Phoenix and Flame Podcast

Picture a Pittsburgh brewery on a summer night: live music, a courtyard in a city that's 25 percent Black, and a crowd that isn't. One Black man walks in, looks around, sits down, and leaves before anyone says a word to him. That's the six-dollar-beer story organizational psychologist Dr. Victoria Mattingly tells about a missed moment of allyship, and it's basically the whole blueprint for the workplace culture work she's built her career on.

Dr. Mattingly has spent 15-plus years helping organizations become more equitable and human-centered, and she got there by way of a Portland bar, where two visiting industrial-organizational psychologists once described their entire job as "make the lives of employees better." She's since built a two-way model of allyship (imagine matching book covers, one for allies and one for the people they're supporting, each referencing the other), and she brings the same lived-in honesty to her own story: cancer, alopecia, and a mental health recovery she's been navigating since her early twenties.

We get into why she'd rather call emotional intelligence a "power skill" than a soft one, how the DEI landscape quietly reshuffled after 2020, and the hard 5 p.m. boundary she holds as a working mom, even when the Zoom call is fun and nobody's making her leave.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRJKZbMwclQ

In this episode

• Why Dr. Mattingly calls emotional intelligence a "power skill," not a soft one, and how that reframe helped her work land with C-suite leaders
• The mirrored "act like an ally" / "work with an ally" book concept, and why real allyship only works as a two-way partnership
• A real missed-allyship moment (the six-dollar beer she didn't buy) and how to actually show up as a bystander next time
• How workplace culture language quietly shifted after 2020, and why some companies rebranded DEI work instead of dropping it
• Why she believes power skills like emotional intelligence can be trained, not just born with
• Her hard 5 p.m. boundary as a working mom, and why holding it, even at a fun networking event, matters more than it looks

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and meet organizational psychologist Dr. Victoria Mattingly
• (01:08) Two I-O psychologists walk into a bar: how she found her field
• (03:14) Why "soft skills" should really be called "power skills"
• (05:32) The mirrored "act like an ally" / "work with an ally" book concept
• (08:17) What allyship actually requires: a real difference, and no personal benefit
• (11:53) The bystander freeze, and the six-dollar beer she didn't buy
• (14:06) Cancer, alopecia, and living with mental health issues since her early 20s
• (19:45) Deciding how much of her own story to put in the book versus the keynote
• (22:11) From training and development into allyship: the internship that changed her path
• (25:58) How DEI language shifted after 2020, and why some companies just renamed the work
• (28:39) Her boundaries lesson: the hard 5 p.m. stop, and caretaking for a parent

About Dr. Victoria Mattingly

Dr. Victoria Mattingly is an organizational psychologist with more than 15 years of experience helping organizations build more equitable, human-centered workplace cultures. She blends research-backed insights with her own lived experience, including her journey through cancer, alopecia, and mental health recovery, and has served over one hundred companies through her consulting work, Mattingly Solutions.

Learn more at Mattingly Solutions, or connect with her on LinkedIn.

Favorite quotes "If I can make life at work just a little bit better for a lot of people, I consider that a big win." —Dr. Victoria Mattingly "Don't call yourself an ally. Let someone else call you their ally: that's how you're doing it right." —Dr. Victoria Mattingly "I need to set that precedent, not just for everyone else, which is still an important part of boundaries, but for myself. I need to stay true to that." —Dr. Victoria Mattingly Resources mentioned

• Mattingly Solutions: Dr. Mattingly's consulting practice
• Dr. Victoria Mattingly on LinkedIn
• Inclusalytics, Dr. Mattingly's first book on taking a data-driven approach to DEI
• Her allyship book, built around mirrored "act like an ally" / "work with an ally" covers, discussed throughout the episode

Related episodes

• How Ego Is Sabotaging Your Leadership: another leadership conversation about what actually changes a company's culture from the inside.
• Why Neurodiversity Is Important in the Workplace: pairs naturally with Dr. Mattingly's allyship and inclusion work.
• Emotional Healing Laboratory: The Workplace: more on what makes a workplace genuinely human-centered.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

Picture it: married young in college, ten years in, life looking the way it's supposed to, and then the rug gets ripped out from under you. That's exactly what happened to my guest Sarah Brown: an unexpected divorce, sudden single motherhood, and a crisis of faith after divorce she never saw coming. She landed on the bathroom floor in a puddle of tears, shaking her fist at God and demanding answers.

Sarah is a Christian author and speaker (her book, Even the Ashes Bloom, is coming soon) who helps women navigate seasons of deep hurt. We get into how her faith went from transactional ("if I do this, God will do that") to genuinely relational, what those first panicked months of single motherhood actually looked like, and the wildfire "fire followers" story that changed how she saw the whole thing: certain wildflower seeds sit underground for years and only bloom after the fire has scorched the earth.

