Living in Response

Episode 044 of Living in Response is another real-time processing of coming out the other side of a spiritual crisis plus some of the rabbit holes I’ll be spending time in this summer.

Thank you for your time & energy towards this unedited, unfiltered, and still yet to be determined journey <3

Subscribing shows the love but also I post like every day so no pressure lol.

Topics Covered in This Episode:

Summarized (mostly) with AI

1️⃣ Library Wisdom & Ram Dass’ TeachingsI reflect on how I’m using the library instead of buying books impulsively, and how that’s helped me deepen my exploration of Ram Dass’ work. I’m currently reading Be Here Now, Grist for the Mill, and Journey of Awakening—and these teachings are meeting me exactly where I’m at.

2️⃣ From Form to FormlessI recount a psychedelic cannabis breathwork journey where I experienced myself as pure energy. This shifted how I breathe, how I perceive my body, and how I understand what it means to live as energy.

3️⃣ Spiritual Crises & IntegrationI’ve had not one but two spiritual crises recently. I talk about how the first one cracked me open and the second sent me searching for more grounding. Integration—through support, coherence, and embodiment—is where I’m landing now.

4️⃣ Living as EnergyThat deep energetic experience taught me that the breath doesn't just move top to bottom—it moves in from all directions. My embodiment and coherence practices have since become less imagined, more felt, and more real.

5️⃣ Support When You’re SpiralingI reached out to a psychic intuitive for support and immediately felt grounded. She reflected truths I already knew—but needed to hear from someone else. The power of being witnessed never gets old.

6️⃣ The Call to Stay GroundedAs I went deeper into energetic and mystical teachings, I felt the pull to return to earth. Sand, nature, and somatic awareness reminded me: spiritual expansion needs roots.

7️⃣ Spiritual Growth Is Not LinearI share how I’m learning to trust my rhythms and soften into paradox. My spiritual growth is cyclical, not a straight shot—and that’s okay.

8️⃣ Embodiment Changed EverythingI explain how imagination helped me feel energy at first, but embodiment made it real. My edges began dissolving in meditation. It was beautiful—and intense.

9️⃣ Exploring the Role of GuidesI’ve never really resonated with “guides,” but I’m softening. I share a few uncanny synchronicities that make me wonder: what if I really am being supported in subtle ways?

🔟 Small Requests, Big SignsI tell lighthearted stories about asking my guides for help with parking and waking up earlier—and how those requests were met. I’m building trust in small ways.

1️⃣1️⃣ The Stream of Life (Not Just Consciousness)This podcast isn’t just a stream of consciousness—it’s a stream of life. I reflect on the evolving nature of this space and how I’m learning to let it unfold one episode at a time.

1️⃣2️⃣ The Mycelial MetaphorInspired by a DoubleBlind workshop and the book Entangled Life, I get curious about how fungi networks mirror collective healing. Maybe our path forward looks more like a forest floor than a solo hero’s journey.

1️⃣3️⃣ You Don’t Have to Do It AloneI reflect on how I once believed I had to build my own platform from scratch to make a difference. Now I see that real change happens through collective action. There are already people doing the work—I just have to find my place in the web.

1️⃣4️⃣ Victimhood, Projection, and ServiceI open up about growing up in a low-income, underserved community and how I’ve had to unlearn the savior mindset. Real service, I’ve found, begins with respect—not projection.

1️⃣5️⃣ Depth Over WidthInstead of chasing new certifications, I’m going deeper with what I already love—like coherence, cannabis, and embodiment. I’m realizing that skimming the surface feels safe, but depth is where the transformation happens.

🌀 The Bottom Line: Let It Be Deep, Let It Be YoursThis episode is about softening into paradox, choosing depth over speed, and rooting into your own journey. There is nothing wrong with moving slowly. There is wisdom in becoming. And you are not alone on this path.

Mentions & Resources

not affiliated, just sharing what’s alive for me

💖 Ram Dass – Teachings on love, service, and the divine paradox📘 Be Here Now, Grist for the Mill, Journey of Awakening – My current reading stack🍃 The Heart of Meditation by the Dalai Lama – A perspective-widening read🔥 Entangled Life by Merlin Sheldrake – Fungal wisdom and interconnection🌱 Finding the Mother Tree by Suzanne Simard – Trees, mycelium, and mutual support💨 Psychedelic Cannabis & Breathwork – Pathways to interoceptive awakening🧘 Heart Coherence Practice – My citizen-scientist experiment in daily regulation🌍 DoubleBlind’s Mycelial Movements Workshop – Activism inspired by nature 4/27/25🎤 This Podcast – A long unfolding, a public soulcast, a way of being with life

❤️ Core Message @ me ❤️You don’t have to save the world on your own. There’s a web that already exists. You just have to find your place in it, tend to it, and stay rooted in what’s true for you. Depth is your path. Trust it.

