She says adolescence is a time of exponential growth and development, and the "job" of the teen is to establish their identity, develop socially and learn emotional regulation.

She says parents play a big role - and the first thing they need to do is check their own perfectionism.

In other words, are you getting joy out of your children's achievements?

Or are you deriving your own self-esteem from seeing your children achieve?

Go to this episode on rnz.co.nz for more details