I don’t know what the best way forward for me is in this? 

I notice since we’ve done the origin of patterns task that I’m skirting around the edges of this course, not really in it and not really out.

Another pattern, staying in limbo land, I can’t go wrong there can I? 

More patterns becoming visible. Overwhelming amounts of bad habits and patterns. Depression presently. 

Addiction to approval (including yours) as I see my friend Tia being an A student and resenting that I’m not the teachers pet. 

Addiction to sugar, overeating and then hating my body. 

Could it be that the feeling crap is a weird twisted addiction as it is soooo familiar? Almost like a suffocating blanket over the demands of the world? 

I need to go to work, where there is a whole soap opera going on of not being valued ( I earn £900 a month ) . 

Every single pattern I observe is intertwined with another. It’s seems like a fucking big spiders Web of entrapment. I’m sooo sick of it!!!

Sorry for the unfiltered rant, I don’t know where to go from here.