Listener question: Whilst I have seen so much since I first came across the 3p’s I still seem to get stuck in a few areas, below is one that I am struggling with at the moment.

Firstly, I lost my mum quite suddenly and out of the blue a few months ago and so obviously I am still coming to terms with that and this understanding has helped so much. With the loss of my mum, the relationship with my dad has changed dramatically, he is in his late 70’s and although he is doing really really well looking after himself, cooking, keeping active etc I do feel the need to check in on him regularly, most days or every other day, it is usually a phone call with the current restrictions and they are always really really long conversations in which he talks a lot, tells me his opinion on whatever is on his mind at that moment, quite often political or ethical, he tells me all about the book he is reading in great detail even if it is not even of interest to him (and definitely not to me), the plumbing issue he has with his dishwasher, the people in the village who I have no clue about and their daughters, sons aunties husband, the wifi and lost passwords and how much the digital world is out to get him, sometimes his opinions are a bit outdated (I hope you get the gist). So I mostly just listen. I know that I am his sounding board, the bit of company with the loss of my mum, someone to talk about the day etc and I would miss this so very much if he wasn’t here. So I often have a word with myself, to just listen and appreciate him… although I have to admit that sometimes I don’t fully tune in and listen, because he does go on and on… And as soon as I have anything to say during these long conversations (nearly an hour in most cases), he totally shuts me down, he talks over me and says that is enough of that. He usually comes off the calls saying that was a nice chat… but it is rarely two way and I just feel like I have been talked at. 

So I often come off these calls feeling very deflated. I might then give it a day or so before the next one. I can’t not ring him. I am heartbroken at the loss of my mum and know that she diluted a lot of this when she was still with us (in form).

I suppose my question is, that I am totally open to listening. But the feelings that come after the phone calls are a mixture of anger, upset and frustration to the point where I am not always wanting to speak to him and then I get hit with the GUILT? I would love to have a more light-hearted relationship with him. Instead I feel like I am wading through treacle to try and work out how to support him without totally draining myself?

I hope that makes sense.