Phoenix and Flame Podcast

In this episode, Brad Chandler shares his journey of overcoming unresolved childhood trauma. Brad reveals how his subconscious belief of "not being enough" led to two divorces, millions in business losses, and struggles with anxiety and addiction. He explains that these negative behaviors were not flaws, but outdated survival mechanisms created by his brain in childhood. His breakthrough came not from traditional therapy, but through memory reconsolidation—a technique that rewrites the faulty neural pathways driving these actions. By accessing the subconscious mind, he was able to heal the root cause of his pain.

Brad's Linkedin

Brad's Linktree

Chapter one of my guest's book is called "You're Fabulous and At Risk," and that's basically the resilience plan talk your inner high-achiever needs. Dr. Marie-Hélène Pelletier, a psychologist, executive coach, and author of The Resilience Plan, spends her career telling capable, driven leaders the thing they don't want to hear: being good at your job is not, on its own, a resilience plan.

Marie-Hélène has a doctorate in psychology and an MBA, and she translates between the corporate world and the mental health world for a living. We get into why leaders assume they don't need support because they're paid more and get to make the decisions, her winter-driving analogy for why high performers underestimate risk right up until they're stuck in the ditch, and the very concrete difference between hoping you'll be resilient and actually having a plan.

You'll walk away with a question worth asking before the next demand hits: is your current "I've got this" actually a plan, or just a habit you haven't been tested on yet?

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxREMeXw5xg

In this episode

• Why "winging it" works right up until it doesn't, and why high-performing leaders are usually the last to notice
• The "You're Fabulous and At Risk" mindset: how competence and burnout risk can both be true at the same time
• Dr. Pelletier's winter-driving analogy for why leaders underestimate demands they're actually unprepared for
• Why leaders assume they don't need support because they're paid more and get to make the decisions, and why that's backwards
• How to build a personal resilience plan instead of just hoping you'll cope when the next crisis hits
• Why framing change as energizing instead of threatening starts with having enough margin to absorb it

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and meet Dr. Marie-Hélène Pelletier, psychologist and author of The Resilience Plan
• (04:15) Bridging psychology and business, and why she focused on resilience specifically
• (07:45) What's different about the resilience leaders need versus everyone else
• (11:58) Why high performers wait too long to invest in their own mental health
• (15:27) The problem with "I'll just wing it when I get there"
• (20:00) The winter-driving analogy: having the tools before you need them
• (25:20) "You're Fabulous and At Risk": the story behind the chapter title
• (31:05) Change as a chronic demand, and building margin instead of burnout
• (32:39) Reframing change as energizing instead of a threat
• (35:23) Where to find Dr. Pelletier and The Resilience Plan

About Dr. Marie-Hélène Pelletier

Dr. Marie-Hélène Pelletier is a psychologist, executive coach, and author of The Resilience Plan, with over 20 years of experience as a leadership psychologist and senior leader in the corporate, insurance, governance, and healthcare sectors. She is a member of the Global Clinical Practice Network of the World Health Organization and a past director on the boards of the Canadian Psychological Association and the International Association of Applied Psychology.

Learn more at The Resilience Plan, or connect with her on LinkedIn.

Favorite quotes "We're fabulous and at risk if we don't have a plan." —Dr. Marie-Hélène Pelletier "This is Olympic level. We need to pay attention to those choices on a daily basis." —Dr. Marie-Hélène Pelletier "We cannot bank on natural factors or conditions to appear when we need them." —Dr. Marie-Hélène Pelletier Resources mentioned

• The Resilience Plan by Dr. Marie-Hélène Pelletier: drmarie-helene.com/book
• Free strategic-resilience-plan worksheets Dr. Pelletier offers listeners (mentioned in the episode; no direct link was provided in the source content)
• Dr. Marie-Hélène Pelletier on LinkedIn

Related episodes

• From Adversity To CEO: Victoria's Path to Leadership: another leader's take on resilience, this time from Victoria Pelletier's "Iron Maiden to Turtle" journey (a different guest, same last name).
• How to Spot Burnout Before It's Too Late: pairs with Dr. Pelletier's warning about high performers who don't notice they're at risk until they're stuck.
• How to Reclaim Your Energy When You're Burned Out: practical next step for anyone who recognized themselves in the "winging it" pattern.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

Ten euros was all fitness coach Petar Krastev had when he left Bulgaria at 22, headed for eighteen months of homelessness in a UK lock-up garage with no electricity or running water. He was fleeing unpaid bills and a toxic relationship he couldn't simply walk away from (there was a two-year-old girl depending on him too). Once he got there, he went to the gym every single day. Not to train, at first. Just for the free showers.