If you're sitting in your own ashes right now, wondering if any of it will ever make sense, Sarah's got real, hard-won answers instead of platitudes: how to vet who gets your "tender bits," why "at least it's not cancer" is never the right thing to say to someone, and how healing after divorce can leave you more yourself than you were before.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CdsRDs_-gVs

In this episode

• How Sarah's faith after divorce shifted from transactional ("if I do this, God will bless me") to genuinely relational
• Why she believes the answer to "why does God allow this?" isn't a tidy one, and what she'd say instead
• What the first panicked months of single motherhood really looked like, and the advice from her brother-in-law that changed everything: "pause and look at the day before you, this moment, the next hour, the next 24 hours"
• How to "vet" people before sharing your "tender bits," and why not everyone has earned the right to hear your story
• The wildfire "fire followers" metaphor: how wildflower seeds that wait years underground only bloom after everything burns
• Why healing doesn't mean rushing your grief, and how journaling helped Sarah see God's faithfulness in retrospect

Timestamps

• (00:02) Welcome and meet Sarah Brown, Christian author and speaker
• (01:18) Sarah's ashes: an unexpected divorce and sudden single motherhood
• (02:20) Shaking her fist at God, and sitting in a puddle of tears on the bathroom floor
• (05:52) How her faith shifted from transactional to relational
• (08:32) Dana's grocery-cart moment, and the question of why God allows suffering
• (10:26) Starting therapy as a new single mom, and the shame and perfectionism underneath the grief
• (12:52) Her brother-in-law's advice: stop planning 17 steps ahead and look at the next 24 hours
• (16:55) "There is no teacher as effective as pain"
• (19:01) Why transactional faith fails, in relationships too
• (21:23) Reading "Boundaries" and learning to set them, in marriage and everywhere else
• (23:15) Vetting who's safe enough to hear your "tender bits"
• (26:29) "At least it's not cancer": a lesson in unsafe responses
• (29:10) The wildfire "fire followers": a metaphor for what blooms after devastation
• (31:41) Where to find Sarah and her upcoming book, Even the Ashes Bloom

About Sarah Brown

Sarah Brown is a Christian author and speaker who helps women navigate seasons of deep hurt by anchoring them in faith. She's a former elementary teacher and children's minister, a recipient of the Women of Influence Award from the Nashville Business Journal, the author of over 20 director resource kits for Christian music publishers, and a contributing author to Hope for the Holidays. Her own book, Even the Ashes Bloom, is releasing soon.

Learn more at sarahsbrown.com, or connect with her on LinkedIn.

Favorite quotes "I believe that we all have ashes that we carry with us." —Sarah Brown "My faith began to shift from transactional to relational." —Sarah Brown "There may be burn scars, just like on the earth there are burn scars after a wildfire, but that place could be where something new and even better is about to emerge." —Sarah Brown Resources mentioned

• SarahsBrown.com: Sarah's website
• Sarah Brown on LinkedIn
• Even the Ashes Bloom, Sarah's upcoming book
• Hope for the Holidays, the anthology Sarah contributed to
• Boundaries, the book Sarah was given while going through her divorce

Related episodes

• "You're Not Alone" Interview Series: Surviving Divorce: another first-person account of rebuilding a life after divorce, and a natural pairing with Sarah's story.
• Divorce Interview Afterthoughts: Dana's own reflections on the divorce conversation above, good context before or after Sarah's episode.
• What Is This "God" Thing, Anyway?: digs into the same faith questions Sarah wrestles with here, from a different angle.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

A gentle note before you dive in: this conversation touches on severe bullying and self-harm. It's okay to pause, skip ahead, or come back to this one another time.

My guest Brianna Brown Keen was 14 when bullying so severe it landed her in the hospital, bullying so bad that her best friend's own father, a judge, told his daughter to stop being friends with her so she wouldn't get bullied too. In that hospital room, something shifted: a calm white light, she calls it, moving through her. She didn't know what her purpose was yet. She just knew, suddenly, that she had one.

Brianna is an award-winning actress with more than two decades in Hollywood, known for roles on Dynasty, Devious Maids, General Hospital, and Homeland, and she just finished shooting season four of Netflix's Outer Banks. She's also the founder and CEO of The New Hollywood, a nonprofit she's run for nearly 20 years supporting socially conscious storytellers through grants and mentorship. But we spend most of this conversation on the parts that came before any of that: a career-threatening back injury doctors doubted was real, a mother who modeled victimhood at every turn, and Brianna's hard-won belief that if something in your life isn't working, it simply means there's something you don't know yet.