Extra grateful today that libraries exist! Support your local library <3

Mystically,

Belle

Episode 043 of Living in Response is 3 recordings put together because I kept getting distracted and sometimes it just be like that ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Thanks for supporting this raw, stream-of-life, unfolding as I go, experiment in external processing <3

Topics Covered in This Episode:Summarized (mostly) with AI

1️⃣ Grieving the Dream to Make Room for PurposeI reflect on how tightly I held onto my “manifestation dreams” and how letting go has felt like grief—but it’s also opened the door for something more aligned. It’s not that the dreams are gone, but they’re evolving, just like I am.

2️⃣ False Support vs. True SupportI realized I had been saying I had support during a spiritual crisis but hadn’t actually been reaching out. The difference between saying I’m supported and feeling supported led me to ask for help—and it changed everything.

3️⃣ Yoga, Ram Dass & Awakening QuestionsSince January, I’ve gone deep into yoga philosophy, tantra, Dzogchen, and Ram Dass. These teachings cracked me open. I started asking bigger questions, feeling overwhelmed, and realizing I needed to pause the information overload.

4️⃣ The Paradox of Suffering & AwarenessHow do I witness suffering without over-identifying with it? How do I engage with the world’s pain from a grounded place? I unpack the tension between collective compassion and individual agency.

5️⃣ The Power of Being SeenIn a session with a psychic-intuitive I trust, I felt deeply seen—and I cried almost instantly. So much of what she reflected I already knew, but being witnessed shifted something in me. There’s real magic in being met by someone who gets it.

6️⃣ A Thousand Versions of MeTransformation isn’t linear—it’s constant. I share how grief is part of my natural cycle, and how loving me means loving all the evolving versions. This has helped me release urgency and soften into trust.

7️⃣ Letting Go of the Savior ComplexI share a powerful story about my time in animal welfare, where I burned out trying to absorb everyone else’s suffering. That experience mirrored my recent spiritual overwhelm—and reminded me that real service doesn’t mean sacrificing myself.

8️⃣ Service Without EvangelismI talk about the nuance of sharing from love vs. trying to save. Supporting others from a grounded, non-evangelical energy feels more authentic to me—especially when rooted in curiosity, not pressure.

9️⃣ Deep Roots, Heavy EnergyI reflect on my family’s multi-generational struggle, from immigration to incarceration, and how I’m learning to honor that lineage without carrying all its weight. I’m learning to support from respect—not rescue.

🔟 Back to Earth, Back to SelfAs I engage with cosmic teachings, I find solace in staying rooted—literally. Grounding tools, earth-based practices, and heart coherence keep me from floating off. It’s a tether to both my humanity and my purpose.

1️⃣1️⃣ Discernment & The Pattern of OvercommittingI share how I recently unenrolled from two programs—realizing that I had signed up from a place of mental excitement rather than true body-led desire. I’m learning that my sacral response lives in the moment—not the plan.

1️⃣2️⃣ The Role of AI in CreativityI reflect on a section of Dawson Church’s new book that discloses his use of AI. It made me consider my own relationship with AI, why transparency matters, and how creative collaboration—human or otherwise—can still be meaningful and ethical.

1️⃣3️⃣ Being a Citizen Scientist of My Own LifeInstead of chasing new certifications, I’m exploring what happens if I go deep with what I already know—like heart coherence. I’m running an experiment: what unfolds when I live in that state on purpose?

1️⃣4️⃣ The Call of Creative ExpressionPainting is calling me again. I talk about the magic of following a theme that keeps returning and how supporting local artists, businesses, and communities is part of my spiritual and creative path.

1️⃣5️⃣ The Podcast as a Living RecordThis podcast isn’t a traditional format—it’s a long, evolving voice note. A soulcast*. A public processing tool. I talk about what it means to not always know where it’s going and to let it be what it is.

*chatGPT came up with this term not me, but i dig it and will probably keep it!

🌀 The Bottom Line: It’s All EvolvingLetting go is hard, especially when it’s a dream you once clung to. But letting go isn’t failure—it’s the compost for what’s next. This episode is about softening, grounding, opening, and trusting that your own life is the field you get to tend.

Mentions & Resourcesnot affiliated, just a fan

💖 HeartMath Institute – Research on coherence, personal & collective📿 Yoga Tantra & Dzogchen – Philosophy and energy practices guiding my unfolding📘 The Heart of Meditation by the Dalai Lama – Book that cracked something open🎨 Local LA Artists – Support your community by buying local📚 Spiritual Intelligence by Dawson Church – A look at blending science, soul, and AI🛠️ Prompt Engineering – AI can be useful if used with integrity and intention🎤 This Podcast – One long, curious unfolding. Thanks for being in it with me.

❤️ Core Message: The dreams you’re letting go of might be the very things making space for something more true. Trust the unfolding. Let the earth hold you. You are not behind—you are becoming.

Feeling blessed and grateful for all the people in my life <3

Mystically,

Belle

Episode 042 of Living in Response is raw in every sense of the word (in addition to being unedited). Thanks for being a part of the journey <3

“The spiritual journey is individual, highly personal. It can't be organized or regulated. It isn't true that everyone should follow one path. Listen to your own truth.”― Ram Dass

Topics Covered in This Episode:Summarized (mostly) with AI

1️⃣ The Day I Didn't RecordFor the first time, I intentionally chose not to record. I sat with my mic, tuned into my body, and instead of pushing through out of discipline, I honored the voice that said: not today. It was a practice in presence over performance - which to me still felt like devotion.

