Guilt can feel uncomfortable and easy to push away, but it is one of those emotions that actually serves an important purpose in our lives.

For this episode, Debbie sits down with developmental psychologist Chris Moore, author of The Power of Guilt, to unpack what guilt really is and why it plays such an important role in our lives and relationships. Informed by both research and personal experience, Chris offers a perspective that might completely change how you see this emotion.

You’ll come away with an understanding of where guilt comes from, how it shows up in everyday life, from childhood to parenting to relationships, and why some people feel it more than others. 

They also get into topics like apology, forgiveness, and how guilt can actually help us repair and strengthen connections. 

Listen and Learn: 

• How a single life-altering mistake shaped how Chris understands guilt, responsibility, and forgiveness
• How guilt quietly reveals the hidden ways our most important relationships shape what we feel and why we’re driven to repair something we might not fully understand yet
• Does the guilt you feel over small things like unfinished chores reveal deeper, hidden influences from the relationships that shaped your internal rules and standards?
• Why feelings like guilt begin much earlier than we assume and later grow into something far more complex and central to relationships
• Why some people feel guilt far more intensely than others, and how personality, relationships, and even gender differences quietly shape that experience in ways you might not expect
• Why feeling like you are never doing enough as a parent might actually come from the very nature of caring for someone vulnerable, and what that reveals about guilt being more automatic than accurate
• How guilt can quietly become a tool of control when forgiveness is withheld
• How ideas like restorative justice and even collective guilt reshape the way we understand responsibility and emotional repair in society
• Why guilt, though uncomfortable, can actually serve as a powerful internal signal that helps us recognize when a valued relationship may need attention and guide us toward repairing and strengthening it

Resources:

• The Power of Guilt: Why We Feel It and Its Surprising Ability to Heal

https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9781637747728

• Chris’ Website: https://www.chrislmoore.com
• Connect with Chris on Social Media:
• https://www.facebook.com/mfwguilt
• https://www.instagram.com/chrismooreauthorphd/

About Chris Moore

Dr. Chris Moore is a professor of psychology and former dean of science at Dalhousie University in Canada, as well as a former Canada Research Chair at the University of Toronto. He holds a PhD in developmental psychology from the University of Cambridge and an MFA in creative nonfiction from the University of King’s College. He has spent his career studying human social understanding and relations, and has published well over 100 research papers, edited 5 books and special issues of academic journals, and authored The Development of Commonsense Psychology (Psychology Press, 2006). He has had numerous invitations to present at academic conferences and universities around the world and has enjoyed many research collaborations in Canada, the United States, Australia, Germany, China, and the UK. Moore’s work has been cited in mainstream print publications such as Psychology Today, Today’s Parent, and the New York Times. His research has also been featured in a variety of TV documentaries, including The Nature of Things and the Baby Human series on Discovery Health. His new book, The Power of Guilt: Why We Feel It and Its Surprising Ability to Heal, is his first for a general audience. He lives in Nova Scotia with his family.

Related episodes: 

• 430. Nonadaptive Guilt and Shame with Carolyn Allard 
• 118. Moral Injury and Shame with Lauren Borges and Jacob Farnsworth 
• 320. Anger and Forgiveness with Robyn Walser 
• 358. How to Keep House While Drowning with KC Davis 
• 341. Self-Forgiveness with Grant Dewar 

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If you’ve ever ended an argument with your partner, coworker, or family member feeling confused about how it escalated so quickly, this episode is for you. 

Julia Minson, founder of the Constructive Disagreement Lab and author of How to Disagree Better, explains to us why trying to “win” arguments often starts fights and offers a different metric for success: a disagreement that increases both people’s willingness to talk again. 

Drawing on her work on naive realism and research on receptiveness, she discusses why differences feel threatening, how listening is hard to perceive in conflict, and how language can signal receptivity using the HEAR framework. Listen in to learn evidence-based tools to make hard conversations in your life more constructive.