You'll walk away with her theory of "start stopping" limiting beliefs before you can build anything new, why healthy boundaries equal self-love, and why getting comfortable with being uncomfortable is the actual key to living your purpose, not a slogan on a mug.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NX_eA3D3SQo

In this episode

• How severe bullying that led to hospitalization as a teen became the turning point that gave Brianna a sense of purpose
• Why a career-threatening back injury, and a lawsuit that doubted her pain was real, taught her that despair is allowed in the journey
• The reframe Brianna uses on every setback: "there's something I don't know yet"
• How a lonely first year in Hollywood turned into The New Hollywood, the nonprofit she's run for nearly 20 years
• Why healthy boundaries equal self-love, and what she's seen happen to women who never learned to set them
• Why getting comfortable with being uncomfortable is the real key to achieving your purpose

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and guest intro: meet award-winning actress Brianna Brown Keen
• (03:53) From the Minnesota suburbs to Hollywood: no money, no connections, cold calls from the yellow pages
• (04:24) Severe bullying, hospitalization, and the moment that changed everything
• (09:42) The "calm white light" moment in the psych ward that gave her a sense of purpose
• (13:23) Limiting beliefs inherited from her mother's "doctorate in victimhood"
• (16:20) The C-team-to-varsity story: how being believed in changes what you're capable of
• (18:58) Moving to LA at 19, her grandmother's guilt campaign, and early breaks like "Freaks and Geeks"
• (20:05) The career-threatening back injury and the lawsuit that doubted her pain
• (25:01) "There's something I don't know yet": the reframe behind Manifesting Your Mission
• (27:08) Boundaries as self-love, and what she sees in the women her nonprofit serves
• (37:34) Where to find Brianna, The New Hollywood, and Manifesting Your Mission

About Brianna Brown Keen

Brianna Brown Keen is a Minnesota native and an award-winning actress who has worked for over two decades in Hollywood, in projects ranging from top-grossing feature films to Emmy-winning television shows to indie projects she has produced herself. She's often recognized for her roles on Dynasty, Devious Maids, General Hospital, and Homeland, and recently finished shooting season four of Netflix's Outer Banks. She's also the founder and CEO of The New Hollywood, a nonprofit established in 2006 dedicated to supporting socially conscious storytellers and change-makers through grants, goals, and mentorship.

Learn more about her coaching and guidebook at Brianna's website, Manifesting Your Mission, or connect with her on LinkedIn.

Favorite quotes "I have a theory that if something isn't working in my life, it simply means that there's something I don't know yet." —Brianna Brown Keen "Really healthy boundaries equals self-love. If you love yourself, you're going to set up boundaries." —Brianna Brown Keen "It's okay in the journey to have despair... we have to feel all the feelings to get through it." —Brianna Brown Keen Resources mentioned

• Manifesting Your Mission: Brianna's guidebook, coaching program, and podcast of the same name
• The New Hollywood: Brianna's 501(c)3 nonprofit, established in 2006, supporting socially conscious storytellers and change-makers through grants, goals, and mentorship
• Brianna Brown Keen on LinkedIn

Related episodes

• How to Find Purpose in Your Biggest Struggles: pairs directly with Brianna's reframe of her bullying and injury as the source of her life's work
• Finding Purpose After Relational Trauma: another guest's journey from a painful family dynamic to a clear sense of mission
• How You Can Find Hope After Hitting Rock Bottom: echoes Brianna's psych-ward turning point and the hope that followed it

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

Stand in the doorway of a networking event with a thousand strangers inside, and tell me your palms don't sweat. Mine do. So do my guest Amy Siegfried's, and she's spent more than 20 years teaching people how to network with confidence anyway. Amy calls herself a recovering "awkward kid" who tried to buy the right shoes to fit in and it never worked, until she stopped performing and started being honest about what she didn't know: no friends in a new country, a scared dad back home, zero clue where the grocery store was. Turns out vulnerability, not polish, is what actually makes people want to talk to you.

Amy has built her career around exactly that: corporate networking on a national stage, living and working abroad, starting two companies, and becoming, by her own account and mine, a genuine master of small talk. We talk about why "just start" beats waiting until you feel ready, why networking works better as a relationship than a transaction, and the one question ("what do you do?") she tells everyone to retire for good.

