Phoenix and Flame Podcast

Picture a nine-year-old boy in rural Uruguay, walking up to a 21-year-old missionary and asking for bread. Jackson Calame didn't have any on him. It was 9:30 at night, they were rushing home, and he had to send the boy away hungry. The kid ducked his head and walked around him without a word. Jackson felt filthy, he says, comparing his own clean shirt and nice shoes to everything that boy didn't have. That night he decided he'd come back someday and open a little computer rental shop to help the town build an economy. Instead, he says, he felt his face turn to the right and heard a voice tell him to go home, use his education, and help towns like that one for the rest of his life. That's the moment that built the entrepreneur, and the boundaries lesson, at the center of this episode.

Jackson is a visionary-entrepreneur coach: founder of First Class Business, founder of the VisionPros Live podcast, and a 20% stakeholder in e-rational marketing, where he built out the client fulfillment process while the agency became one of Canada's 50 fastest-growing startups. He's also, by his own telling, twice divorced, a single father of four, and someone who has spent real time on the floor in a fetal position when entrepreneurship got to be too much. We talk about why setting boundaries as an entrepreneur isn't optional if you want to protect the vision you're building, why treating people (including the virtual assistants so many businesses treat as disposable) with dignity is both a moral stand and good business, and what to do with the doubting voices, yours and everyone else's, that show up the second you try to build something that matters.

By the end, Jackson makes the case that a midlife identity crisis or two isn't proof you took a wrong turn. Sometimes it's just the burning that comes before the rebuild.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zD20mzHImVI

In this episode

• Why setting boundaries as an entrepreneur is the only way to protect a big vision from burning you out, starting with the boundary Jackson set at age three
• The mission-trip moment in Uruguay that redirected Jackson from chasing his own comfort to building four ventures meant to help other people build theirs
• Why treating remote and international workers with dignity (not what Jackson calls "virtual abuse") is both a moral stand and a competitive edge
• How to answer the "why bother, it's already been done" voice with Dana's cup-of-water-in-the-ocean reframe
• What it took for Jackson to turn crushing self-doubt, and a mom who kept trying to pull him back into "the safety net of corporate America," into fuel instead of an exit ramp
• The "empty track" trick for showing up as your best self when literally nobody is watching

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and intro: meet visionary entrepreneur Jackson Calame
• (04:51) BYU, "a 4.0 in dating, a 0.33 in everything else," and losing his way
• (06:55) The mission trip to Uruguay: the boy who asked for bread
• (08:30) The voice that sent Jackson home to study business
• (11:28) Treating overseas virtual assistants with dignity, not "virtual abuse"
• (14:16) Setting his first boundary at age three, and the fetal-position moment during his first marriage
• (20:50) Detractors, self-doubt, and what to do when the people who love you fear for your dream
• (29:19) The "second in state" trumpet solo and the toxic chase to be the best
• (30:52) Dana's cup-of-water-in-the-ocean answer to "why even try"
• (33:50) The empty track and becoming your own LeBron James
• (36:24) Where to find Jackson: VisionPros Live and First Class Business

About Jackson Calame

H. Jackson Calame is a visionary-entrepreneur coach who teaches business owners how to build sustainable revenue and become the trusted leader in their market, at a time when, as Dana notes, 96% of businesses fail within their first ten years. He's the founder of First Class Business and of the VisionPros Live podcast, and a 20% stakeholder in e-rational marketing, where he was head of account management building out the client fulfillment journey as the agency became one of Canada's 50 fastest-growing startups. He studied Latin American studies at Brigham Young University and served a two-year mission in Uruguay, where he learned Spanish. He's a single father of four.

Learn more at First Class Business, or be a guest on his show at VisionPros Live.

