Tweens may pull out "teenager moves" but they are not the new teenagers, says parenting educator Michelle Mitchell. As nine-to-twelve-year-olds learn how to respond to the world, they need strong guidance and supervision, she tells Kathryn Ryan. "They're very much looking to adults to give them practical tangible strategies to get them through the day."

Tweens may pull out "teenager moves" but they are not the new teenagers, says parenting educator Michelle Mitchell.

As nine-to-twelve-year-olds learn how to respond to the world, they need strong guidance and supervision, she tells Kathryn Ryan.

"They're very much looking to adults to give them practical tangible strategies to get them through the day."

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Michelle Mitchell is the author of Tweens: what kids need NOW before the teenage years.

As parents, it can be easy to neglect tweens because they are often "a bit more easygoing" than kids of other ages, Mitchell says.

Sibling rivalry and jealousy can be evidence that they need a bit more attention, though.

"When our kids start to act out, it's often because they're not seeing themselves in our diary. They need a bigger piece of our time."

Related: How to talk to stroppy tweens who know it all

Puberty is not just biological and not a "single event", Mitchell says. Cognitive, emotional and sexual changes are underway in the bodies and brains of tweens.

As young people develop at different rates, tween insecurity is often displayed in the sensitive realm of friendship.

To empower children of this age to feel confident making their own decisions about how to respond to issues with friends, Mitchell offers phrases like 'Space solves most things' and 'Let's leave margin for error'.

The process of building a positive body image in a developing body also comes with challenges that are 'normal', she says.

"Because their body is feeling and changing and it's becoming obvious to them that things are on the move, can be expressed through their body image so often."

To help kids avoid falling into a "comparison trap", Mitchell recommends parents encourage them to focus on what's good about their bodies - and also demonstrate a positive relationship with their own.

"Us modelling a love for our body is obviously huge and influential because they are so responsive, adaptive and open to our influence at this age."

In the years between 9 and 12, curiosity is heightened across the board, Mitchell says…

Go to this episode on rnz.co.nz for more details