My guest became friends with a homeless man from her church and took it as a sign from God, confirmation that her volunteer work with homeless people was on the right track. A few months later, during a snowstorm, she invited him to stay in her home instead of a shelter, because, she says, "I'm a nice person, that's why I do this." A few weeks later, that man was practically living with her, and she felt trapped in her own home. That's the moment Barb Nangle hit what she calls her "codependent bottom" in 2015, at 52 years old, after decades of therapy and self-help work that had never once given her the word she actually needed: codependent. What followed was a crash course in relational trauma, the kind that doesn't come from one explosive event but from years of quiet, ongoing emotional invalidation.

Barb is a boundaries coach, speaker, and the founder and CEO of Higher Power Coaching and Consulting, and she hosts the podcast "Fragmented to Whole: Life Lessons from 12 Step Recovery." She walks me through the haphazard, meandering path that took her from a church parking lot to Codependents Anonymous to Adult Children of Alcoholics, and how nine and a half years of 12-step recovery quietly taught her to build boundaries before she even had the word for what she was doing.

We get into what relational trauma actually looks like when your childhood home had food, a lawn, and parents who loved you, why "don't talk, don't trust, don't feel" are the three rules that keep dysfunctional families running, and how to hold a boundary calmly instead of waiting until you explode.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t8_HlHgFMww

In this episode

• Why relational trauma can look like a quiet "drip, drip, drip" of emotional invalidation, not one big explosive event
• Why relational trauma doesn't require physical abuse to be real, and how comparing your pain to someone else's can retraumatize you
• The three dysfunctional family rules: don't talk, don't trust, don't feel
• Why healthy boundaries start with naming your top five values, not with confrontation
• How to hold a boundary calmly instead of waiting until you explode
• Why "you're not being disloyal to the family, you're being disloyal to the dysfunction"

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and guest intro: meet Barb Nangle, boundaries coach and founder of Higher Power Coaching
• (01:00) Hitting a "codependent bottom" in 2015, and a homeless man named Dan
• (01:54) The ACA meeting: "we reparent ourselves"
• (08:51) Why relational trauma doesn't require physical abuse: "you've experienced 100% of your trauma and 0% of other people's"
• (11:45) Why the person who sets the boundary gets attacked in dysfunctional families
• (16:06) "Denial is the glue that holds dysfunctional families together"
• (18:31) How 12-step recovery accidentally taught Barb to build boundaries
• (22:23) Practical boundary examples: bedtime, smoking, weekend emails
• (24:52) What to do when someone pushes back on a new boundary
• (28:36) Why setting a boundary doesn't have to be confrontational
• (31:57) Where to find Barb's free Boundary Building Starter Kit

About Barb Nangle

Barb Nangle is a boundaries coach, speaker, and the founder and CEO of Higher Power Coaching and Consulting. She hosts the podcast "Fragmented to Whole: Life Lessons from 12 Step Recovery," which recently passed its 300th episode. After hitting a "codependent bottom" in 2015 at age 52, she found healing through Codependents Anonymous, Adult Children of Alcoholics, and Overeaters Anonymous, and has lost over 100 pounds from her top weight along the way.

Learn more at Barb's website, or grab her free Boundary Building Starter Kit. Her podcast is at fragmented2whole.com.

Favorite quotes "You're not being disloyal to the family, you're being disloyal to the dysfunction." —Barb Nangle "Denial is the glue that holds dysfunctional families together." —Barb Nangle "Building healthy boundaries got me into integrity with myself. It got me to live in alignment with my values." —Barb Nangle Resources mentioned

• HigherPowerCC.com: Barb's coaching website
• Boundary Building Starter Kit: Barb's free multimedia kit, with videos, worksheets, and an article for anyone who says yes when they want to say no
• Fragmented to Whole: Barb's podcast, "Life Lessons from 12 Step Recovery," including a playlist of episodes specifically on boundaries

Related episodes

• Boundaries - Why Can't I Set Them?: more on the boundary-setting work Barb builds her coaching practice around.
• Getting Pulled Into the Past: Our Shame Response and the Impact of Unprocessed Trauma: pairs with Barb's story of unearthing childhood relational trauma.
• Why Traditional Masculinity Is Failing Modern Relationships: another conversation on how relational trauma and trust get rebuilt in adult relationships.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

One of my guest's interview subjects took a fully remote marketing job and spent her first weeks scanning her new coworkers' faces on Zoom, trying to find any signal for what actually mattered at that company. She'd read a coworker's email and think, that has to be sarcasm. Then she'd get on camera with them and realize, oh my gosh, they were dead serious. That's what adapting to the modern workplace looks like now: equal parts wave and bewilderment. Craig Mattson, an organizational researcher and communication professor, spent years interviewing rising professionals about exactly this, and the metaphors he landed on (a wave of digital overwhelm, and the life raft you build to survive it) are why we're talking today.

