In this episode, we’re unpacking Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) - It’s the “the second it becomes a have to, my brain says hell no” feeling, you might experience… 

I can decide myself to clean the kitchen & feel fine. But if my partner asks me, suddenly it’s a whole thing!

We’ll chat about:

• What PDA is & how it’s driven by anxiety & a need for autonomy, not laziness or being difficult.
• How PDA can show up in adults with ADHD, from ignoring texts to melting down over “simple” tasks
• Why your nervous system treats everyday demands like threats, even when they’re self-care or fun
• The key difference between PDA & ODD (and how the why behind behaviour matters)
• 3 Practical ways to make demands feel smaller & safer, increase your sense of choice,& support your nervous system instead of bullying yourself into action

If you’ve ever wondered, “Why do I fight even the things I want to do?”, this episode is for you my friend.

LINKS TO GOOD SH*T:

*Join Adulting with ADHD your ADHD toolbox & everything you need to work with your brain

*Get our ADHD Coach in your pocket! + the ADHD Goal Setting Workbook (life planner tool)

*12 Things I wished my Doctor had told me about Adult ADHD

*Find out if you might be living with ADHD - Download Symptoms List

*Check out Courses & Coaching with Xena

*Learn, Inspire, Share & Connect inside our Facebook Community 

*Come hang out with me on Instagram!

In this conversation we’re unpacking dopamine: what it actually is, how it works differently in ADHD brains & why not all dopamine is created equal. You’ll learn the crucial difference between fast dopamine (quick hits that spike & crash) & slow dopamine (the kind that actually supports your motivation, mood & long-term goals).

We’ll chat about:

• What dopamine really is (in simple, ADHD-friendly language)
• How ADHD brains are wired differently when it comes to reward & motivation
• Why we’re living in a “dopamine saturated” world (hello, smartphones, sugar & streaming)
• The difference between fast dopamine vs slow dopamine in everyday life
• How fast dopamine spikes can worsen ADHD symptoms including emotional dysregulation
• Practical ideas for adding more slow dopamine into your day so you feel more focused, motivated & regulated

By the end, you’ll have a clearer picture of why you reach for certain things on autopilot & how to start working with your dopamine system instead of feeling like it constantly runs the show.

Episode mentioned: 

#149 Dopamine Layering: The hidden reason you feel anxious & numb

LINKS TO OTHER GOOD SH*T:

*Join Adulting with ADHD your ADHD toolbox & everything you need to work with your brain

*Get our ADHD Coach in your pocket! 

*12 Things I wished my Doctor had told me about Adult ADHD

*Find out if you might be living with ADHD - Download Symptoms List

*Check out Courses & Coaching with Xena

*Learn, Inspire, Share & Connect inside our Facebook Community 

*Come hang out with me on Instagram!

Inside the episode, we explore:

• What emotional regulation actually is (in real-life, human terms - not textbook jargon)
• What emotional dysregulation looks like in everyday ADHD life: snapping, spiralling, shutting down or numbing out
• Why ADHD brains feel emotions more intensely & struggle to “come back down”
• How Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) & interoception challenges feed into big, fast emotions
• The 4 R’s of emotional response: Resist, React, Reject & Receive
• How emotions secretly drive our actions (or inaction), including procrastination
• Simple reflection questions to help you start noticing your patterns with compassion, not shame

Related episodes to go deeper...

If this episode hits home, you might also love:

🎧 #76 ADHD & Interoception - Why we have difficulties with self-regulation

🎧 #77 RSD - Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria 

Want structured support with emotional regulation?

If you’re thinking, “Cool, I get it… but how do I actually do this in real life?” I’ve got you.

⭐ Emotional Regulation for Adults with ADHD (online course)

A practical, ADHD-friendly course where I walk you through:

• Understanding emotional dysregulation & your nervous system
• How to spot dysregulation sooner (before the explosion or shutdown)
• My PASS tool for processing emotions
• Real-life tools to shift & soothe big feelings

⭐ Adulting with ADHD Program
If you want coaching, community & a toolkit for all things ADHD life (not just emotions), this is where we go deeper together. You’ll get access to ongoing support, classes, tools, & a community of ADHDers who actually get it.