You'll walk away with Amy's go-to icebreaker for any room, the game she plays with herself at giant networking events so walking in doesn't feel like walking the plank, and a boundaries lesson about her own calendar that changed how much of herself she gives away.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a-4WXNRNcrg

In this episode

• Why "just start" (a LinkedIn comment, a DM, a simple question) beats waiting until you feel confident enough to network
• The reframe that turns networking from a transactional ask into a two-way relationship
• Amy's go-to icebreaker to replace "what do you do," and why it opens better conversations
• How to walk into a room of strangers without wanting to bolt, including the game Amy plays with herself at 1,000-person events
• Why comparing yourself to "the popular ones" in the room is the wrong move, and what actually draws people in
• The boundary Amy put on her own calendar early in her career, and why "someone else's boundaries are not your boundaries"

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and guest intro: meet networking expert Amy Siegfried
• (01:54) The awkward kid who became a "master of small talk"
• (02:56) Moving to Singapore, starting over, and how vulnerability built her first friendships
• (05:09) An MBA at Notre Dame during COVID, and the classmates who said she made the biggest impact on them
• (07:05) Finding the courage to be yourself when vulnerability freaks you out
• (07:08) Why "just start" beats waiting to feel ready
• (12:24) Networking versus comparison: focusing on the other person instead of your own insecurities
• (17:04) The two-way street: why networking isn't a transaction
• (19:44) The "popular kid" theory: why comfort with yourself, not achievement, draws people in
• (25:07) What to do when you're standing in the doorway of a room of a thousand strangers
• (27:41) The one question to ask instead of "what do you do"
• (31:54) The boundaries Amy has learned: "me time," and why someone else's boundaries aren't yours

About Amy Siegfried

Amy Siegfried has spent more than 20 years effectively engaging with millions of people to build confidence, foster connections, and facilitate meaningful collaborations, from corporate networking on a national stage, to living and working abroad, to starting two successful companies. She has also worked as an adjunct professor, teaching students how to build genuine connections instead of hiding behind a text message.

Learn more at Amy's website, or connect with her on LinkedIn.

Favorite quotes "The answer is no, unless you ask." —Amy Siegfried "It's not a network, it's not a business card exchange. It's a relationship building opportunity." —Amy Siegfried "Everyone is good at something. Everyone has something to offer." —Amy Siegfried Resources mentioned

• NetworkOfChampions.com: Amy's list of 45 conversation starters, categorized for icebreakers and follow-ups, built to replace "what do you do?"
• AmyBSiegfried.com: Amy's website
• Amy Siegfried on LinkedIn

Related episodes

• Curiosity: The Bridge to Connection: pairs with Amy's advice to ask better questions instead of leading with "what do you do"
• The Art of True Connection in a Lonely World: expands on the vulnerability-builds-connection theme Amy lives out through her own story
• Why Successful Entrepreneurs Set Boundaries: a natural follow-up to Amy's "me time" boundary and the line between generosity and burnout

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

My guest today spends his days representing actors, and he kept noticing the same maddening pattern: talented people telling him how badly they wanted the job, then blowing off the audition that would have gotten it to them. Self-sabotage isn't a character flaw, and Dr. Albert Bramante built an entire PhD dissertation, and eventually his coaching work, around figuring out what actually is. Spoiler: it's fear wearing a very convincing disguise.

Dr. Bramante is a talent agent with more than two decades in the entertainment industry, holds a PhD in psychology from Walden University, and is a certified hypnotist and NLP practitioner. His research found that a specific personality combination, high neuroticism paired with low conscientiousness, is a recipe for self-sabotage, and he's spent his career since helping performers (and the rest of us) recognize the fear underneath the procrastination, the perfectionism, and the "this project isn't worth my time" excuses we make right before we quit.

We get into the science behind the two-minute power pose, what hypnotherapy actually is when it's not a stage act, and Dr. Bramante's own hard lesson about people-pleasing: the year he took on double the standard teaching load hoping it would buy him respect, and got cut first anyway when the budget shrank.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fNkO1mKNt9k

In this episode

• The self-sabotage pattern Dr. Bramante kept seeing in his talent agency clients, and the personality research that explains it
• Why fear of success is a real, protective (if misguided) mechanism, and how to recognize when it's quietly driving your choices
• The two-minute "power pose" habit, backed by research, that can change your nervous system before a big moment
• What hypnotherapy actually is (not the stage-quacking-like-a-chicken kind), and how it can speed up inner-child and confidence work
• The "happy file" habit for boosting self-esteem and pulling yourself out of a spiral of self-doubt
• The wake-up call that taught Dr. Bramante overcommitting at work doesn't buy you respect, it gets you cut first

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and guest intro: meet talent agent and psychologist Dr. Albert Bramante
• (01:11) From drama club to a psychology PhD: how one career became three
• (03:34) Fear of success and self-defeating behavior: the dissertation born from his own clients
• (05:34) The Big Five personality research behind self-sabotage
• (07:01) Fear as a protective mechanism, and why actors hear so many no's
• (10:28) Rewiring identity: from "starving artist" to "professional working actor"
• (12:24) The two-minute power pose, and the research behind it
• (13:44) What hypnosis actually is (hint: not the chicken-quacking stage act)
• (18:16) Inner-child work, free will, and why hypnosis can't make you do anything
• (23:58) The "happy file": a self-esteem tool from his book
• (26:02) Toxic high self-esteem vs. healthy self-esteem
• (29:02) The boundaries lesson that cost him his job, and what it taught him about respect

About Dr. Albert Bramante

Dr. Albert Bramante is a talent agent with more than two decades of experience in the entertainment industry. He holds a PhD in psychology from Walden University and is a certified hypnotist and NLP practitioner. His dissertation research on fear of success and self-defeating behavior in performing artists grew directly out of patterns he noticed in his own agency clients.

