Passionate relationships require more than love—they need the right psychological dynamics to keep desire alive. When couples come to me feeling more like roommates than lovers, they're often surprised to learn that their sexual disconnection has less to do with libido or attraction and more to do with unrecognized emotional patterns.

The truth about passionate marriages might surprise you. While emotional connection matters, your sexual relationship operates with separate dynamics that need specific attention. Differentiation—maintaining your sense of self while being emotionally connected—creates the foundation for desire. As relationship expert David Schnarch explains, people who struggle with differentiation often resort to control tactics or emotional distance rather than healthy interdependence.

Your sexual connection is also deeply influenced by context, as Emily Nagoski brilliantly explains. Desire isn't simply spontaneous—it's responsive to your environment and circumstances. This means transitioning from daily responsibilities to intimate connection requires intentional shifts in mindset, not just spontaneous attraction. Meanwhile, Esther Perel reminds us that "fire needs air"—eroticism thrives in the space between partners, requiring some degree of mystery and novelty to remain vibrant.

The good news? These dynamics can transform with intentional effort. Start by reconnecting with what makes you feel alive and embodied, practice differentiation by expressing needs without controlling your partner, and prioritize whatever helps you transition into a sensual mindset. Build erotic tension through flirtation and novel experiences, and commit to regular conversations about your sexual connection.

Sexual disconnection isn't a life sentence—it's an invitation to grow together. Remember that having differing levels of desire is normal in every aspect of marriage. With understanding and the right tools, you can rediscover the passion that may have temporarily dimmed and create a sexual relationship that's fulfilling for both partners.

Have questions about your own relationship dynamics? Reach out to me directly—I'm passionate about helping couples move beyond roommate syndrome to rediscover true intimacy and desire.

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What's the worst piece of marriage advice you've ever received? In my years coaching couples, I've heard countless well-meaning but misguided tips passed down between generations. Today, I'm pulling back the curtain on one of the most damaging myths that keeps showing up, especially in religious communities: "divorce is not an option."

Despite its popularity among relationship experts, this seemingly innocent advice creates devastating ripple effects in marriages. It breeds complacency—why try when your partner is stuck with you anyway? It kills honest communication—why bring up difficult topics when nothing can change? Most ironically, it replaces genuine security with fear, leaving partners wondering if they're chosen or merely tolerated. Instead of creating stability, this mindset often nurtures resentment and emotional distance.

This episode offers a glimpse into my forthcoming book, "Bad Marriage Advice: 15 Myths That Will Make You Miserable," where I counter these harmful ideas with relationship wisdom grounded in choice, growth, and authentic connection. When my son announced his engagement, I realized I wanted to give him a marriage resource that wouldn't set him up for failure, and this book was born. The strongest marriages aren't built on obligation or fear of divorce—they thrive when both partners know they're actively chosen every day despite having other options.

Have you received terrible marriage advice? I'd love to hear your stories! Send written accounts, audio recordings, or videos to [email protected] to be featured on the podcast and social media. Your experiences can help others recognize and reject the myths that make marriages miserable.

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I'm announcing my first book "Bad Marriage Advice: 15 Myths that Are Making you Miserable," releasing on May 3rd to coincide with my 23rd wedding anniversary and my son's wedding day. The book challenges popular but potentially harmful marriage advice and offers better relational skills based on my experience as a marriage coach and interviews with couples married over 50 years.

• Written as a guide for my son's upcoming marriage, combining maternal wisdom with professional expertise
• Addresses common myths like "don't go to bed angry," "happy wife, happy life," and "don't sweat the small stuff"
• Explains why compromise is overrated and collaboration is the better approach
• Demonstrates how popular marriage advice often dampens communication between couples
• Contains practical communication skills applicable for newly married and long-term couples
• Designed to be relatable, entertaining, and immediately useful

If you have an audience who could benefit from better marriage advice, please reach out to me about featuring the book. Stay tuned for upcoming episodes that will dive deeper into specific chapters and concepts from each chapter.

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Monica Tanner shares transformative relationship skills to help couples communicate more effectively and maintain passion in their marriages. Through practical frameworks, she reveals how making specific requests and mastering repair techniques can dramatically improve relationship satisfaction.

• Most people complain about relationship problems rather than making clear requests
• Every complaint contains a hidden request that can be uncovered
• Effective requests follow three steps: rocking the boat, being specific, and showing appreciation
• Requests should be specific, behavioral, and time-bound
• Asking "Is there anything I can do to help you come through for me?" increases success rate
• Sexual requests can follow the same framework while respecting boundaries and choice
• Repair is a one-way street—only one person's concerns should be addressed at a time
• The repair process should be limited to eight sentences maximum
• Always begin repair by "remembering love" and your purpose for the conversation
• Describe what happened objectively, share your interpretation, express feelings, and make a request

If you're looking to improve your marriage, reach out to Monica at [email protected] to set up a time to chat. Learn more about Monica's coaching and podcast at monicatanner.com or find her on Instagram.