Four years and a broken promise later (he helped heal his ex's health condition, saved enough to buy a car, and she posted a photo with another guy the same day), Petar rebuilt from nothing again, this time chasing entrepreneurship while cycling in and out of his own training. Every time he quit the gym to "focus on the business," his confidence, his self-esteem, and the business itself all cratered within months. At 28, out of options, he prayed. He says everything changed the next day. Now he coaches entrepreneurs and executives on the exact intersection he lived through: fitness, faith, and business, and why you can't fully separate any of the three.

If you've ever told yourself you'll get back to the gym once work calms down, Petar's got the receipts on why that trade never actually pays off.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4f2_xiVJ14

In this episode

• How Petar went from sleeping in a lock-up garage with no electricity to founder of CoachPK, his fitness and business coaching brand
• Why he stayed in a toxic relationship for nearly four years, and what finally let him get out
• The pattern he kept repeating for years: quit training to "focus on the business," then watch confidence, productivity, and the business itself fall apart
• Why he believes nobody can reach their full potential without staying fit, no matter how much money or success they have
• The prayer Petar says changed his life "like night and day," and how faith now guides every business decision he makes
• What Petar tells clients who think fitness is optional once the business gets demanding

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and meet fitness coach Petar Krastev
• (01:28) Leaving Bulgaria with 10 euros and a bag of clothes
• (03:32) Living in a lock-up garage: donuts, gym showers, and being alone
• (05:31) Why he stayed in a toxic relationship for nearly four years
• (09:41) What he sacrificed, and the toughest part of being alone
• (12:11) What kept him going: responsibility to his parents, and the gym
• (14:36) The intersection of fitness and entrepreneurship
• (16:01) The cycle: quitting training, then watching everything fall apart
• (20:08) Finding faith at 28, and the prayer that changed everything
• (24:45) Building one of the best health and fitness communities on Clubhouse
• (28:03) Words of encouragement for skeptics of faith
• (30:19) Where to find Petar and his community

About Petar Krastev

Petar Krastev is the founder of CoachPK, a fitness coach and business owner with a passion for both health and entrepreneurship. He works with a members-only community of entrepreneurs and business-minded people spread across the US, UK, and Europe on the intersection of fitness and business performance.

Learn more at Petar's website, or connect with him on LinkedIn.

Favorite quotes "I made it. I made it somehow. It took me years." —Petar Krastev "Everything changed like night and day." —Petar Krastev, on the day after he prayed "I don't think you have any chance of fulfilling your own potential without keeping fit." —Petar Krastev Resources mentioned

• pk.coach: Petar's website and fitness/business coaching community
• Petar Krastev on LinkedIn

Related episodes

• Surviving Toxic Relationships: Interview with Shannon Petrovich: another firsthand account of staying in, and finally leaving, a relationship that was quietly costing everything.
• Troy Hadeed: A Yoga Expert's View on Christ, Religion, and Divine Connection: pairs with Petar's story of faith reshaping how he approaches both health and work.
• How to Spot Burnout Before It's Too Late: the flip side of Petar's stop-training-to-work-more cycle, and how to catch it before it wrecks you.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

Limiting beliefs are the invisible walls we build before we're even old enough to know we're building them, and my guest, happiness coach Yvonne Trost, found hers out the hard way: in an actual apartment fire that took everything she owned.

Yvonne is the co-founder of Limitless You, and she's lived the both/and of coaching: a devastating apartment fire, a marriage that turned mentally and physically abusive until her seven-year-old asked her to get a new daddy, and a corporate career that paid the bills and drained her soul. She walks us through her three-step framework (realize, recode, rewrite), the neuroscience behind why your imagination beats logic every time, and why she rewrote Einstein's equation for her clients: mindful thinking, raised to the power of compassion and curiosity.

