"Marriage can be heaven, and marriage can be hell." -Dan Allender

Anyone who is married knows that marriage can reach the extremes of human experience, and sometimes even in the same day. It's the lab in which we grow personally, and where we grow together. It's also the place where everything can fall apart.

Today Dan Allender of The Allender Center joins us to explore the transformative power of marriage, particularly in midlife. He talks about the deep work of understanding one another's stories, the role of trauma in relationships (even if you feel like you don't have any), and the necessity of dealing with emotional triggers.

Dan is both funny and deeply inspiring. He is an expert at the top of his field, and also the first one to reveal and share what he is experiencing in his own imperfect marriage.

You will gain insight into the complexities of relationships, the importance of change-agents in marriage, the dynamics of conflict resolution, and come to a fresh understanding of how fighting for marriage is deeply spiritual work.

The Deeply Rooted Marriage: Cultivating Healing, Intimacy, and Delight by Dan Allender and Steve Call

Unwanted by Jay Stringer

website-Dan Allender

35% of divorces are "gray divorces," meaning they involve couples 50 years of ago and older.

Our brains have the power to change, but only by engagement deeply within what we'll call our right hemisphere, our emotional portions.

If there is not a fabric of forgiveness, then we are in deep waters without a paddle.

Difference is where almost all conflict begins.

70 % of the conflict in marriage does not have a right answer.

You grow in trust by the capacity to deal with conflict, not to resolve, but to a deepened understanding. And to a deepened understanding allows us to allow difference to continue to occur.but without either the fear or the judgment that's often there.

I hope the sense of having work to do is kind of like, I get to put my foot on the neck of evil here. Hell no, I do not want something that has lingered in my body and my heart and my mind to continue to shape something of how I respond to the future.

1. What part of your story can you re-engage with your spouse in order to work toward greater healing? Hint: think about what triggers you.
2. What part of your spouse's story can you re-engage?
3. If 70% of all arguments don't have a "right answer," how can you adjust how you've been approaching a conflict area with your spouse?
4. The change agents Dan lists in his book are humility, honesty, kindness, curiosity, defiance, and an intention to bless. What one is most needed right now in your marriage?
5. How can you "stand on the neck of evil" and push past a particularly difficult part of your marriage?

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Every year right around Valentine's Day we share some things we are loving that make our lives a little easier or more fun. This is a break from the thoughtful conversations we've been having, it settles in on some pretty practical tips. From books and podcasts to snacks and beauty products, Alex and Krista want to make sure you know what they are loving right now.

How about you? What makes your life more entertaining? What makes you smarter? Who are you following? What are you wearing? We want to know all of these midlife hacks because when you find something good, you need to share!!

This is one of our most popular episodes every year, tune in and get sharing your things you love.

• Foods

- Athletic Brewing Company Non-alcoholic beer

-Nutrail Nut Granola

-Truffle oil

-Chobani Low Fat Greek Yogurt

-Quinoa Crisps Dark- Chocolate + Cherry

-Built Puffs Protein Bars

-Stone-Ground Grits

• Kitchen Gadgets

-All Clad Instant Read Digital Thermometer

-6-3/4 Coat Cast Iron Round Wide Dutch Oven

-Silver Flatware

• Podcast shows

-The Warrior Mama with Bethany Kimsey

-Up Until Now with Kristen Hallinan

-SmartHer News with Jenna Lee

-The Andy Stanley Leadership Podcast

-10% Happier with Dan Harris Podcast

-Rethinking with Adam Grant

1. How to build a great culture with restaurateur Danny Meyer

• Books

-Lead with Prayer

-Celebrating Abundance

-The Let Them Theory

-Eat Like a Girl

-The Anxious Generation

-Build the Life You Want

• Music

-Corner Room Band

-Porter's Gate Album- Sanctuary Song

-When the Day Comes- Nico & Vinz

• Instagram Follows

-Arthur C. Brooks

- Adam Grant

-Simon Sinek

-Dr Mary Claire Haver(OBGYN)

-Josh Weather Official

-The Leighton Show

• Fashion & Beauty

-Wide Leg Twill (Spanx Pants)

-Steve Madden Hayle Ankle Boots

-L'Oréal Glotion

-Mother Jeans

-Blow-Out Curlers

-Color Wow Root Cover-up

-Women's Cozy Slippers

-Essence Volume Lash Boosters

-Charlotte Tilbury Red Hollywood Vixen Lipstick

-Thorne Supplement

-WaterProof Black Fancy Cards

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Teenagers: it's the best of times and the worst of times. We love them with our whole hearts, and they're also hard. Some are thriving, some aren't. We are quick to point fingers back at ourselves when things go wrong, and we breathe a sigh of relief when it's going right.

