Let Go and Be Free

In this week's episode, we're going to discuss Step 7:

• Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings. 

For Step Seven, humility is essential. We will also need to reflect on our unhealthy behaviors. 

This might mean that we have to come to terms with being immature. It's highly possible that our inner child is emotionally immature because we never learned how to handle problems or a crisis in a healthy way. We only saw unhealthy behaviors and coping mechanisms that played out in our family. 

Good quote from the 12 Steps for Adult Children book: 

"Achieving sainthood is not part of this Program. We simply do the best we can, understanding and accepting our humanness without catering to it. Our intentions may be good, but they do not protect us from occasional lapses."

We might also struggle with the removal of our shortcomings because it might feel uncomfortable for us. When we're used to acting a certain way, we might need time to grieve the change and losting a part of ourselves (even though that loss might be shortcomings and acting out with unhealthy behaviors).

Support the Podcast:

• Join the Let Go and Be Free family to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks) and get the members only extra monthly podcast episode.
• Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
• Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast.

More Information:

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With so much negativity in the world today, let's work together and learn how we can protect ourselves from social media and the 24-hour news cycle.

Tools we can use to help ourselves:

• Create a tech-free bedroom
• Practice a digital cleanse
• Perform positive actions to help us get away from all the negativity

Support the Podcast:

• Join the Let Go and Be Free family to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks) and get the members only extra monthly podcast episode.
• Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
• Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast.

More Information:

Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

Why do we limit and hold ourselves back?

In order to embrace joy, ask:

• What makes you truly happy?
  • Music, dancing, gardening, exercising?
• What activities can you practice to help you feel joy each day? 

What can we do to quiet the negative voices and to focus on knowing that we are worthy of joy, happiness, and love?

Support the Podcast:

• Join the Let Go and Be Free family to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks) and get the members only extra monthly podcast episode.
• Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
• Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast.

More Information:

Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

In this week's episode, we'll review step six:

Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

If you don't believe in God, it's still worth working this step. I suggest that you read the step as:

Were entirely ready to have all of your defects of character removed.

Or to boil it down even more:

Were ready to grow and change.

Being prepared to have your "defects of character" removed, means that you're ready to be free of your past and to grow.

If you read this step and think that you're "stupid" or "lazy" or "dumb," I ask you to embrace your inner child and to reframe those thoughts. We all make mistakes and do things that are "stupid, lazy, or dumb." 

That doesn't make us those things.

So, let's go on this journey together and see what we can learn. 

Support the Podcast:

• Join the Let Go and Be Free family to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks) and get the members only extra monthly podcast episode.
• Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
• Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast.

More Information:

Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

Step 5 can be a difficult step to review and process.

If you're new to the 12 Steps or need a refresher, here is Step 5:

Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

Working through the step consists of three parts: We reach out to God (or creation, a Higher Power, or the universe), self-reflect, and to someone we trust.

We're looking to to share, in a healthy and trustful manner, the darkest parts of ourselves.

Not to be judge, but we do so in order to learn how to learn new skills and to grow to let go of the unhealthy coping mechanisms and dysfunctional behaviors that have held us back.

Working through this step can take time.

Be easy on yourself.

Support the Podcast:

• Join the Let Go and Be Free Patreon to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks).
• Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
• Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast.

More Information:

Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

Adrenaline and always being "on" are common behaviors for those who grew up in an alcoholic or dysfunctional family. But we need time to rest, not work, and to unwind.

That's hard to do in modern life, but also for those of us Type A personalities.

Exercises:

• Turn off all notifications on our phones, disconnect, listen to the world around us.
• Watch and just listen.
• Allow ourselves time to just be. We don't need to work all the time.

The challenge is: Asking for help so we can make time for ourselves. If we have everything on our shoulders, how will we have time to rest and heal?

Running on empty can't last forever. 

Support the Podcast:

• Join the Let Go and Be Free Patreon to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks).
• Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
• Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast.

More Information:

Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

What is Step 4 from the Twelve Steps of Adult Children of Alcoholics & Dysfunctional Families World Service's Organization?

Step 4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

• This step allows us to get in touch with all sides of our personality (what we're proud of and ashamed of as well).
• Uncovers what we truly fear.
• How we've used denail. But denial takes many forms (minimizing, blaming, excusing, dodging, or attacking).
• And how we've kept up with unhealthy behaviors that used to help us as kids, but now only block our maturing and growth.
• Resentment has also blocked us from living in the present. We might be too focused on the past.

Support the Podcast:

• Join the Let Go and Be Free Patreon to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks).
• Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
• Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast.

More Information:

Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

Part 1: What did you need when growing up?

• Stability, unconditional love, someone with strong emotional intelligence, empathetic, compassionate, and someone who listened to you and took you seriously.

Part 2: What did you need now in life? What's the same? What is different?

• Stability, love, people to listen and interact with, and someone who makes you laugh (and not at the expense of others).

Support the Podcast:

• Join the Let Go and Be Free Patreon to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks).
• Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
• Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast.

More Information:

Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

I personally find Step Three to be difficult:

Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand God.

I struggle with the need to let go and take a leap of faith. It's not easy for me and I am often conflicted about this step, but I still try.

From "The 12 Steps for Adult Children" book (1991 reprinted version):

"Step Three commands more of us than the first two Steps, because we are now asked to trust in a Higher Power. If we feel pressured or compromised by this request we are going too fast. Our inner child may be terrified that, if we dare trust a Higher Power and expose our behavior problems to that Power, we will be rejected. In this case, it is important to stop and take time to prepare ourselves properly."

And another powerful quote:

"The key to effectively working Step Three lies in our willingness to turn as much of our lives as we can over to the care of God. This is difficult for many of us because we are accustomed to functioning by using self-will alone."

Support the Podcast:

• Join the Let Go and Be Free Patreon to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks).
• Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
• Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast.

More Information:

Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.

Why is it so hard to let go of the past?

If we hold onto hate and our anger, we stay trapped by the past.

But when we forgive, that's the path toward healing.

Forgiving someone is something that we do for ourselves.

And there is a difference between forgiving and forgetting.

In this week's episode, I share the experiences I've had with my own struggles with letting go of the past and what skills I needed to learn to overcome those challenges.

Support the Podcast:

• Join the Let Go and Be Free Patreon to support the show (for a coffee a month, you can keep the podcast going and get extra perks).
• Purchase one of the Let Go and Be Free books (volume 1, volume 2, volume 3, and volume 4) or 30 Days of Gratitude: A Daily Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics.
• Like or leave a positive review wherever you listen to the podcast.

More Information:

Subscribe to the weekly newsletter to get additional help and support the podcast.