When a survivor speaks up, the world too often demands a 'perfect victim' before it offers belief, a painful reality that leaves many wondering if their truth will ever be enough. 

In this episode with Deborah Tuerkheimer, author of Credible: Why We Doubt Accusers and Protect Abusers, we hear about the “credibility complex,” including credibility discount and credibility inflation, rape myths, the “perfect victim” and “monster abuser” archetypes, and how victim-blaming and disbelief are reinforced by culture and legal rules. 

You’ll also learn about underreporting, the “second assault,” trauma-informed investigation, expert testimony on trauma dynamics, and how loved ones can respond supportively when someone discloses abuse. Listen in to understand why credibility judgments are patterned and how believing, validating, and offering help can change what happens next. 

Listen and Learn: 

• The credibility complex and how social power dynamics cause the credibility of marginalized individuals to be discounted while powerful individuals receive an inflated boost
• Why society perpetuates rape myths and victim-blaming 
• How the "perfect victim" myth is weaponized against survivors in the legal system 
• How institutional disbelief and victim-blaming are systemic realities baked into the penal code
• Why cultural tropes and a deep-seated "care gap" cause society to minimize astronomical statistics, overstate the prevalence of false reports, and prioritize the futures of perpetrators over the lives of victims 
• How the cultural myth of the "monster abuser" prevents fair credibility judgments by creating a false archetype of a deviant stranger 
• How the justice system creates an institutional imbalance by weaponizing an accuser's personal history while shielding a perpetrator’s past behavior 
• How physical attractiveness acts as a "Goldilocks" trap for victims' credibility
• Why true progress relies on upending a systemic culture of impunity rather than relying solely on institutional training 

Resources: 

• Credible: Why We Doubt Accusers and Protect Abusers https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780063002760
• Deborah’s Website: https://www.deborahtuerkheimer.com

About Deborah Tuerkheimer

Deborah Tuerkheimer is a professor at Northwestern University Pritzker School of Law. She earned her undergraduate degree from Harvard College and her law degree from Yale Law School. Tuerkheimer served for five years as an Assistant District Attorney in the New York County District Attorney's Office, where she specialized in domestic violence and child abuse prosecution. She teaches and writes in the areas of criminal law, evidence, and feminist legal theory. She is also the author of CREDIBLE: Why We Doubt Accusers and Protect Abusers (Harper Wave/HarperCollins).

Related Episodes:

• 19. Keeping Children Safe from Sexual Abuse with Feather Berkower
• 84. Courageous Conversations to Prevent Childhood Sexual Abuse with Feather Berkower
• 163. The Likeability Trap with Alicia Menendez
• 394. Sunlight is the Best Disinfectant with Andrea Dunlop and Mike Weber
• 399. Likable Badass with Alison Fragale
• 421. Defy with Sunita Sah
• 436. Consent Laid Bare with Chanel Contos
• 448. The Power of Oversharing with Leslie John

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

It’s easy to live life on autopilot, with your eyes glued to a screen, completely disconnected from your physical surroundings. 

But as we learn in this episode with Leidy Klotz, the spaces you inhabit aren't just backdrops; they are actively shaping your mind, moods, and memories. 

Talking about Leidy’s latest book, In a Good Place, you’ll hear about Leidy’s framework of agency, growth, and belonging; why attention to physical environments matters in an age of screens and automation; how workplaces and homes can support different needs through thoughtful choice and design; and how spaces anchor powerful memories.

Listen and Learn: 

• Modern automation and screen time are subtly changing the way you interact with your physical surroundings and how you can intentionally reclaim your agency in the environments you navigate every day 
• Why some modern architectural choices and environmental distractions might actually be making it harder for you to form genuine connections with the people right in front of you 
• Breaking through modern habits, tune out your digital devices, and actively re-engage with the world around you 
• How different personality types navigate physical environments
• How having personal agency and direct control over one's space profoundly increases comfort levels 
• Allowing spaces to serve as powerful physical conduits for processing grief, honoring lost loved ones, and preserving their spirit through physical landmarks 

Resources: 

• Subtract The Untapped Science of Less https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9781250249876
• In a Good Place: How the Spaces Where We Live,  Work, and Play Can Help Us Thrive https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780316567367
• Jill’s newsletter post about the sweet spot: https://jillstoddard.substack.com/p/the-one-question-that-can-unlock?utm_source=publication-search  
• Leidy’s website: https://leidyklotz.com/  

About Leidy Klotz: 

Leidy Klotz is a professor at the University of Virginia whose research sits at the intersection of physical design and behavioral science. Before academia, he designed schools in New Jersey — and before that, he played professional soccer. A man who has never met a lane he wasn't willing to cross.