Craig is a professor at Calvin University and the author of "Digital Overwhelm," built from dozens of conversations with Gen Z and millennial professionals navigating the intensities of the early 2020s workplace. He and I dig into what remote work quietly steals from us (facial cues, tone, trust) and what it sometimes hands back (safety, control, fewer unwanted approaches), plus why personality and home life shape how well any of us cope when the tech breaks down, which it always does.

We also tackle the question I know a lot of you are sitting with right now: if my job doesn't feel meaningful, should I quit? Craig's answer isn't a yes or no. It's four different postures people take toward meaningless-feeling work, and by the end you'll know which one you're in, and what to do about it.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kzx6rGKTfjE

In this episode

• Why remote work strips away the nonverbal cues that used to tell you what's actually going on at your job
• The four different ways people find meaning at work, and why "should I quit?" doesn't have one right answer
• How the digital-era "wave" of overwhelm hit every generation differently, from Gen X to Gen Z
• Why some personalities cope better with tech breakdowns than others, and how to borrow their calm
• What Craig's interviews revealed about remote work as an unexpected safety net for some women dealing with workplace harassment
• Dana's "cup of water in an ocean" reframe for anyone who feels like their work doesn't matter

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and guest intro: meet Craig Mattson, organizational researcher and author of Digital Overwhelm
• (01:30) Why Dana started Phoenix and Flame: the fire, the ashes, and the rebirth
• (02:59) The wave and the life raft: Craig's metaphors for digital-era work
• (07:10) The Zoom call where every email sounded like sarcasm until she saw their faces
• (14:02) Remote work, harassment, and the surprising safety of controlling your own camera angle
• (18:41) Why personality and temperament shape how well people cope with tech breakdowns
• (20:34) The mom who ran client calls with her kids pulling at her kneecaps
• (29:43) "If my job doesn't feel meaningful, should I quit?"
• (29:46) The four postures toward work: world-changers, therapists, thespians, and skeptics
• (35:44) Dana's "cup of water in an ocean" reframe
• (36:39) Where to find Craig and his book, Digital Overwhelm

About Craig Mattson

Craig Mattson is an organizational researcher and professor at Calvin University in the field of communication. His research centers on the vocational experience of rising professionals, particularly Gen Z and millennials, and the intensities and pressures of the American workplace across generations. He is the author of "Digital Overwhelm," built from interviews with dozens of rising working professionals about coping with digital-era work.

Connect with him on LinkedIn, or read his writing at The Mode Switch.

Favorite quotes "All our models are wrong and some of them are useful." —Craig Mattson "We have to become mindful of how our tools are shaping our work experience, and sometimes distorting our work experience." —Craig Mattson "It's possible that you can find a posture towards your work that's sustainable, even if your job does feel kind of empty." —Craig Mattson Resources mentioned

• "Digital Overwhelm," Craig's book, built from interviews with rising professionals about coping with digital-era work pressures
• Craig Mattson on LinkedIn
• The Mode Switch, Craig's blog

Related episodes

• Signs of a Mismatched Career and How to Make a Change: more on Craig's exact question, should I quit if my job feels meaningless?
• Why Neurodiversity is Important in the Workplace: another look at what today's workplace owes every kind of employee.
• How Your Survival Brain is Sabotaging Your Happiness: pairs with Craig's take on coping with modern-day overwhelm.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

My guest bought a little plastic herb keeper for his fridge, all excited about eating fresher food. His daughter picked it up, immediately threw it on the ground, and it broke into a million pieces. He didn't yell. He didn't say a word. He just turned his back on her. That quiet moment, he says, is exactly how shame gets passed down without anyone meaning to do it, and it's a perfect case study in what Matt O'Neill calls your "survival brain": the part of you that's wired to feel negative, not because something is wrong with you, but because that's literally its job.