You'll leave with her favorite tool for flipping "what if" into "why not," and a reminder that the fear keeping you safe is usually the thing keeping you stuck.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8J1JIkNmETs

In this episode

• Why an apartment fire that took everything became the moment Yvonne started asking "is this happening for me, not to me"
• The warning signs she lived through before finally leaving an abusive marriage, and what her seven-year-old said that made her act
• The "realize, recode, rewrite" framework Yvonne uses to help clients find and change subconscious limiting beliefs
• Why your imagination beats logic every time, and how to use that instead of fighting it
• The simple mindset shift, "what if" to "why not", that stops fear of the unknown from keeping you small
• Why self-health isn't selfish, and how avoiding your own needs teaches the people you love to avoid theirs

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and meet happiness coach Yvonne Trost
• (02:24) The apartment fire that took everything, and the lesson buried in it
• (04:49) Leaving an abusive marriage: "Mommy, can you get me a new daddy?"
• (07:06) Desperation vs. inspiration: what actually pushes people to change
• (08:53) Why she named her company Limitless You
• (11:39) Her Einstein-inspired formula: mindful thinking raised to the power of compassion and curiosity
• (16:17) The fear of the unknown, and why it keeps us small while feeling safe
• (20:25) Locus of control: why looking outside yourself increases anxiety
• (22:38) The realize-recode-rewrite framework and how hypnotherapy fits in
• (25:37) Why your imagination beats logic every time
• (27:25) Shifting from "what if" to "why not"
• (31:26) Neuroplasticity: rewiring the negative story
• (33:08) Where to find Yvonne's website and free resources

About Yvonne Trost

Yvonne Trost is the co-founder and happiness coach at Limitless You, where she blends neuroscience, quantum physics, and hypnotherapy to help people break free from conscious and subconscious limiting beliefs. She is a divorced mom of two who has walked away from both an unfulfilling marriage and a career that didn't fit, and now helps others make the same kind of transformation.

Learn more at Yvonne's website, or connect with her on LinkedIn.

Favorite quotes "The fear of the unknown keeps us small, but we believe it keeps us safe." —Yvonne Trost "Your imagination will beat logic every single time." —Yvonne Trost "Self-health is not selfish." —Yvonne Trost Resources mentioned

• Limitless You: Yvonne's website, home to her free resources including a locus-of-control quiz and the "limiting belief lie detector" tool she mentions in the episode
• Limitless Life: Yvonne's five-week program for reclaiming the power of your imagination
• Yvonne Trost on LinkedIn

Related episodes

• Your Logical vs. Subconscious Mind: Who's Really in Control?: digs deeper into the subconscious-mind territory Yvonne's realize-recode-rewrite framework works in.
• The Power of Intuition in Personal Growth: another angle on trusting what's underneath the fear when you're deciding what comes next.
• Surviving Toxic Relationships: Interview with Shannon Petrovich: pairs with Yvonne's story of leaving an abusive marriage.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

Picture an 11-year-old kid clocking hours at a hair salon, doing everything except the actual hair, because nobody else was going to hand her a better life. By 14 she was assistant manager of a shoe store, bossing around employees twice her age. By 24 she was a chief operating officer. That's how Victoria Pelletier's leadership journey started, and it's the answer to a question a lot of us are quietly asking: how does someone build real, lasting success out of a childhood that gave her nothing to build on?

Victoria is a 20-plus-year corporate executive, board director, bestselling author, and the exec her former colleagues nicknamed the "Turnaround Queen" and "the CEO Whisperer." For years she led like the other nickname she earned: the Iron Maiden. Encased, closed off, no vulnerability allowed. It took one gut-punch comment from a colleague to make her rebuild into what she now calls a turtle instead (tough shell, soft head poking out). We get into that shift, why she's an outspoken advocate for DEI as an openly queer woman who was "the only one" in the room for years, and the actual boundaries, the calendar blocks, the delegated laundry, the one rule she breaks on purpose, that let her run a life instead of just surviving one.

