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Deal with Disappointment
The first reason George and you and I find it hard to be happy through the holidays is disappointment. Maybe your homeschool year hasn’t been going the way you hoped. The kids don’t love their classes or curriculum. You’re already behind schedule. A learning challenge has been indentified. Maybe your finances are stretched even tighter than you thought. You’ve been ill. Or maybe you’ve experienced a loss. A loved one won’t be joining you for the holidays. A relationship has ended. Or you or your spouse lost a job. George experienced many disappointments like these. He lost his father, a chance to go to college, and the income he hoped for.
Thinking about disappointments is depressing, so we may try to avoid thinking about them. Yet they intrude upon our happiness anyway.
That leads me to the first step we can take to be happy through the holidays: Deal with the disappointment. Instead of eating or doom scrolling over it, acknowledge it. You’re disappointed. You hoped and prayed that things would be different, better. But they’re not.
The quickest way out of disappointment depression is through, not around. Sit by yourself with no noise and no distractions. Allow yourself to think about the disappointment and feel the feelings. If you cry, you cry. If you get mad, you get mad. Give yourself as much time as you need to think and pray about it. Journaling works too. Write out everything you’re thinking and feeling, without worrying about anyone else seeing it. When you’re done writing, you can delete it, destroy it, or password protect it.
When you’ve had the time to process it privately, you can then deal with the disappointment by talking to someone you trust who isn’t a part of the disappointment. You don’t want to worry about hurting someone’s feelings as you share your own emotions, unless you’re trying to resolve a conflict. Sometimes you’ll want to make it clear to the listener that you’re not asking them to fix the disappointment for you, just to listen. Talking it out can make a huge difference in your happiness.
Invest in People
The second cause of unhappiness at the holidays is people. People are hard. They disappoint us. We’ve already covered that. People also annoy us. Maybe we expect the bad behavior, so it’s not as disappointing as it is frustrating. We may struggle to know what to say or do when they’re around. Maybe we feel bad about something we’ve said or done in the past, so we have a serving of guilt to go along with our frustration. George had a challenging relationship with Mr. Potter, who was a constant thorn in his side. He also had to deal with selfish bank patrons and an irresponsible uncle.
While we sometimes avoid thinking about disappointments, we will often ruminate about people problems. We replay the negative things people said and did in the past over and over. We fantasize about what we should have said or done in response. And then we worry about what awful things people will do in the future. George Bailey’s ruminations led him to complete despair.
What should we do instead of ruminating about people? Invest in them. The first time I bought a stock, I followed it closely and my mood was up and down with its price. I tried to time the market and cash out at just the right time. If you know anything about stocks, you know that behavior is laughable. Yet it is what we often do in volatile relationships. We say or do something, hoping to see an immediate payoff. We watch the person like a hawk for signs that they are responding to our investment. That’s not what serious investors do. They’re in it long-term. They keep reinvesting and they don’t watch the price. They believe that what they’re giving will pay off. Of course there are times when it makes sense to sell. But if you value the relationship, you’ll want to keep investing for the long haul without worrying if you don’t see the payoff from each interaction.
George Bailey invested in people. He believed in people. He gave them a chance. He sacrificed so they could have full lives. But because he hadn’t seen the value he’d accummulated, he was ready to cash out completely.
Investing in people means that we continue being kind, loving them, and sharing the reason for the hope that we have. Investing in people means that we help people like themselves when they’re with us. We compliment them and express interest in them. We offer them the gift of hospitality and make them feel welcome. We refuse to stop believing in them.
Express Gratitude
The third reason it can be challenging to be happy during the holidays is our experience of injustice. We’re doing everything for our family, but the kids keep complaining. We are the ones hosting or helping or changing our schedule again to accommodate everyone else. We’ve been doing the right things for years, but we aren’t as successful or wealthy as people we know who do the wrong things. George felt that way. He did everything right but was wronged. He expected a punishment he didn’t deserve.
Our experience of injustice can lead to self-righteousness. Self-righteous people are not happy. Instead of focusing on our experience of injustice, we want to express our gratitude. The gift of children or grandchildren to teach is so precious. The fact that we can legally homeschool them is a gift. The extra time we have to be with our children and learn alongside them is worth more than the extra income we could have were we not homeschooling. And having to deal with imperfect people is a blessing compared to being alone.
