeons in California where they’ll cover:

Confidence and erotic creativity

Scene Setting, Safety & Communication

Commanding a Room

Developing confidence and presence

Dominant Do’s and Don’ts

Submissive Communication Skills

Rope Bondage

Spanking & Other Impact Play

Choking & Breath Play

Sensation Play

Genital Worship & Torture

Strap-On Play

Butt Play

Fluid Fetishes

Skills for Subs

Common Fetishes

Any additional fetishes that you’d like to know about!

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Exploring Kink with Luna Matatas & Marla Renee Stewart

Dominance, Emotional Kink & Pain-Play 101

Whether you’re new to kink or seasoned in sensual rituals, Luna Matatas and Marla Renee Stewart are two of the most welcoming, informed, and intentional educators you could hope to learn from. They join us on the Sex With Dr. Jess podcast to offer a taste of what you can expect from their Kinky Tapas retreat — a beginner-friendly immersion into the world of dominance, submission, emotional kink, and psychological play.

Their Oakland retreat (hosted in not one but two dungeons) includes a full range of topics from spanking to sensation play, and from confidence-building to psychological aftercare. There’s even kinky photography, catered meals, and optional genital worship and torture demos. Yes, really.

What Is Psychological Kink and Why Does It Matter?

As Luna shares, many folks assume that being dominant means being harsh or aggressive, but dominance (like kink) is not one-size-fits-all. It can be nurturing, playful, affirming, and even downright silly. Want to begin exploring? Start with how you want to feel: powerful, adored, surrendered, or commanding. Then weave those feelings into practices you already enjoy, like oral sex, massage, or dirty talk, and layer in a bit of power exchange.

And as we discuss in the episode, emotional kink isn’t just a subset of BDSM; it can be the entire dynamic. Some folks, like myself, find intense arousal in emotional role play, themes of rejection, longing, jealousy, and submission,not because we’re damaged, but precisely because we feel safe, secure, and loved. That contrast creates a powerful erotic charge.

Dominance vs. Topping: What’s the Difference?

Marla clarifies an essential distinction that many overlook: topping and bottoming refer to acts, while dominance and submission relate to roles and relationships. You can be a top without being someone’s Dominant. You can be a bottom and still set the agenda. You can even top from the bottom, giving instructions while appearing submissive. In kink, nuance is everything, and communication is your ultimate tool.

Rituals, Tools & Aftercare for Safer Play