Secrets of Happily Ever After: Marriage and Intimacy Tips for Couples

This episode speaks directly to one of the most exhausting parts of being in a relationship: realizing you can’t control your partner and wondering what that means for you.

For a lot of people, that realization feels defeating. Like your hands are tied. Like you’re stuck waiting or reacting or hoping things improve.

This week I talk about why not being able to control your partner does not mean you are powerless. In fact, your real influence in a relationship has very little to do with managing or controlling other people and how you manage yourself, which is the real flex. I also mention:

• the regret of managing others instead of living authentically
• what you can control versus what you can only influence
• common control tactics that backfire in relationships
• regulation over reactivity to build safety and trust
• the three-step power move: pause, name, choose
• my real-life gym moment from this morning
• aligning responses with values and intentions

Go to https://monicatanner.com/call and let's see if you're a good fit for one of my remaining time slots.

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I'm setting a bold focus for this new season: choose who we will be in hard moments and build relationships with no regrets. I share five common end-of-life regrets, turn them into learnable skills, and give you a clear assignment to craft one specific intention for the year.

• the five most common relationship regrets are: silence, absence, guarded love, inauthenticity, unrepaired ruptures
• skills for honest expression with loving power
• rituals for presence and attention
• vulnerability as a trainable skill
• authenticity with empathy over people-pleasing
• relationship cycles: harmony, disharmony, repair
• spotting losing strategies like withdrawal, defensiveness, perfectionism
• writing one specific, behavioral intention for hard moments
• commit to practice and celebrate reps, not perfection

So if you feel like this is your year to really start working on your relationships, then I would encourage you to go to https://monicatanner.com/call and book a complimentary, no obligation, 30-minute relationship breakthrough to see if this would be a good time to start working together.

Send me an email, drop me a line on social, let me know what is your intention for this year.

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A great massage shouldn’t end with a mad dash to the shower. This week, I'm talking with Justin and Natalie Weeks, the creators of Evree, to share how a single sticky night pushed them into a six-year journey across labs, ingredients, and countless iterations to build a truly different kind of product: a natural massage cream that melts at body temperature, glides like a dream, doubles as a safe intimate lubricant, and leaves skin soft instead of slick.

We dig into why massage oils and lubricants are usually kept separate and why that causes real problems for couples. Many oils aren’t vaginally safe and can trigger irritation, while a lot of lubes feel clinical and messy when used for full-body touch. Justin and Natalie explain how they insisted on 100% natural ingredients, no sugars, and subtle flavors like coconut lime and pineapple orange that smell like the real thing. The whipped, spa-like texture avoids the drip-and-spill of pumps, and the clean finish means you can roll over and nap instead of stripping the bed.

I also share my own skeptic-to-believer moment: after trying Evree at home, the texture, the scent, and the non-sticky massage cream won me and my lotion-averse husband over. We talk about the emotional impact too: when mess and smell stop being barriers, couples say yes more often to touch, play, and intimacy. Evree’s discreet jar looks at home on a nightstand, travels easily at 3.4 ounces, and a little goes a long way, with most people repurchasing every three to four months.

If you care about natural ingredients, skin nourishment, and a stress-free path from massage to closeness, this conversation will change the game when it comes to intimacy and connection. 

Get a 10% off discount at http://www.evreesensation.com/moni. Watch for holiday deals, and share this episode with a friend who’s ready to bring back playful, sensual, and pleasurable touch. 

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We explore how prolonged stress can turn small cracks into deep canyons and how couples can explore those canyons together with empathy, curiosity, and clear practices. Tony shares tools for moving from emotional reactions to intentional responses and offers a hopeful path to deeper intimacy.

• defining prolonged stress and why it magnifies small issues
• emotional intensity scale and spotting old wounds in new conflicts
• switching from reaction to response with inner child work
• grace as empathy plus curiosity in daily moments
• cooperation over compromise and playing on the same team
• disciplines as guardrails for intimacy and calm
• seasonal family vision and renegotiating roles
• code words, listening without fixing, and safe processing
• finding gifts on the other side of wounds
• process goals that keep commitment alive

You can pick up the book on Amazon.com or on, wisdominthewoundbook.com. If you enjoyed this episode, share it with a friend or leave a review.

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Today, we're talking about how Christian couples can build deeper intimacy by turning awkward silence into simple, safe conversations. Nick and Amy McKinlay of Ultimate Intimacy share research-backed prompts, healthy masculinity traits, and ways to navigate power dynamics when desire is mismatched.

• why communication is the core of sexual intimacy
• how curiosity and vulnerability create safety
• traits of healthy masculinity women find attractive
• using prompts, card decks and the app to start talks
• handling mismatched desire and power dynamics
• finding the why behind resistance before the how
• setting loving boundaries when one partner avoids
• turning team mindset into daily connection
• practical steps couples can implement today

Find the book, Let's Talk About Sex at shop.ultimateintimacy.com. You can download the app and access additional resources at ultimateintimacy.com or your app store. 

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What if a single, gentle question could turn tense moments into real connection? That’s the promise of “contracting,” a simple consent-based habit that replaces surprise talks with intentional, focused conversations. We walk through how this tiny shift—asking “Is now a good time?” and agreeing on a short window—respects attention, reduces defensiveness, and builds trust that sticks.

• what contracting is and why it works
• how consent checks prevent ambush talks
• sample scripts for respectful timing
• prepping topics with short previews
• external vs internal processing styles
• three reasons contracting builds safety
• the sprinkler story and timing misfires
• honoring reschedules and follow-through
• presence rules: phones down, eyes up
• weekly challenge to try contracting

Thank you so much if you've already purchased Bad Marriage Advice. If you have purchased it and had a chance to look through it, I would absolutely love and appreciate if you would go back to Amazon and leave your honest review. Use this link to leave a review --> https://www.amazon.com/review/create-review/?&asin=B0FQ46HG3S.