Matt is a happiness educator and the author of "Good Mood Revolution," where he teaches conscious happiness: an intentional practice of catching the eight negative moods that hijack all of us (shame, overwhelm, hopelessness, and more) and swapping them for the eight positive ones. He's also a dad of four, runs two companies with $8 million in revenue and 80-plus employees, and somehow got his company named the number one place to work out of 470,000 companies in the state of South Carolina. Spoiler: gratitude had a lot to do with it.

We dig into why "I'll be happy when everything is perfect" is a lie that will chase you your whole life, the two habits Matt uses that take zero extra time (shower affirmations and a two-word ritual the second his feet hit the floor), and his "Grab the Rope" story for anyone who feels like life is beyond hope right now.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CAZc1-QjFHc

In this episode

• Why "I'll be happy when..." is a trap that never delivers, no matter how much you achieve
• How your survival brain turns ordinary stress into shame, and how to catch it in the act
• Two zero-extra-time habits (shower affirmations and a two-word wake-up ritual) that rewire negative self-talk
• The "Grab the Rope" story for anyone in a real crisis who feels hopeless
• Why gratitude is the fastest way out of a "meh" mood, and how it helped make Matt's company the #1 place to work in South Carolina
• How to be happy WHILE life is messy, instead of waiting for it to be perfect

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and guest intro: meet Matt O'Neill, happiness educator and author of Good Mood Revolution
• (01:20) Spinning plates: four kids, two businesses, and the trap of keeping up with the Joneses, and the lie that "if I just make everything perfect, then I'll be happy"
• (07:21) The eight negative moods, and the one underneath all of them: not feeling enough
• (10:43) The herb keeper story: how shame gets passed down without a single harsh word
• (13:25) Reprogramming a lie into a truth by writing new affirmations
• (16:55) The "no extra time" myth: shower affirmations and the two-word wake-up ritual
• (20:18) Dana's own gratitude experiment, and why journaling her feelings wasn't working
• (27:07) "Grab the Rope": the fable for anyone feeling hopeless
• (32:19) Why no one is really self-made, and what that means for asking for help
• (37:14) Where to find Matt and the Good Mood Revolution podcast

About Matt O'Neill

Matt O'Neill is a happiness educator and the author of "Good Mood Revolution: Igniting the Power of Conscious Happiness," which he also hosts as a weekly podcast. He is a father of four and co-runs two companies with $8 million in revenue and more than 80 employees, one of which was named the number one company to work for out of 470,000 companies in the state of South Carolina.

Learn more at Matt's website, or connect with him on LinkedIn.

Favorite quotes "Until I learn to be happy while everything is uncomfortable and messy, I'll never be happy." —Matt O'Neill "The truth is a hundred times more powerful, a thousand times more powerful, than the lie." —Matt O'Neill "You got to grab the rope." —Matt O'Neill Resources mentioned

• MattONeill.com: Matt's website
• Matt O'Neill on LinkedIn
• "Good Mood Revolution: Igniting the Power of Conscious Happiness," Matt's book, discussed throughout the episode (chapter three is "Grab the Rope")
• The Good Mood Revolution podcast, Matt's weekly show on building happiness habits

Related episodes

• How You Can Find Hope After Hitting Rock Bottom: another take on climbing out of the hopelessness Matt calls "grabbing the rope."
• Adapt or Drown: Finding Your Life Raft in the Modern Workplace: more tools for staying steady when life (and work) feels like too much.
• How to Spot Burnout Before It's Too Late: pairs with Matt's take on the "survival brain" behind chronic overwhelm.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

Picture a teenager waking up at 3 a.m. to study for AP Biology, reading the same paragraph over and over, and it just will not go in. That was Khushboo Chabria in high school, years before anyone said the word ADHD to her. She carried that "something is wrong with me" feeling all the way into her thirties, into a career as a clinician who was, ironically, already serving neurodivergent kids every day. Neurodiversity in the workplace is not an abstract diversity-statement topic for her; it is her own life, cracked open at 31 when a late ADHD diagnosis finally explained a lifetime of unanswered questions.

Khushboo works with Neurodiversity Pathways at Goodwill of Silicon Valley as a career coach and mental health advocate, helping neurodivergent professionals enter and thrive in their careers. We talk about what happened when she brought her new diagnosis back to her own workplace (it did not go the way she hoped), the mindset shift she now teaches organizations, trading judgment for "compassionate curiosity," and why neurodiversity, like biodiversity or cultural diversity, is simply normal, not a problem to fix.