Gratitude isn’t just something we should express because it’s the right thing to do to honor God. It’s a focus that can make us happier immediately. We can consider every good and perfect gift we have now. That’s the easiest gratitude list to make. But what about gratitude for gifts we experienced in the past? We can express gratitude for the good times we had in relationships and seasons that have ended. I’m thankful that I had family members and friends that were so wonderful that I miss them now that they’ve passed. We can also express gratitude for the good we know God will work together in the future. We don’t know that our circumstances will change the way we want them to in this life, but we know we can look forward to God’s perfect plan and presence in eternity. If you need some encouragement on that topic, I suggest listening to the episode I recorded with Jordan Raynor. We can express gratitude daily in prayer, in writing, and in relationships.
George was focused on the injustice he experienced until his eyes were opened to the many gifts he had to be grateful for. He wanted to go back to the old life he had so bitterly complained about.
Conclusion
The three steps to being happy through the holidays we’ve covered today are dealing with disappointent, investing in people, and expressing gratitude. I recently learned that Jimmy Stewart was in a very similar situation to George Bailey. He was demoralized after serving in the war and was ready to give up acting to run his family’s hardware store when director Frank Capra offered him the role of George Bailey. Although the film wasn’t a box office hit and it didn’t win any of the academy awards it was nominated for, it has become one of the most loved films of all time. Referring to director Capra, Jimmy Steward said, “He not only saved my career; he saved my life.”
I’m so grateful to God for the same reason. He saved my life and gave me the most fulfilling career–first homeschooling my kids and then writing and speaking for homeschool families. I’m also grateful for people like you who listen and read the materials I write. In gratitude, I am offering 20% all materials excluding bundles at FunToLearnBooks.com/shop with code BLACKFRI through Cyber Monday. My prayer is that you will be blessed with happy holidays. And if you haven’t watched It’s a Wonderful Life, I encourage you to watch it soon.
Have a happy homeschool week!
Hey, homeschoolers! We wish each other happy holidays, but sometimes it’s hard to be happy through the holidays. I have three reasons it can be hard that lead to three steps we can take toward happier holidays.
But first I’d like to thank our sponsor for the podcast: NOW Programs.
Sponsor: NOW Programs
If you’re homeschooling a student with special needs, check out http://NOWPrograms.com
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My favorite Christmas movie is It’s a Wonderful Life. When I find out that someone hasn’t seen it, it’s all I can do to keep from dragging them to my couch and playing it because, of course, I own it. George Bailey found it to challenging to be happy through the holidays. That’s an understatement if you know the movie.
Deal with Disappointment
The first reason George and you and I find it hard to be happy through the holidays is disappointment. Maybe your homeschool year hasn’t been going the way you hoped. The kids don’t love their classes or curriculum. You’re already behind schedule. A learning challenge has been indentified. Maybe your finances are stretched even tighter than you thought. You’ve been ill. Or maybe you’ve experienced a loss. A loved one won’t be joining you for the holidays. A relationship has ended. Or you or your spouse lost a job. George experienced many disappointments like these. He lost his father, a chance to go to college, and the income he hoped for.
Thinking about disappointments is depressing, so we may try to avoid thinking about them. Yet they intrude upon our happiness anyway.
That leads me to the first step we can take to be happy through the holidays: Deal with the disappointment. Instead of eating or doom scrolling over it, acknowledge it. You’re disappointed. You hoped and prayed that things would be different, better. But they’re not.
The quickest way out of disappointment depression is through, not around. Sit by yourself with no noise and no distractions. Allow yourself to think about the disappointment and feel the feelings. If you cry, you cry. If you get mad, you get mad. Give yourself as much time as you need to think and pray about it. Journaling works too. Write out everything you’re thinking and feeling, without worrying about anyone else seeing it. When you’re done writing, you can delete it, destroy it, or password protect it.
When you’ve had the time to process it privately, you can then deal with the disappointment by talking to someone you trust who isn’t a part of the disappointment. You don’t want to worry about hurting someone’s feelings as you share your own emotions, unless you’re trying to resolve a conflict. Sometimes you’ll want to make it clear to the listener that you’re not asking them to fix the disappointment for you, just to listen. Talking it out can make a huge difference in your happiness.
Invest in People
The second cause of unhappiness at the holidays is people. People are hard. They disappoint us. We’ve already covered that. People also annoy us. Maybe we expect the bad behavior, so it’s not as disappointing as it is frustrating. We may struggle to know what to say or do when they’re around. Maybe we feel bad about something we’ve said or done in the past, so we have a serving of guilt to go along with our frustration. George had a challenging relationship with Mr. Potter, who was a constant thorn in his side. He also had to deal with selfish bank patrons and an irresponsible uncle.