In this conversation, Alex and Krista discuss parenting teenagers with Melissa Kruger, vice president of discipleship at The Gospel Coalition and author of Parenting with Hope. Melissa speaks about the challenges and joys of raising teens in a complex world. We hit on understanding the spectrum of teen experiences, the role of prayer, and the need for open communication.

Melissa discusses the significance of tailoring parenting approaches to individual children and the necessity of maintaining hope amidst challenges. Teens today are facing pressures we simply did not have. Their challenges are different, and it serves us well to try and stand in their shoes.

You will walk away encouraged and re-centered from this episode!

Melissa Kruger's -Website and Instagram

Melissa Kruger's Book- Parenting with Hope

Proverb 12:18

The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing

"I actually think it's sports and activities, it's scholastic achievement, and it's social acceptance. Those are the three, what I call, idols of our age that I think really raise the temperature in parenting teens right now."

"When you step back and say, huh, maybe it would really matter that our family had family dinners every night, and we're gonna fight for that. Maybe it would really matter that we have space to actually get a little bored and do a puzzle as a family."

"So many teens do not get the amount of sleep they need. That leads to greater rates of depression, which leads to greater problems down the road in other areas. And we're like, but they have to be at all these things (activities) or they won't be well-rounded. Who cares if they're well-rounded?"

"In the Barna research, the amount of pressure that kids feel is different than previous generations. And yes, technology is a part of that, but also just the ramp up of all of these things of doing club sports by the time you're seven or eight. All of that plays into this level of pressure and stress."

"Those simple acts of being in God's Word, being a mom of prayer, and being in church matter so I can parent well. I call it a three-legged stool."

1. What is your current measure of hope with your teenager?
2. How can you better address what is going on inside of your in order to better parent your teen?
3. What of the three idols she mentioned, sports and activities, academic success, and social acceptance is most out of balance in your home?
4. What can you do to create a more healthy rhythm in this area?
5. How can you build your hope in Christ for you, for your own spiritual strength?

Did you like this episode? Let us know and leave a review on itunes or share it with a friend.

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Get the Daily Dozen Checklist -12 habits that will immediately make you happier and healthier

Have you ever stuffed a feeling? Yeah, it happens for lots of reasons. We are afraid, don't like discomfort, or have been taught that certain feelings are bad. But no amount of pushing down makes the emotion go away. We need to deal with them at some point.

Therapist and author Aundi Kobler joins the podcast with why we may be avoiding certain emotions and practical approaches to face them in manageable pieces. There is no need to rush in head first. We can allow our bodies and brains to experience a little at a time. Through this paced approach and safe relationships, we can begin to experience our full range of emotions.

We encourage you to listen in as one of the best voices of today gives us her "Try Softer" approach to delving into what is likely scary territory. But remember it is our time to rise and meet the moment. 2025 may just be our year to open ourselves to emotions we have been avoiding.

Aundi Kolber's - Website and Instagram

Aundi Kolber's books- Take What You Need

-John 10:10

-Aundi Kolber's books

• The Try Softer Guided Journey
• Try Softer
• Strong Like Water

1. What has kept you from acknowledging emotions you know are there?
2. What would it look like to allow yourself to give those emotions a seat at the table?
3. What is your window of tolerance for those emotions right now?
4. What kind of support do you need to be able to face some of those emotions, and how can you get it?

Did you like this episode? Let us know and leave a review on itunes or share it with a friend.

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What is the one place in your home you avoid? Has it built up clutter? Become the catch all for the things you don't know what to do with? Or is it full of items that have sentimental value that you can't throw out and yet feel stuck?