You'll walk away with real language for setting boundaries at work without apologizing for them, and a clear case for why inclusive workplaces perform better, not just feel nicer.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kw-Pf6Bhk3g

In this episode

• How a chaotic, adopted childhood became the drive that took Victoria from an 11-year-old shop clerk to a chief operating officer by 24
• Why the "Iron Maiden" reputation she built to survive corporate leadership actually cost her, and the offhand comment from a colleague that forced her to change
• The "turtle" mindset: how to stay tough and resilient while still leading with empathy and vulnerability
• Real boundaries Victoria sets (and the one she deliberately breaks) to protect her time, her health, and her family
• Why DEI isn't a "tick the box" cost center, and what actually happens to retention and revenue when companies get it right
• What it means to lead by "fair, but not equal" when every employee's situation is different

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and meet Victoria Pelletier: chief operating officer at 24, president by 35, CEO by 41
• (01:33) Starting work at 11, managing a shoe store at 14, and the drive that came from a hard start
• (07:28) The insecurity behind the confidence, and where the "Iron Maiden" nickname came from
• (09:50) From Iron Maiden to Turtle: the comment from a colleague that forced a change
• (12:56) Fake it till you make it versus real self-acceptance
• (17:36) Real boundaries: blocking her calendar, delegating chores, and the one boundary she breaks on purpose
• (21:50) Being an openly queer executive, and why DEI became her passion
• (24:40) The real benefits of DEI, and where companies still get it wrong
• (30:00) Boundaries at work and why hard conversations get easier
• (32:55) Where to find Victoria's TEDx talk and her books

About Victoria Pelletier

Victoria Pelletier is a 20-plus-year corporate executive, board director, bestselling author, and professional public speaker, nicknamed the "Turnaround Queen" and "the CEO Whisperer" by former colleagues and employers. She was one of the youngest chief operating officers at age 24, a president by 35, and a CEO by 41.

Learn more and find her books at Victoria's website, or connect with her on LinkedIn.

Favorite quotes "Even when I do not feel it, I've always shown up with confidence." —Victoria Pelletier "I will not do things that don't bring me personal or professional joy or value." —Victoria Pelletier "It's going to be fair but not always equal." —Victoria Pelletier Resources mentioned

• Victoria's TEDx talk on resilience (referenced in the episode; no link was provided in the source content)
• Unstoppable: the anthology where Victoria is a contributing author
• Influence Unleashed: Victoria's book on personal branding and trust in business relationships
• The Power of Whole Human Leadership: Victoria's book on her journey from "Iron Maiden" to "Turtle"
• Radical Candor by Kim Scott: the book Victoria says reflects her long-standing leadership philosophy
• Victoria's Books
• Victoria Pelletier on LinkedIn

Related episodes

• Stop Winging It: A Leader's Guide to Resilience: another take on high-achiever burnout risk, this time from psychologist Dr. Marie-Hélène Pelletier's "you're fabulous and at risk" framework.
• Why Successful Entrepreneurs Set Boundaries: more on the calendar-blocking, delegate-it-or-drop-it boundaries that let high performers actually sustain their pace.
• How to Build a Workplace Culture That Lasts: pairs with Victoria's DEI section on what it actually takes to keep diverse talent from walking out the back door.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

In 2019, Robert Hunt and his wife Cathy sat down and did the math they'd been avoiding: $90,000 in debt, not counting the house or the cars. They'd spent years angry at God, angry at the economy, angry at their clients, asking why the blessings weren't coming. Robert says God's answer, as he heard it, was blunt: "I gave you so much money. What'd you do with it all?" So they sold the house, paid off every dollar, and moved into a rental. They were debt-free the week COVID shut down the world. Robert calls that the moment he stopped being responsible and started being accountable, and he says most of us have no idea there's a difference.

Robert is known as "The Accountability Guy," a business owner in the Dallas-Fort Worth area who's run CEO peer groups since 2013 and co-authored the book Nobody Cares Until You Do. We get into why owning your life isn't the same thing as being responsible for it (responsible is showing up to therapy, accountable is doing the work after), why "I can't" is almost always "I won't" wearing a disguise, and the blunt, almost funny gut-check his wife's dad taught her: if it's 10:30 in the morning and you've already run into three jerks today, you're the common denominator, not them.

