Mommying While Muslim

Madiha Schader joins us today to talk about her experience learning early on that she married someone who wouldn't be safe for her, yet how she continued to hide the details from her family and friends. The cultural reasons she did this are very clear in her story. She’s not unique, but what she focuses on today is that abusive domestic relationships don’t always include physical violence. Mental, emotional, verbal abuse, financial/social isolation, and unreasonable demands from a place of control that endanger a person’s psychosocial wellbeing are equally suffocating and a matter of life and death. 

Madiha’s freedom actually came through her own son and her body. Find out how her closest friends identified what was happening and supported her until she was able to decide it was time to save herself. 

If you know someone you suspect is in danger of physical violence or mental oppression, ASK her. Then help her using the resources listed below. If you’re someone who is in danger, having kids WILL NOT change an abuser towards you and might direct abuse toward your kid(s).

Note 1: pronunciation correction Madiha Schader (SH ay der)

Note 2: If you are in danger, make sure to “clear history” on your browsers if you’re searching for help. Use the phone numbers we listed below and delete your call history if you have access to a phone.

Links:

1. NISA helpline for Muslim women’s helpline: 1-888-315-NISA (6472)
2. National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
3. Elderly Asian woman attacked unprovoked: https://www.google.com/amp/s/nypost.com/2021/03/12/asian-grandma-reportedly-knocked-unconscious-in-random-attack/amp/ 
4. Elderly Asian woman attacked unprovoked and strikes back: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.cbsnews.com/amp/news/elderly-asian-woman-attacked-san-francisco-fights-back-sends-alleged-attacker-to-hospital/ 
5. Chinese Filipino man attacked unprovoked: https://www.asianjournal.com/usa/northerncalifornia/filipino-chinese-man-attacked-during-lunch-break-in-san-francisco/ 
6. President’s call for Congress to pass anti-hate legislation: https://www.cnbc.com/2021/03/19/biden-urges-congress-to-pass-hate-crime-legislation-over-violence-against-asian-americans.html 
7. Muslim Jewish Advisory Council to send a message to your representative to pass the Jabara-Heyer act to call a hate crime a hate crime: https://actnow.ajc.org/LZloT1U 
8. Web: www.mommyingwhilemuslim.com
9. Email: [email protected]
10. FB: Mommying While Muslim page and Mommyingwhilemuslim group
11. IG: @mommyingwhilemuslimpodcast

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Support the show

1. Web: www.mommyingwhilemuslim.com

2. Email: [email protected]

3. FB: Mommying While Muslim page and Mommyingwhilemuslim group

4. IG: @mommyingwhilemuslimpodcast

5. YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrrdKxpBdBO4ZLwB1kTmz1w

Samia Masood joins us today to talk about her harrowing experience through her son's illness and how she survived it. Life pre diagnosis and post-diagnosis is a real thing and very delineated in a mom’s mind and heart for life and we work out some trauma together. Her ordeal didn't end after her son’s initial fight was over, but the hot coals propelled her to do MORE--not just for her family, but for her community as well. Find out how. Check it out at 6 pm EST on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Stitcher, Alexa, Audible, Roku, Amazon Music or iHeartRadio.

Note: In the soapbox, Uzma definitely meant to say CAIR-FL “condemns” not “condones.

Links:

1. Islamic Network Group Educator Resources: https://ing.org/school-overview/ 
2. Call CAIR-FL to find out how to support the Muslim student attacked at Chiefland Middle School: https://www.cair.com/press_releases/cair-florida-statement-on-recent-bullying-and-violence-at-chiefland-fla-middle-school/ 
3. Find Samia on IG and Facebook: @thinkandteach
4. Find Samia on the web: https://www.thinkandteach.com/
5. St. Baldrick’s Society: https://www.stbaldricks.org/get-involved?gclid=Cj0KCQjw0caCBhCIARIsAGAfuMxWP2ZHn43WxRiCXGdWwow6pxPdqd3S0tLU5gZlZm3zGs8zIcVh1hEaAssXEALw_wcB
6. ACCO American Chidlhood Cancer Organization: https://www.acco.org/blog/hospital-network-program/?gclid=Cj0KCQjw0caCBhCIARIsAGAfuMz5x-iK_vB11ziNDKARYbaekwg7691Q9UxRxmIznufRnzhwJh9MFz0aAmJrEALw_wcB 
7. ASK Childhood Cancer Foundation in Virginia: https://www.askccf.org/ 
8. Mom support for childhood cancer: https://momcology.org/ 
9. Resources for kids with cancer: https://andrewslaughinggas.org/news
10. Special cakes for kids who have cancer: https://www.icingsmiles.org/
11. Web: www.mommyingwhilemuslim.com
12. Email: [email protected]
13. FB: Mommying While Muslim page and Mommyingwhilemuslim group
14. IG: @mommyingwhilemuslimpodcast

Did you know you can send us a text? Feedback, questions, or recommendations welcomed!

