Mothering Ourselves Mindfully

In this episode, we explore the paradox that many intelligent, self-aware mothers face: knowing what they should do but struggling to consistently implement it. If you're a mom who has read the books, listened to countless podcasts, and maybe even been to therapy, yet still find yourself stuck in old patterns, this episode will shed light on why this happens and what actually creates lasting change.

Key Points

• The five core reasons why smart, self-aware moms stay stuck despite having knowledge and insight
• Why trying to "think your way out" of body-based problems keeps you in cycles of frustration
• The difference between insight and integration - and why knowledge alone doesn't create change
• How mental load overwhelm shrinks your capacity for growth and keeps your nervous system in survival mode
• The role of your inner critic in drowning out your inner wisdom and compassionate self
• Why healing and change aren't meant to be solo endeavors - the critical importance of community
• How your nervous system runs the show when it perceives threat or unfamiliarity
• Simple, accessible practices that work with your body's capacity rather than against it

What Actually Helps

• Nervous system work that meets you where you are, starting with education about how your body works
• Short, doable practices (even 1-2 minutes count) rather than overwhelming commitments
• Community support that doesn't require you to "earn" rest or prove your worth
• Understanding that your presence is your worth - not your productivity or output

Quick Integration Practices

• Place a hand on your heart and say "of course" when you notice you're triggered
• Choose one practice you already know and commit to it for 3-5 days, even imperfectly
• Eat one meal without touching your phone to practice single-tasking
• Greet your inner critic by name and thank her for trying to keep you safe
• Assess your community - are you surrounded by people doing the work or just talking about it?

Quotes

"You don't need to try harder. You don't need a new planner... You just maybe need to turn, like orient yourself to a pathway that looks a little bit different."

"Your nervous system is running the show of our lives. When there is a lack of safety in your body... your logical brain is gonna take a back seat."

"Knowing about how trauma lives in your body... is not the same as rewiring it. Just knowing about something doesn't mean it's gonna change the thing."

"Healing is not meant to be a solo endeavor... we develop these adaptations through relationship."

Resources Mentioned

• The School of Mom community: https://theschoolofmom.com/waitlist 
• "10 for 10" dedicated practice challenge: https://www.motheringourselvesmindfully.com/spaces/14670762/feed 
• Fall retreat in Vermont (October 17-19, 2025): https://theschoolofmom.com/nourish 
• Previous episode on mental load
• Free resource recap accompanying this episode

What's Coming Next

Continue exploring body-based approaches to lasting change and the importance of nervous system work in creating the life you want as a mother.

Thank you for tuning in to this episode of "Mothering Ourselves Mindfully." We look forward to sharing more insights and inspiration in the upcoming episodes!

www.theschoolofmom.com

Instagram @the.schoolofmom

Book a breakthrough Call

In this episode, we dive deep into why there's no magical planner that will solve the mental load you're carrying as a mother. If you've ever found yourself chasing the "perfect" planning system (like me), thinking it will finally crack the code on managing it all, this episode is for you. We explore the real reasons behind mental load overwhelm and why the solution isn't found in better organization - it's found in understanding what's happening beneath the surface.

Key Points

• The three types of mental load: managerial (planning, organizing), cognitive (anticipating, decision-making), and emotional (worry, concern, tending to emotional needs)
• Why cognitive and managerial load actually have positive associations with family satisfaction and empowerment
• How emotional load creates the most negative impact and leads to exhaustion
• The trap of believing better planning will solve deeper issues around worthiness and productivity
• Understanding your capacity limits - you're not a machine that can just "upgrade" to handle more
• How childhood models and cultural messages program us to equate productivity with worth
• The nervous system's role in driving perfectionism and hyper-vigilance around doing
• Why awareness of your programming is the first step toward change
• Learning to recognize when you're operating from "should" versus authentic choice

Quotes

"There is no planner that is going to ultimately alleviate a relationship to doing and achieving that exists for so many of us."

"You can only juggle so many balls... there's only so long you can hold that stuff up."

"You are actually worthy as you are. Subtract all the doing. You are worthy as you are."

"My productivity is a badge of honor. Proves that I'm good... because my output and how much I can hold is connected to the praise that I get."

