June 25, 2025

413. Validate with Caroline Fleck

57 minutes

What’s a skill that can instantly improve your relationships, communication, and even your influence? In this episode, Yael talks with Caroline Fleck, a licensed psychologist and author of Validation, to unpack exactly that.

Caroline explains what validation really is, how it’s different from empathy or sympathy, and why it can be so powerful in both personal and professional relationships.

They walk you through how validation first gained traction in therapy, especially in dialectical behavior therapy, and Caroline shares simple techniques like attending, copying, and proposing that anyone can use.

You’ll get Caroline’s take on the challenge of validating someone when you strongly disagree, the role of self-disclosure in connection, and how our understanding of emotions has shifted from classic microexpressions to a more nuanced view of emotional experience.

If you’re looking for practical ways to build better relationships and truly connect, this episode is full of insight.

Listen and Learn:

What is validation?

Why feeling truly seen and accepted is the key to deeper trust, love, and real connection in your life

How invalidation can be toxic to your relationships and how empathy and validation actually heal them

Can validation help you connect with someone even if you don’t agree or relate to their situation?

How accepting someone else's view first can actually boost your influence and get you heard more often

The simple act of repeating exact words in conflict helps fights cool down and allows real conversations to happen

Why messing up shows you’re trying to truly understand, and how that keeps the connection real

Why you don’t have to agree with someone’s whole view to validate it; just find the part that makes sense

How to be open, but balanced, to create space for real connection and trust to grow

Resources:

Validation: How the Skill Set That Revolutionized Psychology Will Transform Your Relationships, Increase Your Influence, and Change Your Life

https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780593541210

Visit Caroline’s website: https://drcarolinefleck.com/

Connect with Caroline on social media:

https://www.linkedin.com/in/carolinefleck/

https://www.instagram.com/carolinefleckphd/

https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.CarolineFleck

https://www.tiktok.com/@drcarolinefleck

Boogie Board Tablet on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/stores/page/B551B3AA-1FD5-4BBA-AB25-58D0F67052FE?ingress=0&visitId=8be7808f-e257-437b-b72f-b8e79fd8fca9

Study on empathic effort versus accuracy

How Emotions Are Made by Lisa Feldman Barrett

The Autistic Brain by Temple Grandin

About Caroline Fleck:

Dr. Caroline Fleck is a licensed psychologist, writer, and corporate consultant who has served as a supervisor and consultant for some of the most rigorous training programs in the country, including Dr. Marsha Linehan’s program at the University of Washington, the Department of Psychiatry at Stanford Medical Center, and the VA Palo Alto.

She is a respected voice in psychology and has been featured in national media outlets, including The New York Times, Good Morning America, and The Huffington Post. Her new book, which we’re here to discuss, is the first of its kind to make the specialized validation skills therapists master to get through to anyone available to everyone.

Related Episodes:

Episode 120: Use DBT Skills to Regulate Emotions and Be More Effective in Relationships with Matthew McKay

Episode 241. Emotion Coaching Skills for Families with Mindy Solomon

Episode 282. Toxic Positivity with Whitney Goodman

Episode 397. The Mindful Path to Intimacy with James Cordova

Episode 408. Connecting like a Hostage Negotiator with Gary Noesner

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By Debbie Sorensen, Jill Stoddard, Yael Schonbrun, Michael Herold & Emily Edlynn

4.6

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