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What if the real love story isn’t candlelight and grand gestures, but calendars, clarity, and courage under pressure? I sit down with Kass and Mike Lazerow—longtime partners in life and business—to unpack how they navigated Web 1.0 startups, gut-punch setbacks, and life-changing, $345 million-dollar exits while raising three kids and staying on the same team. Their answers aren’t glossy; they’re practical, repeatable, and surprisingly tender.

We explore how role clarity at home mirrors smart org design at work: defined lanes reduce friction and protect respect. Mike shares why he stopped “selling” inconvenient choices and started owning the impact; Kass explains the power of saying, “No, I’m not happy you’re going”—and not forcing a bow on hard truths. Together they map out their three core cheat codes: share the load through good and bad, invest in the relationship with consistent date nights and short getaways, and build teamwork through radical transparency, fair fights, and fast repair. We also dive into the “pivot” mindset: do more of what works, less of what doesn’t and how boredom and novelty can coexist to keep a marriage alive.

From parenting toddlers to guiding adult kids, from almost losing it all to scaling Buddy Media to a massive exit, Kass and Mike show how trust, weekly meetings, and a shared vision can carry a couple through chaos. If you’ve ever wondered how to blend ambition with intimacy, or how to reset when resentment creeps in, this conversation gives you a clear playbook: define your lanes, tell the truth, meet weekly, repair quickly, and keep dating. 

You can reach them at [email protected] or DM them on social. Buy Shoveling Sh*t on Amazon and please review if you like it.

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What if the fastest way to a stronger marriage isn’t compromise, but better teamwork? After celebrating a number-one Amazon launch, I took a hard look at what actually helped us get there—clear roles, honest communication, and a shared commitment to play the same game on the same side. The result is a practical, story-rich guide to treating marriage like the ultimate team sport, with four moves you can use tonight.

I start by reframing “opposites” as assets: the planner and the risk-taker, the night owl and the early bird, the introvert and the extrovert. Instead of fighting to be the same, I show how to deploy differences like positions on the field so your team covers more ground with less friction. 

Then I talk about offense and defence, who pushes the ball forward in finances, fun, and intimacy, and who protects the goal with boundaries, savings, and rest, so you can balance initiative with stability without making it personal.

From there, I dig into communication that actually works: daily 20-minute huddles to align priorities, weekly date nights for team bonding, and a yearly strategy getaway to recalibrate goals. I dismantle the mind-reading myth with real scripts for clear asks, and break down why keeping score breeds rivalry while an us-vs-problem mindset restores momentum. You’ll hear candid examples, from celebrating wins to handling those “seams” where balls drop and leave with a simple weekly challenge to spot, name, and thank each other’s strengths.

If you’re ready to stop arguing about who’s right and start winning together, this episode gives you the plays, the language, and the mindset to build a championship marriage. 

Bad Marriage Advice is now an Amazon #1 Best Seller. If you haven’t gotten your copy yet, go get your copy here: https://a.co/d/4XaHmA5.
And if you’ve gotten your copy and had a chance to look through it, do me a huge solid and go back to Amazon and leave a review here: https://www.amazon.com/review/create-review/?&asin=B0FQ46HG3S.

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Today's interview is with my oldest son, Jake and his new wife, Livvy to chat about the new book I wrote for them and unpack five of the most common myths that sabotage new marriages and trade them for simple habits that build trust, respect and joy. Thinks we talk about in the episode are:

• faith first, spouse second as good advice from Livvy's Dad
• seeing parents model affection, repair and service
• differentiation over “you complete me”
• mind reading myths versus clear, simple requests
• growth includes discomfort and honest repair
• why happy couples do fight and how to do it well
• address small stuff early to prevent resentment
• learning together through books and shared language
• teamwork during stressful seasons and daily service
• date night as a sacred ritual for connection

If you’re newly engaged, early in marriage, or simply ready to trade fairytales for a stronger relationship, this one’s for you. Listen, share with a partner, and tell us: which myth are you ready to replace? If you enjoyed this conversation, you'll definately love my new book - Bad Marriage Advice: Debunking Myths That Will Make You Miserable and What To Do Instead. It's available October 1st on Amazon. Go to www.badmarriageadvice.com to get the book!

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Bad sexual advice is one of the top reasons couples struggle early in marriage, often because most grow up with distorted expectations about what a healthy sex life looks like.

• Sex advice is usually messed up because the topic is taboo in most families
• Most couples start marriage with distorted expectations about their sex life
• "A Good Wife Keeps Her Husband Satisfied" creates an unhealthy obligation dynamic
• Healthy sex is mutual with both partners free to say yes or no
• The myth that "men always want it and women never do" oversimplifies desire
• Desire varies from person to person and changes in every season of life
• Understanding "bridges to desire" helps couples communicate about intimacy
• The myth that "great sex should happen naturally" creates disappointment
• Most couples have one partner with spontaneous desire and one with responsive desire
• Great sex takes communication, intentionality, and sometimes scheduling
• Sex is a journey, not a destination – you'll grow and learn together
• Sex is more about connection than performance
• Communication is essential – you can't fix what you don't talk about
• Sexual satisfaction gets better over time when you make it a priority

Go get your copy of Bad Marriage Advice on October 1st, and join me next week for a special episode where I'll interview my oldest son and his wife about what they wish they'd known before marriage.

If you are ready to work with a coach around these topics, email me at: [email protected].

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