Listen and Learn: 

• Julia’s upbringing in a family of psychologists, her immigrant experience, and her years as a ballroom dancer, and why people can share the same moment yet see it completely differently, making disagreement inevitable
• Why a truly constructive disagreement isn’t about “winning” or changing minds, but about improving mutual willingness to continue the conversation and deepening understanding
• Naive realism and the tendency to assume our perceptions are objectively correct, which underlies everyday conflicts, because everyone thinks “I get it” and struggles to see others’ perspectives
• How true receptiveness works, not just thinking receptively, but expressing it clearly through language so others genuinely feel heard, especially in conflict or disagreement
• How to use the HEAR framework to communicate receptively and build stronger relationships
• Julia’s Hawk story and how approaching disagreements with curiosity rather than judgment can turn tense or potentially divisive moments into understanding, connection, and even common ground

Resources: 

• How to Disagree Better: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780593855003
• Julia’s Websites: https://disagreeingbetter.com/ and https://www.juliaminson.com/ 
• Connect with Julia on Social Media: 
• https://www.linkedin.com/in/julia-minson-5b511b150/
• https://twitter.com/juliaminson 
• Take The Measure of Receptivity:https://receptiveness.net/survey.html 

About Julia Minson: 

Julia Minson is a professor of public policy at Harvard Kennedy School and founder of the Constructive Disagreement Lab, where she studies what she calls the "psychology of disagreement" — how we actually engage with views that conflict with our own, especially on the hot-button stuff: politics, values, health decisions.

Her new book, How to Disagree Better, starts from a counterintuitive premise: we're drowning in advice on how to win arguments, but Julia's research shows that trying to win is basically a guaranteed way to start a fight. Her work offers evidence-based strategies for being genuinely receptive to opposing views, which turns out to be far more effective than perfecting your persuasion game.

Related Episodes:

• 276. Assertive Communication Skills with Randy Paterson
• 281. Belonging Uncertainty and Bridging Divides with Geoffrey Cohen
• 371. Uniting Toward a Better Future with Diana McLain Smith
• 392. Outraged with Kurt Gray
• 403. Conflict Resilience with Bob Bordone and Joel Salinas

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Overwhelm can push us to a point where the tools we normally rely on suddenly feel out of reach. 

In this episode, clinical psychologist and burnout expert Kerry Makin-Byrd discusses her book Start Here: A Practical Guide for the Overwhelmed, created as a simple, step-by-step guide for moments when thinking clearly feels difficult. She explains overwhelm as being outside the “window of tolerance,” when the nervous system moves into overarousal or shutdown, and everyday functioning, like sleep, mood, and decision-making, can be disrupted.

Kerry introduces a three-part approach called Soothe, Transcend, Move. The idea is to regulate the body first, then shift perspective with self-compassion, and finally focus on one small action that aligns with your values. 

Listen and Learn: 

• Kerry’s simple illustrated guide for turning overwhelming stress into clear, actionable steps you can actually use in the moment
• How overwhelm shows up in your body and mind can look completely different from others and might be quietly sabotaging your focus and energy
• Practicing small daily skills to train your mind to handle stress more quickly and effortlessly under pressure
• How you can instantly calm your body and unlock clearer thinking using a surprising science-based “chill out” practice from the first step of a three-part emotional regulation system
• How Kerr’s three-step approach can help you calm your body, shift perspective, and navigate stress more effectively
• Reflective support to overcome burnout and compassion fatigue in helping professions

Resources:

• Start Here: A Practical Guide for the Overwhelmed: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9781408783221
• Kerry’s Website: https://www.drkerrymakinbyrd.com/ 
• Subscribe for twice-a-month field notes on overwhelm, burnout, and compassion to help you care for yourself and others: https://www.drkerrymakinbyrd.com/contact/#/portal/ 
• Kerr’s Podcast, Start Here for Helpers — with Dr Kerry Makin-Byrd: https://starthereforhelpers.substack.com/?ref=drkerrymakinbyrd.com 
• Connect with Kerry on Social Media: 
• https://www.instagram.com/drkerrymb
• https://www.linkedin.com/in/kerry-makin-byrd-phd
• https://www.facebook.com/DrKerryMakinByrd/
• https://www.youtube.com/@drkerrymb 

About Kerry Makin-Byrd

Dr. Kerry Makin-Byrd is a clinical psychologist and noted burnout and well-being expert who translates science into practical non-fiction. An alum of Penn State, UC San Francisco, and the Palo Alto VA Health Care System/Stanford School of Medicine (affiliated), she was honoured with the Veterans Health Administration’s Special Contribution Award for nationally impactful policy work and clinical teaching. A burnout survivor herself, Dr. Kerry is the author of the memoir The Ballad of Burnout. Based in Wellington, New Zealand, she divides her time between writing, providing trauma therapy, and mentoring doctors and therapists. Her favorite types of rest are cold swims with her family and cackling with friends.

