Hosts: Hal and Melanie Young

Sibling rivalry. If you’ve got more than one child, you’ve likely seen it – the teasing, bickering, pestering, and outright conflict. But what if your kids could become lifelong friends instead of rivals?

In this episode of Making Biblical Family Life Practical, Hal and Melanie answer one of the most frequently asked parenting questions:

As parents of eight, including six boys in a row, Hal and Melanie have seen firsthand the challenge—and the blessing—of nurturing friendship between siblings. From toxic family examples to biblical discipleship and discipline, they share the guiding principles and practical rules they used to cultivate a peaceful, loving home.

Why creating a safe home is the first step to reducing sibling conflict

The difference between normal competitiveness and destructive rivalry

How boys and girls experience relational struggles differently

Why rules like “knock it off” and “no bullying” helped their large family thrive

The importance of shepherding your child’s heart, not just correcting behavior

Strategies for stopping provocation—no matter who starts it

“God made boys aggressive and competitive for a reason—but they need to learn to submit that to Christ.”

“Your home should be a haven, not a battlefield.”

Sponsor Spotlight: CTCMath

Website: RaisingRealMen.com

Facebook & Instagram: @RaisingRealMen

Podcast Archive: Ultimate Homeschool Podcast Network

How do you keep sibling competition positive and productive rather than destructive? We’ll tackle that next time with more real-world tips for large (and small!) families alike.

One of the questions we hear most often is, “How do you deal with sibling rivalry?” 

We had eight children, and six boys in a row, so we had plenty of competition and challenge to work with! A certain amount is normal and can be accommodated even within the family, but it has to be guided and supervised to keep it from becoming bullying or persecution.

Girls have their own temptations too, especially in emotional and relationship areas; we’ve known women who grew up as “mean girls” in their own family, and struggled with broken relationships decades after they left home.

We didn’t want that in our own family – we wanted our children to grow up to be friends – so we tried to take positive steps to build and protect relationships between our kids. And like Tedd Tripp says, we trained behaviors in the youngest, in the process of teaching the hearts and attitudes of all!

Home Should Be Safe – Nobody should feel like they have to keep their guard up when they cross the family threshold. That goes for spouses, too.

Zero Tolerance for Bullying – or Provoking – Bigger kids can tyrannize young kids, but younger kids can cause lots of trouble for older siblings, too. Proverbs 6:16 says God hates one who causes discord among brothers – so bickering and arguing are important, not just kid stuff.

See the Family as A Team – You won’t score together, if you are fighting one another instead of your enemy or opponent. Encourage your kids to pull together and support each other, especially in front of the rest of the world.

Enjoy Teasing and Wrestling but Don’t Cross the Line! – It’s fun until it’s not, for somebody. If you continue after someone calls “stop” then you’ve become a bully – see “zero tolerance” above.

Recognize How Different Your Kids May Be – and Keep an Eye on Them – Some kids can tolerate teasing and rough-housing, and some can’t. Don’t let either set the tone for everybody, but guide their interaction to head off offenses and hurts. That also goes for the child who’s quick to take offense — that’s no help either.

The post Summer Replay: Raising Siblings Without Rivalry – Part 1 – MBFLP 253-1 appeared first on Ultimate Homeschool Podcast Network.

Earlier this year we talked about books and authors the two of us enjoy together (episode 245, “What Are You Reading Right Now?”) and we mentioned that each of us has genres we like personally but separately. A caller on our Listener Response Line reminded us that we hadn’t returned to those books – “You teased us a little bit!” she said – so this week, Hal is sharing some books of history and biography which he’s been reading.

Over half the Bible is historical narrative, and God tells His people to remember the past and talk about it with their children. In Deuteronomy, Moses tells the people:

Remember the days of old, 

(Deuteronomy 32:7-8)

The reference to “nations” and “peoples” says this is more than the history of Israel – it’s all of us as “sons of Adam.” When we learn about history, we’re learning how God has guided people and nations over the centuries, with and without their cooperation or consciousness, and we can learn or take warning by their example.