LINKS TO OTHER GOOD SH*T:

*Get our ADHD Coach in your pocket! 

*12 Things I wished my Doctor had told me about Adult ADHD

*Find out if you might be living with ADHD - Download Symptoms List

*Check out Courses & Coaching with Xena

*Learn, Inspire, Share & Connect inside our Facebook Community 

*Come hang out with me on Instagram!

*Join Adulting with ADHD your ADHD toolbox & everything you need to work with your brain

If you’ve been told your whole life that you’re disorganised, unreliable or bad at time management, this episode will help you see what’s really going on in your ADHD brain & give you tools to work with it instead of beating yourself up.

Inside the episode, we cover:

• What time blindness actually is for ADHD brains
• How it shows up in real life, from late fees to missed bedtime to “oops, I forgot that Zoom call”
• Why our executive functions (working memory, planning & prioritising) make it hard to feel time
• The role of dopamine & why “feel good now” keeps winning over Future You
• 5 practical ways to support time blindness & improve your relationship with time

LINKS TO MORE GOOD SH*T:

*Join Adulting with ADHD your ADHD toolbox & everything you need to work with your brain

*Get our ADHD Coach in your pocket! 

*12 Things I wished my Doctor had told me about Adult ADHD

*Find out if you might be living with ADHD - Download Symptoms List

*Check out Courses & Coaching with Xena

*Learn, Inspire, Share & Connect inside our Facebook Community 

*Come hang out with me on Instagram!

Grab the free Wall of Awful worksheets to go along with this episode *here*

Why is it so hard to reply to that email, book the appointment or drop off the charity bag that’s been in your car for weeks?

In this episode, we’re talking about the Wall of Awful... It's the emotional wall between you & the task. In theory the task is simple. But emotionally, it feels HUGE. That “too much” feeling is your wall of awful.

Inside the episode, we explore:

• What the Wall of Awful is & why ADHDers get such big walls
• How each “brick” is made from past criticism, shame, failure & fear
• Why that stuck, heavy, guilty feeling before a task is not laziness
• How emotions drive actions (and why that matters way more than “motivation”)
• 3 ADHD-friendly ways to get to the other side of the wall
• How self-judgement quietly adds more bricks… And how self-compassion starts taking them out

Grab the free Wall of Awful worksheets to go along with this episode:

👉 https://www.navigatingadultadhd.com/wallofawful
Map out your own wall & identify your bricks.

LINKS TO GOOD SH*T:

*Join Adulting with ADHD your ADHD toolbox & everything you need to work with your brain

*Get our ADHD Coach in your pocket! 

*12 Things I wished my Doctor had told me about Adult ADHD

*Find out if you might be living with ADHD - Download Symptoms List

*Check out Courses & Coaching with Xena

*Learn, Inspire, Share & Connect inside our Facebook Community 

*Come hang out with me on Instagram!

Ever noticed that the more you “treat yourself” with Netflix, snacks, scrolling or online shopping… the more anxious, restless or flat you feel afterwards?

You’re not imagining it, my friend. In this episode we’re talking about dopamine layering – stacking multiple feel-good hits at once & how that cocktail can quietly crank up anxiety & numbness, especially in ADHD brains.

We’ll unpack what’s actually going on in your brain using Dr Anna Lembke’s work (Dopamine Nation), plus my very real Christmas break story where I accidentally turned my nervous system into a dopamine sh*t storm.

Inside the episode, we explore:

• What dopamine layering is & how it shows up in everyday life
• Why ADHD brains are extra sensitive to dopamine spikes & crashes
• How “treat yourself” habits can secretly fuel anxiety & emotional numbness
• Fast vs slow dopamine, explained in simple ADHD-friendly language
• How to do a gentle “dopamine audit” without shame or self-judgment
• Practical ways to un-layer your dopamine so you feel calmer & more present
• Mini dopamine resets & how to build your own “slow dopamine menu”

If you’ve ever wondered, “Why do I feel so anxious & empty unless I’m watching something, eating something or scrolling something?” this episode will help you see your experience through a whole new lens.