2️⃣ Grief for a Promised LifeI speak to the grief that comes from realizing the dream I was sold—that hard work leads to a fulfilling life—wasn’t true for me. It was a “bag of goods,” and letting go of that narrative has been painful but necessary.

3️⃣ Spiritual Awakening Through LayersI reflect on how each stage of spiritual awakening has peeled back layers of identity—from believing I'm just a product of my upbringing to realizing I'm awareness itself. With each layer, my orientation to life keeps expanding.

4️⃣ The Loss of the Dream of WealthAnother grief emerged: the softening of the belief that spiritual alignment guarantees riches. I’m not giving up on abundance, but I’m shifting from chasing a fantasy to opening to a more meaningful, embodied path.

5️⃣ A Shift from “Fixing” to Being WithI unpack how, in the past, I tried to “help” others by pushing solutions onto them. Now, I’m moving into a more loving approach—offering what helped me without attachment or expectation because trying to convince / fix doesn’t feel like the way. Seeing people as anything other than already whole feels like a disservice.

6️⃣ Purpose Is Not a Straight LineThe belief that I’d “find the thing” and do it forever is dissolving. I share how I explored astrology, Human Design, and intuitive readings, only to find that doing them for others drained me. Purpose, I’m learning, unfolds over time.

7️⃣ Letting the Body LeadThrough trial and error, I’ve learned that my mind can get high on ideas, but my body holds the truth. I talk about how discernment and nervous system cues help me avoid misaligned decisions, especially in business and education investments.

8️⃣ Coherence, Earth, and ServiceI return to heart coherence and collective energy work, feeling called to support healing not just through action, but through frequency. It's a form of service rooted in somatic awareness and quiet resonance with the earth and others.

9️⃣ Expanding Beyond “Me” SpiritualityThere’s a grief in realizing that my spiritual path isn’t just about creating a perfect life for myself—it has to include others. I talk about moving from self-focused manifestation to a more interconnected sense of purpose. It’s a “both/and” type of situation.

🔟 The Illusion of Spiritual CapitalismI question the narrative that spiritual success is measured by personal wealth. What if that’s not the point? I reflect on the collective narratives that shaped this belief and what it means to question them now.

1️⃣1️⃣ Critical Mass & Global HealingI dive into the HeartMath Institute’s hypothesis of reaching a critical mass of coherence—and how that idea resonates deeply. I explore the possibility that coherence, love, and energetic regulation might ripple into real-world change.

1️⃣2️⃣ The Softening of AttachmentAs I release the grip on rigid expectations, I open to an unknown path. Don’t get me wrong, I still desire a beautiful life, but I’m learning to trust that it will unfold in a way that supports both my soul AND the greater good.

🌀 The Bottom Line: Letting It UnfoldThis episode is about presence, grief, softness, and trust. It’s about letting go of what I thought life would be—and staying open to what it’s becoming. My path doesn’t need to be perfect. It just needs to be mine.

Mentions & Resourcesnot affiliated, just a fan

💖 HeartMath Institute – Coherence, collective healing, and the silent revolution👣 Earthing Institute – Grounding science and ancestral reconnection📖 My Story – From poverty, gifted kid pressures, and spiritual burnout to now🔥 Discernment – A spiritual muscle I’m building with every aligned 'no'

❤️ Core Message: The path to purpose isn’t linear. Sometimes you grieve what you thought it would be. But what comes next might just be more honest, more connected, and more you.

Deep gratitude for all the seen and unseen forces that have supported (and continue to support) me on this journey through life.

Mystically,

Belle

Episode 041 of Living in Response is a freak out (in a good way) about heart coherence and the HeartMath institute’s research and how we can support our planetary community from home.

Thanks for witness this real-time processing life in real time. <3

Topics Covered in This Episode:Summarized (mostly) with AI

1️⃣ Cannabis as a Somatic AllyI reflect on my first cannabis-assisted heart coherence meditation. Using a small amount with intention and reverence, I drop into deeper interoceptive awareness—tuning into the energy of my body and feeling more connected to the earth and cosmos.

2️⃣ Interoception as a Bridge to EnergyInteroception, the ability to sense the internal state of the body, has helped me feel energy rather than just think about it. This has made energy work tangible and alive for me, instead of something abstract or imagined.

3️⃣ Feeling Is BelievingIt’s not “seeing is believing”—it’s feeling. Cannabis helps me deepen the felt experience of energy movement, creating somatic memory that I can return to in future meditations without it. It’s a tool for remembering what’s already there.

4️⃣ Revisiting HeartMathI reconnect with the science and wisdom of the HeartMath Institute, exploring how coherent heart rhythms—induced by emotions like love, gratitude, and compassion—lead to measurable health benefits and even affect the people and environments around us.

5️⃣ Heart Coherence as a Silent RevolutionI dive into the idea of heart coherence as a quiet form of activism—a way to support the collective by generating and radiating love, clarity, and connection. It’s a kind of energy activism that starts within and expands outward.

