As the newest members of our stepfamilies, stepparents are the outsiders, which means it's easier for us to see any dysfunction or unhealthy patterns that have been invisible to everyone else.

That's why, when we bring up issues that concerns us, we're told there either isn't a problem, or it's just OUR problem. Like “Well, this is how it's always been... so if you want to be part of this family, you'll have to get over yourself.”

Folks, that's not how stepfamilies work.

Stepparenting is an ecosystem, not an island. Every blended family is only as blended as the sum of its parts. So while the stepparent's actions contribute to any given outcome, guess what, so do the actions or inactions of everyone else. Including your partner and your stepkids.

In other words, stepparents aren't to blame for everything that goes wrong in their blended family. And yet, we so often do blame ourselves.

If you're carrying around a whole bunch of guilt today, feeling like you're the reason your family isn't blending like you'd hoped, today's a great day to set that shit down. xo

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