This month we are talking about things we avoid and how we can face them. This week we are covering things we avoid in our home. Items we don't know what to do with that grow into piles, areas, even rooms that have taken on a life of their own. Professional organizer Morgan Tyree speaks from her newest book, Take Back Your Home: How to Organize Every Room For a Stress-Free, Mess-Free, Happy Home. She gives us tools to get behind the of the avoiding, (it's deeper than you might think) and then practical step by steps to overcome them.

You won't want to miss this conversation that helps you determine what space you can tackle next as you organize your living and working space in the new year. It's time to take back your home.

Morgan Tyree- Website and Instagram

Morgan Tyree Book- Take Back Your Home

Snags mentioned:

-Schedules

-Purchases

-Experiences

1. How are you wired; are you more of a diamond or arrow, maybe more relaxed, a circle or bolt?
2. How does your wiring impact how you manage your space?
3. What areas are you avoiding in your home, what snags are impacting your avoidance?
4. How can you face an area you are avoiding in the next few weeks, what accountability do you need to put in place?

Did you like this episode? Let us know and leave a review on itunes or share it with a friend.

Or message us on Instagram – we'd love to hear from you!

Get the Daily Dozen Checklist -12 habits that will immediately make you happier and healthier

We've all heard of nightmare stories about inheritance gone wrong. Our mission today is to help you do it right. Inheritance, wealth transfer, wills, estate planning... whatever you call it, no matter the amount, it's important to be intentional around how to best pass on property, money, and items after someone passes away.

This is kicking off our series this month "Things We've Been Putting Off." We're going to be talking about some areas we've been ignoring and what we can do to step into those arenas equipped and with courage.

This subject of estate planning is one of those subjects that we often avoid, yet it is extremely relevant to us as people in midlife, and it's also relevant as our parents age.

Joining us to today are Sean and Jill Maher. Sean is a principal at Valley Forge Financial Group and CEO of Valley Forge Family Office in Pennsylvania. Jill is a licensed psychological counselor. This powerteam wrote the book, The Greatest Gift: Nine Principles to transfer your legacy along with your wealth.

In this conversation, we explore the complexities of inheritance, camping on themes you may not associate with estate planning such as family values, traditions, humility, and generosity. We discuss how these elements shape the way wealth is passed down and the emotional implications involved.

The Mahers share personal stories and insights on how to navigate difficult conversations about money and inheritance, highlighting the need for open communication and understanding within families. They also address the challenges of fairness versus equality in inheritance and the significance of creating a safe environment for these discussions.

This is a practical and helpful conversation you don't want to miss!

The Greatest Gift Book: to receive a $5 discount, enter code: ourtimetorise

Storyworth

Purposeful Planning Institute

Internal Family Systems

Homeboy Ministries

Project Healing Waters

TV Show: Succession

Movie: Knives Out

1. What helps you stand in humility when it comes to money conversations?
2. How can you make sure your children know the fullness of your story, or your parent's story, or the people who came before you?
3. What would growing the muscle of generosity in this season look like?
4. How can you have conversations around assets that can be fair or equal?
5. What spiritual practices can you implement that will protect your flame?
6. How can you go into conversation regulated rather than mirroring the stress or fear of another?

Did you like this episode? Let us know and leave a review on itunes or share it with a friend.

Or message us on Instagram – we'd love to hear from you!

Get the Daily Dozen Checklist -12 habits that will immediately make you happier and healthie

We've all heard of nightmare stories about inheritance gone wrong. Our mission today is to help you do it right. Inheritance, wealth transfer, wills, estate planning... whatever you call it, no matter the amount, it's important to be intentional around how to best pass on property, money, and items after someone passes away.

This subject is relevant to us as people in midlife, and it's also relevant as our parents age.

Joining us to today are Sean and Jill Maher. Sean is a principal at Valley Forge Financial Group and CEO of Valley Forge Family Office in Pennsylvania. Jill is a licensed psychological counselor. This powerteam wrote the book, The Greatest Gift: Nine Principles to transfer your legacy along with your wealth.

In this conversation, we explore the complexities of inheritance, camping on themes you may not associate with estate planning such as family values, traditions, humility, and generosity. We discuss how these elements shape the way wealth is passed down and the emotional implications involved.

The Mahers share personal stories and insights on how to navigate difficult conversations about money and inheritance, highlighting the need for open communication and understanding within families. They also address the challenges of fairness versus equality in inheritance and the significance of creating a safe environment for these discussions.

This is a practical and helpful conversation you don't want to miss!

Purposeful Planning Institute

Warren Buffet Talks to His Kids About His Will, You Should Too

John Gottman, The Four Horseman

The Greatest Gift Book: to receive a $5 discount, enter code: ourtimetorise

1. In what ways have you been avoiding a conversation regarding estate planning or money?
2. In what area can you practice the tool I feel I need?
3. How can you create a common purpose as a family?
4. What is one action step you can take this week regarding this topic?

Did you like this episode? Let us know and leave a review on itunes or share it with a friend.

Or message us on Instagram – we'd love to hear from you!

Get the Daily Dozen Checklist -12 habits that will immediately make you happier and healthier

In this final episode in our Advent "Make Room" Series, we are focusing on the greatest virtue of all: LOVE.

Jamie Finn, author, advocate, and speaker joins us to discuss her ever evolving definition of love. We explore the sacrificial nature of love, the complexity of love, and what it mean to first receive love from God so we are enabled to truly love others, even when it's hard.

The conversation culminates in a reminder of the essence of Christmas: God's sacrificial love for humanity. This is a great episode to listen to as you prepare your heart for Christmas week. MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Jamie's Books

• Foster the Family
• Filled- Devotional

1. Who feels inconvenient for you to love this Christmas season, and how can you ask God to join you in loving them?
2. How can you receive love from God this season?
3. How will this better prepare you to love others?
4. Where do you need to embrace humility?

Did you like this episode? Let us know and leave a review on itunes or share it with a friend.

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Get the Daily Dozen Checklist -12 habits that will immediately make you happier

As we consider joy during Advent we ask why don't we experience it more here on earth. Our guest this week, Paul Robie, says Christians should be the most joyful people on the planet. We have the Good News to direct our steps and our spirits.

This wrestling with joy is likely why joy is an Advent theme since the beginning of Advent themes. We can collectively consider what it means to hold joy in our lives. We can also encourage each other in the practical ways we can cultivate it. Paul is a lifelong pastor, current church consultant, and mentor to seminary students. Practices of faith and how they form us are what he talks about all day long and we get the benefit of his wisdom in this series.

Whether you are wondering why others aren't more joyful, or wanting to experience joy this Advent and in the new year, this episode is for you.

-One Thousand Gifts- Ann Voskamp

-Happiness- Randy Alcorn

-Happiness Is a Serious Problem- Dennis Prager

-The Road Less Traveled- Scott Peck

-Psalms 1

-John 15

1. How have you separated happiness and holiness?
2. Do you agree that Christians should be the happiest people in the world?
3. Who or what am I allowing to steal my joy?
4. What expectations can you let go of in order to make room to be surprised by joy?

Did you like this episode? Let us know and leave a review on itunes or share it with a friend.

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Get the Daily Dozen Checklist -12 habits that will immediately make you happier and healthier

December is starting to move quickly, who could use some peace right about now? We are in an Advent series and today we are making room for PEACE.

Joining us is pastor, seminary professor, and coach Jim Singleton. In this insightful and compelling interview, Jim helps us explore the concept of peace in a chaotic world, focusing on the need for both external and internal peace.

We dive into the historical context of peace, the impact of digital distractions, and the importance of spiritual practices. Jim highlights the cost of true peace, the concept of holy indifference, and the deeper meaning of SHALOM as peace amidst conflict.

If you want practical steps to access shalom, hear about the role of community in finding peace, and discover the connection between creativity and spiritual well-being, this rich conversation is for you.

- Joshua 3

-Mark 1

-Philippians 4

-Acts 16

1. What distraction are keeping you from following the Ark?
2. What high reward are you looking for at a low cost?
3. Does your peace feel more like broth or stew?
4. Whether you are having broth or stew, where is the connection in your daily practices to that, how does the feeling that you are either eating broth or stew how are your daily practices supporting that or not supporting that?
5. How can you use Godly community to encourage and grow the shalom of God in your life?

Did you like this episode? Let us know and leave a review on itunes or share it with a friend.

Or message us on Instagram – we'd love to hear from you!

Get the Daily Dozen Checklist -12 habits that will immediately make you happier and health