His first book, Subtract, uncovered our systematic bias toward adding rather than removing, and what we lose in the process. His latest, In a Good Place: How the Spaces Where We Live, Work, and Play Can Help Us Thrive, explores how the spaces we inhabit quietly shape how we think, feel, and connect — usually without our awareness. It's also a deeply personal book whose emotional resonance defies easy summary.

Related Episodes:

• 182. Stretch with Scott Sonenshein 
• 211. Subtract with Leidy Klotz

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

When was the last time you sparked up a conversation with a stranger and surprised yourself with how good it felt? 

Behavioral scientist Nicholas Epley, author of A Little More Social, returns to the podcast to discuss with Michael why we systematically underestimate how positively strangers respond, how connection supports happiness, health, and longevity, and the key mechanisms behind our social pessimism (misjudging warmth vs. competence, overlooking reciprocity, and self-fulfilling avoidance). 

Nicholas shares research on how quickly people update after a conversation and how fast those gains can fade, plus practical “easy choice” experiments like asking someone to take your photo or simply asking, “Can you tell me your story?” 

Plus, in a special post-interview discussion, listener-turned-friend of Michael’s, therapist Dr. Jennifer Kauder, joins Michael to reflect on voice vs. text, comfort-zone challenges, and why real-time connection changes everything.

Listen and Learn: 

• The surprising benefits of connecting with people you don't know, and why our minds trick us into fearing these interactions that can lengthen and enrich our lives
• Psychological traps that make us overly pessimistic about reaching out to others, and why we miss out on deeper, happier connections due to misplaced expectations 
• Research on why trying to push past social awkwardness just once isn't enough, and why our brains quickly forget positive interactions 
• Why our confidence drops right before we approach someone new, the psychology behind why starting a conversation is much easier than anticipating it, and how small mindsets can instantly dissolve social anxiety 
• A simple, foolproof question that skips past awkward small talk, ignites genuine curiosity, and uncovers the fascinating, hidden stories

Resources: 

• A Little More Social: How Small Choices Create Unexpected Happiness, Health, and Connection https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780593319543 
• Nicholas’ Website: https://www.nicholasepley.com/
• Nicholas Epley on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/nicholas-epley/  
• Michael's Confidence Course: https://herold.coach/course
• Rejection Proof by Jia Jiang: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780804141383 

About Nicholas Epley

Nicholas Epley is the John Templeton Keller Distinguished Service Professor of Behavioral Science and Director of the Roman Family Center for Decision Research, at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business. He studies social cognition—how thinking people think about other thinking people—to understand why smart people so routinely misunderstand each other. He teaches an ethics and happiness course to MBA students called Designing a Good Life. His research has appeared in more than two dozen empirical journals, been featured by the New York Times, Wall Street Journal, CNN, Wired, and National Public Radio, among many others, and has been funded by the National Science Foundation and the Templeton Foundation. He has been awarded the 2008 Theoretical Innovation Award from the Society for Personality and Social Psychology, the 2011 Distinguished Scientific Award for Early Career Contribution to Psychology from the American Psychological Association, the 2015 Book Prize for the Promotion of Social and Personality Science, and the 2018 Career Trajectory Award from the Society for Experimental Social Psychology. Epley was named a “professor to watch” by the Financial Times, one of the “World’s Best 40 under 40 Business School Professors” by Poets and Quants, and one of the 100 Most Influential in Business Ethics in 2015 by Ethisphere. He is the author of Mindwise: How We Understand What Others Think, Believe, Feel, and Want. 

His new book, A Little More Social: How Small Choices Create Unexpected Happiness, Health, and Connection, was published in May! (Our UK listeners will find the book titled Hello: The Unexpected Power of Choosing To Connect)

Related Episodes

• 422. Mindwise with Nicholas Epley
• 454. Remain Calm. Confidence Ahead with Michael Herold
• 313. ACT-Informed Exposure for Anxiety with Brian Pilecki and Brian Thompson
• 393. Supercommunicators with Charles Duhigg
• 360. The Laws of Connection with David Robson

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Parenting often feels like a high-stakes guessing game played in the middle of a meltdown or a deafening teenage silence.