Learn more at Dr. Bramante's website, or connect with him on LinkedIn.

Favorite quotes "If you combine high neuroticism and low conscientiousness, it's going to be a recipe for self-sabotage." —Dr. Albert Bramante "There's nothing wrong with setting boundaries. And if somebody does not want to accept those boundaries, then you have to evaluate: is this person really worth my time?" —Dr. Albert Bramante "I didn't get the intended outcome that I wanted, which is respect." —Dr. Albert Bramante, on overloading himself with committee work Resources mentioned

• Dr. Bramante's book on fear of success and self-defeating behavior in performing artists, based on his doctoral dissertation
• The "happy file" method, from his book, for documenting wins and positive feedback to counter self-doubt
• Amy Cuddy's power-pose research, referenced in the discussion of two-minute confidence-building poses
• BramanteArtists.com: Dr. Bramante's talent agency and coaching website
• Dr. Bramante on LinkedIn

Related episodes

• Are You Avoiding Failure or Guaranteeing It?: pairs directly with Dr. Bramante's research on the fear behind self-sabotaging behavior
• The Fear Trap: another deep dive into how fear disguises itself as procrastination, perfectionism, and other "problems"
• How Unresolved Trauma Is Ruling Your Life: expands on the childhood-rooted fears Dr. Bramante addresses through inner-child hypnotherapy work

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

A gentle note before you dive in: this conversation touches on murder-suicide and suicide attempts. It's okay to pause, skip ahead, or come back to this one another time.

It's Father's Day. A little tiny town in Upper Michigan, two restaurants, snow in May. My guest is 14 years old, standing in the driveway with her mom, waiting for her dad to grab his coat from the trunk of the car. Except it isn't a coat he pulls out. In under two minutes, Rhonda Britten watched her father murder her mother and take his own life, and then spent the next 20 years believing it was her fault for not stopping it. That's the story Rhonda tells at the start of this one, and I promise you, it only gets more remarkable from there.

Rhonda is an Emmy Award winner, a repeat Oprah guest, and a master coach who's worked with people across more than 600 episodes of reality television. She's authored four bestsellers, including "Fearless Living," translated into 16 languages, and founded the Fearless Living Institute. After three suicide attempts and a stint in a psychiatric ward, Rhonda started over like a kindergartner, literally, with a calendar and gold stars, and built what she now calls the Wheel of Fear: the invisible core trigger running your life until you know its name.

We get into how to find your own core trigger, why "fear of rejection" and "fear of failure" are almost never the real fear, and why you don't have to feel calm, cool, or together before you act on your Wheel of Freedom. If you've ever wondered what's actually underneath your procrastinating, your people-pleasing, or your perfectionism, this episode hands you the map.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rlSP_QbSW2M

In this episode

• How witnessing her father's murder-suicide at 14 split Rhonda into two people, and the 20-year spiral of alcoholism and three suicide attempts that followed
• What her third suicide attempt, and the psychiatric ward evaluation after it, actually taught her about starting over
• The Wheel of Fear quiz that reveals how procrastination, people-pleasing, and perfectionism are all fear responses in disguise, not the real problem
• How to trace your own "core trigger," the single hidden fear driving your specific self-sabotage
• Why you don't have to feel calm before you act on your Wheel of Freedom, proven by the true story of a first date in a two-seater convertible
• The free course Rhonda is offering Phoenix and Flame listeners to build their own Wheel of Fear and Wheel of Freedom

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and guest intro: meet Emmy winner and master coach Rhonda Britten
• (01:19) The worst day of her life: her father's murder-suicide at 14
• (03:08) Splitting into "outside Rhonda" and "inside Rhonda"
• (06:32) The kindergarten reset: a calendar, gold stars, and the seed of courage
• (07:01) Physical fear vs. emotional fear, and 20 years of insisting she had none
• (11:06) What the Wheel of Fear actually is, and why it works to stay hidden
• (12:35) The fear-response quiz: nod your head if any of these sound familiar
• (18:58) Finding your core trigger: Rhonda's own is "loser"
• (23:19) Tracing a fear response back to its root, and what to do if you can't find the moment
• (25:53) The Wheel of Freedom and "essential nature": Rhonda's is "authentic"
• (31:41) The convertible-car story: acting on your Wheel of Freedom before you feel ready
• (36:17) Where to find Rhonda, her books, and her free "Stretch, Risk, or Die" course

About Rhonda Britten

Rhonda Britten is an Emmy Award winner, a repeat Oprah guest, and a master coach who has worked with people across more than 600 episodes of reality television. She has authored four bestsellers, including her seminal book "Fearless Living," which has been translated into 16 languages, and she founded the Fearless Living Institute, home of the Fearless Living Life Coach Certification Program.