Favorite quotes "I heard a voice that said, Jackson, why don't you go home? Take advantage of your education for once. Learn about business and help as many towns like this as you possibly can." —Jackson Calame "We're not meant to be coddled. We're not meant to stay in the nest. We're meant to fly, and we have to have the hard experiences." —Jackson Calame "If I lock in to wanting to be my best and I start to do this in everything that I do in life, that's the only way I'll ever really tap into my full potential." —Jackson Calame Resources mentioned

• VisionPros Live: Jackson's podcast, where entrepreneurs and founders come on to share their vision (there's a "be our guest" button on the site)
• First Class Business: Jackson's coaching program for entrepreneurs, built around the idea that "we don't have an easy button for business"
• The E-Myth by Michael Gerber: the book Jackson recommends first to any entrepreneur underestimating how hard the job really is
• A TED Talk on addiction and belonging that Jackson credits with reframing how he thinks about connection and community (title and speaker not stated on air)

Related episodes

• The Courageous Life: Crafting Your Own Terms: Marni Battista's story of rebuilding her life and business from scratch after a devastating injury, another entrepreneur who had to choose herself before she could choose her next chapter.
• Entrepreneurial Success: Habits of a Maverick: more on the daily habits and mindset that separate entrepreneurs who make it from the 96% who don't.
• Stop Winging It: A Leader's Guide to Resilience: a natural next listen on building the resilience to keep leading through the doubt, yours and everyone else's.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

Ever stood on a chair in your office just to see out the window, and realized the view looked suspiciously like prison bars? That was me, years ago, in a job I could do but loathed. If you keep telling yourself the next promotion, the next raise, the next big win will finally make you happy (spoiler: it moves), you may be staring at the signs of a mismatched career.

My guest Sarah JanTausch knows this road personally. She rose fast in a government career, built her whole life around one value (achievement) and rode it straight into burnout while looking wildly successful from the outside. Now, as founder of SRJ Coaching and Consulting and creator of the Value-Based Career Method, she helps people figure out what they actually value before they leap into the next wrong job.

We compare our "wrong major, wrong job" battle scars and map out how to tell whether you're mismatched or just tired, why a small experiment beats a blind leap of faith, and what you loved before age 10 that's still trying to tell you something.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xjiLN-1WLKo

In this episode

• How to recognize the signs of a mismatched career — the stress, exhaustion, and "I just need a break" feeling that mean something deeper is off
• Why building your whole life around one value (like achievement) leads straight to burnout, even when you look successful from the outside
• A simple values card sort exercise you can use to identify your true top five values
• Why running a small, low-stakes experiment beats a blind leap when you're exploring a new direction
• How healthy boundaries protect you from burning out on work you actually love, not just work you hate
• The "what did you love before age 10" exercise for uncovering clues to your ideal career path

Timestamps

• (00:41) Meet Sarah JanTausch, founder of SRJ Coaching and Consulting and creator of the Value-Based Career Method
• (01:13) Sarah's fast rise in a government career — and believing the next promotion would finally make her happy
• (02:37) Building her whole life around one value, achievement, and how that led to burnout
• (04:59) What a career mismatch actually feels like: stress, exhaustion, and wanting to "run away"
• (07:51) Dana's own mismatch story — standing on a chair to look out a "prison" window during a testing job
• (11:12) The values card sort exercise Sarah uses to help clients find their true top five values
• (14:50) Why running a small experiment beats a blind leap of faith
• (16:28) How boundaries kept Sarah from burning out on a business she loves
• (18:24) Dana's physical therapy detour — and the lesson of watching the clock
• (20:36) Balancing logical facts with gut-level "subjective judgment" when evaluating a job
• (25:35) The real signs it's time for a career change
• (28:20) The "what did you love before age 10" exercise for finding career clues
• (31:15) Where to find Sarah and her free monthly events

About Sarah JanTausch

Sarah JanTausch is the founder of SRJ Coaching and Consulting and creator of the Value-Based Career Method, which helps professionals unlock the hidden job market and ditch burnout by building a career move rooted in core values, ideal work style, and goals. Connect with her at valuesbasedcareers.com, where she hosts free monthly events, or find her on LinkedIn.

Pull quotes "When we have all these aching feelings, it usually means we're not living out the values that we truly have inside of us." — Sarah JanTausch "I remember distinctly feeling like I was in prison. Like I was looking through the bars of a prison." — Dana Skaggs Resources mentioned

• Sarah JanTausch's website — valuesbasedcareers.com (free monthly events on values-based career change)
• A values card sort exercise, which Sarah uses with clients to identify their top five values
• The Pathway Planner assessment from Wiley
• Other assessments Sarah mentioned using over the years: DISC, Myers-Briggs, and StrengthsFinder

Enjoyed this episode?