Clinical psychologist and bestselling author Lindsay C. Gibson returns to Psychologist Off the Clock to discuss her new book, "How to Raise an Emotionally Mature Child," and the core mindsets that build emotional maturity across development. 

You’ll hear how emotionally immature parenting shows up, why self-reflection protects against repeating harmful patterns, how mistakes and repair strengthen trust, and what it looks like to treat kids as fully human with rich inner worlds, even when they don’t say much or you don’t understand them. 

Listen for a relational, autonomy-supportive approach that can improve parenting and adult relationships alike. 

Listen and Learn:

• How the toddler-like self-centeredness of emotionally immature parents forces their adult children to constantly manage everyone else's happiness at the absolute cost of their own identity and peace
• Why breaking the cycle of childhood trauma doesn't require being a perfect parent, but rather practicing self-awareness and honoring your child's deeply sensitive
• Why parenting is a relational enterprise rather than a production line, where meaningful connection isn't measured by long-winded conversations, but by showing genuine curiosity and active engagement 
• Shifting from "carpentry-style" parenting that forces a narrow path to "gardening-style" parenting that nourishes the child's true, unique self 
• Why true parenting connection doesn't require you to perfectly understand your child at all times, but rather to create a safe, curious environment where they feel inherently understandable 

Resources:

• How to Raise an Emotionally Mature Child by Lindsay Gibson https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780593735367 
• Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Children by Lindsay Gibson https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9781626251700
• Lidnsey’s Website: https://www.lindsaycgibson.com/
• How to Avoid Estrangement (a Q&A with Lindsay for Yael’s newsletter)
• Stories that Connect (about sharing books, Yael’s newsletter post inspired by Lindsay Gibson)
• Video from Ed Tronick’s research on the “still face experiment”
• Range by David Epstein https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780735214507 

About Lindsay Gibson

Lindsay Gibson, PsyD, is a clinical psychologist specializing in emotional maturity and its ripple effects across the lifespan. Her book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents became a #1 bestseller and has helped countless readers make sense of their childhoods — and themselves. Her newest book, How to Raise an Emotionally Mature Child, takes that work upstream, exploring what it actually looks like to raise kids who are emotionally grounded and self-aware. With a background that spans art, literature, and clinical psychology, Lindsay brings a rare combination of intellectual curiosity and practical wisdom to her work. She practices in Virginia Beach, Virginia, and has a habit of mailing Carl Rogers books to people she likes — which is how she became one of Yael's favorite humans.

Related Episodes:

• 262. Relationships with Emotionally Immature People with lindsay Gibson
• 303. Both/And Thinking with Marianne Lewis

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Modern life has become a gauntlet of "dangerous weather" that frequently strips away our most basic human needs.

In this episode, Emily speaks with author and strategist Stephanie Malia Kraus about her book, How We Thrive, and the essential practice of "rehumaning." 

Stephanie breaks down the four systemic forces, from hustle culture to addictive tech, that undermine our well-being and offers a roadmap for reclaiming play, wonder, and rest. 

The discussion bridges the gap between ancient Hawaiian wayfinding and modern neuroscience, highlighting the critical importance of restorative "downstates" and simple regulation tools for navigating an increasingly overstimulated world.

Listen and Learn:

• How the Hawaiian tradition of Wayfinding teaches us to navigate a world that has "shifted on its axis" by anchoring into timeless human essentials, and influenced Stephanie's book
• Why the friction you feel in parenting isn't a personal failure, but a biological mismatch between our human nature and modern society 
• Recognizing the four universal forces: Overtapped, Overworked, Overstimulated, and Overwrought, and understanding why feeling depleted isn't a personal failure, but a natural response to the "stormy" conditions of modern living 
• Why our modern "social jet lag", the mismatch between our hectic schedules and our biological needs, is fueling a youth mental health crisis, and how reclaiming "human essentials" like sleep, play, and internal attunement can act as a biological superpower for both parents and teens 
• How the practices of celebrating small wins, contributing to others, and nurturing an inborn sense of belief act as biological shields that restore our dignity and spark a protective sense of hope even in the most difficult seasons of life 
• How "lemon squeezes", a simple technique of tensing and releasing your muscles for 20 seconds, uses the science of progressive muscle relaxation to signal safety to your nervous system and bring your body back into balance in less than a minute 