We also talk about the shame that keeps people blame-shifting instead of owning their part, and why Robert believes you were born a 10 and you'll die a 10, no matter how badly you're currently playing the role in front of you.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_aiZr97B7lM

In this episode

• The real difference between being responsible (doing something) and being accountable (owning it and finishing the thing), and why most of us stop at the first one
• How Robert and his wife paid off $90,000 in debt by selling their house, and the peace that showed up once the anxiety of "if I lose one client, I'm screwed" was gone
• Why "I can't" almost always means "I won't," and the reframe that turns excuses into actual choices
• The free satisfaction assessment Robert uses to help clients see, in writing, exactly where they're playing victim instead of owning it
• Why shame keeps people blame-shifting, and Robert's identity-versus-role fix ("you were born a 10 and you'll die a 10")
• How Robert's business doubled, then doubled again, in the two years after he and his wife got honest about their own accountability

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and intro: meet "The Accountability Guy," Robert Hunt
• (01:25) Eleven years running CEO peer groups, and the 2019 reckoning with $90,000 in debt
• (03:26) Why people cling to the victim role, and the difference between responsible and accountable
• (08:47) The frog-in-boiling-water problem: why denial hits everyone around you harder than it hits you
• (10:08) "If it's 10:30 and you've run into three jerks, it's not them": his wife's dad's gut-check
• (18:36) Identity versus role: why you were born a 10 and you'll die a 10
• (22:04) The free satisfaction assessment: writing down what you don't like and asking why
• (23:52) "Acknowledge, embrace the suck, find a solution, make it happen": the book's four-step process
• (23:52) Selling the house, paying off the debt, and the peace that arrived once the weight was gone
• (30:21) Where to find Robert: his coaching practice, the book, and his on-air offer to mail a free copy to listeners who reach out

About Robert Hunt

Robert Hunt, known as "The Accountability Guy," is a business owner in the Dallas-Fort Worth area who has run executive CEO peer groups since 2013. He is the co-author of Nobody Cares Until You Do, written with his wife Cathy after they paid off $90,000 in debt and rebuilt their marriage, finances, and health around the practice of true accountability.

Learn more about his coaching and CEO groups at REFDallas.com, take the free satisfaction assessment or learn about the book at NobodyCaresBook.com, or fill out the contact form at NobodyCaresPod.com with the code word PHOENIX for a free copy of the book, an offer Robert made on the show to listeners who reach out that way.

Favorite quotes "Nobody cares if we're broke and unhappy in our marriage and frustrated with our finances and our business until we care enough to do something about it." —Robert Hunt "Responsible is doing something. Accountable is owning it and doing the thing." —Robert Hunt "You were born a 10 and you will die a 10. ...The role that you play, you may suck as an employee, you may struggle as a spouse, you may struggle as a parent. That's the role you play. But no role will ever be any higher than the identity you give yourself as a human." —Robert Hunt Resources mentioned

• Nobody Cares Until You Do by Robert Hunt
• NobodyCaresBook.com: home to the free satisfaction assessment mentioned in the episode
• REFDallas.com: Robert's CEO peer groups and executive coaching practice
• NobodyCaresPod.com: use code word PHOENIX for a free copy of the book, per Robert's on-air offer

Related episodes

• Are You Avoiding Failure or Guaranteeing It?: more on the self-sabotage and excuse-making Robert calls out in this episode.
• How to Reclaim Your Power from Shame: a deeper dive into the shame that keeps people blame-shifting instead of owning their part.
• The Courageous Life: Crafting Your Own Terms: Marni Battista's story of taking ownership of a life that no longer fit, a strong companion to Robert's message on accountability.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

Winnie Rodgers describes a specific, strange feeling: standing outside her own body, looking down at herself, thinking "nothing is wrong here" while everything in her actually knew something was wrong. Intellectually, on paper, her life checked every box. Her real estate business was thriving. But she'd built all her structure, her habits, her boundaries, for her work life, and none of it for her personal life. So when her personal life went sideways, she had nothing to catch her, and no practice noticing her own intuition telling her so.

Winnie is a top real estate agent in Charleston, South Carolina, and a marketing strategist with over two decades of experience who now teaches college classes on values and branding. We talk about what it actually looks like to trust your intuition instead of overriding it with your intellect, and the specific, real-world version of that problem for women in sales: the nights out, the drinks, the "cool girl" persona that keeps the deal alive, and how to say no to an inappropriate advance from someone with power over your business without burning the bridge. Winnie doesn't offer platitudes here. She tells you exactly what she says now, word for word, when someone crosses a line.