Related Episodes: 

• 153. Healthcare Professional Wellbeing Abbie Beacham, Kerry Makin-Byrd, and Bernard Chang (Part 1) 
• 154. Healthcare Professional Wellbeing with Abbie Beacham, Kerry Makin-Byrd, and Bernard Chang (Part 2) 
• 338. ACT for Burnout with Debbie 
• 177. Mind-Body Practices for Stress and Overwhelm with Rebekkah LaDyne 
• 75. Mindful Self-Compassion with Christopher Germer  
• 199. Belonging From the Inside Out with Meg McKelvie 
• 211. Subtract with Leidy Klotz
• 73. Essentialism with Greg McKeown 

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Weight feels like one of those topics everyone has an opinion on, yet it’s deeply personal for each of us. So, for this episode, Emily and Jill take the opportunity to dig into what it’s like to navigate body changes in a world full of strong opinions, from the rise of GLP-1 medications to the stigma that can come with medical or surgical interventions.

Jill opens up about her own journey with weight, body image, and ultimately deciding to have gastric bypass surgery, including what’s shifted for her since, physically, emotionally, and socially. 

They also talk about the judgment people can face, how conversations about health often get reduced to discipline or willpower, and also zoom out to explore the bigger cultural messages about bodies and how therapists can support clients in talking about weight in ways that move beyond shame or “fixing.” 

Listen and Learn: 

• Why shame, Yo-yo dieting, and a surprising therapy session insight led Jill to discover a life-changing path that transformed her health, mindset, and relationship with exercise
• Why the idea that weight loss tools are “cheating” reveals deeper cultural biases about bodies, health, and who gets judged for the choices they make
• How constant pressure on women’s bodies may actually distract from power, health, and autonomy in ways most people never question
• Focusing on values instead of weight loss goals to help you stop postponing the life you want to live
• How changing your relationship with cravings and “food noise” through psychological flexibility can make long-term weight loss maintenance more possible

Resources: 

• Jill’s Website: https://jillstoddard.com
• Connect with Jill on Social Media 
• https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNDJ6pR5PVGZSSzRFc556QA
• https://www.linkedin.com/in/jillstoddardphd/ 

About Jill Stoddard 

Jill Stoddard is passionate about sharing science-backed ideas from psychology to help people thrive. She is a psychologist, writer, TEDx speaker, award-winning teacher, peer-reviewed ACT trainer, bariatric coach, and co-host of the popular Psychologists Off the Clock podcast. Dr. Stoddard is the founder and director of The Center for Stress and Anxiety Management, an outpatient practice specializing in evidence-based therapies for anxiety and related issues. She is the author of three books: The Big Book of ACT Metaphors: A Practitioner’s Guide to Experiential Exercises and Metaphors in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy; Be Mighty: A Woman’s Guide to Liberation from Anxiety, Worry, and Stress Using Mindfulness and Acceptance; and Imposter No More: Overcome Self-doubt and Imposterism to Cultivate a Successful Career. Her writing has also appeared in The Washington Post, Psychology Today, Scary Mommy, Thrive Global, The Good Men Project, and Mindful Return. She regularly appears on podcasts and as an expert source for various media outlets. She lives in Newburyport, MA with her husband, two kids, and disobedient French Bulldog.  

Related Episodes:

• 348. Sustainable Exercise with Michelle Segar
• 326. Weight Stigma and Body Image with Sarah Pegrum
• 264. Raising Intuitive Eaters with Sumner Brooks and Amee Severson
• 231. Eating Skills and Emotional Eating with Josh Hillis
• 151. Intuitive Eating with Evelyn Tribole
• 93. Effective Weight Loss with Evan Forman
• 77. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy with Jill Stoddard
• 36. Weight Loss Strategies From Acceptance and Commitment Therapy with Jason Lillis

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Feeling loved sounds simple, but it is not something that just happens because someone cares about you. 

