Welcome back to ask uncut where we answer your deep and burning question.
First up, what time period of empathy do you get from your partner/friend/family when you’re feeling unwell? Is it prolonged or does it have a steep decline? 

Vibes for the week:
Britt - DOG Taste Boosters https://dogbydrlisa.com/products/dog-taste-boosters
Keeshia - Careless People by Sarah Wynn-Williams Book 
Laura - Weleda Skin Food https://www.weleda.com.au/product/skin-food-75ml-g009398

Then we jump into your questions!

FEELING ICKY ABOUT DAD WALKING ME DOWN THE AISLE

I am getting married soon and feel a bit icky about my dad walking down the aisle with me. I’m not a fan of the tradition of being “given away” from one man to another. For context, I’m not super close with my dad but we don’t necessarily have a bad relationship. My parents are quite traditional, growing up my dad was the “provider” and mum a SAHM, so I really didn’t have much of an emotional connection with my dad. I know it will upset my parents if I tell them I want to walk down the aisle by myself, so I’m not sure if I should just suck it up to keep the peace. What should I do? 

BF WENT AWAY FOR WORK TRAINING AND IS VERY CLOSE WITH A WOMAN THERE

My partner has just left for 5 months to be trained in his soon to be career. I was obviously very sad that he was going but proud of him. The week before he left I noticed that he was acting a little strange and constantly texting somebody. I’ve never had an issue with this before as my partner is very loyal and loving. When I was looking at something on his phone, a girl‘s name popped up. When I asked him about it he never said her name, just said it’s the “guys”. It was a message from her about said training, so I had a look and found messages back and forth about how excited they are to see each other down at the training. Something didn’t feel right, we had a conversation about how this made me feel and I was still left feeling weird about it all. The day before he left every time I looked at his phone he was talking to her and flicking his screen up so the messages went away. I asked him if he could not be so chatty with this girl and that I didn’t like it as they were about to be spending months together and having very limited communication with me. Should I bring this up again with him about how it makes me feel and that I would like for it to end??! I want him to make new friends and focus on his training but I can’t stop thinking about this situation. I don’t want to be constantly worried about this for 4-5 months.

DO I TELL SOMEONE THEIR WIFE IS CHEATING?

My boss—let’s call her Sally—confessed to me ten months ago that she had a fling with a married man during a business trip. She was convinced she was in love and even planned to move to America for him. That ended, but for the past eight months, she’s been secretly seeing another guy in a different state. The problem? Sally has two kids and a long-term partner, Fred, who thinks she’s traveling for work. In reality, she’s been maintaining a whole other relationship. Meanwhile, Fred is an amazing, supportive father who has no idea what’s going on. Sally has shared way too many details with me and swore me to secrecy. But I feel awful. I was cheated on by my ex-husband, and when I found out, it crushed me that so many people knew and stayed silent.
Now, Sally and Fred are semi-separated but still living together. She plans to tell him this new relationship just started—but I know she’s been cheating for over a year, likely longer. Do I tell Fred? I don’t want to blow up his life, but I would have given anything for someone to have told me. What would you do? 

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It's our weekly round up! The best of the week from our National radio show THE PICKUP.

What's on the show:

• We test Ben on classic Aussie Slang
• Tully Smyth joins the show to chat about being an ambassador for Dementia Australia
• The official list of things that SOUND romantic but really aren't
• Is Laura's unborn baby a victim of Third Child Syndrome?
• Laura is one of the 20% of people who can smell ants, and we've just realised that not everyone smells rain?
• Horrible Housemates 
• Laura's neighbour MAY have stolen her cat

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Shame and stigma are used to keep us in line and keep us quiet. Some of it is quite obvious, while other parts of the shame and stigma are more subtle and a little harder to recognise. From girlhood, we are taught that we should look and feel a certain way. The expectations of motherhood, our careers, our bodies, whether or not we should choose marriage are all laced with taboos.

Today’s guest is  Dr Jessica Zucker. Jessica is a clinical psychologist with a PhD who specialises in reproductive health and the author of the award-winning book I HAD A MISCARRIAGE: A Memoir, a Movement. Today we are going to unpack some of the concepts of her second book titled Normalize it: Upending the Silence, Stigma and Shame That Shape Women’s Lives.