Resources:

• How We Thrive: Caring for Kids and Ourselves in a Changing World https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9781071957561 
• https://rehumaningourlives.substack.com/
• https://www.rehumaning.com/
• Connect with Stephanie on Social Media: 
• https://www.youtube.com/@StephanieMaliaKrauss
• https://www.linkedin.com/in/stephaniemaliakrauss/
• https://www.instagram.com/stephaniemaliakrauss/ 

About Stephanie Malia Krauss

Stephanie Malia Krauss is an author, speaker, and strategist focused on rehumaning childhood and our lives. Her newest book, How We Thrive, explores the urgent need to protect human essentials—like sleep, play, and connection—that modern life diminishes or denies. An educator and social worker who has worked from the classroom to Congress, Stephanie now advises states, districts, and national organizations on holistic approaches to preparing and caring for kids. Stephanie is the bestselling author of Whole Child, Whole Life: 10 Ways to Help Kids Live, Learn, and Thrive and Making It: What Today’s Kids Need for Tomorrow’s World. Her work has been featured by Newsweek, PBS NewsHour, Parents, and more.

Related Episodes:

• 455. The New Blueprint for Success with Ana Homayoun
• 444. Mattering with Jennifer Wallace
• 433. Rethinking Screens and Video Games with Ash Brandin
• 424. Modern Anxiety with Noelle McWard Aquino
• 414. The Disengaged Teen with Jenny Anderson and Rebecca Winthrop
• 409. Raising Terrific Kids in Terrifying Times with Melinda Wenner Moyer
• 324. Toxic Achievement Culture with Jennifer Wallace

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

We’ve been taught that pain always means something is broken, but it’s often just a "stuck" danger signal in the brain. 

To show us how to turn that signal off, Jill Stoddard talks with Alan Gordon, the founder of the Pain Psychology Center and author of The Way Out. Drawing on his own recovery from chronic pain, Alan explains how fear and conditioning keep us hurting even after we've healed.

Through fascinating stories like the "construction worker" case and MRI surprise, they dive into the science of neuroplastic pain and the tools you can use to retrain your nervous system, build stress tolerance, and finally feel safe in your own body again.

Listen and Learn:

• Alan’s personal frustration with navigating a broken medical system and how that led to the discovery of a groundbreaking mind-body approach that offers lasting relief for chronic pain
• How your brain can misinterpret emotional stress or past memories as physical danger to create real, persistent pain even after an injury has fully healed 
• The specific clues that can reveal whether your chronic physical pain is actually coming from your brain, and how to break the cycle of fear that keeps symptoms alive 
• The reason why traditional recovery methods can fail when we ignore our internal state, and how "backward engineering" your physical tension can signal to your brain that the danger has passed 
• Why the clinical evolution of Pain Reprocessing Therapy shifted from exploring unconscious emotions to targeting the brain's internal danger signals, and how modern neuroscience identifies the hidden driver keeping your physical symptoms alive 
• Why somatic tracking outperforms traditional mindfulness 

Resources:

• The Way Out: A Revolutionary, Scientifically Proven Approach to Healing Chronic Pain https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780593086858 
• Pain Psychology Center Website: https://painpsychologycenter.com/
• Follow the Pain Psychology Center on Social Media: 
• https://instagram.com/thepainpsychologycenter
• https://www.facebook.com/painpsychologycenter
• Tell Me About Your Pain - Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tell-me-about-your-pain/id1503847664  
• The Pain Reprocessing Therapy Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/pain-reprocessing-therapy-podcast/id1785564399 
• TEDxAdelaide - Lorimer Moseley - Why Things Hurt: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gwd-wLdIHjs

About Alan Gordon

Alan Gordon is the creator of Pain Reprocessing Therapy (PRT) and founder of the Pain Psychology Center. He developed PRT through years of clinical practice and research, and its efficacy has been validated in randomized controlled trials published in JAMA Psychiatry. He is the author of The Way Out: A Revolutionary, Scientifically Proven Approach to Healing Chronic Pain.