Support the show

1. Web: www.mommyingwhilemuslim.com

2. Email: [email protected]

3. FB: Mommying While Muslim page and Mommyingwhilemuslim group

4. IG: @mommyingwhilemuslimpodcast

5. YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrrdKxpBdBO4ZLwB1kTmz1w

If you haven’t scheduled to listen in on our Firewalker series this month, you’ll want to. These moms aren’t just walking over hot coals--they’re doing it through billowing blazes while taking names and kicking butt.

Whether you're ready for it or not, Shazia Imam, host of the Feminine & Fulfilled podcast joins us to drop truths about what it looks like when NOTHING works out. She's faced the worst of what we daily pray for protection against. How she overcame everything is a story to hear, and now it informs her important work for women! Her declarations to Allah SWT are aspirational and affirming so listen in to learn them.

Cool fact: This episode was recorded live on Facebook and YouTube but ran unrecorded for the first time on Clubhouse with live QA afterward! Super fun.

Links:

1.    Biden on School Reopening: https://www.washingtonpost.com/education/biden-schools-reopen/2021/02/11/3a63e3ee-6b2d-11eb-ba56-d7e2c8defa31_story.html 

2.    Get the 100 Dreams template: https://www.thelifeengineer.com/dreams.html#ck_modal 

3.    Find Shazia on IG: @thelifeengineer

4.    Find Shazia on the web: https://www.thelifeengineer.com/ 

5.    Web: www.mommyingwhilemuslim.com

6.    Email: [email protected]

7.    FB: Mommying While Muslim page and Mommyingwhilemuslim group

8.    IG: @mommyingwhilemuslimpodcast

Did you know you can send us a text? Feedback, questions, or recommendations welcomed!

Support the show

1. Web: www.mommyingwhilemuslim.com

2. Email: [email protected]

3. FB: Mommying While Muslim page and Mommyingwhilemuslim group

4. IG: @mommyingwhilemuslimpodcast

5. YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrrdKxpBdBO4ZLwB1kTmz1w

Shownotes: 

This month’s Love & Marriage series closes out with the expertise of Tawakaltu Busari of Hitched!, a Muslim matchmaking service based in Houston. Not an app-based method, Hitched! provides halal opportunities for singles to meet organically and not in the traditional survey method historically used to match people. There aren’t speed dates or elaborate networks to figure out who can plan forever together at Hitched!. Instead, the company focuses on spiritual matchmaking as more important than the pedigrees that traditional matchmakers used to determine compatibility. This is NOT how Sima Auntie works on Netlfix! A Muslim company specializing in how couples need to operate with a goal of success in Islam as much as success in this world is the one we want to talk about, and talk to.

With rising divorce rates in the Muslim community, this is important for parents, young adults, new adults, single women, newly single women, and those men who listen to us on the DL. We know ya’ll are out there!

Links:

1.   Find more information on Muslim matchmaking online: www.hitchedsoon.com  

2.    Purchase your own set of Fair Play cards (we don’t have anything to gain from it): https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/647409/the-fair-play-deck-by-eve-rodsky/?aid=9490&linkid=PRHA7471D3EF7&pdivflag&ref=PRHA7471D3EF7 

3.   Charter school in AZ charged with fraud: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.fox10phoenix.com/news/goodyear-charter-school-co-founders-accused-of-fraud-theft1.amp

4. Web: www.mommyingwhilemuslim.com

5.    Email: [email protected]

6.  FB: Mommying While Muslim page and Mommyingwhilemuslim group

7.  IG: @mommyingwhilemuslimpodcast

Did you know you can send us a text? Feedback, questions, or recommendations welcomed!

Support the show

1. Web: www.mommyingwhilemuslim.com

2. Email: [email protected]

3. FB: Mommying While Muslim page and Mommyingwhilemuslim group

4. IG: @mommyingwhilemuslimpodcast

5. YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrrdKxpBdBO4ZLwB1kTmz1w

We're all about love and marriage this month. Until we're not. Not all marriages work out, and we don't say "succeed" or "fail" because marriage isn't an Olympic event, y'all. Sometimes two people just don't belong together, and when kids are involved, decisions must be made.

Rayesa Gheewala, The Muslimah Divorce Coach, talks to us today about the heartbreaking truths of divorce, including the aftermath that can leave a mom gutted if she doesn't know where to get help. The answer is already one we know, and Rayesa is so gifted at leading us back to natural, nonverbal knowing, or our fitra. The role of ego in anything, especially in divorce, really needs more exploring in ways that we’ve never heard of before. We also touch on what’s causing Muslim divorces during this pandemic, and how to identify when it’s the end of the road. 