Resources Mentioned

• Kelly McGonigal's research on stress mindset: https://www.dailygood.org/story/3107/how-to-make-stress-your-friend-kelly-mcgonigal/ 
• Upcoming Nourish retreat for deeper nervous system work: https://theschoolofmom.com/nourish
• Mental Load Research study: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/37359080/ 
• Quiz: http://www.theschoolofmom.com/quiz 
• Waitlist for The School of MOM: https://theschoolofmom.com/waitlist 

What's Coming Next

Continue exploring how to break free from productivity loops and develop a healthier relationship with rest, boundaries, and your inherent worth beyond what you accomplish.

Thank you for tuning in to this episode of "Mothering Ourselves Mindfully." We look forward to sharing more insights and inspiration in the upcoming episodes!

www.theschoolofmom.com

Instagram @the.schoolofmom

Book a breakthrough Call

In this episode, we dive into why the self-care routines you've been trying aren't actually making you feel better - and what you need to focus on instead. Walking through a new park (a perfect metaphor for the healing work we're discussing), we explore how our unconscious programming drives 90-95% of our lives and why surface-level self-care solutions are just Band-Aids on deeper wounds that need attention.

Key Points

• Understanding that 90-95% of our lives are driven by unconscious programming from nature and nurture
• Why traditional self-care (manicures, spa days, walks) often leaves us feeling more triggered than rejuvenated
• The difference between "self-care" and "selves-care" - tending to the inner parts that are actually driving our stress
• How focusing only on the "doing" of self-care misses the emotional and nervous system work that's needed
• Why you might scroll your phone during a massage or ruminate during a walk, sabotaging your own self-care
• The reality that parts of us stuck in survival mode will continue operating until they feel safe
• How to identify which inner "selves" are present during your self-care attempts
• Why asking these inner parts what they actually need (usually not a "doing" thing) is transformational work
• The importance of witnessing anxiety, reflecting worth back to shame, and working with specific body experiences
• How some bodies need rest when we're pushing them toward high-intensity movement

Quotes 

• "Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life, and you will call it fate." - Carl Jung
• "You could be on the massage table judging yourself for being on the massage table... and thus, the action that is self-care is not working for you."
• "Self-care isn't working if you're just focusing on the doing and the part of you that is online while you're doing it is rooted in some sort of stress state or survival state in your nervous system."
• "When you turn into your anxiety, like actually maybe what it needs is to be witnessed. When you turn into your shame, maybe what it needs is to have it reflected back to it, how incredible and worthy it is."

Resources Mentioned

• The Radical Mom Pause Toolkit: http://www.theschoolofmom.com/pause 
• The School of Mom community (currently on waitlist enrollment): https://theschoolofmom.com/waitlist 
• In-person retreat opportunities (check bio for summer 2025): https://theschoolofmom.com/nourish 

What's Coming Next 

Continue exploring the deeper transformational work of rewiring our unconscious programming and learning to meet ourselves with radical compassion and acceptance in the pause.

Thank you for tuning in to this episode of "Mothering Ourselves Mindfully." We look forward to sharing more insights and inspiration in the upcoming episodes!

www.theschoolofmom.com

Instagram @the.schoolofmom

Book a breakthrough Call

In this episode, we address one of the most important conversations every mother needs to have head on: teaching our daughters (and learning ourselves) the correct anatomical terms for female body parts. Joined by pelvic floor therapist Dr. Alexandra Digrado, we explore why knowing that it’s actually your "vulva" instead of "vagina" matters more than you might think - for safety, health, and reclaiming our bodies without shame.

Key Points

• Understanding the difference between vulva (external) and vagina (internal) - and why this distinction matters
• How using incorrect anatomical terms can impact child safety and abuse prevention
• The shocking reality that many women don't learn proper anatomy until adulthood
• Why the medical field has historically overlooked pelvic health education
• How shame around female anatomy affects everything from periods to sexual health
• The importance of teaching children accurate body part names from an early age
• Navigating pushback when advocating for proper anatomical education
• Breaking generational cycles of shame and misinformation about women's bodies
• Understanding that the clitoris exists solely for pleasure - making joy our birthright
• Practical tips for age-appropriate conversations with young children

Quotes

"The vulva is what you can see on the outside... when we're like, no one can touch your vagina at school, essentially what we’re saying is, the girls can’t be fingered at school.”

"When kids know what their anatomical parts are called, then they can accurately describe what we hope never happens to them."

"We have one part of our body that has one sole purpose, and that is pleasure... pleasure is our birthright."

"It's just like your elbow. It's just a part that society has deemed to have a lot more meaning behind it."