Related Episodes:

• 39. Chronic Pain with Adrianne Sloan
• 75. Mindful Self-Compassion with Christopher Germer
• 114. Way of Effortless Mindfulness with Loch Kelly
• 155. Mindfulness and Recovery with Rebecca Williams
• 177. Mind-Body Practices for Stress and Overwhelm with Rebekkah LaDyne
• 201. Fierce Compassion with Kristin Neff
• 336. Mindfulness and Living Expansively with Sharon Salzberg
• 364. The Brain-Gut Connection with Megan Riehl

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

What if success isn’t about grinding toward big goals but about following curiosity through small, imperfect experiments that lead somewhere better?

On Psychologist Off the Clock, award-winning neuroscientist and entrepreneur Anne-Laure Le Cunff, founder of Nest Labs and author of Tiny Experiments, shares how a health scare while working at Google helped her shift from rigid, linear goals to an experimental mindset rooted in curiosity. 

You’ll hear about common “cognitive scripts” (the sequel, crowd pleaser, and epic scripts), how to design tiny experiments to test beliefs without framing outcomes as failure, and how to reframe success as learning. 

The conversation also covers “surface area for luck,” the difference between legacy and generativity, and ends with reflections on goals, values, and meaningful community support.

Listen and Learn: 

• How Anne-Laure’s career was fueled by imposter syndrome, and led to a life-threatening wake-up call that pushed her to rethink priorities and embrace a more experimental, balanced path 
• Why rigid, linear goals only work when everything is certain, and why it’s more effective to replace them with curiosity and experimentation 
• Why many of your goals come from hidden “cognitive scripts,” and by questioning them, you can move from autopilot to intentional choices
• Doing “tiny experiments” and observing results without judgment before deciding what to adjust or repeat 
• Why instead of treating outcomes as success or failure, you should approach situations like small experiments, where everything that happens, especially mistakes, is just useful data for learning and adjusting 
• The “Surface area for luck” and why the more you try new things, meet people, and put yourself in different situations, the more you increase the chances of unexpected good opportunities happening in your life 
• Focusing on making a real-time, meaningful impact on people and communities around us through everyday acts of care and mutual support

Resources: 

• Tiny Experiments: How to Live Freely in a Goal-Obsessed World https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780593715130
• Anne-Laure’s Website: https://anne-laure.net/
• Tiny Experiments: https://tinyexperiments.org/  
• Connect with Anne-Laure on Instagram https://instagram.com/neuranne 
• Ness Labs Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ness_labs/?hl=en 
• Ness Labs X: https://x.com/ness_labs 
• Ness Labs Website: https://nesslabs.com/ 
• Michael’s Confidence Course: Remain Calm. Confidence Ahead http://herold.coach/course 

About Anne-Laure Le Cunff

Anne-Laure Le Cunff is an award-winning neuroscientist and entrepreneur. She is the founder of Ness Labs, where her weekly newsletter is read by more than 100,000 curious minds. Her research at King’s College London focuses on the psychology and neuroscience of lifelong learning, curiosity, and adaptability. Her book, Tiny Experiments, is a transformative guide for living a more experimental life, turning uncertainty into curiosity, and carving a path of self-discovery. Previously, she worked at Google as an executive on digital health projects. Her work has been featured in Rolling Stone, Forbes, Financial Times, WIRED, and more. 

Related Episodes:

• 349. The Hunger Habit with Judson Brewer
• 351. You Only Die Once with Jodi Wellman
• 454. Remain Calm. Confidence Ahead with Michael Herold

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Being absolutely sure you’re right should settle an argument, but somehow, it often does the opposite. Instead, things escalate, tensions rise, and before you know it, the conflict has taken on a life of its own. 

For this episode, Yael welcomes New York Times bestselling author, trained mediator, and Good Conflict co-founder Amanda Ripley to unpack her book  High Conflict: Why We Get Trapped, and How We Get Out, and the difference between “good conflict” that strengthens us and “high conflict” that feeds on contempt, disgust, and rigid us-versus-them thinking. 

You’ll hear why high conflict makes us more error-prone while feeling more righteous, how group belonging and media incentives can keep the cycle going, and practical ways to interrupt the pattern like Gary Freeman’s three-question pause before speaking. 

Listen to learn how to stay in the fight without losing nuance, curiosity, or yourself.