If this episode hit home, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube, and leave a review to help other listeners find the show. And if someone in your life needs to hear this today, send them the link; that's how we grow this community together.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

My guest Amita Sharma was sitting in a meeting when it hit: a hot flash, out of nowhere, with no idea why. She didn't even know the word "perimenopausal" yet. "Nobody tells you," she says. "At least in my case, nobody told me or prepared me." If you've ever sat through a meeting wondering what on earth is happening to your body and whether you're allowed to say so out loud, this episode on navigating perimenopause at work is for you.

Amita is the co-founder of NourishDoc, a holistic wellness platform built for women moving through perimenopause and beyond. She built it after years of being, in her words, "miserable" in corporate roles while dealing with irregular periods, anxiety that bordered on depression, and a medical system that ran her bloodwork, found nothing wrong, and sent her home still feeling like something was off. We talk about why so many women downshift their careers rather than name what's happening to them, and what she's learned from talking to thousands of women who all describe the exact same experience, regardless of culture.

You'll hear Amita's "food as medicine" starting point, the bite-sized lifestyle changes that actually stuck for her, and why she believes if men went through this, the research dollars would already be there.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rQcJtHJ5770

In this episode

• What it's like to get hit with a hot flash mid-meeting and not even know the word "perimenopausal" yet
• Why so many women stay quiet at work for fear of age discrimination, and how that silence keeps the whole topic invisible
• Anxiety, mood swings, and "borderline depression": the symptoms Amita didn't expect and couldn't untangle from ordinary midlife pressure
• Why the medical system treats the body "in compartments," and what a whole-person, mind-body approach looks like instead
• The bite-sized, one-thing-at-a-time changes (starting with food) that actually stuck, instead of an overwhelming overhaul
• Body responsibility for the workplace: self-advocating when your labs come back "normal" but you know something's wrong

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and guest intro: meet NourishDoc co-founder Amita Sharma
• (01:24) The hot flash in a meeting, and not even knowing the word "perimenopausal" yet
• (02:46) Fear of age discrimination: why she stayed quiet about it at work
• (05:14) Anxiety, mood swings, and "borderline depression" on top of ordinary midlife pressure
• (07:19) Why the medical system treats the body "in compartments," and the case for mind-body connection
• (09:24) The bite-sized lifestyle changes that worked, and the ones that didn't
• (12:35) "Food as medicine": where to start when everything feels like too much
• (15:34) Stepping back from full-time climbing the ladder into consulting to protect her health
• (18:06) Advocating for yourself when your labs come back normal but you know something's off
• (20:37) If men went through perimenopause, the research dollars would already be there
• (22:07) What NourishDoc actually is: bite-sized, holistic, and built from talking to thousands of women
• (28:34) Where to find Amita Sharma and NourishDoc

About Amita Sharma

Amita Sharma is the co-founder of NourishDoc, a holistic wellness platform focused on empowering women through perimenopause and beyond. Drawing on her own experience navigating symptoms in corporate roles, and conversations with thousands of women around the world, she built NourishDoc around bite-sized holistic guidance, symptom tracking, and community support.

Learn more at NourishDoc.com, or reach out directly at [email protected].

Favorite quotes "Nobody tells you, at least in my case, nobody told me or prepared me." —Amita Sharma "We are not just compartments here... it's all mind and body connection." —Amita Sharma "Food as medicine. It's so important what you put inside, you know, in your body is so important." —Amita Sharma Resources mentioned

• NourishDoc.com: Amita's holistic wellness platform for women navigating perimenopause and beyond, including a bite-sized program and an app launching at under $10 a month

Related episodes

• Why the Traditional 9-to-5 Is Failing Modern Mothers: more on how the modern workplace wasn't built with women's changing bodies and lives in mind.
• Glass Ceiling Shattered!: pairs with Amita's fear of age discrimination for anyone navigating being a woman at a certain career stage in corporate spaces.
• How to Spot Burnout Before It's Too Late: for anyone whose anxiety and exhaustion might be hormonal, workplace-driven, or (like Amita found) both at once.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

Somersaults on the floor. Singing. A blue baseball bat from Amazon, five dollars, used to whack a couch. That's not a breakdown, my guest Susan Winchester says, that's how you actually process workplace conflict instead of swallowing it. If your instinct is to picture your chief HR officer doing any of that, you've never met Susan.