Resources Mentioned

• Information about lichen sclerosus resources, LS Support Network Homepage: https://lssupportnetwork.org/ 
• Bodies are Cool book: Amazon.com: https://www.amazon.com/Bodies-Are-Cool-Tyler-Feder/dp/0593112628 
• Pussy: A Reclamation: Amazon.com: https://www.amazon.com/Pussy-Reclamation-Regena-Thomashauer/dp/1401950248 
• Come as You Are:  Amazon.com: https://www.amazon.com/Come-You-Are-Surprising-Transform/dp/1982165316 
• Dr. Alexandra Digrado's Practice Boston Pelvic Physical Therapy: https://www.amazon.com/Come-You-Are-Surprising-Transform/dp/1982165316

What's Coming Next

Continue the conversation about empowering our daughters with body knowledge and breaking cycles of shame around female anatomy and sexuality.

Thank you for tuning in to this episode of "Mothering Ourselves Mindfully." We look forward to sharing more insights and inspiration in the upcoming episodes!

www.theschoolofmom.com

Instagram @the.schoolofmom

Book a breakthrough Call

In this episode, I talk about an unknown truth every mother needs to hear: you are not the problem, your programming is. Discover why your struggles with anxiety, shame, and triggered reactions aren't your fault, and learn how the Radical MOM Pause can help you rewire unconscious patterns that have been running your life.

Key Points

• Understanding that you are worthy just as you are - your presence is your worth
• Recognizing that anxiety, shame, and triggered reactions are not character flaws but programming
• How 90-95% of our existence is driven by unconscious programming living in our nervous system
• The difference between fault (not yours) and responsibility (yours to rewire)
• Why pausing feels "unsexy" but is everything when it comes to creating change
• How we cannot change what we're not aware of - awareness must come first
• The challenge of swimming upstream from a society that celebrates visible doing over conscious being
• Why community support is essential for sustaining this radical practice
• How longer dedicated practice (like retreats) provides deeper rewiring opportunities

Quotes "You are not your fault. You are not the problem. It is your programming that is the problem."

"Your programming runs so deep in your nervous system, in your lineage, in the conditioning of our society and our culture."

"We cannot change what we're not aware of."

"It's so unsexy to talk about pausing. Our nervous systems are like, hell no. I don't wanna go into a moment of stillness."

"Every single mom Pause you take is radical. 30 seconds radical, so important."

Resources Mentioned

• The Radical Mom Pause Toolkit: Available at https://theschoolofmom.com/pause 
• Live call on Thursday, July 10th at 12:00 PM Eastern Standard Time: https://www.motheringourselvesmindfully.com/events/monthly-musings-71190188 
• Upcoming Nourish Retreat (Friday night to Sunday format): https://checkout.theschoolofmom.com/nourish-retreat 

What's Coming Next Continue exploring the Radical Mom Pause practice and discover more tools for rewiring unconscious programming and creating conscious, intentional mothering patterns.

Thank you for tuning in to this episode of "Mothering Ourselves Mindfully." We look forward to sharing more insights and inspiration in the upcoming episodes!

www.theschoolofmom.com

Instagram @the.schoolofmom

Book a breakthrough Call

This episode explores the neuroscience behind rewiring deeply ingrained patterns and how the pause serves as a foundation for creating lasting change. We dive into practical strategies for breaking free from autopilot reactions and consciously choosing new responses.

Understanding Neural Pathways

• How repeated patterns create well-traveled mental "trails"
• Why changing established programming feels challenging
• The difference between surviving and thriving patterns

The Power of the Pause

• Moving from unconscious reactions to conscious responses
• Activating your prefrontal cortex and executive functioning
• Creating space between stimulus and response

The Rewiring Process

• Catching yourself in reactive patterns
• Tuning into your nervous system states
• Meeting your inner needs with compassion
• Finding your personal "oil and garlic" regulation tools

Beyond In-the-Moment Changes

• Why focusing only on thoughts is like blocking a fire hose
• The importance of addressing nervous system programming
• How 90-95% of our experience stems from unconscious patterns

Meet the Flourished Mother

• Embodying the ventral vagal safety state
• Learning healthy dysregulation and recovery
• Moving from camping out in stress to returning to safety

The Time Factor

• How different nervous system states affect our relationship with time
• Thoughts from stress vs. grounded states
• Reframing time scarcity into time abundance

"We can't change anything we're not aware of. Pausing is like pulling off onto the scenic outlook and looking at the road that you're on."

"The space between stimulus and response is where your freedom and your choice lives."

"Making time for myself models a new way of being for my kids."