Our own Benjamin Franklin, whatever his personal theology, observed to the Constitutional Convention in 1787, “I have lived, Sir, a long time, and the longer I live, the more convincing proofs I see of this truth – that God Governs in the affairs of men. And if a sparrow cannot fall to the ground without his notice, is it probable that an empire can rise without his aid?” (here’s a transcript) … and we know this to be true because it’s in Scripture:

(Daniel 5:21)

That’s a good thing to remember during this election year! And it’s a good reason to take a look at history, too.

If you’d like to know more about books Hal mentioned, here are links to all of them … 

If you’d like to leave a comment, question, or request, our Listener Response Line is (919) 295-0321

The post History for Book Lovers – MBFLP 254-1 (replay) appeared first on Ultimate Homeschool Podcast Network.

“My son shows me disrespect.” “How can I deal with the disrespect from our kids?” “What can I do to teach my children to be more respectful?” It’s something we all have to deal with as parents, and yet it’s hard – and some of us struggle more than we expected! This episode, we look at the very real question of respect – teaching our kids to show it, dealing with them when they don’t, where this may be coming from, and what God expects from all of us!

Thank you to our episode sponsor, CTC Math.

The post Dealing with Disrespect – MBFLP 201 (replay) appeared first on Ultimate Homeschool Podcast Network.

sponsored by the NIV Application Study Bible

It’s summertime, and like many families, we’re on vacation! Our annual trip to the lake is a tremendous encouragement after all the travel and work of conference season. You know what else is encouraging? To realize the Bible supports the idea!

God established a pattern of work and rest from the very beginning – creating the world in six days and ceasing His work on the seventh. It was a matter of civil law in the Old Testament, but Jesus explained that the day of rest was a blessing given to man.

In the Gospels, Jesus took His disciples aside for a time of rest after a strenuous period of ministry. (Not unlike our vacation!) And sometimes special occasions would call for a pause in the daily routine – like a wedding.

So there are examples in the Bible of doing just this – taking time off work and doing something different. It’s meant to restore our strength and courage for the tasks we return to. It may be a time to relax, or a time to do something active – but a change from our regular work.

“Vacation” doesn’t have to be a multi-thousand-dollar cruise or resort stay. We’ve done all kinds of things on a tight budget (raising eight kids on one income, and part of that time in ministry!).

The pattern of work and rest was established before the Fall! 

Thus the heavens and the earth, and all the host of them, were finished. And on the seventh day God ended His work which He had done, and He rested on the seventh day … Then God blessed the seventh day and sanctified it … (Genesis 2:1-3)

A weekly time of rest is a blessing to mankind

“The Sabbath was made for man, and not man for the Sabbath.” (Jesus, in Mark 2:27)

There are seasons when it is appropriate to set aside regular work

“When a man has taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war or be charged with any business; he shall be free at home one year, and bring happiness to his wife whom he has taken.” (Deuteronomy 24:5)

Jesus saw the need for recuperation after extended work

Then the apostles gathered to Jesus and told Him all things, both what they had done and what they had taught. And He said to them, “Come aside by yourselves to a deserted place and rest a while.” For there were many coming and going, and they did not even have time to eat. So they departed to a deserted place in the boat by themselves. (Mark 6:30-32)

Long Distances with Little Ones

Family Travel Hacks

The post Time Off – Vacation, the Bible, and Your Budget – MBFLP 307 appeared first on Ultimate Homeschool Podcast Network.

A reader writes, “I need suggestions how to discipline my 14-year-old son.” She’s finding out what we all discover – if you try to discipline your 14-year-old like he was still six, you’re likely to have a fight on your hands! So what do you do with this young person who’s growing so tall, but still needs a lot of guidance and discipleship?

Thank you to our sponsor, CTC Math.

With younger kids, a great deal of our training is behavior – “Don’t tease the cat,” “Don’t touch the stove,” “Stop hitting your brother!” Tedd Tripp points out that Ephesians 6:1 is fundamental for the younger set: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.”

And external behavior is important – that’s what hurts others and damages things! But as they move into the early teen years, our children need more coaching and discipleship to reach their deepest need – the condition of their heart. They need to be confronted with Right and Wrong in a larger sense than, “Honor your father and your mother.” When they realize their failing and sin, they are more likely to grasp their need for a Savior!

And when we recognize that their behavior is more than “You’re on my nerves!” but something rooted on their human fallenness … maybe we can be a little more compassionate and not as quick to react.