Take notes! The pearls in this episode are for anyone even CONTEMPLATING a relationship.

Links:

1. Find Rayesa on IG: @rayesagheewala
2. Join The Divorced Muslimah Network FB group
3. The Divorced Muslimah’s Website: www.rayesagheewala.com
4. Take your personality test with your spouse:  https://www.16personalities.com/ 
5. Muslim American divorce: Divorce among American Muslims: Statistics, challenges & solutions | SoundVision.com
6. On immigration: https://www.politico.com/news/2021/02/02/biden-executive-orders-family-separation-464816 
7. On immigration: https://www.dailyherald.com/article/20210218/news/302189894/
8. Follow the money: https://www.usatoday.com/in-depth/news/nation/2019/12/19/ice-detention-private-prisons-expands-under-trump-administration/4393366002/ 
9. Web: www.mommyingwhilemuslim.com
10. Email: [email protected]
11. FB: Mommying While Muslim page and Mommyingwhilemuslim group
12. IG: @mommyingwhilemuslimpodcast

Did you know you can send us a text? Feedback, questions, or recommendations welcomed!

Support the show

1. Web: www.mommyingwhilemuslim.com

2. Email: [email protected]

3. FB: Mommying While Muslim page and Mommyingwhilemuslim group

4. IG: @mommyingwhilemuslimpodcast

5. YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrrdKxpBdBO4ZLwB1kTmz1w

Sameera Qureshi of Sexual Health for Muslims joins us today to discuss the effects of colonized gender-based fallacies have on Muslim sexual health and practice. Not only does she have comprehensive sexual education from an Islamic perspective online, she is keen on connecting sex as a means of spiritual fulfillment, “God-consciousness,” tawheed, within an Islamic context. 

Learn the difference between sex and intimacy, and maybe even redefine them! We are ALWAYS asked when and how to talk to our kids about sex at the podcast. This episode is for all those people who ask that question. If it’s sexual trauma that a parent or child has endured, Sameera helps with that as well and offers trauma-informed healing to her clients. The good news is, we can achieve the goals Allah SWT set for us when He gifted us with sexual relations: achieve God-consciousness, but only when we get comfortable talking about ALL of it.

Links:

1. Find Sameera on IG: @sexualhealthformuslims
2. Find Sameera on FB: Sexual Health for Muslims
3. Find Sameera on the Web: https://sexualhealthformuslims.com 
4. Purchase Good Pictures Bad Pictures Kristen A Jenson to prepare kids early for pornography 
5. Purchase one of MANY early childhood books on autonomy, agency, consent over one’s body to teach kids before something happens: https://www.amazon.com/s?k=my+body+is+mine&ref=nb_sb_noss_1 
6. Find Firoza Osman on IG: @halal_birdsandbees.talk
7. Purchase Firoza’s Osman’s book How to Talk to Your Muslim Child About Sex: https://www.amazon.com/Talk-your-Muslim-Child-about/dp/177727320X 
8. Purchase Shariea Shoatz’s book My Voice is My Superpower: https://buddyspeaks.org/shop-1/ols/products/my-voice-is-my-super-power
9. The Village Auntie on IG @villageauntie
10. Secrets of Divine Love A. Helwa
11. Spiritual Gems of Islam Jamal Rahman
12. Web: www.mommyingwhilemuslim.com
13. Email: [email protected]
14. FB: Mommying While Muslim page and Mommyingwhilemuslim group
15. IG: @mommyingwhilemuslimpodcast

Did you know you can send us a text? Feedback, questions, or recommendations welcomed!

Support the show

1. Web: www.mommyingwhilemuslim.com

2. Email: [email protected]

3. FB: Mommying While Muslim page and Mommyingwhilemuslim group

4. IG: @mommyingwhilemuslimpodcast

5. YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrrdKxpBdBO4ZLwB1kTmz1w

Sadia Jalali, LMFT from Muslim Bliss joins us today to talk about how to develop ourselves before and during marriage in order to make it work. Gone are the days when marriage was the panacea for all things: mental illness, neurodiversity, land or money disputes, homosexuality.....marriage is a blessing but it's not a cure. In fact, there are so many cultural approaches to marriage that do not jive both Islamically, or for Americans raising Americans. Let's start approaching it with realistic expectations and not with the fantasy-driven views that our mother cultures often taught us. We break the cycles of trauma here today.

Links:

1. Find Sadia on IG: @muslim.bliss
2. Find Muslim Bliss on the web: www.muslim-bliss.com 
3. Web: www.mommyingwhilemuslim.com
4. Email: [email protected]
5. FB: Mommying While Muslim page and Mommyingwhilemuslim group
6. IG: @mommyingwhilemuslimpodcast

Did you know you can send us a text? Feedback, questions, or recommendations welcomed!

