What I am confused about is the "awareness/consciousness" as my true self.   I feel I don't know or don't experience consciousness directly. I experience or sense it only from  what I am aware "of", and not from an actual space or knowing of conciousness. 

When I ask myself who am I, I am aware of myself asking, and I am aware of being aware of that asking. It doesn't go anywhere, all I see is layer upon layer upon layer of thought created through me. It feels like all I am is always  thought... and I'm aware of that too being another thought.;)

I'm laughing now, as I re read this,  it all sounds so ridiculous.  I think I'll send it anyway.