A lot of parent-teen relationships are strained or broken because parents don’t adapt to their young person’s changes. When they reach adolescence, they’re not kids any more! We need to understand they aren’t the little ones we’ve raised so far, but young adults-in-training. We can’t just continue the old discipline models and expect the same response. Appropriate correction for a four-year-old is humiliating, at best, to a 14-year-old.

More and more, we need to move our discipline to adult responses. What does that look like?

Well, consider what happens when we make a mistake or cause an offense as an adult. Are we sent to stand with our nose in the corner until we say we’re sorry? Does our boss or pastor or neighbor give us a sharp swat on the hand? Of course not. Instead, we are likely to experience “natural consequences.”

Gilbert and Sullivan’s comic operetta The Mikado includes the chorus, “Let the punishment fit the crime!” Humor aside, that’s actually quite Biblical. Over and over again in Scripture, you see principles of repentance followed by restitution. We use this as a guide with our teens – if you break it, you fix it – whether it’s a broken toy or a damaged relationship. It’s a hard lesson, but we impress on them that being an adult sometimes means we accept responsibility for things that aren’t strictly our fault. Maybe something happened by accident, or someone took offense by misunderstanding – we still need to step up and try to make things right.

Occasionally the problem isn’t actual sin but rather just high spirits or too much energy. Maybe they really are on your nerves, and that’s most of the problem!

Sometimes the best correction is just to work it off. How did your high school coach handle it if you were goofing off during practice? What did your drill instructor do at boot camp if you weren’t putting your back into the job?

A bit of strenuous exertion can be a lifesaver here! “Drop and give me ten!” – a call for some push-ups is a good manly punishment for a minor but irritating infraction. You can have them run up and down the stairs, or laps around the back yard. Ask Dad for advice, since he’s probably received similar correction in his time! It’s not offensive or demeaning, but it can use up some energy and help your son focus again.

It’s not supposed to be easy or fun. Hebrews 12:11 says,

Now no chastening seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it.

(continue …)

But the most critical thing to remember is the foundation you’re laying for the long term. What sort of relationship are you building with your teenager?

Our relationship with God is more than just crime-and-punishment – that’s part of it and unavoidable, but it’s not the full relationship. If that’s all we know of our heavenly Father, there’s a lot that’s missing!

Likewise with our kids. Of course we’ll have times of conflict or confrontation, but the question will remain – what sort of relationship do we have now, and what sort are we building for tomorrow? … Tune in for practical applications! 

The post Effective Discipline for Teens – MBFLP 261 appeared first on Ultimate Homeschool Podcast Network.

Special Replay: Sponsored by the NIV Application Bible.

Jews and Christians are known in many cultures as “The People of the Book.” Our faith is grounded on the truth of God’s word! But there is a definite history of how that word was given, recorded, and distributed over the centuries. This episode, recorded at the Museum of the Bible in Washington, D.C., we’re talking about teaching your family about that history and the reliability of the text we have today!

Josh McDowell, More Than A Carpenter

The post The Bible is Reliable – MBFLP 308 appeared first on Ultimate Homeschool Podcast Network.

We’ve seen that understanding history can help us navigate the present, too! The question is, how can we help our children learn to appreciate history like we do? What can we do to spark their interest, to make it memorable, and bring it to life for them? This episode we talk about several things we’ve built into our homeschooling family life to elevate history from dry lists of names and dates to a lively narrative of people, places, and ideas – in short, a grand story!

Thanks to our sponsor CTC Math. CTC is a highly rated math curriculum for homeschooled students for grades K-12. The family math package makes it ideal for large families at a low price. Visit the website for more information.

The post Bringing History to Life! – MBFLP 296 (replay) appeared first on Ultimate Homeschool Podcast Network.

Homeschoolers have the blessing of flexibility on so many issues – and graduation timing is one of them. Should you plan to graduate your student at 18? What about the precocious kids who might earn a diploma by 15? Or kids with health or learning issues, should they graduate later? We’ve had all three situations – this episode we’re talking about what we decided and what we learned! Sponsored by Judson College.

The post Graduation – Early or Late? – MBFLP 291 (Replay) appeared first on Ultimate Homeschool Podcast Network.

 Sponsored by Judson College

Moms seem to naturally connect with little ones – even before they’re born! It’s not so easy for dads, though. More than one has said, “I can’t communicate with this baby – I’ll let Mama handle it until he’s six or seven, and can understand me.”

That may be common but it’s unnecessary and really, it’s giving up precious time in your child’s life. It’s true, you’ll have a different relationship when they reach that age, but that’s true for every age – and the longer you put off your child, the harder it might become to build bridges later.

First off, don’t let it become a source of contention between husband and wife. If she raises the issue, he needs to step back a bit and ask, “Lord, is it true?” rather than getting defensive.

Recognize that “connecting” isn’t magic and mystical – it’s just a matter of spending time and interacting with your kids.

Train yourself to be intentional about “dad time.” Hal used to de-compress on the commute home, trying to mentally close the office door behind him and re-focus his mind on his roles of husband and father when he got home. That’s not obvious when you’re working from home, though – you have to remind yourself to step away from work and notice your family around you.

Practice some self-denial. The world really plays on our natural desire for our own needs and interests. Certainly there’s a need for some rest and recuperation just to keep yourself healthy and strong! But being available for your children’s needs means your own will have to wait sometimes. Patience is a fruit of the Spirit – it should not surprise us that we don’t naturally abound in it! (continued … )

Take your kids along when you can. The American theologian Jonathan Edwards had eleven kids and responsibility for several churches in colonial New England. Whenever he traveled to another village, he took a child along. Even when they’re very little, Dad can bring along the baby or the toddler when he runs an errand. Take the opportunity to talk with them about what you’re doing – even if they can’t talk back, they’ll grow accustomed to your voice and they’ll learn more than you realize!

Invite your kids into your work. Men seem to communicate better shoulder-to-shoulder – working together on some project. Whatever task comes to hand, ask one of your kids to join you – “Come on, let’s change the oil on the car,” or “Let me show you how to unstop a toilet.” Allow for additional time and distraction; it won’t be as efficient as doing the job solo, but it’s important time for training and relationship. What if they’re not interested? Keep asking, and sometimes, don’t give them the option – just bring them.

Jesus trained His disciples this way – He lived and worked with them, and He explained and asked and answered questions as they came alongside Him in ministry.

And don’t be shy about inviting yourself into their world, either. “Hey there – whatcha building?” “I haven’t read that book – what do you think about it?” Initiate conversations! Ask open ended questions. Assume that they can understand and respond, and see if you can draw them out.

Remember that you can’t schedule a heart’s opening – you have to be there when they’re ready to share. That means the time you invest simply being with your children and interacting with them will open doors and opportunities for deeper conversation and counsel.

Call our Listener Response Line at (919) 295-0321

The post Helping Dad Connect With The Kids – MBFLP 259 appeared first on Ultimate Homeschool Podcast Network.

What makes the homeschool mom more anxious than the prospect of high school? But there’s good reason not to fear — and good reasons to stretch yourself and make it happen — when considering your homeschooler’s high school years. Don’t miss this episode – we’ve graduated three and we’ve got an encouraging story to tell!

Sponsored by CTCMath.com

Episode Title: Homeschooling High School—Sure, Why Not?

Homeschooling through the high school years might feel intimidating, but Hal and Melanie Young are here to say: Yes, you can do this! In this episode of Making Biblical Family Life Practical, they open up about their own fears and experiences homeschooling high school—and how those years became some of the most rewarding of their parenting journey.

They’ve graduated multiple kids who went on to college (with scholarships!), and they’re sharing all the encouragement, tips, and hard-won wisdom you need to stay the course.

Why the thought of homeschooling high school scares so many parents—and how to overcome it

How to teach tough subjects (like algebra and chemistry!) even if they weren’t your best in school

Where to find help: tutors, co-ops, online classes, lab kits, solution manuals, and more

The real value of homeschooling high school: discipling your teens through their most formative years

How to prepare transcripts colleges will respect—without stressing over accreditation

Advantages of homeschooling high school: flexibility, individualized learning, time freedom, deep relationships, and more

Why homeschooling teens isn’t as hard as it sounds—they become more self-directed than you expect!

The post MBFLP 96 – Homeschooling High School? Sure, Why Not? (Replay) appeared first on Ultimate Homeschool Podcast Network.