6️⃣ Measuring Our ImpactWith the Inner Balance sensor and HeartMath app, I witness my heart coherence increase during meditation. Seeing this in real time helps affirm the deep feeling of alignment and strengthens my commitment to these practices.

7️⃣ Entraining Each Other Through LoveHeart coherence is contagious. The research shows our electromagnetic fields influence those around us—even animals. My cat, who normally keeps her distance, curled up near me during this meditation. Love is felt beyond words.

8️⃣ Randomness, Emotion & Global ImpactI explore how HeartMath uses random number generators to measure the impact of collective emotion on the earth’s field. When large groups feel love, peace, or grief, it registers. This offers scientific support for the power of collective intention.

9️⃣ Energy Activism & InterconnectednessI expand on the idea of energy activism—that we can contribute to healing not only through physical action but by tending to our own energy fields and offering coherent love to the world. This is a form of service and care.

🔟 Releasing the Savior ComplexA powerful realization hits: this isn’t about fixing others. I reflect on my past attempts to help loved ones and how offering from a place of “I know better” never felt good. Now, I aim to share from love, not rescue.

1️⃣1️⃣ Offering Without PressureI talk about shifting from “you should do this” energy to simply saying “this helped me.” Sharing tools like EFT and heart coherence becomes more accessible—and more powerful—when I release the agenda.

1️⃣2️⃣ The Collective Need for CapacityI share reflections on the communities I come from—communities in survival mode, where support can feel out of reach. Heart coherence becomes a potential way to increase capacity from within and beneath the systems that oppress.

1️⃣3️⃣ Earth Connection as MedicineThe earth isn’t just symbolic—it’s literal. I talk about grounding, the power of electrons, and why I sleep on an earthing pillow. This reconnection to the planet feels both ancient and futuristic—and crucial.

🌀 The Bottom Line: Love Feels Like the WayThis episode is a swirl of body, breath, energy, science, and spirit. It’s not about urgency. It’s about coherence. It’s about love. If there’s a revolution happening, it starts in the heart and expands from there.

Mentions & Resourcesnot affiliated, just a fan

💨 Conscious Cannabis – Psychedelic ally for interoceptive awareness🧠 Interoception – The sensory key to embodied energy work💖 HeartMath Institute – Research on heart coherence & global impact📱 Inner Balance App – Real-time coherence tracking🌐 Random Number Generators – Tracking global energetic shifts👣 Earthing Institute – Tools & science for reconnecting with the earth🌍 Energy Activism – Living in coherence to support collective healing📘 EFT (Tapping) – Emotional regulation tool shared with family❤️ Core Message: We are connected. Your coherence matters. Love is the way.

Deep gratitude to all of our ancestors for their wisdom and to the scientists tirelessly helping us to remember it through their research.

Mystically,

Belle

Episode 040 of Living in Response is an opening into sharing some deeper parts of myself that don’t usually leave the bottom of the frozen lake that is my Scorpio soul. (:

Thanks to all of the people who continue to pass down wisdom from the ancestors and teachers so that we may continue to be an advocate for a coherent life.

Topics Covered in This Episode:Summarized (mostly) with AI

1️⃣ You Don’t Need to Know to BeginI reflect on how I almost delayed recording by trying to plan the perfect opening. Then I remembered (after just a couple minutes this time!): I don’t need to know where I’m going—I just need to start. This episode is a living example of surrendering to the unknown and letting it unfold.

2️⃣ From Healing to Something DeeperThere was a point when I realized healing isn’t the purpose of life—it’s a part of the path, but not the whole. I’ve grown disenchanted with spiritual materialism and started asking deeper questions about what (else) it means to be a soul in a body.

3️⃣ The Will to MeaningDrawing from Viktor Frankl’s logotherapy, I explore the idea that the meaning of life is to find meaning—and that meaning is felt, not found. Pleasure and power are byproducts, not the purpose. Meaning is in what makes your soul stir.

4️⃣ Remembering That We Are AwarenessThe phrase “I am loving awareness” keeps showing up. I revisit Ram Dass’ teachings and recognize how much they resonate now, helping me deepen into the idea that awareness isn’t just what sees—it’s what is.

5️⃣ Expanding My Spiritual PracticeThrough Yoga Tantra and my nightly sadhana practice, I’m exploring the goddess Matangi—an archetype of raw expression. I’ve noticed that these heart-centered practices have helped me feel more embodied and authentic in my expression.

6️⃣ HeartMath & the Science of CoherenceI go deep into heart coherence and how syncing the heart and brain leads to emotional, physical, and intuitive well-being. I also talk about the HeartMath app and how we can scientifically influence the collective energy field.

7️⃣ Awareness in the GridDuring a recent meditation, I connected with the Earth’s energy and reflected on what it means to be a kind of “grid worker”—someone who nourishes the field of collective consciousness by living in a coherent, loving state. (“Energy activism!”)

8️⃣ Noticing the Ego Without Demonizing ItWhile doing a heart coherence practice, I noticed my ego wanting credit for how “good” I was doing. Instead of rejecting it, I honored its voice but remembered: awareness is the source. The ego is a participant, not the creator.