If you have ever felt underestimated, misunderstood, or like you were somehow doing life "wrong," this conversation is for you. We get into how to self-advocate when you do not have the words for what you need yet, common workplace misconceptions about neurodivergent behavior, and how to find your people when your current workplace is not one of them.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-l678RVMlo

In this episode

• Why a late ADHD diagnosis is not "too late": it can answer a lifetime of unanswered questions about why you felt misunderstood
• The mindset shift from judgment to "compassionate curiosity" that changes how teams treat neurodivergent coworkers
• Why "when you meet one neurodivergent person, you've only met one," and what that means for how you support others
• How to advocate for your own accommodations before anyone else names them for you
• Common workplace misconceptions about neurodivergent behavior, and why "office humor" is not a universal language
• Where to find community if you suspect you are neurodivergent and feel like you are the only one

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and guest intro: meet Khushboo Chabria, neurodiversity specialist and career coach
• (01:41) Diagnosed with ADHD at 31, as a "burnt out clinician"
• (04:45) The 3 a.m. study sessions, and a lifetime of "if only you would..."
• (06:38) Taking her diagnosis back to work, and slowly feeling managed out
• (10:36) What neurodivergence actually means, and why it's normal
• (14:38) The manager who said, "I don't want you to keep trying to prove you can do all the things"
• (16:27) Common misconceptions about neurodivergent behavior at work
• (17:25) From lenses of judgment to lenses of "compassionate curiosity"
• (23:52) How to advocate for yourself in a workplace that isn't working for you, and the book "Neurodiversity for Dummies"
• (29:41) Finding community, and advocacy groups like ASAN
• (32:38) Where to find Neurodiversity Pathways at Goodwill of Silicon Valley

About Khushboo Chabria

Khushboo Chabria is a neurodiversity specialist, career coach, and mental health advocate with Neurodiversity Pathways at Goodwill of Silicon Valley, where she coaches neurodivergent professionals entering or navigating their careers. Diagnosed with ADHD at 31 after years of working as a clinician serving neurodivergent children, she is a co-author of the book "Neurodiversity for Dummies," published this year.

Connect with her on LinkedIn.

Favorite quotes "When you meet one neurodivergent person, you've only met one." —Khushboo Chabria "It's not really about the label, it's about the individual." —Khushboo Chabria "Instead of jumping to a conclusion, get curious, ask why." —Khushboo Chabria Resources mentioned

• Khushboo Chabria on LinkedIn
• "Neurodiversity for Dummies," the book co-authored by Khushboo's team, discussed as a resource for neurodivergent individuals, parents, educators, and managers
• Neurodiversity Pathways at Goodwill of Silicon Valley, Khushboo's organization, including their Career Readiness Training program for neurodivergent job seekers
• ASAN (Autistic Self Advocacy Network), mentioned as a Bay Area advocacy resource

Related episodes

• Anxiety at Work: another look at what it takes to feel safe and supported inside the modern workplace.
• How to Reclaim Your Energy When You're Burned Out: pairs with Khushboo's own burnout story before her diagnosis.
• Adapt or Drown: Finding Your Life Raft in the Modern Workplace: more on what today's workplace demands of every kind of brain.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

Someone asks you a simple question, "What do you want?" and your brain just stops. Not stalls. Stops. That's what happened to coach Arnold Beekes in his first coaching session, in his 40s, after decades running technology and organizational leadership teams. Nobody had ever asked him that before. Not once.

Arnold grew up with a father whose will "was the law," spent 20 years in tech and organizational leadership and another 20 in psychology and personal leadership, and now helps people do what he calls the art of unconditioning. We get into why he says most 25-year-olds have only ever learned to meet other people's expectations, his puppy-raised-as-a-cat analogy for what happens when we're forced into someone else's mold, and why comparing yourself to anyone else, in his words, is a waste of time, because nobody else is you.

