Listener question: Discipline has been a painful story in my life, the word makes me feel slightly nauseous. I’m ready now to look at it more closely. Discipline was always something coming from outwards, imposed rules and forces. It was expected to work really hard and seemed there was no Space and time to just be myself. I was forced to do shit I didn’t like, ie ballet class or wearing clothes I didn’t like. 

It was a story of emotional and physical punishment and „as long you live under my roof you do as you told. Even if it was futile I couldn’t help but rebel against that. The rebel became part of my identity in my teens and twenties. The earlier memory seems like there was no room for sensitivity, creativity, playfulness, innocence or just being a child. 

So nowadays it seems a struggle to develop a healthy relationship to being disciplined with the things I like to do or achieve, ie. to commit to consistency. There is something to be seen.