Susan spent 36 years in corporate HR, including stints as chief HR officer for Applied Materials (a Fortune 150 Silicon Valley company) and Rockwell Automation. She's the co-author, with Martha Finney, of Healing at Work: A Guide to Using Career Conflicts to Overcome Your Past and Build the Future You Deserve, and for 30 of those 36 years, her accomplishments were fueled by a belief she never said out loud: that she wasn't good enough. She unpacks the Centers for Disease Control's landmark ACEs study (nearly two-thirds of us have at least one adverse childhood experience), and the "bumper car moments" concept she and Martha coined for what workplace conflict actually feels like when an old wound gets tapped.

You'll walk away with her three-step rapid power reclaim method for the exact moment you feel emotionally activated at work, why "getting the emotion out of your body" comes before any conversation, and why healing at work sometimes really does start with a baseball bat and a couch.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cQ9hR4xUtBA

In this episode

• Why Susan calls the workplace a "laboratory" for emotional healing instead of something to just endure
• The CDC's ACEs study, and why nearly two-thirds of us carry at least one adverse childhood experience into our careers
• Big T vs. little t trauma, and why "a feeling of helplessness over a long amount of time" counts too
• The three-step "rapid power reclaim" for the moment you feel emotionally triggered at work: create choice, elevate action, celebrate and integrate
• What a "bumper car moment" is, and how naming it out loud can drain the whole charge
• Why healing at work almost always means facing pushback from family who liked the old, more people-pleasing version of you

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and guest intro: meet former Fortune 150 chief HR officer Susan Winchester
• (01:13) The workplace as a laboratory: using conflict as a catalyst for emotional healing
• (02:39) The CDC/Kaiser ACEs study: nearly two-thirds of us carry at least one adverse childhood experience
• (05:00) Big T trauma vs. little t trauma, and "the unconscious wounded career path"
• (10:56) Almost not publishing Healing at Work: freezing in fear of being judged
• (14:33) The section Susan checkmarked twice: healing at work can trigger pushback from family
• (18:00) The rapid power reclaim, step one: create choice by getting the emotion out of your body
• (18:40) Step two, elevate action; step three, celebrate and integrate
• (23:26) The blue baseball bat and the somersaults: sound, movement, and breath in practice
• (25:37) What a "bumper car moment" is, and where the concept came from
• (29:30) The Power of Discord: why stepping into conflict builds stronger relationships
• (33:29) Where to find Susan Winchester, Healing at Work, and her free quiz

About Susan Winchester

Susan Winchester is the past chief HR officer for Applied Materials, a Fortune 150 Silicon Valley company, and Rockwell Automation. She's an author, sought-after keynote speaker, and HR consultant known for her book, Healing at Work: A Guide to Using Career Conflicts to Overcome Your Past and Build the Future You Deserve, co-written with Martha Finney.

Learn more at HealingAtWork.com, where you can also take her free quiz on what's fueling your workplace stress. Connect with Susan on Facebook, LinkedIn, or Instagram.

Favorite quotes "30 of my 36 years, my accomplishments were really fueled by my own underlying belief that I wasn't good enough." —Susan Winchester "We cannot create choice until we move that emotion out of our bodies." —Susan Winchester "The bumper car moment is the catalytic moment for emotional healing." —Susan Winchester Resources mentioned

• Healing at Work: Susan's book, co-written with Martha Finney
• HealingAtWork.com: Susan's website, with a free quiz on the root causes of your workplace stress
• Outlive by Dr. Peter Attia (referenced by Susan for its description of childhood trauma and helplessness)
• The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie (referenced for the idea of "letting other people be responsible for their own property")
• The Power of Discord by Dr. Ed Tronick and Dr. Claudia Gold (referenced on the power of stepping into conflict)
• Heal to Lead: Revolutionizing Leadership through Trauma Healing by Kelly L. Campbell (referenced by Susan alongside the rapid power reclaim method)
• MyHealingMenu.com: Kelly Campbell's compilation of somatic and body-based processing methods, mentioned by Susan

Related episodes

• The Path to Trauma-Informed Leadership: another guest tracing how unprocessed emotional wounds quietly run a career, from the leadership side.
• Setting Boundaries for Well-Being and Success: pairs with Susan's point that healing at work almost always means facing pushback when you set new boundaries with family.
• How to Spot Burnout Before It's Too Late: for anyone who recognized themselves in Susan's 30 years of "proving myself over and over."