In this episode of Psychologists Off the Clock, Yael talks with Sonja Lyubomirsky and Harry Reis about their book, How to Feel Loved: The Five Mindsets That Get You More of What Matters Most, and why it is possible to be loved but not actually feel loved.

They explore what really helps people feel cared for and understood in any kind of relationship, why stress or attachment patterns can get in the way, and how small mindset shifts like listening to learn or being willing to go first can make a big difference in how connected you feel.

It is less about following relationship rules and more about how you show up. Your curiosity, your openness, and your willingness to understand someone else and let yourself be understood too. If connection sometimes feels harder than it should, this episode is for you.

Listen and Learn: 

• How the happiness habits you already know, like gratitude or kindness, may actually work by strengthening a hidden relationship dynamic that makes people feel deeply understood and loved in everyday interactions
• What are the key ingredients that quietly combine to make us feel truly loved and understood by others?
• How feeling loved often depends less on what’s done for us and more on whether we truly feel seen, understood, and connected in the moment
• How shifting your mindset in love can transform simple behaviors into deeper, more genuine connections that naturally grow intimacy
• How showing up first in relationships can feel risky, but it often unlocks deeper connections in ways you might not expect
• Why feeling loved isn’t just about what you receive, it’s about how you understand and respond to the love others are trying to give
• Embracing the messy, multifaceted parts of yourself to completely change how you experience love and connection

Resources: 

• How to Feel Loved: The Five Mindsets That Get You More of What Matters Most https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780063426665 
• Sonja’s Website: https://sonjalyubomirsky.com 
• Card deck from Sojna’s recommendation: The And
• https://howtofeelloved.com/ 
• Connect with Sonja on Social Media: 
• https://www.linkedin.com/in/sonja-lyubomirsky-21283bb/
• https://www.instagram.com/sonjalyubomirsky/
• https://www.facebook.com/sonja.lyubomirsky 

About Sonja Lyubomirsky and Harry Reis: 

Sonja Lyubomirsky is a Distinguished Professor of Psychology at UC Riverside and the author of The How of Happiness and The Myths of Happiness. She's also a returning guest on Psychologists Off the Clock — you can catch her first appearance in episode 227.

Harry Reis is a Dean's Professor of Psychology at the University of Rochester and one of the most influential relationship scientists working today, known for foundational research on intimacy, responsiveness, and what makes people feel truly connected.

Together, they've written How to Feel Loved: The Five Mindsets that Get You More of What Matters Most — a book that reframes the question most of us have been asking wrong.

Related Episodes:

• 172. Performing Under Pressure with Sian Beilock
• 227. The Science of Happy with Sonja Lyubomirsky
• 413. Validate with Caroline Fleck
• 422. Mindwise with Nicholas Epley

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Oversharing has a bad reputation. But what if revealing more about yourself is actually the fastest way to build trust? 

To give us insight into the psychology behind oversharing — when it builds connection and when it backfires — we’re joined by behavioral scientist and author of Revealing: The Underrated Power of Oversharing, Leslie John.

Leslie guides us through the surprising benefits of self-disclosure, exploring how revealing personal information can strengthen social bonds and increase trust. 

She also shares research on how disclosure impacts relationships, workplace dynamics, and even physiological stress, and explains how to find the “Goldilocks zone” where sharing is just right, without overburdening others.

Listen and Learn: 

• How sharing something a little uncomfortable can instantly build trust and make people like and choose you even more than someone who keeps everything private
• Why the instant regret after saying something vulnerable makes us play it safe, while the real price of not opening up shows up later in missed connection we never even realize we lost
• How sharing just a little more than usual in conversations can create connection and prompt others to open up with you
• Asking deeper, slightly risky questions to turn awkward small talk into real connection and reveal surprising ways people bond
• Recognizing when sharing with a friend is helping or hurting your relationship and the surprising way your closest friendships reveal your emotional limits
• How sharing small vulnerabilities at work can actually boost trust and credibility without crossing professional boundaries
• How encouraging young kids to show their feelings now could help them handle stress later and navigate tricky social pressures as they grow
• Sharing personal stories to light up your brain’s pleasure centers, and why that might be more rewarding than you think

Resources: 