Learn more and browse her books at FearlessLiving.org, or connect with her on LinkedIn.

Favorite quotes "The worst days of our lives are really the seed of our destiny." —Rhonda Britten "In order to pick the lock on your Wheel of Freedom, you got to act now, whether you're shaking, whether you're crying." —Rhonda Britten "There's nothing wrong with you. It's just fear." —Rhonda Britten Resources mentioned

• FearlessLiving.org: Rhonda's website and home of the Fearless Living Institute
• Rhonda's books, including "Fearless Living," translated into 16 languages
• Stretch, Risk, or Die: Rhonda's free course walking through the Wheel of Fear and Wheel of Freedom in three 15-minute videos, with templates and worksheets
• Rhonda Britten on LinkedIn

Related episodes

• The Fear Trap: pairs directly with Rhonda's Wheel of Fear framework for another angle on how fear quietly runs the show
• How Unresolved Trauma Is Ruling Your Life: a natural follow-up to Rhonda's own trauma-to-freedom journey
• How Your Survival Brain is Sabotaging Your Happiness: digs into the neurobiology behind the fear responses Rhonda and Dana discuss

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

What does it actually take to make someone stop long enough to overcome burnout instead of just pushing through it? For Jessica Hallahan the answer was a hospital bed at 24: covered in hives, twenty pounds lighter in a month, her knees too swollen to zip her own jeans, and fighting to keep her eyes open on the drive from her day job to her night shift bartending. Doctors tested her for Lyme disease, thyroid disease, and diabetes before her primary doctor finally asked the real question: when's the last time you sat still long enough to actually feel your own feelings? That, boundaries sojourners, is what burnout recovery starts with, and it doesn't knock politely. It runs you off the road.

Jessica has a master's in public health and now runs Journey to Yourself, the coaching practice (and podcast) she built out of that reality check. We get into why "I have to do it all" is a lie your nervous system eventually sends you the bill for, why the transactional version of helping people ("I'll do this so you'll do that for me") is quietly exhausting you, and why 80 percent of workplace stress traces back to one fixable thing: you not saying the thing out loud.

You'll walk away with Jessica's litmus test for knowing when a "yes" has quietly turned into resentment (hint: it starts with an eye twitch), the case for treating two minutes of peace like a non-negotiable meeting, and a reminder I give my own clients constantly: nobody else is coming to keep you together. That job is yours.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wxz8VuTGGZU

In this episode

• Why saying "no" is a form of self-care, not selfishness, and how to spot when helping has slid into over-committing
• The hospital-bed wake-up call that turned a burnout-and-a-car-accident scare into Jessica's life's work
• Why 80% of workplace stress comes down to miscommunication, and the two things (tone and body language) most of us forget to manage
• How to break a people-pleasing pattern with a coworker who keeps dumping work on you, without becoming the office villain
• Why boundaries are flexible, not a ten-foot cinder block wall, and how to check in with yourself before you say yes
• The mindfulness reframe (minus the buzzwords) that makes staying present in the moment actually manageable

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and guest intro: meet stress educator Jessica Hallahan
• (02:24) The rock-bottom story: hives, swollen knees, and falling asleep at the wheel at 24
• (04:24) Why so many of us, women especially, put ourselves last
• (09:03) The transactional trap in relationships: "I'll do this so you'll do that"
• (11:46) Mindfulness minus the buzzwords: presence without judgment
• (14:58) What actually happens when you set a boundary (hint: not rainbows)
• (18:56) Breaking the pattern: what to do when a coworker keeps dumping work on you
• (21:25) Why enabling isn't kindness, and what it costs a team
• (25:53) What happens when we expect people to read our minds
• (27:16) The 80% workplace-stress stat, and the fix hiding in plain sight
• (31:48) Where to find Jessica and her free resources

About Jessica Hallahan

Jessica Hallahan holds a master's in public health and works as a speaker and stress management health educator. At 24 she was hospitalized because of burnout, and she built Journey to Yourself, her coaching practice and podcast, to help other people work through the same thing.

Find her free resources and ways to work with her at Jessica's site, or connect with her on LinkedIn.

