In this mini episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss some common myths and stereotypes about sex drive, desire, and frequency and some potential differences between men and women.

Questions to Discuss:

What’s the biggest challenge you face in your marriage related to sex drive, desire, and frequency?

Have a conversation with your spouse about the topics raised in this episode. Make sure you listen well and seek to understand.

Resources:

Book – Secrets of Sex and Marriage: 8 Surprises That Make All the Difference, by Shaunti Feldhahn and Dr. Michael Sytsma

Book – Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life, by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta

Podcast – Married with Benefits (FamilyLife Network)

Website – Authentic Intimacy

In this mini episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss common challenges couples face with sexual intimacy. These challenges (such as past abuse and trauma, physical pain, guilt and shame) are more common than we might realize, and if you’re struggling, you are not alone!

Scriptures:

Romans 8:1

Genesis 3

2 Cor 5:17

Questions to Discuss:

What’s been the biggest challenge the two of you have faced in sexual intimacy?

Who can you connect with to discuss any issues/challenges you face/could face when it comes to sexual intimacy?

Resources:

Book – Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life, by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta

Website – Authentic Intimacy

In this mini episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss how sex changes in different seasons of marriage – newlyweds, with a newborn, with kids in the house, empty nest, and everything in between.

Scriptures:

1 Peter 3:7

Genesis 2:25

Song of Solomon

Questions to Discuss:

How can you best serve each other in marriage and sexual intimacy in your current season of marriage?

What’s one challenge you anticipate in the season ahead and how can you proactively address some of the potential challenges?

Resources:

Book – Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life, by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta

In this mini episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss whether or not it’s within bounds to “have a quickie.” We discuss different ways to think about sex depending on your schedule and margin, and how to have a healthy rhythm of intimacy.

Questions to Discuss:

1. Are you and your spouse on the same page when it comes to quickies?

2. How can you make space for more extended time for intimacy together?

Resources:

Book – Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life, by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta

The Naked Marriage Podcast

In this mini episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss specific questions of what’s in and out of bounds in the bedroom. What does the Bible say about specific questions such as pornography, masturbation, positions, oral sex, and so much more. 

Scriptures:

Hebrews 13:4

1 Cor 6:18

Ephesians 5:3

MT 5:27-28

1 Cor 10:31

Questions to Discuss:

1. What are some ways you can honor your spouse and serve them in the bedroom? Discuss with one another.

2. Take a few moments to pray and ask God to help you honor God and your spouse when it comes to what’s in bounds and out of bounds. Pray for grace, patience, and tenderness with one another.

Resources:

Book – Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life, by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta

In this mini episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss some general principles of what’s in bounds and out of bounds in the bedroom. Sex cannot involve others besides your spouse (Matthew 5:27-28), cannot involve willingly hurting your spouse against their will (Philippians 2:3-4), and cannot violate your or your spouse’s conscience (Romans 14). Come back tomorrow as we get even more specific.

Scriptures:

MT 5:27-28

Phil 2:3-4

Rom 14

Questions to Discuss:

1. Have you and your spouse ever discussed what’s in bounds and out of bounds in your bedroom?

2. Take a few moments to pray and ask God to help you honor God and your spouse when it comes to what’s in bounds and out of bounds. Pray for grace, patience, and tenderness with one another.

Resources:

Book – Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life, by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta

Let's talk about Sex! In this mini episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss the importance of talking about sexual intimacy in marriage and why couples often struggle to discuss sex. Part of the reason why so many couples struggle in their sex life is because they don’t talk about it.

Scriptures:

Genesis 2:25

Ephesians 4:29

Questions to Discuss:

How do you and your spouse do at talking about sexual intimacy? Why is it sometimes challenging for you and your spouse to discuss sexual intimacy?

How can you and your spouse create a marriage where you are fully known and fully loved?

One of the best ways to help you communicate more effectively about sex is to read a book about sex together. We highly recommend the book Married Sex by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta.

Write down 2-3 adjectives about how you feel about sex and marriage. Share your responses with your spouse. There’s no wrong answer!

Resources:

Book – Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life, by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta

In this mini episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott kick-off a series of “quickies” about sex and the most frequently asked questions about marital sex and intimacy. In this first episode we discuss a Christian, biblical theology of sex—we want to help you think rightly about the gift of sex.

Scriptures:

Song of Solomon 1:2, 5:1

1 Corinthians 10:31

Phil 2:3-4

Genesis 2:24-25

Questions to Discuss:

Why do you think that sex is so significant in marriage/to married couples?

Do you believe God delights in you as a married couple when you’re sexually intimate together?

Resources:

Book – Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life, by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss how you can fight FOR (not against) your spouse. What does it look like to stand up for and defend them when they face unjustified criticism from someone else (i.e., parents, children, friends)?

Scriptures:

Genesis 2:24-25

Romans 12:19

Matthew 5:38-40

PR 26:4-5

MT 18:15-17

Hebrews 3:13

Questions to Discuss:

Do you have any hot takes that you’re willing to fight for/defend?

What does it look like to rightfully stand up and defend your spouse?

How do you know whether the best thing is to fight for your spouse or to just walk away?

Resources:

More Than Roommates - Episode 97 – Why Are In-Law Relationships Often So Challenging?

In this episode of More Than Roommates, Derek and Scott interview Layton & Chelsea Boeve from the Liberator Podcast as they share their story about pornography and how it’s affected their marriage. Layton and Chelsea share how their story has not become their ministry as they seek to help couples with similar stories.

Scriptures:

1 Corinthians 6:18

2 Timothy 1:7

Psalm 139:23-24

Resources:

Podcast – Liberator Podcast (with Layton & Chelsea)

Websites – Fight the New Drug and Truth About Porn

Study & Website – Beyond the Porn Phenomenon

Questions to Discuss:

What are some topics you don’t like to discuss with your spouse?

What encouraged you most from Layton & Chelsea’s story?

What steps are you taking in your marriage to fight temptations with lust and pornography?