LINKS TO GOOD SH*T:

*Join Adulting with ADHD your ADHD toolbox & everything you need to work with your brain

*Get our ADHD Coach in your pocket! 

*12 Things I wished my Doctor had told me about Adult ADHD

*Find out if you might be living with ADHD - Download Symptoms List

*Check out Courses & Coaching with Xena

*Learn, Inspire, Share & Connect inside our Facebook Community 

*Come hang out with me on Instagram!

Do you struggle to stay in one job for long?

Are you looking for the perfect ADHD career fit? 

Do you find tasks that are a 'no-brainer' for your colleagues take you 5x as long to complete? 

If so, you’re not broken - you’re responding to how our ADHD brains are wired… and this episode is for you!

We’re unpacking why careers can feel so hard for ADHDers, why so many of us change jobs or directions regularly & why that’s not a personal failing. I share my own very zig-zag career journey, the science behind ADHD & work & the patterns I see over and over again.

We explore:

• Why ADHD brains crave novelty, challenge & urgency (hello dopamine!)
• Why admin, paperwork & “basic tasks” can be SO draining for us
• How emotional sensitivity, RSD & toxic workplaces impact ADHD nervous systems
• What actually helps ADHDers thrive at work (hint: job fit matters more than job title)

We also dive into the ADHD Career Sweet Spot, the types of roles ADHDers often excel in & practical questions to help you figure out what’s next - or how to fall back in love with the job you already have without burning everything down.

If you’ve changed careers more times than you can count, feel quietly stuck, or wonder why work feels harder for you than it “should” - this episode will help you see yourself & your career through a much kinder & more understanding lens.

Resources mentioned: 

• Podcast ep #136 ADHD at Work: Your Rights, Reasonable Adjustments & When to Tell Your Boss with Jaime Rose-Peacock
• Adulting with ADHD & the Values Workshop 

LINKS TO GOOD SH*T:

*Join Adulting with ADHD your ADHD toolbox & everything you need to work with your brain

*Get our AI ADHD Coach in your pocket! 

*12 Things I wished my Doctor had told me about Adult ADHD

*Find out if you might be living with ADHD - Download Symptoms List

*Check out Courses & Coaching with Xena

*Learn, Inspire, Share & Connect inside our Facebook Community 

*Come hang out with me on Instagram!

If you’ve ever set the same goal over & over again… then quietly stopped trying… then used that as “proof” that you never follow through, this episode is for you.

We’re talking about shame-based goals: the goals you set because you believe there’s something wrong with you that needs fixing.

“I have to lose weight because I’m disgusting.”
 “I need to stop yelling at my kids because I’m a terrible parent.”
 “I should save money because I’m so bad with it.”

On the surface, they look like normal goals. But under the hood, they’re being fuelled by shame & shame is one of the least effective fuels for an ADHD brain.

Inside the episode, we unpack:

• Why adults with ADHD often don’t trust themselves to follow through
• How shame-based goals quietly turn into evidence that “I’m lazy / hopeless / broken”
• What psychology tells us about thoughts → feelings → actions (why shame shuts you down)
• The difference between guilt (“I did something bad”) & shame (“I am bad”)
• How shame shows up in common ADHD goals around weight, money, parenting, business & habits
• Why inconsistency is not the problem & how it actually fits an ADHD brain
• 3 Practical steps to un-shame your goals so they become doable instead of punishing

This episode is valuable whether you love New Year’s resolutions, hate them, or avoid goal-setting altogether. It’s really about how you relate to change, & why “beating yourself up” has never worked.

This is a re-release because the ideas here are foundational for ADHDers: if your goals are built on shame, no planner, habit tracker or dopamine hack can fix that.

LINKS TO GOOD SH*T:

*Join Adulting with ADHD your ADHD toolbox & everything you need to work with your brain

*Get our ADHD Coach in your pocket! 