You'll leave with his starting point for figuring out what you actually want instead of what you were trained to want: be a beginner again.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PdgpQdZXcY4

In this episode

• Why Arnold couldn't answer "What do you want?" in his 40s, and what that reveals about how most of us are raised
• The puppy-raised-as-a-cat analogy for what happens when we're conditioned to be someone we're not
• Why comparing yourself to other people (or other people's methods) is a trap, and what to do instead
• The "art of unconditioning": Arnold's process for taking back your power and starting to think for yourself
• How to build self-acceptance and self-confidence without needing anyone else's approval first
• Why conforming to society's basic rules (stop at red lights, don't cut the line) isn't the same as living someone else's life

Timestamps

• (21:47) Welcome and meet coach Arnold Beekes (after a couple of technical restarts)
• (22:21) Growing up with "my father's will was the law"
• (23:36) The bio line that stuck with Dana: "conditioned to live someone else's life"
• (26:16) The coaching question that stopped him cold: "Arnold, what do you want?"
• (28:11) Living your own life versus conforming for safety and approval
• (29:33) The puppy-raised-as-a-cat analogy
• (34:12) Finding balance between conforming and rebelling
• (38:05) Respecting your own uniqueness, and other people's
• (40:18) Why comparing yourself to other people's methods sets you up to fail
• (43:29) Moving from "not good enough" to self-acceptance
• (49:30) The art of unconditioning, explained
• (54:08) Where to find Arnold and his work

About Arnold Beekes

Arnold Beekes helps people move from fitting in to flying out. He grew up in an environment of extreme conformity, with a father who was a military officer both at work and at home. In his career, Arnold spent 20 years in technology and organizational leadership, then 20 years in psychology and personal leadership.

Learn more at Arnold's website, or connect with him on LinkedIn.

Favorite quotes "By the time most people, when you're 25, the only thing what you have learned is meeting expectations of other people." —Arnold Beekes "Just because I'm living my own life doesn't mean I'm a rebel." —Arnold Beekes "Every person in this world is totally unique." —Arnold Beekes Resources mentioned

• braingym.fitness: Arnold's website, home to his coaching work on the art of unconditioning
• Arnold Beekes on LinkedIn

Related episodes

• The Courageous Life: Crafting Your Own Terms: same core question as Arnold's "what do you want" moment, from a different angle.
• Finding Yourself: Ascension From Childhood Dysfunction: another guest's journey out of a conditioning-heavy upbringing and into a life that's actually theirs.
• Why Young Adults Are More Stuck Than Ever: pairs with Arnold's point that by 25, most of us have only learned to meet other people's expectations.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

In this episode, Brad Chandler shares his journey of overcoming unresolved childhood trauma. Brad reveals how his subconscious belief of "not being enough" led to two divorces, millions in business losses, and struggles with anxiety and addiction. He explains that these negative behaviors were not flaws, but outdated survival mechanisms created by his brain in childhood. His breakthrough came not from traditional therapy, but through memory reconsolidation—a technique that rewrites the faulty neural pathways driving these actions. By accessing the subconscious mind, he was able to heal the root cause of his pain.

Brad's Linkedin

Brad's Linktree

Chapter one of my guest's book is called "You're Fabulous and At Risk," and that's basically the resilience plan talk your inner high-achiever needs. Dr. Marie-Hélène Pelletier, a psychologist, executive coach, and author of The Resilience Plan, spends her career telling capable, driven leaders the thing they don't want to hear: being good at your job is not, on its own, a resilience plan.

Marie-Hélène has a doctorate in psychology and an MBA, and she translates between the corporate world and the mental health world for a living. We get into why leaders assume they don't need support because they're paid more and get to make the decisions, her winter-driving analogy for why high performers underestimate risk right up until they're stuck in the ditch, and the very concrete difference between hoping you'll be resilient and actually having a plan.

You'll walk away with a question worth asking before the next demand hits: is your current "I've got this" actually a plan, or just a habit you haven't been tested on yet?

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uxREMeXw5xg

In this episode

• Why "winging it" works right up until it doesn't, and why high-performing leaders are usually the last to notice
• The "You're Fabulous and At Risk" mindset: how competence and burnout risk can both be true at the same time
• Dr. Pelletier's winter-driving analogy for why leaders underestimate demands they're actually unprepared for
• Why leaders assume they don't need support because they're paid more and get to make the decisions, and why that's backwards
• How to build a personal resilience plan instead of just hoping you'll cope when the next crisis hits
• Why framing change as energizing instead of threatening starts with having enough margin to absorb it

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and meet Dr. Marie-Hélène Pelletier, psychologist and author of The Resilience Plan
• (04:15) Bridging psychology and business, and why she focused on resilience specifically
• (07:45) What's different about the resilience leaders need versus everyone else
• (11:58) Why high performers wait too long to invest in their own mental health
• (15:27) The problem with "I'll just wing it when I get there"
• (20:00) The winter-driving analogy: having the tools before you need them
• (25:20) "You're Fabulous and At Risk": the story behind the chapter title
• (31:05) Change as a chronic demand, and building margin instead of burnout
• (32:39) Reframing change as energizing instead of a threat
• (35:23) Where to find Dr. Pelletier and The Resilience Plan

About Dr. Marie-Hélène Pelletier

Dr. Marie-Hélène Pelletier is a psychologist, executive coach, and author of The Resilience Plan, with over 20 years of experience as a leadership psychologist and senior leader in the corporate, insurance, governance, and healthcare sectors. She is a member of the Global Clinical Practice Network of the World Health Organization and a past director on the boards of the Canadian Psychological Association and the International Association of Applied Psychology.