• Revealing: The Underrated Power of Oversharing https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780593545386 
• Leslie’s Website: https://www.lesliekjohn.com
• Connect with Leslie on Social Media:
• https://www.linkedin.com/in/leslie-john-75928721 
• https://www.instagram.com/proflesliejohn/ 
• https://x.com/lesliekjohn?lang=en 

About Leslie John

Leslie John is the James E. Burke Professor of Business Administration at the Harvard Business School. Her award-winning research appears in top academic journals and media, including The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, and The Economist. A Canadian-born, internationally trained ballet dancer, she now calls Boston home

Related Episodes:

• 422. Mindwise with Nicholas Epley
• 360. The Laws of Connection with David Robson
• 374. Developing and Deepening Connections with Adam ... 
• 393. Supercommunicators with Charles Duhigg 
• 408. Connecting Like a Hostage Negotiator with Gary ... 

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

If you struggle with people-pleasing and losing yourself in relationships, this episode with Ingrid Clayton, a licensed clinical psychologist and expert in relational trauma, about her book Fawning: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves and How to Find Our Way Back, is a conversation that can help you understand and transform patterns holding you back. 

Exploring fawning, which is a lesser-known trauma response shaped by caretaking, appeasement, and self-abandonment, you’ll learn how it often shows up as anxiety and hypervigilance. 

And, through personal and client stories, you’ll gain insights on reclaiming authenticity, navigating backlash, and starting the process of “unfawning.”

Listen and Learn:

• Why do some people cope with relational trauma by becoming overly accommodating or pleasing?
• How people-pleasing might actually be your nervous system choosing safety in ways that once protected you, but could now be quietly shaping your identity and relationships without you realizing it, and what it actually takes to reconnect with who you are
• How chronic fawning can look like emotional strength on the outside while quietly disconnecting you from your own anxiety and body
• How what looks like dishonesty can actually be a survival response that once kept you safe, and what it takes to notice when it starts keeping you stuck
• How tuning into what you notice in your body can be the first uncomfortable but powerful step to breaking people-pleasing patterns and building more authentic relationships
• Why red flags can feel like home after emotional abuse and how learning to trust your own resentment might be the first step toward building a truly safe relationship

Resources:

• Fawning: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves and How to Find Our Way Back https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9798217045327 
• Ingrid’s Website: https://www.ingridclayton.com/ 
• Connect with Ingrid on Social Media:
• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ingridclaytonphd 
• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/IngridClaytonPhD 
• LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ingridclaytonphd/ 
• Substack: https://substack.com/@ingridclaytonphd 
• YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC3PvWTgJMirURfgHWj3h28g 

About Ingrid Clayton

Dr. Ingrid Clayton is a licensed clinical psychologist with a master’s in transpersonal psychology and a Ph.D. in clinical psychology.  She’s had a thriving private practice for more than sixteen years and is a regular contributor to Psychology Today, where her blog “Emotional Sobriety” has had more than a million views.  She lives in Los Angeles, California. 

Book: Fawning: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves--and How to Find Our Way Back: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9798217045327

Related Episodes:

• 305. The Power of Saying No with Vanessa Patrick
• 186. Set Boundaries Find Peace with Nedra Tawwab 
• 276. Assertive Communication Skills with Randy Paterson  
• 308. Identifying and Surviving Gaslighting with Robin Stern 
• 263. Relationships with Emotionally Immature People with Lindsay Gibson 
• 383. What My Bones Know: C-PTSD with Stephanie Foo
• 417. Busting Trauma Treatment Myths with Emi Nietfeld
• 416. Trauma and PTSD Treatment with Robyn Walser

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Behind the scenes of everyday family life is a mental workload many of us carry without even realizing it, and that’s exactly what Debbie Sorensen explores in her interview with sociologist Allison Daminger about her book, What's on Her Mind: The Mental Workload of Family Life. 

Allison defines cognitive labor as the invisible work of managing family needs and obligations, and walks us through its importance for individual well-being and relationship satisfaction. 

The discussion also touches on how these tasks are often unrecognized in statistics, the gender dynamics in cognitive labor, and the implications for families and workplaces. 

You’ll also get a look at insights from her research involving both different-sex and same-sex couples, and she suggests ways to address gender imbalances through individual, cultural, and systemic changes.

