In this mini episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss a frequently asked question about orgasms—for him, for her, and the elusive unicorn of mutual orgasm. We also discuss some common differences between the male and female orgasm.

Questions to Discuss:

Have you and your spouse discussed your expectations about how to please each other?

How can you take one step to help your spouse reach orgasm?

How do you do in giving feedback to each other in the bedroom?

Resources:

Book – Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life, by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta

Podcast – The Naked Marriage Podcast – Should We Orgasm Together?

Website – Authentic Intimacy

In this mini episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss a frequently asked question— how followers of Christ should think about and make decisions about birth control. What does the Bible say and how Christians should think about birth control.

Scriptures:

Psalm 127:3

Romans 12:2

1 Cor 6:19-20

Questions to Discuss:

Have you and your spouse discussed your views about birth control?

Take some time to pray about what God would have you do regarding birth control. 

Do some research about birth control and discuss with your doctor and your community as needed.

Resources:

Book – Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life, by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta

Podcast – More Than Roommates Episode 42 – When’s the Right Time to Grow Your Family?

Website – Authentic Intimacy

In this mini episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss some common myths and stereotypes about sex drive, desire, and frequency and some potential differences between men and women.

Questions to Discuss:

What’s the biggest challenge you face in your marriage related to sex drive, desire, and frequency?

Have a conversation with your spouse about the topics raised in this episode. Make sure you listen well and seek to understand.

Resources:

Book – Secrets of Sex and Marriage: 8 Surprises That Make All the Difference, by Shaunti Feldhahn and Dr. Michael Sytsma

Book – Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life, by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta

Podcast – Married with Benefits (FamilyLife Network)

Website – Authentic Intimacy

In this mini episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss common challenges couples face with sexual intimacy. These challenges (such as past abuse and trauma, physical pain, guilt and shame) are more common than we might realize, and if you’re struggling, you are not alone!

Scriptures:

Romans 8:1

Genesis 3

2 Cor 5:17

Questions to Discuss:

What’s been the biggest challenge the two of you have faced in sexual intimacy?

Who can you connect with to discuss any issues/challenges you face/could face when it comes to sexual intimacy?

Resources:

Book – Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life, by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta

Website – Authentic Intimacy

In this mini episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss how sex changes in different seasons of marriage – newlyweds, with a newborn, with kids in the house, empty nest, and everything in between.

Scriptures:

1 Peter 3:7

Genesis 2:25

Song of Solomon

Questions to Discuss:

How can you best serve each other in marriage and sexual intimacy in your current season of marriage?

What’s one challenge you anticipate in the season ahead and how can you proactively address some of the potential challenges?

Resources:

Book – Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life, by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta

In this mini episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss whether or not it’s within bounds to “have a quickie.” We discuss different ways to think about sex depending on your schedule and margin, and how to have a healthy rhythm of intimacy.

Questions to Discuss:

1. Are you and your spouse on the same page when it comes to quickies?

2. How can you make space for more extended time for intimacy together?

Resources:

Book – Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life, by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta

The Naked Marriage Podcast

In this mini episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss specific questions of what’s in and out of bounds in the bedroom. What does the Bible say about specific questions such as pornography, masturbation, positions, oral sex, and so much more. 

Scriptures:

Hebrews 13:4

1 Cor 6:18

Ephesians 5:3

MT 5:27-28

1 Cor 10:31

Questions to Discuss:

1. What are some ways you can honor your spouse and serve them in the bedroom? Discuss with one another.

2. Take a few moments to pray and ask God to help you honor God and your spouse when it comes to what’s in bounds and out of bounds. Pray for grace, patience, and tenderness with one another.

Resources:

Book – Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life, by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta

In this mini episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss some general principles of what’s in bounds and out of bounds in the bedroom. Sex cannot involve others besides your spouse (Matthew 5:27-28), cannot involve willingly hurting your spouse against their will (Philippians 2:3-4), and cannot violate your or your spouse’s conscience (Romans 14). Come back tomorrow as we get even more specific.

Scriptures:

MT 5:27-28

Phil 2:3-4

Rom 14

Questions to Discuss:

1. Have you and your spouse ever discussed what’s in bounds and out of bounds in your bedroom?

2. Take a few moments to pray and ask God to help you honor God and your spouse when it comes to what’s in bounds and out of bounds. Pray for grace, patience, and tenderness with one another.

Resources:

Book – Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life, by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta

Let's talk about Sex! In this mini episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott discuss the importance of talking about sexual intimacy in marriage and why couples often struggle to discuss sex. Part of the reason why so many couples struggle in their sex life is because they don’t talk about it.

Scriptures:

Genesis 2:25

Ephesians 4:29

Questions to Discuss:

How do you and your spouse do at talking about sexual intimacy? Why is it sometimes challenging for you and your spouse to discuss sexual intimacy?

How can you and your spouse create a marriage where you are fully known and fully loved?

One of the best ways to help you communicate more effectively about sex is to read a book about sex together. We highly recommend the book Married Sex by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta.

Write down 2-3 adjectives about how you feel about sex and marriage. Share your responses with your spouse. There’s no wrong answer!

Resources:

Book – Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life, by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta

In this mini episode of More Than Roommates, Derek, Gabrielle, and Scott kick-off a series of “quickies” about sex and the most frequently asked questions about marital sex and intimacy. In this first episode we discuss a Christian, biblical theology of sex—we want to help you think rightly about the gift of sex.

Scriptures:

Song of Solomon 1:2, 5:1

1 Corinthians 10:31

Phil 2:3-4

Genesis 2:24-25

Questions to Discuss:

Why do you think that sex is so significant in marriage/to married couples?

Do you believe God delights in you as a married couple when you’re sexually intimate together?

Resources:

Book – Married Sex: A Christian Couple’s Guide to Reimagining Your Love Life, by Gary Thomas and Debra Fileta