9️⃣ Self-Transcendence Over Self-FocusI’m shifting from the self-focused spirituality I used to engage in (how can I manifest more?) to a broader lens of self-transcendence—living with others in mind. Not from martyrdom, but from interconnection.

🔟 Creative Expression as AwarenessCreativity is awareness expressing itself. I’m experimenting with letting poetry and words flow through me without trying to control or polish them. It’s not about making something perfect—it’s about letting something real come through.

1️⃣1️⃣ We’re All Contributing to the FieldWhether through meditation, service, or authentic living, we’re all affecting the global field of energy. This episode is a reflection on the quiet, real ways we shape the world—not always with a loud voice, but with steady presence.

1️⃣2️⃣ Letting Go of KnowingI talk about my dance between wanting clarity and learning to trust what I feel. Awareness will guide. The more I let go of needing to know, the more naturally things unfold—even if they don’t look like I expected.

🌀 The Bottom Line: Let Awareness LeadThis episode is an unfiltered, imperfect, heart-led ramble through the forest of my mind. If there’s one message I’m landing on, it’s this: You are loving awareness. Let that be enough. Start where you are. Let it unfold from there.

Mentions & Resourcesnot affiliated, just a fan

🧠 Viktor Frankl’s Logotherapy – The will to meaning💖 Ram Dass – “I am loving awareness” and heart-centered wisdom📿 Yoga Tantra – Especially sadhana and Matangi archetype📱 HeartMath Institute – Heart coherence, Inner Balance app, global field impact🌐 Grid Work – Connecting to Earth’s electromagnetic field with love📚 Awakening Shakti by Sally Kempton – On goddess energy as frequency🌀 Interoception – Feeling your way into presence📘 The Creative Act by Rick Rubin – Letting ideas flow through❤️ Core Message: You don’t need a plan to express what’s real. Your awareness is the practice. Let it guide you.

In deep appreciation for the path that I’m on and for the courage from Source to keep going.

Mystically,

Belle

Episode 039 of Living in Response is rooted in being a “spiritual being having a spiritual experience at the physical end of the energy spectrum” (Dr. Sue Morter) and a share about my exploration into what it means to actually be a soul in a body as well as “loving awareness” (Ram Dass).

Your time and energy encourage this unedited, from-the-beginning, journey into self-expression, purpose, spirituality, and the possibility for everything in between - thank you <3

Subscribing for free supports my journey and lands this free podcast in your email inbox just about daily :)

Topics Covered in This Episode:Summarized (mostly) with AI

1️⃣ Awareness as the ThreadThis episode is all about awareness—what it is, how it shows up in daily life, and how it’s guiding me deeper into my spiritual path. I reflect on how awareness is more than a concept; it’s the experience of being. It’s what notices the thoughts, the feelings, even the noticing itself.

2️⃣ The Evolution of My Spiritual PathI share how my spiritual path didn’t start with a single awakening moment—it’s been lifelong. From childhood loss to recent contemplations in LA, my path is less about healing or fixing and more about remembering that I’m already whole.

3️⃣ Not Here to Be FixedI no longer believe the purpose of life is healing. Healing happens along the way, but I’m not a problem to solve. Instead, I’m learning to relate to all parts of myself—inner child, protector, anxious parts—with curiosity and compassion.

4️⃣ Mysticism, Incarnation, and the Meat SuitI explore the idea of being a soul in a body—literally in meat (Latin: incarnate). The body is not something to escape from but a sacred vehicle for experiencing life. This lens is helping me embrace embodiment more deeply.

5️⃣ Navigating Suffering, Compassion, and GraceI reflect on the coexistence of suffering and grace. It’s possible to hold compassion even for those I disagree with—seeing their harmful views as symptoms of pain rather than reasons for hate. I’m learning not to fight hate with more hate.

6️⃣ Social Media, Conscious Engagement & Tantra TeachingsI’m shifting how I engage with social media—scrolling less mindlessly and more intentionally. Inspired by yoga tantra teachings, I now ask: Am I doing this consciously? That question has changed how I interact with everything from apps to food.

7️⃣ Food, Choice, and Eating on PurposeI reflect on my complicated relationship with food—growing up in a culture of celebration through overeating—and how I’m now healing it by choosing foods on purpose, without shame. It’s about listening to my energy and making conscious choices.

8️⃣ The BlueSky Algorithm & Political Echo ChambersI talk about my experience on the BlueSky app—how my feed was overtaken by political despair and divisiveness. I reflect on how grouping people by ideology creates more separation, and why I believe change requires action, not dehumanization.

9️⃣ Ram Dass, Awareness & ValidationA quote from Ram Dass—“I am loving awareness”—sparked deep resonance. Hearing him speak on politics and spirituality felt like a cosmic nod, reminding me I’m not alone in seeing people as awareness, even when we disagree.

🔟 We Are All AwarenessI explore the mystical idea that we’re all the same awareness. Even people doing harm. Even the unhoused people I see in LA. This realization has opened my heart and softened my social anxiety, reminding me we’re all just reflections of the same source.

1️⃣1️⃣ Voice, Expression, and Self-AcceptanceI reflect on my evolving relationship with my voice—how I used to dislike it, how it changes in different settings, and how I’m learning to express myself without needing to sound a certain way. This podcast is part of reclaiming that.

1️⃣2️⃣ Creativity as Awareness Expressing ItselfInstead of forcing creativity, I’m asking: What wants to come through me? I’m inspired to explore improvisational poetry and journaling from a state of pure awareness—letting the expression arise from spaciousness, not planning.

1️⃣3️⃣ Meditation, Spaciousness, and FlowMy practice is shifting from focused meditation to simply resting in awareness. In that space, questions arise, perspectives shift, and the urge to create feels more organic. Meditation isn’t about fixing the mind—it’s about seeing beyond it.

🌀 The Bottom Line: Let It Be AwarenessThis podcast is my practice of letting awareness speak. Not trying to make it into something. Not editing myself for perfection. Just letting it flow. Because expression, when rooted in loving awareness, is already enough.

Mentions & Resourcesnot affiliated, just a fan

🌬️ “I Am Loving Awareness” — Ram Dass🧘‍♀️ Yoga Tantra Philosophy – Conscious engagement with life📿 Eastern Wisdom – Buddhism, Taoism, Hinduism🧠 Meditation Practice – Moving from focus to awareness-based sitting📱 BlueSky App – Observations on algorithm, community, and divisiveness🍽️ Conscious Eating – Healing food shame through presence

So blessed and so thankful for this life and all the experiences contained within it. I know I’m not doing this alone, so deep gratitude for all the unseen forces guiding me forward.

Mystically,

Belle

Episode 038 of Living in Response is a deep reflection on “you just have to start” and realizing it’s actually OK to want to be seen.

Thanks for joining me along my journey into self-expression, purpose, and creativity through this raw, unedited, unfiltered, unbound stream-of-consciousness podcast!

Topics Covered in This Episode:Summarized (mostly) with AI

1️⃣ You Don’t Have to Know—You Just Have to StartThis whole podcast began as an experiment in not knowing. I used to get stuck trying to figure everything out first—my niche, my audience, the perfect name. But none of that mattered as much as just beginning. Starting scared, starting messy, just… starting.

2️⃣ The Pattern of Starting + StoppingI share how I used to start projects, platforms, or ideas—then quit when I grew out of them. Not because I failed, but because I was trying to squeeze myself into something that didn’t fit. What I really needed was freedom to evolve in real time.

3️⃣ Being in Process Is the PathI used to feel lost, like I was stuck between a hundred paths, unsure which to take. Now I see it differently: being in the process—figuring it out as I go—is the path. Every step is the next step.

4️⃣ I Just Needed to Say ItSometimes we carry around ideas, truths, insights that feel heavy until we express them. I’ve found that just talking about them helps move that energy. I don’t have to write a book. I just have to say a little piece—and that’s enough.

5️⃣ The Desire to Be SeenIn a recent cannabis + breathwork journey from the Emotional Freedom course by Becca Francis, I uncovered a core truth: I want to be seen. And I’ve been holding shame about that. But it’s okay. That desire is deeply human—and when I own it, it loses its power over me.

6️⃣ Chiron in Leo & the Wound of ExpressionAstrologically, my Chiron is in Leo—linked to wounds around self-expression, visibility, and creativity. Realizing this helped me stop demonizing my desire to share. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be seen, to create, to be known.

7️⃣ Micro-Movement as MomentumFrom brushing my teeth with my non-dominant hand to building a yoga practice over years, I’ve seen what happens when I show up a little bit each day. Not perfectly. Just consistently. Tiny actions compound.

8️⃣ Meditation as Portal + PracticeMeditation helped me realize that thoughts are just thoughts. I’m not them. And the metaphor I’m exploring is: thoughts are a river, and I can sit on the bank and watch them flow. Sometimes I get pulled in. But I can still sit myself back upon the shore where I eventually realized that I’m not solely the river or the version of myself on the shore but the one watching all of that unfold.

9️⃣ From Podcast to Practice: Becoming a GuideThis podcast started as expression, but it’s slowly becoming part of a bigger vision. I feel a pull toward guiding others through meditation, embodiment, and integration. It’s not about rushing to be a teacher. It’s about tending the seed of a calling.

🔟 Integration Is a Key Part of the PathI talk about my upcoming studies in somatic integration and how even meditation (like psychedelics) can open us to insights that need time, space, and embodiment to fully land. Integration isn’t optional—it’s part of the practice.

1️⃣1️⃣ Reflecting on "Me" Content & Mirror ContentAfter hearing about the difference between self-centered (‘me me me”) vs. reflective content, I got a little triggered. Is my podcast too much me? But I remembered my intention: to document, to share my process, to let others see someone still figuring it out. Because maybe, that’s the mirror someone else needs.

🌀 The Bottom Line: Just Don’t StopAll of this has shown me one thing: you don’t need a perfect plan. You need curiosity, compassion, and the courage to keep going. That’s how anything grows—one small, lived moment at a time.