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Walking with your partner is a powerful tool that has strengthened my marriage through every season, from dating challenges to parenting transitions and career changes.

• Discovered the power of walking while facing parental disapproval during our engagement
• Walking side-by-side creates a safe space for difficult conversations that face-to-face interaction doesn't
• Daily walks help us download the day, discuss challenges, and reconnect
• Beach walks and neighborhood loops have become our favorite ways to connect
• Walking protected our marriage during major life transitions including empty nesting and career changes
• Side-by-side movement (even driving) creates the same effect when walking isn't possible
• After 23 years of marriage, we're still learning new things about each other during our walks

If you have questions about anything, please do not hesitate to send me an email, [email protected]. I can't wait to hear how your walks are going!

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This episode sheds light on the often challenging journey of forgiveness in relationships. Understanding how to forgive is crucial for moving forward after betrayal or hurt. 

• Exploring the emotional journey of betrayal in relationships 
• Importance of understanding personal willingness in forgiveness 
• Discussing the withholding dynamic in relationships 
• Actionable steps to effectively communicate needs for healing 
• Viewing forgiveness as an act of personal freedom 
• Encouragement to seek professional help if necessary 

If you’re struggling with issues of trust and forgiveness in your relationship, please reach out for support. You can book a complimentary relationship breakthrough call here:  https://tidycal.com/onthebrightersideoflife/call

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Trust is an essential foundation of relationships, but sometimes it gets broken. This week, Nate and I dive into the complexities of restoring damaged trust, providing valuable insights and actionable strategies. 

• Definition of trust and its importance in relationships 
• Exploring types of hurts: big and small 
• Discussing personal responsibility in rebuilding trust 
• Effective communication strategies for addressing trust issues 
• The vital role of consistency and ongoing actions in trust repair 
• Emphasizing that healing is not a one-time conversation, but an ongoing process 

Remember to take responsibility for your actions and truly understand your partner's feelings to foster resilience in your relationship.

If you need help with this process, please reach out for a complimentary consultation here:  https://tidycal.com/onthebrightersideoflife/call

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This episode addresses how to navigate feelings of disappointment in a relationship, particularly following Valentine's Day. We explore effective communication strategies, the importance of honesty, and techniques to foster understanding and empathy during tough conversations. 

• Discussing the common aftermath of unmet expectations 
• Importance of maintaining open and honest communication 
• Techniques to express feelings without emotional dumping 
• Establishing ground rules for productive conversations 
• The WAIT method: understanding the purpose of dialogue 
• Acknowledging and responding to each other's emotions with empathy 
• Strategies for creating a safe space for honest discussions 
• Importance of preemptively addressing feelings to prevent resentment 
• The value of mutual understanding in resolving conflicts 
• Building intimacy through vulnerability and active listening

For help in having these discussions, please book a 30 minute complimentary call using this link: https://tidycal.com/onthebrightersideoflife/call

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Can understanding love languages actually harm your relationship? Nate shares a remarkable personal experiment with his wife that uncovers some surprising insights into how we express and perceive love. While the idea of identifying your partner's love language is popular, we discuss the potential pitfalls of using it as a benchmark or a tool for assigning blame. When expectations aren't met, relationships can suffer from resentment and even infidelity. 

The 5 Love Language framework, while initially helpful, should not become a rigid scorecard for evaluating success. We caution against forming covert contracts based on these principles, which can lead to unfulfilled expectations and relationship breakdowns. Instead, we encourage embracing love languages as a starting block for personal growth and genuine connection. 

Our discussion challenges the popular notion of the Five Love Languages, exploring how they can inadvertently harm relationships instead of fostering genuine connection. We talk about the dangers of covert contracts and high expectations, urging listeners to adopt a more empathetic understanding of their partner's needs.

• Examining the widespread influence of the Five Love Languages  
• Personal experiences illustrating the concept's potential pitfalls  
• The emergence of covert contracts in relationships  
• The detrimental effects of scorekeeping in love language expressions   
• Advocating empathy and deeper understanding through relational complexity  
• Encouraging listeners to thoughtfully use love languages for growth  
• Promoting love as a dynamic exchange rather than fixed expectations

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This episode explores the concept of emotional entropy in relationships, emphasizing that love requires consistent effort and attention to thrive. Through relatable analogies and expert insights, we are encouraging you to actively nurture your marriage to prevent stagnation and promote growth.

• Overview of emotional entropy and its relevance to relationships 
• Common misconceptions about marriage leading to complacency 
• Importance of Dr. John Gottman’s insights on emotional health 
• Strategies for turning towards each other’s bids for attention 
• The value of recognizing daily contributions within the partnership 
• Practical tips for investing in a thriving relationship 
• Encouragement to prioritize kindness and active engagement with partners 
• Call to action for listeners to implement changes in their relationships

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