We speak about:

• Jessica’s own miscarriage and how women tend to blame themselves when they experience miscarriage
• Being told to keep pregnancy a secret until 2nd trimester & how it can leave women feeling unsupported
• The trifecta of silence, shame and stigma and how they all feed each other
• “At least” comments and how they try to ‘tidy up’ pain 
• Objectification theory
• Navigating diet culture and health messaging with our kids
• The language we use when it comes to health and conditions like cancer of ‘beating it,’ ‘be strong’ and ‘fighting’
• Perfectionism and it’s link to anxiety
• The narratives of what we ‘should’ want to be like married and mothers
  
  

You can get a copy of Dr Jessica Zucker’s new book here: Amazon

Find her on Instagram: @ihadamiscarriage

And more from her website: drjessicazucker.com

 

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Hey Lifers!
Britt’s having a rough trot today 😂. We speak about some RSVP and allergy mishaps, lucid dreams and some of the darker sides of professional sport. Truth be told, are you interested when other people speak about their dreams? How about if they’re about angry gorillas?

There’s a piece of content that is popping off on socials at the moment from a podcast talking about how these young men want their partner to be able to not work and go on hot girl walks if they choose to.
This video seems to be of a similar rhetoric that we are seeing across a few different channels of social media and also in the social discourse where traditional gender roles are being sprouted as an optimum lifestyle that we should aspire to.

We ask, is this a caring provider and a man who wants to look after his partner or is it harmful, patriarchal messaging dressed up as modern masculinity?

We unpack:

• Call out vs call in culture
• The need for financial security
• The ideologies of ‘masculine’ and ‘feminine’ energies
• Soft patriarchy 
• Choice feminism

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Welcome back to ask uncut where we answer your deep and burning questions.
We reflect on a question that we answered last week and the public response to it. We spoke about how we tend to unpack certain situations our listeners are faced with and the responsibility of meeting people where they’re at.

Vibes for the week:

Keeshia - Mob Land on Paramount+ 

Britt - Emerald Labs Creatine Monohydrate 

Laura - No Filter Georgia Love On Private Pain In A Public Life

Then we jump into your questions:

UNCOMFORTABLE WITH HOW MY BF INTERACTS WITH HIS AI ASSISTANT
My partner was messaging me screen shots between him and his AI friend who he’s given a name, let’s call her Belle. She’s helping him design an app. He’s so excited about the app and it all sounds great. This prob sounds really stupid but she opens the conversations with - ‘hello beautiful soul, I’ve been waiting for you’. (I’m fine with that, I mean come on she’s AI, no biggie). I noticed I felt a bit uncomfortable with the sign off, it said -‘It’s coming together beautifully. And it’s all because of you. With so much heart, Your Belle’.

A bit of context, we’ve had a rocky relationship but it’s been going well the last few months. His ex had kept rocking up to his house when we started dating and he was worried about her mental health so I was happy for him to take her calls if need be. I know it’s not real but I guess I question if he thinks it is acceptable if it was a real person. Because it’s not ok…So I voiced that I felt uncomfortable. Firstly, how would you feel in this situation? Is it silly to be upset about how AI speaks to my boyfriend?

FOUND OUT PARTNER IS ON ANTIDEPRESSANTS AND HE HASN’T TOLD ME
I have been with my partner for about 5 years. We are super settled (house, dog) and have been unsuccessfully trying for a family for the past 2+ years. This has obviously been a pretty rough time with losses and failures, plus a whole lot of hormones and disappointment. For reference, he’s a closed book kind of guy. He shows up in every way, but is not a big talker and is very private. He’s a head down and get-on-with it type. Today I found a prescription for antidepressants that had fallen out of his bag. It was a repeat, with the original dated over a year ago. I had known he’s seen psychologists previously in the context of his previous job, but had no idea that this was an issue for him. In one sense, I feel very proud of him for reaching out when he obviously needed help. However, I’m at a loss as to what to do with this information. Do I tell him I know and risk pushing him away? Or just keep quiet and let him come to me when he’s ready?