Listen and Learn:

• The distinction between healthy conflict that helps you grow and the kind that quietly turns destructive in ways you may not notice 
• Why conflicts can quietly take over our thinking, shifting us into an us-versus-them mindset 
• Why do we get pulled into conflicts that drain us even when we know the cost, and what keeps us hooked?
• How can even people deeply engaged with information find themselves pulling away from conflict, and what does that reveal about the hidden dynamics of high conflict
• How you can recognize the early signs of high conflict and shift toward more productive, healthier conversations before things escalate

Resources: 

• High Conflict: Why We Get Trapped, and How We Get Out: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9781982128579 
• Amanda’s Website: https://www.amandaripley.com/
• Good Conflict Website: https://www.thegoodconflict.com
• Connect with Amanda on Social Media: 
• https://www.facebook.com/amanda.ripley.35/
• https://www.instagram.com/ripleywriter/
• Amada’s Substack: https://amandaripley.substack.com/ 
• Amanda’s article about high-conflict journalism, I stopped reading the news. Is the problem me–or the product?
• Yael’s Substack post about how journalists quickly build connection
• Builders Movement: an Instagram feed and website that offers “inspiration, tools, and ways to take action to rise above us vs. them and solve our toughest problems together.”

About Amanda Ripley: 

Amanda Ripley is a New York Times bestselling author, magazine journalist, and co-founder of Good Conflict, a media and training company helping people reimagine how we fight. She has written three award-winning nonfiction books — The Unthinkable, The Smartest Kids in the World, and High Conflict — each following people through transformations to uncover what the rest of us can learn. Her most recent book, High Conflict, chronicles how good conflict metastasizes into something that consumes everything in its path — and, crucially, how people find their way out. A trained mediator herself, Amanda's work reveals that escape from high conflict isn't about being nicer; it's about learning to genuinely comprehend what you still disagree with. Her writing has appeared in the Atlantic, the Washington Post, and Politico Magazine, among others.

Related Episodes:

• 234. The Power of Us with Dominic Packer
• 371. Uniting Toward a Better Future with Diana McLain Smith
• 392. Outraged with Kurt Gray
• 408. Connecting Like a Hostage Negotiator with Gary Noesner
• 452. How to Disagree Better with Julia Minson

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

If your teen is getting caught in cycles of comparison, burnout, or avoidance while trying to “do enough” for college, this conversation offers a different perspective.

Emily talks with Ana Homayoun about her book Erasing the Finish Line and what really matters beyond grades, test scores, and prestige.

They walk you through unhealthy patterns in college admissions culture, how technology amplifies anxiety, and why most institutions actually accept the majority of applicants. Their conversation also reveals how long-term success depends far more on relationships and meaningful engagement than on brand-name schools.

Join Emily and Ana for practical strategies to help your teens build executive functioning systems, shift from time management to energy management, strengthen social capital through supporters and clarifiers, and rethink grind culture, including the role of youth sports.

Listen and Learn: 

• Focusing less on comparison and more on building your own strengths and systems for shaping both college outcomes and the kind of work you end up loving later
• How parents’ own fears and need for control shape the college process can undermine a student’s fit and well-being, and what it takes to step back so they can truly thrive
• How technology has reshaped college admissions in ways that make independent research, real-world exploration, and staying open-minded more important than ever for finding the right fit
• Why the most “competitive” colleges may feel that way by design, and how choosing the right environment and relationships over prestige can shape your future more than you expect
• Focusing on executive functioning skills to shape your teen’s long-term success in ways grades alone never reveal
• Making small shifts in structure, mindset, and environment to unlock a child’s ability to plan, adapt, and thrive without pressure or perfection
• How having friendships across different age groups quietly builds confidence, perspective, and real connection in ways most students do not expect
• Sharing and building social capital in small, everyday ways to quietly shape opportunities for teens and create unexpected outcomes
• Giving kids real choices, a safe space to fail, and multiple places to belong to builds the confidence, motivation, and life skills they carry into adulthood
• How shifting from managing time to managing your energy transforms focus, behavior, and motivation

Resources: 

• Erasing the Finish Line: The New Blueprint for Success Beyond Grades and College Admission https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780306830693 
• That Crumpled Paper Was Due Last Week: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780399535598 
• Ana’s Website: https://anahomayoun.com/ 
• Connect with Ana on Social Media: 
• https://instagram.com/anahomayoun
• https://www.linkedin.com/in/ana-homayoun-4783863/) 

About Ana Homayoun: 

ANA HOMAYOUN is the founder of Silicon Valley–based Green Ivy Educational Consulting and executive director of Luminaria Learning Solutions, which develops student programs focused on executive functioning and well-being. She is also the author of That Crumpled Paper Was Due Last Week, The Myth of the Perfect Girl, and Social Media Wellness. Her work has been featured in The New York Times, The Washington Post, The Atlantic, Fast Company, and NPR and on Good Morning America and NBC News. Learn more about her work at www.anahomayoun.com. Her most recent book, Erasing the Finish Line, comes out in paperback on June 9th with the updated title, Getting in Is Not Enough: The New Blueprint for Success Beyond Grades, Test Scores, and College Admission. 