Favorite quotes "If I don't make time for me, who will? That's on me." —Jessica Hallahan "Statistically, 80% of our work stress is caused by miscommunication." —Jessica Hallahan "When we assume, we make an ass out of you and me." —Jessica Hallahan Resources mentioned

• Journey to Yourself: Jessica's website, blog, and free resources, including the podcast of the same name
• Jessica Hallahan on LinkedIn: her Journey to Yourself 101 page with regular stress and boundary-setting reminders

Related episodes

• How to Spot Burnout Before It's Too Late: pairs directly with Jessica's story, digging into the early warning signs before you land in a hospital bed
• How to Reclaim Your Energy When You're Burned Out: the recovery-side follow-up to the burnout Jessica describes surviving at 24
• People-Pleasing and the Sticky Rope: goes deeper on the "put yourself last" pattern Jessica names as the root of her own burnout

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

"We want a wife too." That's the joke Heather Powers and her girlfriends at work used to make: someone at home scheduling the appointments, running to the dry cleaners, keeping the household Tetris moving so they could focus at the office. Heather has spent almost 19 years as a working mom in Washington, D.C. management consulting, and during the pandemic she found herself sitting with three schedules at once (hers, her son's, her daughter's), making sure everybody logged on to virtual school at the right time. That's when it crystallized for her: the traditional 9-to-5 wasn't built for the way most families actually run.

Heather grew up the daughter of a construction worker and a teacher in rural New Hampshire, moved to D.C. for what she calls "this mythical thing" called corporate life, and climbed to an executive role at one of the large management consulting firms, all while raising two kids. She's since founded The Power Lane, a consultancy that helps organizations and individuals accelerate toward their goals, and written a book by the same name making the business case for why working mothers are exactly who companies need right now.

We get into the corporate return-to-office fight Heather helped win for flexible work, why she thinks negotiating with a toddler prepares you for anything a boardroom can throw at you, and the very specific way she wants you to start asking for what you actually need at work.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UQSOD1tl08c

In this episode

• Why "we want a wife too" is the joke working moms make, and what it reveals about who's actually doing the invisible labor at home
• How the pandemic crystallized Heather's mission to advocate for working parents, three overlapping school schedules at a time
• Why project management, budgeting, and negotiation are skills parenting already taught you for free, and how to name them in a job interview
• The return-to-office fight Heather helped her organization win by refusing to accept a one-size-fits-all mandate
• Why staying quiet about what you're juggling at home trains your employer to assume you have none of it
• How to actually make the ask at work instead of hoping someone eventually notices what you're carrying

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and intro: meet Heather Powers, founder of The Power Lane
• (01:54) From rural New Hampshire to nearly 30 years in Washington, D.C. management consulting
• (05:08) Finding the courage to leave home, and "you can't be what you can't see"
• (08:44) Founding The Power Lane, and why working moms became her focus
• (09:38) How the pandemic (and three overlapping school schedules) crystallized her mission
• (10:32) Winning the fight against a one-size-fits-all return-to-office mandate
• (11:57) The supervisor pushback that became her real turning point: "we are all at breaking points"
• (14:46) "We want a wife too": the invisible labor working parents carry, and why it's cultural, not just personal
• (19:34) Why leaders and companies have to change, and how to actually make the ask for what you need at work
• (22:19) The superpowers working moms build: project management, time management, negotiation
• (26:36) Heather's book, The Power Lane, and the business case for hiring working mothers
• (29:54) What Heather would say to a mom who's discouraged and afraid right now
• (31:07) Heather's offer: a free 30-minute consultation for the first 17 listeners who reach out

About Heather Powers

Heather Powers is the founder and CEO of The Power Lane, a consultancy that guides organizations and individuals to accelerate toward their business and revenue goals. After almost 19 years as a working mother in Washington, D.C. management consulting, including time as an executive at one of the large firms in the industry, she now writes and speaks on building workplaces that actually work for working parents. She's the author of the book The Power Lane.

Learn more at Heather's website, or connect with her on LinkedIn.

Favorite quotes "You can't be what you can't see." —Heather Powers "If you can negotiate with a toddler about eating vegetables, you can pretty much handle anything in a boardroom." —Heather Powers "We want a wife too, right? We want that woman at home or somebody at home to be scheduling the appointments." —Heather Powers Resources mentioned

• The Power Lane by Heather Powers: her book making the business case for working mothers in the workforce
• HeatherLanePowers.com: Heather's website
• Heather Powers on LinkedIn

Related episodes

• Navigating Perimenopause in the Corporate World: more on the corporate structures that weren't built with women's real lives in mind.
• From Adversity To CEO: Victoria's Path to Leadership: another working woman's climb into leadership, and what she had to unlearn along the way.
• Setting Boundaries for Well-Being and Success: more on the boundary-setting Heather describes doing with her own calendar and workload.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

A gentle note before you dive in: this conversation touches on addiction and loss of a spouse. It's okay to pause, skip ahead, or come back to this one another time.