Listen and Learn: 

• How cognitive household labor silently shapes family life
• How mental load secretly drains energy in daily life and why the invisible tasks of keeping a household running can be more exhausting than anyone realizes
• Why the small, everyday decisions parents make reveal hidden patterns in family life that most people never notice
• Why women often carry the mental load at home even when they out-earn or out-work their partners
• How couples explain unequal household labor reveals that what seems like personality differences is actually shaped by deeply ingrained social and cultural expectations around gender
• The surprising ways “superhuman” and “bumbler” roles shape relationships and what small changes can help partners share the load more freely
• Insights from same-sex couples on sharing mental load and the lessons they offer for balancing household responsibilities

Resources: 

• What's on Her Mind: The Mental Workload of Family Life https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780691245386
• Allison’s Website: https://www.allisondaminger.com/
• Allison’s Substack: https://allisondaminger.substack.com/
• Connect with Allison on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/allisondaminger/ 

About Allison Daminger

Allison Daminger is an assistant professor of sociology at UW-Madison and the author of the new book What's on Her Mind: The Mental Workload of Family Life. Daminger's research is focused on how and why gender shapes family dynamics, particularly the division of work and power in couples. Her award-winning scholarship has been published in top academic journals and featured in outlets including The Atlantic, The New York Times, and Psychology Today. Daminger holds a Ph.D. in Sociology and Social Policy from Harvard University and lives with her family in Madison, Wisconsin. 

Related Episodes:

• 176. Fair Play with Eve Rodsky 
• 206. Fair Play Part 2 with Eve Rodsky
• 275. Work, Parent, Thrive with Yael Schonbrun
• 386. Parents Are Stressed: What Do We Do About It? with Emily, Debbie, and our dear friend Yael Schonbrun
• 306. Screaming on the Inside: The Challenges of American Motherhood with Jessica Grose
• 146. Parental Burnout with Lisa Coyne
• 441. Having It All with Corinne Low
• 137. The Complexities of Motherhood with Daphne de Marneffe
• 104. You’re Doing It Wrong with Bethany Johnson and Margaret Quinlan
• 33. Couples with Young Children: Relationship Challenges and Strategies with Yael Schonbrun         

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Caregiving is often framed as a burden, but what if it’s also one of the most meaningful ways we come to know ourselves?

Emily sits down with acclaimed journalist and cultural critic Elissa Strauss for this episode to discuss her extensive work on the politics and culture of parenting and caregiving, which has appeared in publications like The Atlantic and The New York Times. 

Centering on her new book, When You Care: The Unexpected Magic of Caring for Others, they challenge feminist notions that have undervalued caregiving and explore how caregiving can enrich one's sense of self. 

You’ll hear about the philosophical foundations of care ethics and how caregiving for various dependents, not just children, brings profound personal growth, scientific research on caregiver well-being, the importance of male caregivers, and also the need for systemic support for caregivers.

Listen and Learn: 

• How redefining caregiving, not as a burden, but as a powerful source of meaning and self-expansion, might change what we think feminism, motherhood, and what a “full” life actually look like
• How caregiving across parenting, disability, and aging becomes an intense, surprising mirror that reshapes identity and meaning in ways most of us never expect
• The research that shows why caregiving doesn’t have to wear you down, and under certain conditions, it can actually make you healthier and even help you live longer
• How one husband turned the challenges of caregiving into moments of quiet activism, love, and connection
• How does caring for others bring meaning, even when day-to-day life feels messy?
• What if the real barrier for working caregivers isn’t just the glass ceiling but the glass door separating home and work, and how breaking it could change everything we value about care?
• Why men’s brains change when they care for others, how caregiving reshapes masculinity, and what it really means for dads today
• Why caring for those closest to us isn’t just personal—it’s a radical philosophical lens that could change how we think about society itself

Resources: 

• When You Care: The Unexpected Magic of Caring for Others https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9781982169282
• Elisa’s Website: https://www.elissastrauss.com/
• Elisa’s Substack: https://elissa.substack.com/
• Connect with Elisa on Social Media: 
• https://www.facebook.com/elissa.strauss.7/
• https://www.instagram.com/elissaavery/
• https://www.linkedin.com/in/elissa-strauss-742720112 

About Elissa Strauss

Elissa Strauss is a journalist, essayist, and cultural critic who has been writing about the politics and culture of parenting and caregiving for more than fifteen years. Her work appears in publications like the Atlantic, the New York Times, Glamour, ELLE, and elsewhere, and she was a former contributing writer at CNN.com and Slate. Her book, "When You Care: The Unexpected Magic of Caring for Others," is out now from Gallery Books, and she writes a Substack called "MADE WITH CARE."

