The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk has become a go-to book for understanding trauma, but not everyone agrees with its approach. 

In this episode, journalist and author of Acceptance: A Memoir, Emi Nietfeld joins us to talk about The Body Keeps the Score and how it influenced the world of trauma therapy. Bringing both her personal experience and sharp insight to the table, she enlightens us on trauma treatment and why popular narratives around resilience and recovery often miss the mark, especially when they lean more on storytelling than science.

We get into where the book falls short, especially around science and why proven methods like CBT and prolonged exposure therapy deserve more attention. Emi also opens up about how those treatments personally changed her life.

It’s an honest look at trauma, what really works, and how we can do better, both personally and as a society.

Listen and Learn:

• Why true resilience isn't about toughness alone but about community, care, and real support systems
• How the mental health system often fails kids by ignoring family dysfunction and why real change starts with seeing the full context, not just labeling the child
• Why positive thinking isn't enough for trauma recovery and how validating, supportive therapy makes all the difference when you're ready to speak your truth
• Avoiding trauma memories in therapy can cause more harm and what effective healing requires
• How popular trauma books like “The Body Keeps the Score” can fuel shame
• Challenging the "addicted to trauma" label and how oversimplified narratives can stigmatize survivors and ignore systemic causes of violence
• How trauma research can be misrepresented, especially about cognitive behavioral therapy’s real effectiveness
• Using structured prolonged exposure therapy to help you safely face trauma and build resilience
• Writing a memoir can unearth painful truths, but honest storytelling sparks real healing and self-acceptance
• Why popular trauma books feel like belief systems—and why we need solutions beyond therapy

Resources: 

• Emi’s Book Acceptance: https://bookshop.org/a/30734/9780593489499 
• Emi’s website https://www.eminietfeld.com/ and her Substack https://eminietfeld.substack.com/ 
• Connect with Emi on LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/in/emi-nietfeld/ and Instagram https://www.instagram.com/eminietfeld/ 
• Mother Jones article: https://www.motherjones.com/media/2024/12/trauma-body-keeps-the-score-van-der-kolk-psychology-therapy-ptsd/ 
• Slate article: https://slate.com/technology/2024/08/sexual-assault-treatment-talk-therapy-prolonged-exposure-recovery.html
• Article mentioned on trauma theory as a belief system: https://beiner.substack.com/p/the-truth-about-trauma-bessel-van

About Emi Nietfield

Emi Nietfeld is an author, journalist, and speaker. She is the author of Acceptance (Penguin Press ‘22), a memoir of her journey through foster care and homelessness, interrogating the true meanings of resilience, ambition, and success. After graduating from Harvard in 2015, she worked as a software engineer, an experience she wrote about in her viral New York Times essay, “After Working At Google, I’ll Never Let Myself Love a Job Again.”

She’s passionate about mental health, helping young people navigate their careers, and the connection between engineering and creativity. A dynamic, sought-after speaker, she can be found on podcasts, leading conference keynotes, and speaking at universities and companies alike.

Her essays have appeared in The New York Times, New York Magazine, The Atlantic,  and other publications, been nominated for the Pushcart Prize, noted in The Best American Essays, and taught in classrooms from high schools to MFA programs.

Related Episodes: 

• 416. Trauma and PTSD Treatment with Robyn Walser
• 383. What My Bones Know: C-PTSD with Stephanie Foo
• 279. ACT for Healing Black Racial Trauma with Jennifer Shepard Payne 
• 313. ACT-Informed Exposure for Anxiety with Brian Pilecki and Brian Thompson
• 355. What is EMDR with Jamie Marich 
• 77. Acceptance and Commitment Therapy with Jill Stoddard    

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