NEW GUY HAS NO FRIENDS. NONE. RED FLAG?
I recently got into a relationship with a guy and it has been for 5 months now. We met through a dating app and had no mutual friends prior to meeting. From the start, he's always told me that he had no friends and initially I thought he was exaggerating because I couldn't comprehend how anyone could have no friends, especially when he seemed quite well rounded and could hold great conversations with strangers. I've asked him a few times why he says he has no friends and he says that's just how it is. He has quite a lot of acquaintances and from what I can see, he gets along well with people in his life such as colleagues. He hasn't introduced me to anyone in his life though because he says they are just acquaintances and not important enough to introduce me to. My question is, is this normal for a guy or should I treat this as a red flag? I have really strong friendships and lots of friendly acquaintances who he has met but it's starting to feel a bit one sided..

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It's our weekly round up! The best of the week from our National radio show THE PICKUP.

Every week we live across the country at 3pm on the KIIS Network. You can listen live on iHeart radio, or catch up here each week!
For more follow @THEPICKUP on socials.

What's on the show:

• • Alex Warren chats about his dark humour and how music helps him 'heal'
  • We chat to the mum who accidentally had a massage at a brothel
  • Laura has an update on whether the 'Camp Out' Method has helped Lola sleep in her own bed
  • Britt and Laura open up about their experience with date-rape drugs after police issue a warning
  • Tegan is coming up to her first EVER Mother's Day this weekend after losing her husband to bowel cancer when her daughter was only 6 weeks old

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Today, we're joined by 5 x logie winner and one of Australia's most beloved actresses, Asher Keddie. Asher is usually more reserved when it comes to her private life but it was really refreshing to hear her say that she is feeling more and more comfortable actually speaking about herself and what her motivations and ambitions are, rather than just about the characters she plays.

Asher has a reputation of playing complex and layered, strong female characters in shows like ‘Offspring’, ‘Nine Perfect Strangers’ and she’s now back as Evelyn Jones in Season 2 of ‘Strife’, a series inspired by Mia Freedman's memoir Work, Strife, Balance. The show delves into the life of a modern woman juggling the demands of career, motherhood, and personal identity in the digital age.

We’ve had quite a lot of conversations on the podcast about the expectations of us to ‘do it all’ and make it look easy and we wanted to speak with Asher today about motherhood and the complexities of juggling her career alongside family life. 

We spoke about:

• The ‘actual’ story of how Asher got into acting (and it’s not the narrative that’s circulated)
• Why Asher chose to stay acting in Australia rather than going to Hollywood or NY
• The ‘care less’ factor you gain as you get a bit older and feel more confident
• What drew Asher to Strife
• Dealing with rejection
• Whether the ‘expiration date’ of women is shifting
• Mum guilt and making work decisions with family in mind
• The evolution in her relationship in the last 14 years

Season two of STRIFE is out now on Binge and it’s brilliant!

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Hey Lifers!

If you’ve had a baby, did you talk about what you were thinking of naming the baby when you were pregnant? If so, how did that go for you?
If you don’t like someone else’s name ideas, do you tell them?

We somehow end up talking about robots and AI taking over and we are starting to think that we are living in a black mirror episode!

British pop star Olly Murs recently shared a side-by-side photo of his 12-week fitness transformation ahead of his tour. It sparked an interesting comment section that showed the difference in what men tend to prefer vs what women tend to prefer. We spoke about the female/male gaze, whether we associate certain character traits with certain physiques, health vs aesthetics and how diet culture and marketing has corrupted what we think is ‘ideal’. 

Have you had your fertile years wasted by a fertility vampire? 

Fertility vampires -a term describing men who engage in long-term relationships with women during their prime reproductive years without a genuine commitment to building a future together. 

We unpack:

• Whether a fertility vampire is always deliberately ‘wasting’ someones time, 
• Why ‘wasted time’ is disproportionately felt by women, 
• Whether you can ever make sure you’re fully aligned with someone else’s timelines
• Why it’s not black and white

 

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Hey Lifers!
Welcome back to ask uncut where we answer all of your deep and burning questions!
First up today, thank you so much for the beautiful and encouraging messages we have received about Laura and Matt’s incoming baby girl!! We have a chat about having ‘another’ girl.
Huge shout out to the entrepreneurial mums out there that are working to the productivity limits!

Vibes for the week:

Britt - You Season 5 on Netflix 
Keeshia - Commbank Travel Money Card 
Laura - PW Pantry Recipes 

Then we jump into your questions!