Learn more at The Resilience Plan, or connect with her on LinkedIn.

Favorite quotes "We're fabulous and at risk if we don't have a plan." —Dr. Marie-Hélène Pelletier "This is Olympic level. We need to pay attention to those choices on a daily basis." —Dr. Marie-Hélène Pelletier "We cannot bank on natural factors or conditions to appear when we need them." —Dr. Marie-Hélène Pelletier Resources mentioned

• The Resilience Plan by Dr. Marie-Hélène Pelletier: drmarie-helene.com/book
• Free strategic-resilience-plan worksheets Dr. Pelletier offers listeners (mentioned in the episode; no direct link was provided in the source content)
• Dr. Marie-Hélène Pelletier on LinkedIn

Related episodes

• From Adversity To CEO: Victoria's Path to Leadership: another leader's take on resilience, this time from Victoria Pelletier's "Iron Maiden to Turtle" journey (a different guest, same last name).
• How to Spot Burnout Before It's Too Late: pairs with Dr. Pelletier's warning about high performers who don't notice they're at risk until they're stuck.
• How to Reclaim Your Energy When You're Burned Out: practical next step for anyone who recognized themselves in the "winging it" pattern.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

Ten euros was all fitness coach Petar Krastev had when he left Bulgaria at 22, headed for eighteen months of homelessness in a UK lock-up garage with no electricity or running water. He was fleeing unpaid bills and a toxic relationship he couldn't simply walk away from (there was a two-year-old girl depending on him too). Once he got there, he went to the gym every single day. Not to train, at first. Just for the free showers.

Four years and a broken promise later (he helped heal his ex's health condition, saved enough to buy a car, and she posted a photo with another guy the same day), Petar rebuilt from nothing again, this time chasing entrepreneurship while cycling in and out of his own training. Every time he quit the gym to "focus on the business," his confidence, his self-esteem, and the business itself all cratered within months. At 28, out of options, he prayed. He says everything changed the next day. Now he coaches entrepreneurs and executives on the exact intersection he lived through: fitness, faith, and business, and why you can't fully separate any of the three.

If you've ever told yourself you'll get back to the gym once work calms down, Petar's got the receipts on why that trade never actually pays off.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4f2_xiVJ14

In this episode

• How Petar went from sleeping in a lock-up garage with no electricity to founder of CoachPK, his fitness and business coaching brand
• Why he stayed in a toxic relationship for nearly four years, and what finally let him get out
• The pattern he kept repeating for years: quit training to "focus on the business," then watch confidence, productivity, and the business itself fall apart
• Why he believes nobody can reach their full potential without staying fit, no matter how much money or success they have
• The prayer Petar says changed his life "like night and day," and how faith now guides every business decision he makes
• What Petar tells clients who think fitness is optional once the business gets demanding

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and meet fitness coach Petar Krastev
• (01:28) Leaving Bulgaria with 10 euros and a bag of clothes
• (03:32) Living in a lock-up garage: donuts, gym showers, and being alone
• (05:31) Why he stayed in a toxic relationship for nearly four years
• (09:41) What he sacrificed, and the toughest part of being alone
• (12:11) What kept him going: responsibility to his parents, and the gym
• (14:36) The intersection of fitness and entrepreneurship
• (16:01) The cycle: quitting training, then watching everything fall apart
• (20:08) Finding faith at 28, and the prayer that changed everything
• (24:45) Building one of the best health and fitness communities on Clubhouse
• (28:03) Words of encouragement for skeptics of faith
• (30:19) Where to find Petar and his community

About Petar Krastev

Petar Krastev is the founder of CoachPK, a fitness coach and business owner with a passion for both health and entrepreneurship. He works with a members-only community of entrepreneurs and business-minded people spread across the US, UK, and Europe on the intersection of fitness and business performance.