Dr. Cali Estes was sitting on her floor eating cake with her hands, crying, with cake on the wall and cake on the dog, when her roommate walked in and said, "That's not normal." Cali's response: "What's not normal? This is what we do." She was 23, wanted to be an FBI agent, and had no idea she was already deep in a food addiction that a college counselor would later wave off ("you're not bulimic, you're not anorexic, so you're just fat") and a doctor would try to fix with a diet pill that was, at the time, still legal.

That diet pill (Fen-Phen, later pulled from the market for killing people) sent her looking for something stronger, and it took two ER visits and one doctor blunt enough to drop an F-bomb before she found her way to a yoga mat instead of a meeting room. Cali is now an addictions coach who's built her career on the idea that recovery isn't one-size-fits-all: the traditional meeting model works for some people and leaves plenty of others, like her, feeling worse instead of better. She's the founder of Sober On Demand and the Addictions Academy, a five-times #1 bestselling author, and a regular voice on CNN, Forbes, and more.

We get into her simple two-week test for telling casual use from addiction, the exact boundary she draws with parents who keep rescuing an addicted adult child, and why she believes loving someone sometimes means refusing to be the one who saves them.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mVIwbDaq4Cs

In this episode

• Dr. Cali's simple two-week test for telling casual use from addiction
• Why the traditional 12-step meeting model works for some people, and made her own addiction worse
• How a hot yoga class, not a treatment center, became the turning point in her own recovery
• The difference between therapy and coaching, and why she made the shift to coaching in 2012
• Her "brain dump" exercise for clearing ruminating thoughts before they spiral
• The boundary she tells parents to hold when an adult child's addiction keeps putting everyone in danger

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and intro: meet addictions coach Dr. Cali Estes
• (01:24) Wanting to be an FBI agent, and the night that led to a cake-eating breakdown on the floor
• (02:52) "You're just fat": a counselor's dismissal, and the diet pill that made things worse
• (04:26) Trying NA and OA, and why the snack table almost pulled her back into using
• (04:55) The addiction class where she scored "20 out of 20" on her professor's checklist
• (05:55) No health insurance, no rehab: how a friend dragged her to hot yoga instead
• (07:24) Ten sun salutations before you open the fridge: the practice that started to work
• (08:23) What she saw working in treatment centers, and why she quit on the spot
• (10:32) Why the meetings work for fellowship but not the therapeutic piece, and the shift to coaching in 2012
• (16:15) The two markers Dr. Cali uses to tell functional use from addiction
• (17:51) Trading the drug for the meeting: why some people get stuck in the rooms
• (20:26) The "brain dump" exercise for clearing ruminating thoughts
• (22:52) The mother who bought heroin with her son, and the boundary Dr. Cali drew
• (31:39) Advice for women scared to start a business: freedom over money

About Dr. Cali Estes

Dr. Cali Estes is an addictions coach and the founder of Sober On Demand and the Addictions Academy, the online addiction and mental health education school she describes as the largest of its kind. She's a five-times #1 bestselling author and host of the podcast Unpause Your Life, and her expertise has been featured on CNN, NBC, ABC, MSN Money, CNBC, CBS, Fox News, KTLA, Forbes, HBO, the LA Times, People Magazine, and The Drew Show.

Learn more at Dr. Cali's website, or connect with her on LinkedIn.

Favorite quotes "Your vice isn't your problem. It's your solution to a problem." —Dr. Cali Estes "So love is setting a boundary." —Dr. Cali Estes "I simply say, can you go two weeks without it?" —Dr. Cali Estes, on her test for spotting a real addiction Resources mentioned

• Sober On Demand: the recovery company Dr. Cali founded
• The Addictions Academy: her online addiction and mental health education school
• Unpause Your Life: Dr. Cali's own podcast
• CaliEstes.com: Dr. Cali's website
• Dr. Cali Estes on LinkedIn

Related episodes

• Journey From Addict to Award-Winning Author: Interview with Melanie Yates: another guest who rebuilt an entire identity and career on the other side of active addiction.
• Healing from Trauma and Addiction: Dr. Stephan Neff's Journey: more on the trauma underneath addiction, the piece Dr. Cali says the meetings rarely address.
• Trauma Impact: From Codependency to Self-Mastery: a closer look at the codependency and enabling patterns Dr. Cali describes in the families of people she coaches.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

In this episode, Dana is joined by Kate Semeniuk, a Rapid Transformational Hypnotherapist, to explore the unseen forces in our minds that hold us back. Have you ever known logically what you need to do—like set a boundary or say no—but found yourself unable to act? Kate reveals how subconscious beliefs, often formed in childhood, create these internal conflicts. She explains that fear and suppressed anger are not weaknesses but misguided protection strategies from a younger self. This conversation is for anyone ready to stop fighting their own mind and finally align their actions with their intentions, reclaiming control over their life and happiness.

Kate's LinkedIn Kate's Website