Support the show

1. Web: www.mommyingwhilemuslim.com

2. Email: [email protected]

3. FB: Mommying While Muslim page and Mommyingwhilemuslim group

4. IG: @mommyingwhilemuslimpodcast

5. YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrrdKxpBdBO4ZLwB1kTmz1w

We got a lot of flack last year for "getting too political" because white supremacy, fascism, and corruption aren't in our lane. Our argument has always been that as Muslim American moms, politics MATTERS to us because it directly affects our families and kids. From misguided counter violence and extremism to unbridled capitalism to straight up racism, Muslim Americans have suffered for decades in this nation, so we ARE in our lane.

Mona Haydar @mostmona joins us on this episode to round out our January How To's and discusses the hard work of using art for social justice and reform. She went viral in a very pregnant body and called out the otherism that hijabi women encounter every day, and since then, has gone on to produce epic protest rap that makes us yell "Atta girl!" and "Alhamdulillah." Truth makes waves because it hurts. But truth is NEVER controversial. Mona is proof of that, and of our Divine duties to make change with the skills we have. Be different. Be courageous. Like a mother.

Links:

1. Find Mona Haydar and her music on her the website: http://www.monahaydar.com/
2. Find Mona Haydar and sign up to text her on IG: @themostmona
3. Web: www.mommyingwhilemuslim.com
4. Email: [email protected]
5. FB: Mommying While Muslim page and Mommyingwhilemuslim group
6. IG: @mommyingwhilemuslimpodcast

Did you know you can send us a text? Feedback, questions, or recommendations welcomed!

Support the show

1. Web: www.mommyingwhilemuslim.com

2. Email: [email protected]

3. FB: Mommying While Muslim page and Mommyingwhilemuslim group

4. IG: @mommyingwhilemuslimpodcast

5. YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrrdKxpBdBO4ZLwB1kTmz1w

We continue talking about hard things, including writing and publishing on today's episode. There's a HUGE writers’ community on IG! AND there a lot of Muslimah writers out there with terrific stories and projects. How do they do it? Najiyah Maxfield of Daybreak Press is here to give us the scoop!

Links:

1. Submit your momstory for our anthology: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/1dxCQGrErKj91RYu2Vd2WIu1ki_7mzYh68hxxOk1HsUA/edit?usp=sharing 
2. Shop Daybreak Press’ online bookstore: https://daybreak-international-bookstore.myshopify.com/ 
3. Daybreak Press Book Award book nominations: https://www.rabata.org/daybreakpress/daybreak-awards/
4. Submit a proposal for the fall 2021 Muslim Women’s Literary Conference: https://www.rabata.org/daybreakpress/literary-conference/ 
5. Learn more about Rabata: https://www.rabata.org/ 
6. Find Anse Najiyah on Twitter: @najiyah
7. Find Anse Najiyah on IG: @clickedmyrubyslippers
8. Web: www.mommyingwhilemuslim.com
9. Email: [email protected]
10. FB: Mommying While Muslim page and Mommyingwhilemuslim group
11. IG: @mommyingwhilemuslimpodcast

Did you know you can send us a text? Feedback, questions, or recommendations welcomed!

Support the show

1. Web: www.mommyingwhilemuslim.com

2. Email: [email protected]

3. FB: Mommying While Muslim page and Mommyingwhilemuslim group

4. IG: @mommyingwhilemuslimpodcast

5. YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrrdKxpBdBO4ZLwB1kTmz1w

This month is all about hard things, and one of the hardest mommy jobs is taking care of medically complex children. Moms don't get a break to start, and these moms NEVER get to stop. 

How do we step up to be better sisters to them? How do we avoid avoiding the elephant in the room and normalizing different bodies and abilities and supporting ALL of our kids on this journey?

Tune in to find out more from our role model of resilience Ashley Marshall @mommyweek.

Links:

1. Check out Ashley’s blog: http://mommyweek.com/ 
2. Find Ashley on IG:@mommyweek
3. Find Ashley on FB: Mommy Week
4. Web: www.mommyingwhilemuslim.com
5. Email: [email protected]
6. FB: Mommying While Muslim page and Mommyingwhilemuslim group
7. IG: @mommyingwhilemuslimpodcast

Did you know you can send us a text? Feedback, questions, or recommendations welcomed!

Support the show

1. Web: www.mommyingwhilemuslim.com

2. Email: [email protected]

3. FB: Mommying While Muslim page and Mommyingwhilemuslim group

4. IG: @mommyingwhilemuslimpodcast

5. YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCrrdKxpBdBO4ZLwB1kTmz1w