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It’s April 4th, and Peaches is bringing you the news that makes commanders panic and E-4s roll their eyes.

Today’s drop hits everything from AFRICOM possibly getting stuffed back under EUCOM (because geography isn’t real), to a $2 billion gunship that looks like it flew straight out of Planes (2013).

Meanwhile, the Air Force is grounding pregnant aircrew, the Space Force is begging for a bigger allowance, and a fired general’s name is blasted across the DoD like a bad Yelp review. Add in NATO drama, orbital warfare threats, and a bunch of space startups flexing on legacy contractors—and you've got yourself a fully loaded episode of “what the hell are we doing?”

🔥 Key Takeaways:

💥 AFRICOM + EUCOM Merger? – 50 countries and one Chinese base next door say “probably not.”
💥 $2B Sky Raider Debuts – AFSOC’s new toy looks like Dusty with guns. Let’s hope it delivers.
💥 Intel Colonels Critiquing Combat Fitness – Ma’am, this isn’t your lane.
💥 Pregnant Pilots Grounded in First Trimester – No ejection seats for you.
💥 Space Force Says China Is Cooking Orbital Violence – Saltzman’s begging for backup.
💥 General Fired, PA Blasts It to the World – Totally necessary, right?
💥 100+ Civilians Could Be Axed at the Academy – Uniforms good, but continuity matters.
💥 NATO Needs to Pay Up – Rubio wants 5% GDP.
💥 Germany Has 47 U.S. Bases – Casual.
💥 Small Space Companies Are Eating Everyone’s Lunch – Welcome to capitalism in orbit.
💥 Nuclear-Powered AI Farms Are Coming – Because your data center’s air conditioning sucks.

📢 Call-to-Actions:

✅ Like this episode if your tax dollars funded a cartoon-looking gunship.
 💬 Comment if your Space Force budget could use more than 3% of anything.
 ⭐ Leave a review—unless you're one of the people still emailing strike targets over Signal.
 🛒 Cop fresh restocks at OnesReady.com and support the crew.
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