• Use the pause to step out of autopilot reactions
• Focus on nervous system regulation rather than just changing thoughts
• Practice accessing safety states proactively, not just reactively
• Consider longer pauses for deeper transformation work

• Awakening the Flourished Mother Meditation: https://player.captivate.fm/episode/aea1663a-d5e5-4725-b907-3b849696eff8/ 
• Nourish Retreat: https://checkout.theschoolofmom.com/nourish-retreat/ 
• Radical Flourishing program: https://cal.com/theschoolofmom/breakthrough-call 

Thank you for tuning in to this episode of "Mothering Ourselves Mindfully." We look forward to sharing more insights and inspiration in the upcoming episodes!

www.theschoolofmom.com

Instagram @the.schoolofmom

Book a breakthrough Call

In this episode, we delve into the practical aspects of meeting your needs in the moment after taking that crucial, radical pause as a mom. This isn't about instant perfection—it's about understanding that learning to care for ourselves is a lifelong practice, just like learning to care for our children.

Key Topics Covered:

• Why meeting your needs is a practice, not perfection
• Understanding your nervous system states (safety, stress, and shutdown)
• The three camps: grounded safety state, sympathetic (stress) state, and dorsal (shutdown) state
• How to identify which state you're in and what your body is telling you
• Practical tools for meeting yourself where you're at
• The importance of moving through states rather than jumping directly to calm

Tools & Resources Mentioned:

• The Radical MOM Pause Toolkit: https://theschoolofmom.com/pause
• School of Mom Quiz: Discovering Your Dominant Inner Voice: http://www.theschoolofmom.com/quiz 
• Marc Brackett's Mood Meter: https://marcbrackett.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/Mood_Meter_Marc_Brackett_Permission-to-Feel.pdf 
• Yoga tune-up balls
• The "oil and garlic" concept for go-to regulation practices

Key Takeaway: You need to meet your inner self where it's at first, matching the energy of your current state before gently guiding yourself toward regulation. This might mean movement and dancing for anxious energy, or gentle movement to lift yourself out of shutdown.

Thank you for tuning in to this episode of "Mothering Ourselves Mindfully." We look forward to sharing more insights and inspiration in the upcoming episodes!

www.theschoolofmom.com

Instagram @the.schoolofmom

Book a breakthrough Call

In this foundational episode, we explore the transformative practice at the heart of conscious mothering: the Radical Mom Pause. Learn why simply bringing awareness to the present moment is a radical act in our unconscious world, and discover the MOM framework for meeting yourself with curiosity, observing what's present, and mothering your needs in real time.

Key Points

• The radical nature of consciousness in an unconscious world - why pausing and bringing awareness is inherently transformative
• Understanding the MOM framework: Meeting yourself in the moment, Observing what's present, and Mothering your needs
• How movement serves as a bridge from unconscious to conscious awareness
• The practice of meeting your full experience - both internal and external - with curiosity rather than judgment
• Observing with acceptance, kindness, and discernment while watching for unhelpful patterns and stories
• Recognizing different "selves" or parts (like anxiety) and learning to meet them with compassion
• How the act of witnessing yourself IS mothering - fulfilling the human need to be seen and accepted
• Tuning into basic needs that aren't really basic for mothers: hunger, thirst, rest, movement, bathroom breaks
• Learning the unique language of your body through practice and curiosity
• How this practice creates lineage healing and cycle-breaking in real time

Quotes

"Simply being here is in and of itself radical. You are becoming conscious in a world and a existence that is on the whole very unconscious and subconscious."

"So many of us are living on autopilot. We are being very mindless moving through our days and our lives, and our mothering and our relationships."

"Movement is a wonderful bridge from our unconscious to the conscious."

"Just like our kids, our bodies, our humanness is desperate for attention. Not just desperate for attention, it's desperate for kind and curious presence."

"We cannot change what we are not aware of and to become aware of something we have to pause and notice and practice mothering ourselves."

"This is lineage cycle breaking and creating in real time."

Resources Mentioned

• The Radical MOM Pause guided practice: https://theschoolofmom.com/pause
• Upcoming class in The Radical Mom Pause Toolkit series focusing on nervous system tools: https://theschoolofmom.com/pause
• The School of MOM Quiz: www.theschoolofmom.com/quiz 
• Marc Brackett's Mood Meter: https://marcbrackett.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/11/Mood_Meter_Marc_Brackett_Permission-to-Feel.pdf

What's Coming Next

The next episode in this Radical Mom Pause toolkit series will explore tools for meeting yourself in the moment and tending to your nervous system, building on this foundational practice of conscious awareness and self-mothering.

