Leadership Chemistry

Most behavioral problems we see our clients struggle with aren't behavioral at all—they're emotional problems. The science behind weight loss or strength training doesn't really matter much if your client just doesn't care, or if they've got bigger problems at home to worry about. These emotional problems often lead to a cycle known as the "What the Hell Effect," but you might recognize it by the phrase, "I'll just start again on Monday." The WTH cycle is driven by the shame of "messing up," and then going all in on whatever "mistake" with the intent to start again the next week. We know that guilt and shame only lead to the WTH cycle perpetuating itself. If you want to help your clients get out of this hamster wheel for good, you have to learn to coach with empathy and non-judgement.

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Y'all know I love a good psychology study and while they're far from perfect due to the fact that human behavior is damn-near impossible to predict, they can teach us a lot about high-level patterns we all tend to experience. A huge component of coaching is being able to understand our clients' thoughts, feelings, and behaviors and with the right information, we can get to know our clients on a deeper level, as well as equip them (and ourselves!) with tools to set them on the right path towards success. This episode shares 5 of my favorite psychological studies that will change how you think about your life.

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Study Citations:

Crum, A. J., Corbin, W. R., Brownell, K. D., & Salovey, P. (2011). Mind over milkshakes: Mindsets, not just nutrients, determine ghrelin response. Health Psychology, 30(4), 424–429. https://doi.org/10.1037/a0023467

Mahmood, Syed S; Levy, Daniel; Vasan, Ramachandran S; Wang, Thomas J (2014). The Framingham Heart Study and the epidemiology of cardiovascular disease: a historical perspective. The Lancet, 383(9921), 999–1008. doi:10.1016/S0140-6736(13)61752-3

Darley, J. M., & Batson, C. D. (1973). "From Jerusalem to Jericho": A study of situational and dispositional variables in helping behavior. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 27(1), 100–108. https://doi.org/10.1037/h0034449

Langer, E. (2009). Counterclockwise: Mindful Health and the Power of Possibility. New York: Ballantine.

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We've all heard it (and have probably said it, ourselves) before: "I'll start when life gets less busy!" The problem is, life never really calms down. Research has shows that we spend a majority of our lives experiencing and dealing with these "life-quakes," both big and small. If we never took action until life settled down, then we'd never take any action at all. Instead of avoiding our life-quakes and using them as an excuse to stay the same, we have to find a way to work through them and just keep moving forwards.

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Human beings are complex. If we really want to help them make positive changes in their lives, it's not enough to just understand what they do, we have to understand why they do the things that they do. And similarly, coaching is so much more than just telling your clients a laundry list of things to change. A great coach is so much more. In this episode, I'm sharing 4 skills you can practice to become the best coach you can be.

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When it comes to making decisions, we tend to have this massive fear of choosing the "wrong" thing, and it leads to paralysis. We all want to know the exact "right" thing to do to get the success we want, but as any coach can tell you: there's no way to guarantee success for anyone. Interestingly enough, in cases like arranged marriages, having no decision to make at all seems to lead to greater "success" and satisfaction. Instead of over-emphasizing the decision itself, it's a much better idea to put our focus on all the steps that come after. With the right mindset and effort, any decision can become the right one.

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I've always been curious as to why some people can enact lasting behavior change while others keep struggling, always stuck in their same ways. It isn't an information gap that holds people back, but rather the fact that we humans (yes, me included) are just terrible at identifying our own behaviors. We grossly over-and-under-estimate everything we do in a day: how much we eat, how many steps we take, how well we sleep, and the list goes on. If we want to change anything, we first have to get crystal clear on what the behavior is—that means, we need to track it, and not in the way we're used to tracking things as coaches.

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As we get older, convenience and "being reasonable" becomes a core tenet of our daily philosophies. We may like it deep within our comfort zones, but if we stay there for too long, life becomes monotonous and forgettable—and that's the best case scenario. That's where "misogi" comes in. It's a Japanese concept that has come to represent an intense physical or mental challenge, something designed to get you outside of your comfort zone. When we push ourselves to our limits, we realize just how much we're truly capable of.

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I'm growing more and more disillusioned with the coaching and personal development world. That's no clickbait, even though it might seem that way given that this is a self-development podcast for coaches, but it's true. There's a lot of good to be learned in that world, but there's an underlying message that you always have to change, that you're not good enough as you already are… I'm over it! If you don't know already, let me be the first to say it: you don't need to change anything. Well, except maybe the compassion you have for yourself. No more trying to shame yourself into change, because once you have that compassion for yourself and accept yourself as you already are, life gets a whole lot happier.

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We've got a mental health crisis going on. Anxiety and depression levels are at an all-time high and as a result, we're becoming less resilient to the everyday obstacles we all face. There are 3 paradoxes we face that are leading to the steady decline of mental health, but that doesn't mean we're powerless to stop it. It starts and ends with us—we have the power to shift our perspectives so that we can make better decisions, worry less, and ultimately become more resilient in the pursuits of our goals.

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Everyone wants to win the lottery. Even though we're far more likely lose than ever win a cent, we still play. Even though saving and investing the money used to buy lotto tickets can yield a higher return, we still play. Humans want big, sweeping changes. We worship the "big break," as unlikely and improbable as it is, and we're looking for that big break in everything, including our daily habits. But waiting for the one moment to change everything is an all-or-nothing mentality that usually ends up being nothing. If you want to start making consistent changes, it might be time to start using the +1/-1 tool, and see how small changes added up can compound into a big impact.

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Connect with Danny!

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