*12 Things I wished my Doctor had told me about Adult ADHD

*Find out if you might be living with ADHD - Download Symptoms List

*Check out Courses & Coaching with Xena

*Learn, Inspire, Share & Connect inside our Facebook Community 

*Come hang out with me on Instagram!

If your ADHD brain loves to tell you “I didn’t do enough this year” or “I should be further along by now,” this episode is for you my friend!

I walk you through the 6 questions I ask myself at the end of every year to help my ADHD brain see the full picture, not just the blooper reel. 

We talk about the idea of living in “the gap” (only seeing how far you are from where you think you should be) vs “the gain” (actually noticing how far you’ve come), and why ADHD brains are especially prone to getting stuck in the gap.

You’ll hear:

• Why ADHD brains are not reliable historians (working memory, emotional memory, negativity bias & all-or-nothing thinking)
• How self-awareness is an executive function & how these 6 questions help you strengthen it
• The 6 areas I reflect on each year (health, work, relationships, joy, money, growth) with real examples from my life & coaching clients
• How to look at your low points as data, not a character flaw
• How to use what you learn to make small, practical changes

LINKS TO GOOD SH*T:

*Join Adulting with ADHD your ADHD toolbox & everything you need to work with your brain

*Get our ADHD Coach in your pocket! 

*12 Things I wished my Doctor had told me about Adult ADHD

*Find out if you might be living with ADHD - Download Symptoms List

*Check out Courses & Coaching with Xena

*Learn, Inspire, Share & Connect inside our Facebook Community 

*Come hang out with me on Instagram!

“Telling neurodivergent people to try harder is like telling someone with Type 1 diabetes to just make insulin.”

That line stopped me in my tracks… and it was only one of the powerful moments from the ADHD Conference I just MC’d here in NZ.

If you ever get the chance to attend an ADHD conference… do it. The energy, the learning, the ‘OMG same’ moments - truly amazing!

In this episode, I’m sharing the biggest lessons from each speaker, plus some behind-the-scenes as the MC from the most recent ADHD Conference here in NZ.

Here’s a taste of what we cover:

• Jaime – ADHD at Work

How to choose whether to disclose your ADHD at work (the benefit & disadvantages)

• Burnout Panel – with Ashley, Jaime & Kate

Burnout isn’t “normal,” but it is common in our community.
I share the one thing I wish I knew years ago, & my go-to tools for navigating your way through it

• Carrie – ADHD & Home Organisation

Knowing your organisational style is a game changer (combining the in sight in mind with the out of sight out of mind) + how using a simple tray tided up my kitchen counter!

• Freddie – The David Goggins of NZ

A living example of ADHD possibility. Favourite line:
 “Telling ND people to try harder is like telling someone with Type 1 diabetes to just make insulin.”

• Rebecca – Trauma, ADHD & People Pleasing

Why we people please to avoid RSD!! Plus the difference between ADHD hyperactivity & trauma hyperactivity

Links mentioned in this episode: 

• ADHD Conferences in New Zealand & Australia with My Spirited Child
• Podcast with Jaime: #136 ADHD at Work: Your Rights, Reasonable Adjustments & When to Tell Your Boss
• Podcast with Ashley: #93 Navigating ADHD Burnout with Ashley Cairns
• Podcast with Carrie: #113 ADHD, Home Organisation & the Invisible Weight We’re Carrying with Carrie

Connect with the conference experts: 

* Jaime Rose-Peacock

* Ashley Cairns

* Kate Sheldon

* Carrie Largerstedt

* Freddie Bennett

* Rebecca Challoner 

LINKS TO GOOD SH*T:

*Join Adulting with ADHD your ADHD toolbox & everything you need to work with your brain

*Get our ADHD Coach in your pocket! 

*12 Things I wished my Doctor had told me about Adult ADHD

*Find out if you might be living with ADHD - Download Symptoms List

*Check out Courses & Coaching with Xena

*Learn, Inspire, Share & Connect inside our Facebook Community 

*Come hang out with me on