Thank you for tuning in to this episode of "Mothering Ourselves Mindfully." We look forward to sharing more insights and inspiration in the upcoming episodes!

www.theschoolofmom.com

Instagram @the.schoolofmom

Book a breakthrough Call

In this week’s episode, I dive deep into the #1 practice that changes everything: the art of pausing. Discover why mindfulness isn't just about meditation cushions, but about radical interruption of our unconscious programming that drives 90-95% of our daily experience.

Key Points

• Understanding mindfulness as present moment awareness with curiosity, discernment, acceptance, and compassion
• Why slowing down or being still is essential for true mindfulness - you can't see clearly while moving through life on autopilot
• The shocking reality that 90-95% of our experience is driven by subconscious programming that often doesn't serve us
• How our nervous system carries outdated conditioning from lineage, society, and culture that we wouldn't consciously choose today
• The MOM ritual: Meeting yourself in the moment, Observing what's present, and Mothering your needs
• Why pausing feels like redirecting a Mac truck going 85mph - and why that makes it radical
• How accessing your prefrontal cortex through pausing gives you response flexibility instead of unconscious reactions
• The revolutionary act of swimming upstream against a world driven by anxiety, fear, scarcity, and dysregulation

Quotes

"Mindfulness is present moment awareness with curiosity, discernment, acceptance, and kindness and compassion."

"90 to 95% of our existence in this world is in our rooted deep programming... So many of us have programming that is really not serving us."

"There's a space between stimulus and response, and in that space is where your freedom lies. That is the pause."

"We cannot change what we are not aware of. We have to bring attention first to the thing."

"It doesn't matter how many books you read and podcasts you listen to, if you are still moving through the motions unconsciously and mindlessly going through your life, nothing is going to change."

Resources Mentioned

• The Radical Mom Pause Toolkit - available at https://theschoolofmom.com/pause Upcoming live call for toolkit participants (July 10th at 12 pm EDT 2025)

What's Coming Next

This episode kicks off a special miniseries covering:

1. The guided Radical Mom Pause practice
2. Meeting your needs in the pause
3. Rewiring your programming for lasting change

Thank you for tuning in to this episode of "Mothering Ourselves Mindfully." We look forward to sharing more insights and inspiration in the upcoming episodes!

www.theschoolofmom.com

Instagram @the.schoolofmom

Book a breakthrough Call

In this heartfelt episode recorded from the woods, we explore the complex nature of suffering, the danger of comparison, and what it truly means to flourish. Following an emotionally intense week that included a tragic loss and hosting a powerful retreat, we dive deep into the transformative work of becoming "unicorns" - the grounded, compassionate women we wish to see in the world.

Key Points

• Why we can't be in the business of comparing suffering and how all emotional experiences are valid
• The profound connection between personal loss and recommitment to self-awareness work
• How hosting a retreat while grieving revealed the perfect timing of life's challenges
• Redefining flourishing: being weepy and riding emotional waves with grace IS flourishing
• The concept of becoming "unicorns" - radically different, grounded, compassionate women The power of beginner's mind and how we receive teachings differently as we evolve
• Why repetition is essential for rewiring our programming and laying down new neural pathways
• Breaking free from scarcity-based decision making to live from abundance and hope

Quotes "We can't be in the business of comparing suffering. Your heart is valid and your heart is hard 'cause it is."

"There's nothing more important than attending to ourselves and becoming more self-aware and learning how to heal our nervous systems."

"Being weepy is flourishing for me. Riding these waves of my experience with more ease and grace... Flourishing is riding the full spectrum of my human experience with more grace and ease and rest and pleasure and love."

"We are becoming the unicorns... we are becoming the grounded, compassionate, loving their body, women and models that don't really exist around us."

Resources Mentioned

• Radical Flourishing program: https://cal.com/theschoolofmom/breakthrough-call
• Upcoming Nourish retreat at Sky Meadow retreat center in Vermont (limited spaces available): https://checkout.theschoolofmom.com/nourish-retreat/
• The School of Mom community and programs: https://theschoolofmom.com/

Thank you for tuning in to this episode of "Mothering Ourselves Mindfully." We look forward to sharing more insights and inspiration in the upcoming episodes!

www.theschoolofmom.com

Instagram @the.schoolofmom

Book a breakthrough Call