Learn more at Petar's website, or connect with him on LinkedIn.

Favorite quotes "I made it. I made it somehow. It took me years." —Petar Krastev "Everything changed like night and day." —Petar Krastev, on the day after he prayed "I don't think you have any chance of fulfilling your own potential without keeping fit." —Petar Krastev Resources mentioned

• pk.coach: Petar's website and fitness/business coaching community
• Petar Krastev on LinkedIn

Related episodes

• Surviving Toxic Relationships: Interview with Shannon Petrovich: another firsthand account of staying in, and finally leaving, a relationship that was quietly costing everything.
• Troy Hadeed: A Yoga Expert's View on Christ, Religion, and Divine Connection: pairs with Petar's story of faith reshaping how he approaches both health and work.
• How to Spot Burnout Before It's Too Late: the flip side of Petar's stop-training-to-work-more cycle, and how to catch it before it wrecks you.

Subscribe & connect

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Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

Limiting beliefs are the invisible walls we build before we're even old enough to know we're building them, and my guest, happiness coach Yvonne Trost, found hers out the hard way: in an actual apartment fire that took everything she owned.

Yvonne is the co-founder of Limitless You, and she's lived the both/and of coaching: a devastating apartment fire, a marriage that turned mentally and physically abusive until her seven-year-old asked her to get a new daddy, and a corporate career that paid the bills and drained her soul. She walks us through her three-step framework (realize, recode, rewrite), the neuroscience behind why your imagination beats logic every time, and why she rewrote Einstein's equation for her clients: mindful thinking, raised to the power of compassion and curiosity.

You'll leave with her favorite tool for flipping "what if" into "why not," and a reminder that the fear keeping you safe is usually the thing keeping you stuck.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8J1JIkNmETs

In this episode

• Why an apartment fire that took everything became the moment Yvonne started asking "is this happening for me, not to me"
• The warning signs she lived through before finally leaving an abusive marriage, and what her seven-year-old said that made her act
• The "realize, recode, rewrite" framework Yvonne uses to help clients find and change subconscious limiting beliefs
• Why your imagination beats logic every time, and how to use that instead of fighting it
• The simple mindset shift, "what if" to "why not", that stops fear of the unknown from keeping you small
• Why self-health isn't selfish, and how avoiding your own needs teaches the people you love to avoid theirs

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and meet happiness coach Yvonne Trost
• (02:24) The apartment fire that took everything, and the lesson buried in it
• (04:49) Leaving an abusive marriage: "Mommy, can you get me a new daddy?"
• (07:06) Desperation vs. inspiration: what actually pushes people to change
• (08:53) Why she named her company Limitless You
• (11:39) Her Einstein-inspired formula: mindful thinking raised to the power of compassion and curiosity
• (16:17) The fear of the unknown, and why it keeps us small while feeling safe
• (20:25) Locus of control: why looking outside yourself increases anxiety
• (22:38) The realize-recode-rewrite framework and how hypnotherapy fits in
• (25:37) Why your imagination beats logic every time
• (27:25) Shifting from "what if" to "why not"
• (31:26) Neuroplasticity: rewiring the negative story
• (33:08) Where to find Yvonne's website and free resources

About Yvonne Trost

Yvonne Trost is the co-founder and happiness coach at Limitless You, where she blends neuroscience, quantum physics, and hypnotherapy to help people break free from conscious and subconscious limiting beliefs. She is a divorced mom of two who has walked away from both an unfulfilling marriage and a career that didn't fit, and now helps others make the same kind of transformation.

Learn more at Yvonne's website, or connect with her on LinkedIn.

Favorite quotes "The fear of the unknown keeps us small, but we believe it keeps us safe." —Yvonne Trost "Your imagination will beat logic every single time." —Yvonne Trost "Self-health is not selfish." —Yvonne Trost Resources mentioned

• Limitless You: Yvonne's website, home to her free resources including a locus-of-control quiz and the "limiting belief lie detector" tool she mentions in the episode
• Limitless Life: Yvonne's five-week program for reclaiming the power of your imagination
• Yvonne Trost on LinkedIn

Related episodes

• Your Logical vs. Subconscious Mind: Who's Really in Control?: digs deeper into the subconscious-mind territory Yvonne's realize-recode-rewrite framework works in.
• The Power of Intuition in Personal Growth: another angle on trusting what's underneath the fear when you're deciding what comes next.
• Surviving Toxic Relationships: Interview with Shannon Petrovich: pairs with Yvonne's story of leaving an abusive marriage.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

Picture an 11-year-old kid clocking hours at a hair salon, doing everything except the actual hair, because nobody else was going to hand her a better life. By 14 she was assistant manager of a shoe store, bossing around employees twice her age. By 24 she was a chief operating officer. That's how Victoria Pelletier's leadership journey started, and it's the answer to a question a lot of us are quietly asking: how does someone build real, lasting success out of a childhood that gave her nothing to build on?