Mentions & Resourcesnot affiliated, just a fan

🧘‍♀️ Emotional Freedom with Cannabis course by Becca Francis (via The Shift Network)🌿 Psychedelic Cannabis via Daniel McQueen💫 How to Be Famous with Whitney Uland (on fame as a spiritual journey)🌌 The Heart of Meditation by the Dalai Lama📚 The Gap and the Gain (mentioned re: perspective on progress)🌀 Chiron in Leo – Wounds around being seen and expressed🧠 Meditation as River Metaphor – Stream of thoughts vs. the witness🌱 Neuroplasticity Experiment – Brushing with non-dominant hand on Bluesky

Deep gratitude for all the people bravely living into their truth <3

Mystically,

Belle

Episode 037 of Living in Response is the beginning of a journey into sharing one of my greatest loves - meditation. After 46 minutes of an intro (lol) into meditation from my perspective as well as the biology that supports meditation, I share a short grounding experience that integrates my ideas. If you participate in the mediation - I would love to hear from you!

I can’t thank you enough for witnessing my real-time experience with being at the beginning (a little over a month!). If anything, this raw (unedited, unfiltered, unscripted), stream of consciousness podcast is an exploration and documentation of what it means to “just start.” <3

Topics Covered in This Episode:Summarized (mostly) with AI

1️⃣ Getting Stuck in Analysis ParalysisI sat for 10 minutes overthinking how to start this episode. My nervous system was buzzing, part of me was afraid, part of me excited. I was attempting to strategically plan out the episode when I realized that I can trust that I don’t actually need to plan everything out and off I went.

2️⃣ Why I’m Starting to Share MeditationsThis is my first time offering a meditation on the podcast. Even though I’ve led and created meditations before, this moment felt like a real step. And steps, especially big ones, can feel scary—so I honored that and shared it.

3️⃣ Meditation Is My BirthrightTo me, meditation isn’t a chore or something to “get right.” It’s a birthright—a natural part of being human. Just like eating or sleeping, we’re biologically built for it. That alone is worth celebrating.

4️⃣ The Folding-in-the-Cheese of MeditationMeditation can feel vague and frustrating—like the Schitt’s Creek scene where no one explains how to “fold in the cheese.” I’ve felt that too. This episode is my attempt to offer something more concrete and body-based.

5️⃣ We’re Biologically Hardwired to MeditateMeditation isn’t reserved for monks. We have built-in systems—interoception, proprioception, spatial awareness—that make meditation possible for all of us. It’s just that most of us were never taught how to work with them.

6️⃣ Interoception: The Missing SenseI talk about the eighth sensory system: interoception, or our ability to feel internal sensations. It's how we know we’re hungry, how we track emotions, and how we feel grounded. This one sense changed everything for me.

7️⃣ How Intention Becomes BiologyInspired by Candace Pert’s Molecules of Emotion, I share how our thoughts create neuropeptides that change how we feel. Intention isn’t just woo—it’s embodied chemistry. I explore how this makes meditation even more powerful.

8️⃣ Your Body Can’t Time TravelWhile the mind jumps to past and future, the body is always here. Meditation is how I anchor into the present—through breath, sensation, and inner awareness. The body is my portal to now.

9️⃣ An Interoceptive Grounding Meditation (Starts at ~46:00)I offer a guided grounding practice using spatial awareness and interoception—sensing into the earth, then slowly tracking upward into the body. This practice is designed to help you feel grounded, present, and deeply connected using your body’s biological mechanisms as support and the body itself as an anchor.

🔟 The Process Is the ArtThis episode was imperfect and vulnerable, but that’s what made it beautiful. I’m learning to see my process not as something to rush through—but as the art itself. Thank you for being here with me.

Mentions & Resourcesnot affiliated, just a fan

📚 Molecules of Emotion by Candace Pert🧠 Interoception & Proprioception🌀 Neuro-Somatic Mindfulness (Dr. Fleet Maull)🧘‍♀️ Meditation as Birthright🌳 The Meditation Tree metaphor😂 “Fold in the cheese” – Schitt’s Creek scene (with Catherine O’Hara & Dan Levy)🎧 Timestamp: ~46:00 – Guided Grounding Meditation Begins🗣️ Quote about going to the woods to experience, not to find

So many thanks to all the people who are out there doing their thing and inspiring people like me in the process (whether they know it or not!).

Mystically,

Belle

Episode 036 of Living in Response is (mostly) an exploration into some ideas I have about how meditation changed for me as I connected the dots between the biological mechanisms we have in place that support our ability to meditate. Basically, we are hardwired to be able to meditate and I wonder if that information and understanding could be supportive to the meditation-curious (or meditation-struggling)?

Thanks for supporting this unfiltered, unedited, unscripted, stream of consciousness podcast that was created in the spirit of, “you don’t have to know, you just have to start.” <3

Topics Covered in This Episode:Summarized (mostly) with AI

1️⃣ The Day I Almost Didn't RecordI was totally prepared to skip today's episode. My body was sunburned and wiped out from a long, hot day—but something inside me still wanted to share. This episode was born out of that gentle inner nudge.

2️⃣ Sunburns, Sensitivity, and SurrenderAfter hiking and walking home under the sun with little sunscreen, I crashed. I share the story of my sunburn, the exhaustion it brought, and the importance of listening to our bodies—especially when they whisper “rest.”