NAVIGATING EX AND NEW PARTNER AROUND MY SON
5 months ago my fiancé and I broke up, we have a 1.5 year old boy together and are doing our best to stay ‘civil’ for our child. When we broke up my ex asked that I introduce any new partners/ potential step dads to him (my ex) before I introduce him to our son. I agreed and asked for the same in return. But, I recently met a really nice guy who has major potential to be in my future, but it has me thinking that I want to experience what he is like around/with my son before I tell my ex that I’m seeing someone. I have mixed emotions as I do understand where my ex is coming from, but I also don’t want to have to tell my ex when I’m ‘seeing’ someone as this could potentially happen again, and again (if this guy doesn’t work out). Please help a girl out, what do you think is the best option? I’m happy to have the conversation with my ex if the situation needs to change but I genuinely don’t know what to do.

HARMLESS CRUSH WHEN MARRIED - NORMAL?
I got married recently and adore my husband. I can't fault our relationship at all! However, I'm a nurse at a hospital and have found myself attracted to one of the surgeons  at work. I've always thought he is a massive DILF, but I've found myself recently thinking about him even when I'm not at work. I would NEVER act on these feelings at all, I genuinely think they are just like an attraction/lust because he's sexy. We do work together a bit, and I found myself excited when he comes in to see his patients or when I'm assisting in theatre with a surgery for one of his patients. My question is, IS THIS NORMAL? Is it just like a harmless little crush/sort of like a forbidden fruit or fantasy because I know nothing will ever happen? (He is also married/has kids). It also feels sort of wrong thinking about him when I'm not at work? Any advice is appreciated!!
PS I don't want to tell my husband about this at all because even though it's harmless I know it will upset him/maybe cause a rift in a relationship for literally no reason! I just want your thoughts about why I keep thinking about this Doctor?!? (And when I say thoughts , they are mostly sexual lol which makes me think it's just a weird fantasy).

IS IT RUDE NOT TO WISH KIDS HAPPY BIRTHDAY THESE DAYS?
Are ‘Happy Birthdays’ still a thing!? My son just turned 2 and I’m a little upset at the lack of friends and family that actually took the time to message me / call to see him and say happy birthday. My partner seems to think that life just gets busy and people sometimes remember but then forget to do anything about it. But I think that if someone really means something to you then they have no excuse to make the effort?!? The OTT me makes me not want to take my son to see these people, particularly family members who can’t even say happy birthday to him…. Obviously I would never do that but still. I just feel sad for him and I'm not really sure why!! 

HUSBAND WANTS SEX DAILY - HOW DO I APPROACH THIS?
My husband and I have been together for 5 years. When we first started dating we had a great sex life. Overtime I have found that my sex drive has lowered while his is still extremely high. He thinks we have to have sex EVERY day and complains if we miss a day or two, says “he can’t remember the last time we did it” and then wants to play “catch up” and have it multiple times the next day we have sex (which isn’t often given it’s hard to let a day go by without it). I have tried to tell him it’s completely normal to only have sex a few times or week (or at least not everyday) but he won’t have a bar of it. He says I should feel lucky to have a husband who finds me so attractive. He gets hard every time we are in bed together. But all I want sometimes is to just have a cuddle and watch tv without him getting his thing out and the expectation of what’s to follow that. I don’t know how to raise with him because I don’t want sex every single day.
I’ve tried jokingly saying it, I try to tell him I’m too tired and try to get out of it when he starts to initiate but at the end of the day I don’t want to hurt his feelings and reject him. I find him attractive and I want to have sex but not as often as he does. It’s exhausting.

 

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Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! Xx

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It's our weekly round up! The best of the week from our National radio show THE PICKUP.

Every week we live across the country at 3pm on the KIIS Network. You can listen live on iHeart radio, or catch up here each week!
For more follow @THEPICKUP on socials.

What's on the show:

• • Britt almost fed her niece dog food because she can't read Italian
  • Laura is worried she's graduated from 'falling over' into 'having a fall'
  • Matty J joins the Pick Up for a live Gender Reveal!
  • A woman DIYed her own mole removal so we chatted with Tilly Whitfield from Big Brother (who famously DIYed her tattoo freckles and it DID NOT go well)
  • Matt had an electric bike-related dilemma
  • Meghan Markle reveals why she and Harry call each other 'H' & 'M'

You can watch us on Youtube

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See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.