I have turned down a job offer for some genuine practical reasons but I can also see that I have retreated because of a perceived threat to my identity. A sense of lack and unworthiness was overwhelming. I saw the ‘wolves’ getting ever closer and felt unable to challenge them or look them in the eye!

I did find my voice to explain my reasons for not taking up the position, which in the past I would not have done- previously there would have been a resigned pushing and forcing, showing only commitment to the job no matter what the consequences. To some extent I think it was a ‘lose/lose’ for the identity as I’m now left with feelings of guilt! I can see that in trying to secure the identity and to end the turmoil and suffering, the mind still isn’t happy with the decision made and it will probably only repeat this pattern in another scenario that comes along!

I’d be really grateful for you talk about this in one of your podcasts and help me see more around this. A lot has been coming up for me in the last few months, ‘layers of the onion’ are being exposed and there is a willingness to look more closer at all these behaviours in a way that was unthinkable before.