3️⃣ Improvised Poetry and the Power of PresenceI attended an improv poetry workshop that unexpectedly affirmed how natural unscripted expression is for me. I reflect on the surprising connection between this podcast and poetic improvisation.

4️⃣ Claiming Creativity After Childhood WoundsI open up about how childhood moments—like being laughed at for singing or dancing—shaped the belief that I wasn’t creative. This episode unpacks how I’m healing that story and reclaiming my inner artist.

5️⃣ Everything Is Art (Even Groceries and Code)I reflect on how creativity doesn’t need to look like traditional art. From coding reports to making dinner to parenting—life is art, and we’re all artists in our own way.

6️⃣ Curiosity Over Clarity in My OfferingsI share how I'm shifting from needing to “figure out” my offerings to just being curious about sharing what I love. Meditation, in particular, keeps calling—but I’m holding space for exploration, not pressure.

7️⃣ Sacred Practices and Self-DiscernmentSome of my spiritual practices are so potent and intimate they feel sacred to keep personal. I speak on the importance of discernment when it comes to guiding others, and how facilitation requires care and training.

8️⃣ Meditation as a Biological PortalI unpack the biological side of meditation—how interoception, proprioception, and spatial awareness allow us to go deeper. I explore how these innate senses help calm the nervous system and ground us in presence.

9️⃣ Molecules of Emotion and the Science of IntentionDrawing from Candace Pert’s work, I explore how thoughts create neuropeptides, influencing the body at a cellular level. This is what made “intention” come alive for me—emotion is chemistry, and it’s powerful.

🔟 We Are Hardwired to MeditateI share my working theory: meditation isn’t something we “learn”—it’s something we’re biologically built for. When people say, “I can’t meditate,” I wonder if it’s because they’ve never been taught how their body already knows.

Mentions & Resources:🧬 Molecules of Emotion by Candace Pert🧠 Neuro-Somatic Mindfulness, Interoception & Proprioception🧘‍♀️ Meditation as Portal: Health, Healing & Hardwiring💓 Heart Coherence & the Science of Love🎤 Reclaiming Creativity After Suppression🖋️ Poetry as Emotive Writing

I don’t remember where I first learned about meditation, but I want to express deep heart-felt gratitude to that moment, anyone involved, and to all the authors and teachers i continue to learn from.

Mystically,

Belle

Episode 035 of Living in Response is a special request for my thoughts on the shifting back and forth between religious and spiritual ideals. A little outside of my comfort zone but some of the advice I got from one of my teachers recently was to say the things that scare me so this feels like that lol. As always, I speak for myself and no one else.

Thanks for listening! No pressure invitation to consider subscribing / following to show support for this raw, stream of consciousness exploration in speaking <3

Topics Covered in This Episode:Summarized (mostly) with AI

1️⃣ From Catholic Roots to Spiritual RebirthI open up about growing up Catholic, attending Christian school, and the religious trauma that shaped my early beliefs. I share how discovering spirituality offered a new path—but not without judgment, deconstruction, and healing.

2️⃣ Softening Toward ReligionOver time, my rigid stance against religion has softened. I now see how religion can offer structure, purpose, and connection for some—while acknowledging its flaws. It’s not black and white.

3️⃣ Spiritual Hypocrisy & The Illusion of “Better”I reflect on how new age spaces aren’t free from contradiction—preaching love and unity while hoarding wealth or trashing music festivals. I explore how both religion and spirituality have their shadow sides.

4️⃣ Curiosity as a Way of BeingInstead of debating, I now lean into curiosity. When someone holds a belief I don’t understand, I ask questions—not to change their mind, but to understand their perspective. It changes everything.

5️⃣ Evidence Doesn’t Always ConvinceFrom fluoride to vaccines to astrology, I share how “evidence” isn’t always the deciding factor. Sometimes, it’s about how something lands in the body—and learning to trust that over logic alone.

6️⃣ Astrology is a Pattern, Not a BeliefI break down my take on astrology—not as superstition, but as a system of natural patterns rooted in earth, season, and time. It’s not about belief—it’s about observation, resonance, and ancient wisdom.

7️⃣ On Belief, Identity, and Switching SidesWhat does it mean when someone flips between conflicting beliefs? I explore how it could reflect deeper embodiment, soul evolution, or just the natural wobble of being human. It’s not always linear.

8️⃣ Letting Go of Convincing PeopleI share how I used to be more argumentative—trying to prove my “awakened” perspective. Now, I focus on my own embodiment. No more debates in comment sections. Just being the change, not preaching it.

9️⃣ The Spiritual Path Isn’t About Stuff AnymoreI reflect on how my spirituality has shifted from a tool for achieving or manifesting, to a practice of remembering who I am. Not about fixing. Not about gaining. Just being in relationship with energy and life.

🔟 Everyone’s Soul Path is DifferentI close with compassion for those who are in flux. Switching beliefs. Questioning everything. I don’t know anyone else’s soul path. And I don’t need to. What matters is that we honor the mystery—and each other.

Thanks to the person who prompted today’s stream of consciousness <3

Mystically,

Belle