Related episodes: 

• 444. Mattering with Jennifer Wallace
• 441. Having It All with Corinne Low
• 386. Parents Are Stressed: What Do We Do About It? With Emily, Debbie, and Yael
• 356. Navigating the Challenges of Caregiving with Alison Applebaum
• 354. A Family Guide to Dementia with Brent Forester
• 275. Work, Parent, Thrive with Yael Schonbrun

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

In a world that’s more connected than ever yet feels increasingly lonely, award-winning journalist Jennifer B. Wallace explores why the simple human need to matter may be the most powerful force shaping our well-being. 

Joining Yael to discuss her new book, Mattering: The Secret to a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose, Jennifer underscores the crucial role of mattering in fostering resilience and well-being, emphasizing its importance in both personal and professional contexts. You’ll gain practical ways to cultivate a sense of mattering, learn about the importance of attunement in relationships, and understand the significance of social contexts in mental health. 

She also reflects on the impact of technology on our social connections and the valuable lessons learned from her research on creating ecosystems that support mattering.

Listen and Learn: 

• The discovery that shifted Jennifer’s entire research focus and why the real key to kids’ resilience may actually lie in how adults experience purpose, value, and “mattering” in their own lives
• Why “mattering” goes beyond belonging or purpose and how feeling both valued and impactful may be the hidden factor that determines whether people truly engage or quietly burn out
• How a simple moment of everyday rudeness can quietly undermine our sense of mattering, and why understanding that reaction can completely change how you interpret (and respond to) those interactions
• How a lesson learned from Jennifer’s father about making people feel like they matter shaped their entire life
• Why feeling like you “matter” isn’t something you can fix alone, and how small, often uncomfortable moments of connection, dependence, and even friction are actually where real healing and meaning are built
• Why do some people never seem to feel that they matter, even when the evidence is right in front of them, and what actually helps (and doesn’t) when you’re trying to show someone they do?
• How attunement can transform everyday interactions and make people feel deeply seen, valued, and connected

Resources:

• Mattering: The Secret to a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose by Jennifer B. Wallace: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780593850596 
• Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic-and What We Can Do About It by Jennifer B. Wallace: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780593191866 
• Jennifer’s Website: https://www.jenniferbwallace.com/
• Connect with Jennifer on Social Media: 
• https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennifer-b-wallace/
• https://www.instagram.com/jenniferbrehenywallace 
• Yael’s newsletter on “phubbing” with Jaqueline Nesi: https://relationalriffs.substack.com/p/are-you-phubbing-your-partner 
• Empathy Diaries by Sherry Turkle: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780525560111 
• Power of Discord by Ed Tronick and Claudia Goldstein: https://bookshop.org/p/books/the-power-of-discord-why-the-ups-and-downs-of-relationships-are-the-secret-to-building-intimacy-resilience-and-trust-claudia-m-gold-md/f91287b2b45f7311?ean=9780316488877&next=t

About Jennifer B Wallace

Jennifer Breheny Wallace is an award-winning journalist and author of the New York Times bestselling book Never Enough: When Achievement Culture Becomes Toxic—And What We Can Do About It, which was named an Amazon Best Book of the Year, and for which she joined us on POTC episode 324. She's also the founder of The Mattering Institute, whose mission is to create cultures of mattering in workplaces and communities, and co-founder of The Mattering Movement, a nonprofit dedicated to creating cultures of mattering in schools. Jennifer started her journalism career at CBS's 60 Minutes. She's contributed to The Wall Street Journal and The Washington Post, and she's here today to talk about her forthcoming book Mattering: The Secret to a Life of Deep Connection and Purpose.

Related Episodes:

• 168. Everyday Conversations: How Conversational Style Impacts Relationships with Deborah Tannen
• 179. How to be an Adult in Relationships with Dave Richo
• 263. Relationships with Emotionally Immature People with Lindsay Gibson
• 324. Toxic Achievement Culture with Jennifer Wallace

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