Victoria is a 20-plus-year corporate executive, board director, bestselling author, and the exec her former colleagues nicknamed the "Turnaround Queen" and "the CEO Whisperer." For years she led like the other nickname she earned: the Iron Maiden. Encased, closed off, no vulnerability allowed. It took one gut-punch comment from a colleague to make her rebuild into what she now calls a turtle instead (tough shell, soft head poking out). We get into that shift, why she's an outspoken advocate for DEI as an openly queer woman who was "the only one" in the room for years, and the actual boundaries, the calendar blocks, the delegated laundry, the one rule she breaks on purpose, that let her run a life instead of just surviving one.

You'll walk away with real language for setting boundaries at work without apologizing for them, and a clear case for why inclusive workplaces perform better, not just feel nicer.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kw-Pf6Bhk3g

In this episode

• How a chaotic, adopted childhood became the drive that took Victoria from an 11-year-old shop clerk to a chief operating officer by 24
• Why the "Iron Maiden" reputation she built to survive corporate leadership actually cost her, and the offhand comment from a colleague that forced her to change
• The "turtle" mindset: how to stay tough and resilient while still leading with empathy and vulnerability
• Real boundaries Victoria sets (and the one she deliberately breaks) to protect her time, her health, and her family
• Why DEI isn't a "tick the box" cost center, and what actually happens to retention and revenue when companies get it right
• What it means to lead by "fair, but not equal" when every employee's situation is different

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and meet Victoria Pelletier: chief operating officer at 24, president by 35, CEO by 41
• (01:33) Starting work at 11, managing a shoe store at 14, and the drive that came from a hard start
• (07:28) The insecurity behind the confidence, and where the "Iron Maiden" nickname came from
• (09:50) From Iron Maiden to Turtle: the comment from a colleague that forced a change
• (12:56) Fake it till you make it versus real self-acceptance
• (17:36) Real boundaries: blocking her calendar, delegating chores, and the one boundary she breaks on purpose
• (21:50) Being an openly queer executive, and why DEI became her passion
• (24:40) The real benefits of DEI, and where companies still get it wrong
• (30:00) Boundaries at work and why hard conversations get easier
• (32:55) Where to find Victoria's TEDx talk and her books

About Victoria Pelletier

Victoria Pelletier is a 20-plus-year corporate executive, board director, bestselling author, and professional public speaker, nicknamed the "Turnaround Queen" and "the CEO Whisperer" by former colleagues and employers. She was one of the youngest chief operating officers at age 24, a president by 35, and a CEO by 41.

Learn more and find her books at Victoria's website, or connect with her on LinkedIn.

Favorite quotes "Even when I do not feel it, I've always shown up with confidence." —Victoria Pelletier "I will not do things that don't bring me personal or professional joy or value." —Victoria Pelletier "It's going to be fair but not always equal." —Victoria Pelletier Resources mentioned

• Victoria's TEDx talk on resilience (referenced in the episode; no link was provided in the source content)
• Unstoppable: the anthology where Victoria is a contributing author
• Influence Unleashed: Victoria's book on personal branding and trust in business relationships
• The Power of Whole Human Leadership: Victoria's book on her journey from "Iron Maiden" to "Turtle"
• Radical Candor by Kim Scott: the book Victoria says reflects her long-standing leadership philosophy
• Victoria's Books
• Victoria Pelletier on LinkedIn

Related episodes

• Stop Winging It: A Leader's Guide to Resilience: another take on high-achiever burnout risk, this time from psychologist Dr. Marie-Hélène Pelletier's "you're fabulous and at risk" framework.
• Why Successful Entrepreneurs Set Boundaries: more on the calendar-blocking, delegate-it-or-drop-it boundaries that let high performers actually sustain their pace.
• How to Build a Workplace Culture That Lasts: pairs with Victoria's DEI section on what it actually takes to keep diverse talent from walking out the back door.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz