Rob met Kirstie Alley on Cheers when he was 24. Never afraid to ugly cry or ask for a scene to be changed (a scene was changed once because she wouldn’t take aspirin; see: Scientology), Alley, decades later, wanted a role on Rob’s TV show playing a grandmother (a role another actress, 82, thought she was too young to play). Never vain, Alley summoned Rob to her house, and, in her way, said, “If you think I’m too fat, just tell me.” Says Rob, “We didn’t. She was just perfect.” Alley passed away after a brief battle with cancer two weeks ago at age 71.

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The most prevalent topics in a Hollywood executive office? Host Rob Long ranks them: 1. Money; 2. What to do about the writer; 3. Lunch. Indeed, early in one’s career, most writers realize that — upon any success — he or she is surrounded by people whose job it is, essentially, to watch them do their job and tell them how to do it. Which is why he proposes to every exec Take Your Writer to Work Day.

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Have a script due or need a decision made? Rob Long hopes you got it done before Thanksgiving lest you be forced to wait until January rolls around. Of course, there’s a price we pay for that industry-wide habit of shutting-off well ahead of holidays, summer, three-day weekends, etc. — a constant feeling of being too late. Which, as it turns out, is the industry’s preferred method of getting things done. After all, if you wait until the last minute, you can blame any bad decision, any failure, on just how rushed things were.

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Rob admits he should stop reading the trades: the only thing they’re good for is “to keep up on the career milestones of other people in the business who you may know, like, or be secret enemies with.” And since most trade coverage is dedicated to announcements of things to come, very likely “none of it will get made or sold, none of it will produce anything, which means none of it is worth getting anxious over and none of it is important to know.” In other words, he says, it’s all drumroll, no actual music. Just ask that lottery winner.

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Working in entertainment, Rob Long has become superstitious. Whenever Rob does something humdrum like walking the dog and his agent calls, it’s always bad news. A call on a great trip? Well, maybe it’s a series pick-up! “We're always looking for signs and signals about where exactly we are on the great big greasy power ladder,” he says. And nowhere is your place in the world more on display than at the gates of a studio. If you’re denied entry and the gate arm stays down, you’re not just locked out of the lot — you’re also locked out of the business.

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This week, Rob finds similarities between an audience and the voting public. Both will disappoint or lift you up on occasion, but what they should never do is surprise you, because that means you haven’t been listening. The solution: Turn to the crew, often the best and most accurate focus group a TV writer/producer can get. “‘Is the crew laughing?’ is one of the questions writers ask all the time on a comedy shoot,” says Rob, because they’re not paid enough to pretend to enjoy something when they’re not. On that note, Rob also offers up some free advice to anyone running a media business: follow the Olive Garden strategy, where, upon a takeover, every executive was forced to work in a restaurant for a day.

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When Rob’s credit card was declined this week, he hopped on the phone with card security, and then — thanks to the sober reality check — decided he didn’t really need to buy that expensive toy. And thus, the benefit of “a service that interrupts you while you're in the process of buying something expensive and unnecessary.” On a set, that’s known as the line producer. And today, Rob pays tribute to one of the best, Steve Grossman, a 35-year industry veteran (Newhart, Hope & Gloria, George and Leo, Love & Money, Lateline) who was the secret weapon for sitcom success — and to whom the industry recently bid farewell.

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On call sheets, child actors have a pumpkin icon next to their names, notifying everyone on set about their inviolate shorter workdays, lest the kid turns into, well, a pumpkin. Rob Long reflects on the significance of that symbol — especially when the time comes to part ways with Hollywood. Even if you’re calling a temporary wrap on your on career, there’s a power and shrewdness to putting a putting a pumpkin next to your own name before someone else does it. Says Rob, “It's the smart and healthy thing to do.” Which means you — and he — probably will never do it.

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