We also get into the morning ritual that keeps her grounded through a job that requires her to be "on" and shiny for everyone else, and why the industry's brutal first-year attrition rate has less to do with talent than with whether you've done the work to know yourself.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5kXNscWnQPc

In this episode

• Why Winnie's business stayed rock-solid while her personal life fell apart, and what that revealed about where she had (and hadn't) built healthy boundaries
• The exact, no-excuse way Winnie now says no to a man crossing a line, without giving a reason that becomes ammunition ("I'm not interested in having dinner with you," full stop)
• Why she wishes she'd built a strong circle of women around her sooner, ones who'd check her, not just men she trusted who couldn't
• How Winnie learned to trust her intuition again after years of overriding her body's signals with "intellectually, nothing is wrong"
• Her actual morning ritual (reading in bed, a green drink, breathing, sage) for showing up "on" all day without losing herself
• Why a slow month in real estate isn't a crisis if you've learned to trust the cycle, and what to do with that downtime instead of panicking

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and intro: meet real estate expert and marketing strategist Winnie Rodgers
• (05:12) Standing outside her own body: what it felt like to ignore her intuition
• (08:19) Why her business stayed steady while her personal life spun out
• (11:48) Real estate's after-hours culture, and the "shiny cool girl" pressure to never leave the table
• (15:49) The advice for women who don't want to burn a bridge but don't want to cross a line either
• (22:53) The exact words Winnie uses now to say no, without an excuse to argue with
• (26:53) What has helped Winnie navigate the instability of entrepreneurship and sales
• (35:18) Winnie's grounding morning ritual: reading, a green drink, breath, and sage
• (40:10) Where to find Winnie: Instagram and her teaching website

About Winnie Rodgers

Winnie Rodgers is a dynamic real estate expert and marketing strategist with over two decades of experience in digital and print marketing, and a top real estate agent in Charleston, South Carolina. She also teaches classes built around values and branding.

Connect with her on Instagram, or learn more about her teaching at Winnie's website.

Favorite quotes "I'm not interested in having dinner with you. [...] In the past, I would have given a reason, I would have given an excuse, I would have softened it so that it didn't hurt his feelings." —Winnie Rodgers "I felt like I knew my business better than I knew myself at that time." —Winnie Rodgers "It isn't necessarily that you're not good at it. It is that there's something that is challenging or pushing against one of your boundaries or one of your values, and you just haven't identified it yet." —Winnie Rodgers Resources mentioned

• Winnie Rodgers on Instagram: @winnieandcompany
• Winnie's website: home to her teaching on values and branding

Related episodes

• Curiosity: The Bridge to Connection: Mette Reebirk on questioning the mind's stories, a great companion piece to Winnie's case for trusting the body's signals instead.
• How to Trust Your Intuition After Trauma: more on learning to hear and trust your own intuition again.
• Boundaries - Why Can't I Set Them?: Dana's own deep dive into what actually gets in the way of setting the boundary you know you need.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

Close your eyes for a second. Go ahead, really do it. Mette Reebirk asked me to try this live on the show, and within a breath there was a voice in my head going, "this is weird, I hope this doesn't last too long." Then a second voice: "come on, be positive, she has a plan." Then Mette asks the real question: who's the one watching those two voices argue? That's the whole episode in miniature. We have around 60,000 thoughts a day, she says, coming and going like clouds, and you do not have a single feeling, not anxiety, not shame, not anger, that wasn't created by a thought you believed to be true for a moment.

Mette is an author and executive coach who's spent over two decades helping experienced leaders question their thoughts and free themselves from anxiety. Seven years ago, after decades in senior leadership (president of an investment-attraction organization, international director at a university, and director of corporate relations at another), she got fired, not for the first time in her career, and started her own consultancy from scratch, not entirely sure what she had to offer once the company logo was gone. What she found, working with laid-off executives who "on paper had everything" and still felt hollow, became the foundation for the thought-questioning work she teaches today.

We get into why you're not actually meeting the person in front of you, you're meeting your own story about them, how that single insight can defuse a bad boss, a messy teenager's room, or a marriage fight, and why the only thing you ever really lose when you let go of a false belief is the story itself.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4TjlwFusmYU

In this episode

• Why you don't have a feeling or emotion that wasn't created by a thought, and how to catch the thought before it becomes a stress spiral
• The "who's watching the two voices" trick for noticing your own mental chatter instead of getting swept up in it
• Why meeting someone else is really meeting your own story about them, and how that reframes conflict with a difficult boss, spouse, or teenager
• How Mette got fired, not for the first time, and had to rebuild her entire sense of self once the corporate brand behind her name was gone
• Why letting go of blame doesn't mean tolerating bad leadership, it means dealing with one thing (the bad leader) instead of a whole story about them
• A simple body-based check ("can I be 100% sure that's true?") for questioning a belief the moment you feel it land in your stomach or your chest

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and intro: meet author and executive coach Mette Reebirk
• (01:53) Two decades in senior leadership, then getting fired, not for the first time
• (02:18) Starting a consultancy from scratch and traveling to China not knowing what she had to offer
• (04:28) What Mette saw headhunting laid-off executives: success on paper, insecurity underneath
• (08:36) The two-voices exercise: noticing the watcher behind your own thoughts
• (09:48) Why every feeling you have was created by a thought you believed
• (13:03) Why letting go of an old story can feel like losing the stone in your shoe
• (14:03) "You need to look behind": what keeps people blaming a bad boss instead of dealing with one
• (19:48) Meeting the story instead of the person, and what that means for diversity and difference
• (24:41) The clothes-on-the-floor experiment: what changed once she stopped calling it "disrespectful"
• (27:50) The body check: noticing a racing heart or a stomach knot as your cue to question a belief
• (34:12) Where to find Mette: her book and LinkedIn

About Mette Reebirk

Mette Reebirk is an author and executive coach based in Copenhagen, Denmark, who has spent more than two decades helping experienced leaders question their thoughts and free themselves from anxiety. Before starting her own consultancy, she held senior leadership roles including president of an organization set up to attract investment to Copenhagen, international director at a university, and director of corporate relations at another. She has a new book on questioning the thoughts we believe to be true.

Connect with her on LinkedIn.

Favorite quotes "You do not have a feeling or an emotion that has not been created by a thought. So whenever you feel anxious, afraid, angry, shameful, it's created by a thought you, in a very short moment, innocently believed to be true." —Mette Reebirk "When we meet the other person, we don't really meet the other person. We meet the story, our own story about the other person. That means that actually we meet ourself." —Mette Reebirk "The only thing that we can lose is a story. The only thing we can lose is the story." —Mette Reebirk Resources mentioned

• Mette Reebirk's new book on questioning our thoughts to find freedom from anxiety (exact title not stated clearly on air; see reviewer notes)
• Mette Reebirk on LinkedIn

Related episodes

• The Power of Intuition in Personal Growth: Winnie Rodgers on listening to the body instead of the mind, a natural companion piece to Mette's work on questioning the mind's stories.
• "Sigh, See, Start": The ShouldStorm Antidote: another framework for catching and reframing the automatic thoughts that drive our stress.
• Your Logical vs. Subconscious Mind: Who's Really in Control?: more on the machinery behind the thoughts Mette teaches us to question.

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Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

In this solo episode, Dana Skaggs explores the complexities of setting and defending personal boundaries. She discusses the importance of understanding one's own emotional landscape, the fear of rejection, and the impact of past wounds on current behavior.

Dana emphasizes the need for self-awareness and the role of support systems in navigating these challenges.

Dana's Linked In Page

Dana's website

Marni Battista was skiing a double black diamond in new boots, feeling badass, when she went flying through the air and landed on her sacrum. Seven fractures. Twelve weeks flat on her back, unable to work, read, knit, or even sit up, using an old-lady reaching claw because she couldn't move without pain. The doctors kept saying she should be better by now. She wasn't. Finally a guide told her something that stopped her cold: you broke your foundation because you built your whole life on doing and producing, and disconnected the emotional part of yourself. It was time to rebuild.

Marni is an entrepreneur, author, and transformational coach whose new book, Your Radical Living Challenge: Seven Questions for a Meaningful Life, comes out February 5. Before the injury, she'd built a nearly $2-million-a-year dating coaching business, appeared in the LA Times and the New Yorker, and been on Dr. Phil, Ryan Seacrest, and Home & Family TV, all while quietly wondering how much longer she could keep pushing. We talk about how to live life on your own terms instead of the version everyone else expects of you, why "comparison despair" wrecks so many of us (especially after 18 months off social media forced her to notice it), and how she finally answered her own website's question: if you could create your whole life any way you wanted it, what would it look like?

We also get into the harder, practical side of reinvention: how women specifically build the financial clarity to back up a courageous decision, and why the "essential problem" is almost never the problem you think it is.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rqjpryF-HHc

In this episode

• Why breaking her sacrum in seven places was, in Marni's words, "the universe saying it's time to rebuild," and what she did with that forced 12 weeks of stillness
• How to identify the "essential problem" hiding underneath the problem you think you have (it's rarely your marriage, your money, or your business)
• Why comparison despair spikes on social media, and what an 18-month fast from it taught Marni about which comparisons actually matter
• The financial clarity work Marni does with clients before any conversation about reinventing a life or a career, because "you can't create emotional safety without clarity"
• Why chasing dating "strategy" without self-worth is a waste of every app and every strategy in the world, and what dating with dignity looks like instead
• How Marni's seven spiritual questions became the framework for choosing a life beyond the 10%-variation version most of us settle for in midlife

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and intro: meet entrepreneur, author, and coach Marni Battista
• (03:35) Building a nearly $2M dating-coaching business, and the pace that couldn't last
• (07:01) The double black diamond, the crash, and seven fractures in her sacrum
• (08:14) Twelve weeks flat on her back with a claw grabber, at the height of COVID
• (08:34) "You have broken your foundation": the guide's diagnosis that changed everything
• (12:32) The butterfly at her new desk, and the question: if I had nine more years, is this what I'd be doing?
• (13:32) Finding the "essential problem" underneath the problem you think you have
• (17:03) The financial-security gap that keeps women from making courageous decisions
• (22:51) Comparison despair, an 18-month social media fast, and what her dying father taught her about what actually matters
• (26:48) Dating with Dignity: why strategy without self-worth is worthless
• (32:02) Where to find Marni: her book and both her websites

About Marni Battista

Marni Battista is an entrepreneur, author, transformational coach, and host of the Straight to the Point podcast. She's appeared in the LA Times and the New Yorker, and on Dr. Phil, Ryan Seacrest, and Home & Family TV. Her new book, Your Radical Living Challenge: Seven Questions for a Meaningful Life, is out February 5. She's also the founder of Dating with Dignity, a dating and relationship coaching practice built on self-love, self-confidence, and self-worth.

Learn more at MarniBattista.com, where you'll find her book, the Dating with Dignity program, and her Radical Living work. She also mentions an Institute for Living Courageously site, still in development at the time of taping; no working URL for it was confirmed on air.

Favorite quotes "You have broken your sacrum because that is the foundation, and you have built your foundation of your life on doing and producing, and you have completely disconnected the emotional part of yourself. This is the universe saying it's time to rebuild." —the guide Marni consulted, as recounted by Marni Battista "I had made my safety and security, my home, completely external. And the journey I then needed to go on was: how do I create home inside of myself, so that no matter where I go, no matter what the circumstances, no matter what's happening, I feel safe and I know that I am who I am and that I'm okay." —Marni Battista "There was literally nothing out there for a map or a guide of how do you actually recreate, redesign, rewrite your next chapter so that you're still living life in a way that is meaningful." —Marni Battista Resources mentioned

• Your Radical Living Challenge: Seven Questions for a Meaningful Life by Marni Battista, out February 5
• MarniBattista.com: Marni's website, home to her book, Dating with Dignity, and her coaching work
• Dating with Dignity: Marni's dating and relationship coaching practice, discussed throughout the episode

Related episodes

• Vision and Heart: One Entrepreneur's Journey: Jackson Calame's story of rebuilding an entrepreneurial life around boundaries, a natural companion to Marni's rebuild after her injury.
• Reclaiming Health and Embracing the Second Act: another midlife reinvention story, this one centered on health and identity after a major life reset.
• Signs of a Mismatched Career and How to Make a Change: more on recognizing when your current life no longer fits, and what to do about it.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz