Lost Spaces: Memories from Gay Bars, Lesbian Clubs, and LGBTQ+ Parties

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This episodes first came out in 2024, and here's what I had to say about it:

I love hearing people's stories of places that are close to their hearts - places where they spent tonnes of time, met lots of wonderful people, and figured out things about themselves.

But, you know what else I love?

When people want to talk about places that they HATED!

And hate is maybe too strong a word for this week's guest's experience, but I still enjoyed hearing about how the sticky floors and the dark, dank bar were just not up their alley.

And who's alley were we not up?

Well, it's Layne the Auctionista, who joined me to talk about Seven, the aforementioned dark bar that was found in London, Ontario, Canada.

This episode first appeared in 2024, and here's what I had to say...

There's one question that gets asked in this week's episode that’s really stuck with me and that I continued to ponder even after we'd said our goodbyes and turned our microphones off...

And that question is: how do you know when you have become the person that you’re supposed to be?

By that I mean - at what point do you say 'yes this is the person I was supposed to be' rather than continue to strive and figure that out? Or, do you just kind of like make do with who you presently are and accept that that might change one day?

And it's one of those annoying questions where there probably isn't an answer, so it's not worth expending any energy trying to figure it out, but if you have any suggestions do let me know!

But for now, let’s focus on our guest for this week’s episode, Amethysta Herrick, writer and host of the Gender Identity Weekly podcast.

Amethysta came out as a trans woman in 2022, but if you've ever come out then you know that it takes a lot of mental computation and processing to get to that point and it's usually something that you know about a long time before you're willing to share it with the wider world.

But luckily for us we have queer spaces where it's safe to explore these things.

And, one of the places that helped Amethysta explore and understand her identity was the Athens, Georgia bar Boneshakers, where, way back in the 90s, she got to try out an alternate identity - she named herself Selina after Catwoman's civilian name - and just got to flirt, hang out, and exist as herself.

This episode was first shared in 2024, and here's what I had to say:

I know there's always the risk with this show of completely romanticising queer spaces as these glistening oasis' of tolerance and acceptance.But, that's really not the case - despite how wonderful and freeing they can be, they can also be a bit shitty and exclusionary. And I was reminded of that this week when I sat down to talk to talk to Andrew Gurza, who is a disability awareness consultant and activist, as well as being the host of the Disability After Dark podcast. We caught up to discuss The Edge, which was a gay bar in Ottawa, Canada, and held so much promise for Andrew but pretty much failed to deliver. But, that's not to say that this is a totally depressing episode. That Andrew is one horny guy, and he seems to have mastered the art of turning every conversation into one about blow jobs, so penises and giggling come up a lot, as well as the despair we both feel about mainstream gay male culture! So, in other words - something for everyone (?)!

I first shared this episode in 2024, and here's what I had to say:

So, if you were to ask me to overly generalise and boil down the types of experiences that guests on this show have had when first accessing a queer space I'd say they neatly fit in to two categories:

1) there are those who feel instantly at home and like they've arrived.

2) there are those who feel like an outsider, or a 'tourist' in the space.

Sometimes that feeling of being an outsider goes away after a few visits when they get the chance to ease in to the space and better understand the culture. But sometimes they remain a tourist... which isn't necessarily a bad thing.

Which brings us to this week's guest - author, screenwriter, and producer Abdi Nazemian - who never stopped feeling like a tourist, but still credits his lost space, Disco 2000 at The Limelight in New York City, with inspiring him to be passionate and brave and fun.

We talk about the club kid scene in this episode, which was happening in NYC in the early 90s. I don't think you need to know much about the history of the scene to follow the conversation, but you might enjoy this article for some background

This episode first featured in 2022, and here's what I had to say:

On this week's show we're talking to Lil Miss Hot Mess, who is as fun to talk to as her name is to say!
Coming up in the San Francisco scene, Lil Miss got started at the legendary T-Shack, a night held at The Stud, which unfortunately we lost at the beginning of the pandemic.
And, yes, you can rest assured that you'll be getting me patented dumb questions throughout this conversation about all of the traditions and weird things that happen in the drag scene, and this time I find out a lot about the dynamics between drag mothers and drag daughters.
Remember - I ask the dumb questions so you don't have to!

One of the things I love doing most about this show is, obviously, getting the chance to learn about different people's experiences and circumstances. 

But, within that, there's often a really nice reminder of how nobody's journey is the same. 

There are so many ways to come out, there are so many ways to fall in love, and there are all of these different ways in which a space can be important to you. 

Some of my guests have only been to a space once, some went religiously over a period of years (or decades)... and, then, there are some people who had breaks in-between, going at different periods of their life.

One such person is the Canadian writer, artist, historian, and host of the trans history podcast 'One From The Vaults', Morgan M Page. Morgan first went to Goodhandy's in Toronto as a fresh-faced 19 year old, but then had a few different periods where the space wove in and out of her life, each time offering something different...

We caught up to talk about call centre scams, conspiracy theories, and having warm and fuzzy feelings for someone who is supposed to be a friend...

This episode was first shared in 2023, and here's what I had to say:

You know how sometimes these conversations are only very, very, very tenuously linked to a queer space, and in the intro I try and come up with some justification for why we didn't talk that much about it to prepare you for the episode ahead?

Well, dear listener, this week I'm not even going to try to insult your intelligence by pretending that we talked about a queer space, cause we didn't.

I failed you.

BUT, that's not to say that it's not a great conversation!

I was lucky enough to sit down with Jaimie Kelton, actor, voiceover artist, author and host of the Queer Family podcast. And in our conversation we talk all about what it's like to grow up in one of the gayest cities in the world, San Francisco, but still battle with coming to terms with your own sexuality, how to shed the idea of yourself being a 'good girl', and why the stereotype of the u-haul lesbian is so damn persistent...

This episode first featured in 2024, and here's what I had to say...

The lyric to that very famous 80s TV theme song is 'sometimes you want to go where everybody knows your name'.

Whilst I think that's true I also think there are times where you want to go where nobody knows your name and where there's absolutely no risk of running in to anybody that you even vaguely know.

It's that type of space that gave this week's guest - scholar, therapist and host of the Gender Studies podcast Alex Iantaffi - the courage to actually go through the front door and start to explore their queerness for the first time.

And so, in this episode, Alex takes us back to the 90s and sits us down in a corner seat in London's First Out Cafe to show us the magical, open, friendly space that made them feel welcome.

This episode first appeared in 2021, and here's what I said:

It's our very first visit to the city where I grew up…. Adelaide!

I got to sit down with the comedian Lori Bell to talk all about her experiences on Adelaide’s queer scene (all two venues!)…

We talk all about first times, blow jobs on the dance floor, and I find out what the difference is between regular bingo and gay bingo….