While we sometimes avoid thinking about disappointments, we will often ruminate about people problems. We replay the negative things people said and did in the past over and over. We fantasize about what we should have said or done in response. And then we worry about what awful things people will do in the future. George Bailey’s ruminations led him to complete despair.
What should we do instead of ruminating about people? Invest in them. The first time I bought a stock, I followed it closely and my mood was up and down with its price. I tried to time the market and cash out at just the right time. If you know anything about stocks, you know that behavior is laughable. Yet it is what we often do in volatile relationships. We say or do something, hoping to see an immediate payoff. We watch the person like a hawk for signs that they are responding to our investment. That’s not what serious investors do. They’re in it long-term. They keep reinvesting and they don’t watch the price. They believe that what they’re giving will pay off. Of course there are times when it makes sense to sell. But if you value the relationship, you’ll want to keep investing for the long haul without worrying if you don’t see the payoff from each interaction.
George Bailey invested in people. He believed in people. He gave them a chance. He sacrificed so they could have full lives. But because he hadn’t seen the value he’d accummulated, he was ready to cash out completely.
Investing in people means that we continue being kind, loving them, and sharing the reason for the hope that we have. Investing in people means that we help people like themselves when they’re with us. We compliment them and express interest in them. We offer them the gift of hospitality and make them feel welcome. We refuse to stop believing in them.
Express Gratitude
The third reason it can be challenging to be happy during the holidays is our experience of injustice. We’re doing everything for our family, but the kids keep complaining. We are the ones hosting or helping or changing our schedule again to accommodate everyone else. We’ve been doing the right things for years, but we aren’t as successful or wealthy as people we know who do the wrong things. George felt that way. He did everything right but was wronged. He expected a punishment he didn’t deserve.
Our experience of injustice can lead to self-righteousness. Self-righteous people are not happy. Instead of focusing on our experience of injustice, we want to express our gratitude. The gift of children or grandchildren to teach is so precious. The fact that we can legally homeschool them is a gift. The extra time we have to be with our children and learn alongside them is worth more than the extra income we could have were we not homeschooling. And having to deal with imperfect people is a blessing compared to being alone.
Gratitude isn’t just something we should express because it’s the right thing to do to honor God. It’s a focus that can make us happier immediately. We can consider every good and perfect gift we have now. That’s the easiest gratitude list to make. But what about gratitude for gifts we experienced in the past? We can express gratitude for the good times we had in relationships and seasons that have ended. I’m thankful that I had family members and friends that were so wonderful that I miss them now that they’ve passed. We can also express gratitude for the good we know God will work together in the future. We don’t know that our circumstances will change the way we want them to in this life, but we know we can look forward to God’s perfect plan and presence in eternity. If you need some encouragement on that topic, I suggest listening to the episode I recorded with Jordan Raynor. We can express gratitude daily in prayer, in writing, and in relationships.
George was focused on the injustice he experienced until his eyes were opened to the many gifts he had to be grateful for. He wanted to go back to the old life he had so bitterly complained about.
Conclusion
The three steps to being happy through the holidays we’ve covered today are dealing with disappointent, investing in people, and expressing gratitude. I recently learned that Jimmy Stewart was in a very similar situation to George Bailey. He was demoralized after serving in the war and was ready to give up acting to run his family’s hardware store when director Frank Capra offered him the role of George Bailey. Although the film wasn’t a box office hit and it didn’t win any of the academy awards it was nominated for, it has become one of the most loved films of all time. Referring to director Capra, Jimmy Steward said, “He not only saved my career; he saved my life.”
I’m so grateful to God for the same reason. He saved my life and gave me the most fulfilling career–first homeschooling my kids and then writing and speaking for homeschool families. I’m also grateful for people like you who listen and read the materials I write. In gratitude, I am offering 20% all materials excluding bundles at FunToLearnBooks.com/shop with code BLACKFRI through Cyber Monday. My prayer is that you will be blessed with happy holidays. And if you haven’t watched It’s a Wonderful Life, I encourage you to watch it soon.
Have a happy homeschool week!
The post How To Have Happy Holidays As A Homeschool Mom appeared first on Ultimate Homeschool Podcast Network.