Related Episodes:

• 324. Toxic Achievement Culture with Jennifer Wallace
• 414. The Disengaged Teen with Rebecca Winthrop and Jenny Anderson
• 369. The Good News About Adolescence with Ellen Galinsky
• 332. Middle School Superpowers with Phyllis Fagell
• 272. Middle School Matters with Phyllis Fagell

See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

If you’ve ever avoided saying yes to something meaningful because you were waiting to feel less anxious or more “ready,” this episode is for you.

Cohosts Yael and Michael Herold sit down for a chat about his confidence-building online course and the misconceptions that keep people stuck, especially the idea that motivation and the “right mindset” must come first. 

You’ll hear how acceptance and commitment therapy reframes anxiety as a passenger you can bring along while you drive toward your values, why rigid social scripts don’t work, and how low-stakes “comfort zone challenges” (like lying down in public) help you practice courage, defuse unhelpful thoughts, and tolerate discomfort without real-world consequences.

Join Michael and Yael for lots of practical insight, humor, and a preview of tools that can help you step into the life you want.

Listen and Learn: 

• Why confidence isn’t built by fixing your mindset first, but by taking action on what matters
• Why you can’t learn confidence from scripts or perfect phrases, and confidence only develops through practice, not preparation
• How to step outside your comfort zone by practicing small, low-stakes challenges that reveal how thoughts and emotions create avoidance, and how to disarm them so you can act on what matters instead of defaulting to fear-based reactions
• Why worrying about annoying others can hold you back from confidence, and learning confidence means acting respectfully on what matters, even when that fear is present
• Comfort-zone challenges to expand confidence and even meaningfully change the direction of your life
• Building confidence through practical, real-world exercises with Michael’s course

Resources: 

• Michael’s Course: herold.coach/course

• Lilly and the Wildflowers:
• www.instagram.com/lilyandthewildflowers
• www.lilyandthewildflowers.com

About Michael Herold

Michael (he/him) is a confidence trainer and social skills coach, based in Vienna, Austria.  He’s helping his clients overcome their social anxiety through Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and fun exposure exercises. (Though the jury is still out on whether they’re mostly fun for him). He is also a certified therapeutic game master, utilizing the Dungeons&Dragons tabletop roleplaying game to train communication, assertiveness, and teamwork with young adults. Or actually, anyone ready to roll some dice and battle goblins in a supportive group where players want to level up (pun!) their social skills. Michael is the head coach of the L.A. based company The Art of Charm, running their confidence-building program “Unstoppable” as well as workshops on small talk, storytelling, vulnerability, and more. He is the scientific advisor and co-producer of their large podcast with more than 250 million downloads. As a member of the Association for Contextual Behavioral Science (ACBS), Michael is the current President of the ACT Coaching Special Interest Group with nearly 1,000 coaches worldwide, and the co-founder of the ACT in Austria Affiliate of ACBS, a nationwide meetup for ACT practitioners in Austria. He’s a public speaker who has spoken at TEDx, in front of members of parliament, universities, and once in a cinema full of 500 kids high on sugary popcorn. In a previous life, he was a character animator working on award-winning movies and TV shows such as “The Penguins of Madagascar” and “Kung Fu Panda”. That was before he realized that helping people live a meaningful life is much more rewarding than working in the film business – even though the long nights in the studio allowed him to brew his own beer in the office closet, an activity he highly recommends. Michael grew up with five foster kids who were all taken out of abusive families. His foster sisters showed him how much positive change is possible in a person if they have the love and support they need.

Related Episodes

• 173. Confidence, Self-Doubt, and Overcoming Limitations with Michael Herold
• 313. ACT-Informed Exposure for Anxiety with Brian Pilecki and Brian Thompson
• 195. ACT Daily with Diana Hill and Debbie Sorensen

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