My guest today is Paul Eastwick, a social psychologist and professor at the University of California, Davis, whose research focuses on attraction, romantic relationships, and the gap between what we think we want and what actually unfolds in real life. His latest book, Bonded by Evolution, challenges a lot of common assumptions about dating and compatibility.

In this episode, we explore:

•  Why many of our inherited “rules” about attraction—like mate value, having a type, or alpha/beta dynamics—don’t hold up in real life 
•  How attraction is far more dynamic and often grows over time rather than appearing instantly 
•  The gap between what people say they want in a partner and who they actually choose 
•  How context (social environments, timing, even a first kiss) plays a powerful role in shaping connection 
•  What dating apps get wrong—and why real-life networks and shared spaces matter more than we think 
•  How loosening rigid expectations allows attraction and relationships to unfold more naturally 

Thank you all for checking out the episode! Here are some ways to help support Mentally Flexible:

You can help cover some of the costs of running the podcast by donating a cup of coffee! www.buymeacoffee.com/mentallyflexible

Please subscribe and leave a review on Apple Podcasts. It only takes 30 seconds and plays an important role in being able to get new guests.https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/mentally-flexible/id1539933988

Follow me on Instagram: @tomparkestherapy

Check out my song “Glimpse at Truth” that you hear in the intro/outro of every episode: https://tomparkes.bandcamp.com/track/glimpse-at-truth

Check out my new album, Holding Space! https://open.spotify.com/album/0iOcjZQhmAhYtjjq3CTpwQ?si=nemiLnELTsGGExjfy8B6iw