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

My guest Carolyn Swora was in the middle of an ordinary work conversation with a kind colleague, being asked to do something completely unremarkable, when she suddenly burst into tears for no reason she could name. A friend called her afterward and asked if she was okay, then said something about being "trauma informed." Carolyn's response: "What is that? What's that word?" That question is where trauma-informed leadership starts, and it's the whole subject of this episode.

Carolyn is a leadership consultant, team coach, certified Dare to Lead facilitator, and two-time bestselling author. Her award-winning book, Evolve: The Path to Trauma-Informed Leadership, grew out of that unexplainable crying moment and 25 years of corporate experience, including 17 years in Big Pharma leadership, six years spent caring for her two young sons and her terminally ill husband, and an official burnout in 2007. We talk about what "trauma" actually means (hint: it doesn't require a machete), how her nervous system quietly ran her entire career without her knowing it, and why she now believes the body and brain were never separate to begin with.

You'll walk away with the actual symptoms of a nervous system on overload, the difference between big-T and little-t trauma, and why Carolyn now treats a sore back or a crawling scalp as her body talking to her instead of something to just push through.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3ikbwoPX1c

In this episode

• Why an unexplained crying spell at work sent Carolyn down the research rabbit hole that became her book
• Big T vs. little t trauma: why you don't need a machete story to have been affected
• How 17 years in Big Pharma leadership left her with "a really small sense of self-worth," and what she didn't know was underneath it
• Her official burnout in 2007, and the exact moment she finally asked for permission to slow down
• How to recognize the nervous-system symptoms telling you something's off (before your body forces a stop)
• Why treating your brain and body as separate is, per Carolyn, the root of "disembodied" leadership

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and guest intro: meet leadership consultant and author Carolyn Swora
• (01:58) The unexplained crying moment with a colleague that started it all
• (05:59) Leaving a 17-year Big Pharma career with "a really small sense of self-worth"
• (07:57) Reframing trauma as "emotional wounds," and the Brené Brown notecard moment: "the inability to be vulnerable"
• (12:32) Discovering Stephen Porges's Polyvagal Theory, and running from her past for six years
• (16:04) Her official burnout in 2007, and asking permission to finally slow down
• (21:05) Vertical development leadership and why "the brain and body are one"
• (24:02) Bessel van der Kolk's The Body Keeps the Score, and reading your own nervous-system symptoms
• (25:43) The nervous-system symptoms that signal you're running on overload
• (27:28) Polyvagal states explained: sympathetic drive, dorsal shutdown, and ventral vagal safety
• (37:13) Where to find Carolyn Swora and her weekly Polyvagal newsletter

About Carolyn Swora

Carolyn Swora is a leadership consultant, team coach, and certified Dare to Lead facilitator (trained through Brené Brown's Dare to Lead community). She's a two-time bestselling author; her award-winning book, Evolve: The Path to Trauma-Informed Leadership, brings the nervous system into a conversation usually reserved for strategy and performance.

Learn more, read the books, and sign up for her weekly newsletter at CarolynSwora.com.

Favorite quotes "One of the biggest casualties of trauma is the inability to be vulnerable. And I swear it was one of those moments in my life where everything all came together, and I thought, damn, this is what happened to me and my leadership." —Carolyn Swora "The Phoenix has to rise out of this flame." —Carolyn Swora "We can only be as kind to others as we are to ourselves." —Carolyn Swora Resources mentioned

• CarolynSwora.com: Carolyn's website, books, podcast, and weekly Polyvagal newsletter
• Evolve: The Path to Trauma-Informed Leadership, Carolyn's award-winning book (discussed throughout the episode)
• Stephen Porges's Polyvagal Theory (referenced as the framework Carolyn discovered after finishing her book)
• Brené Brown's Dare to Lead research and facilitator training (the source of the "casualties of vulnerability" notecard moment)
• The work of trauma researchers Peter Levine, Gabor Maté, and Dan Siegel (named as early influences in Carolyn's research)
• The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der Kolk (referenced by Dana at 24:02)

Related episodes

• How Unresolved Trauma Is Ruling Your Life: more on the big-T/little-t distinction Carolyn walks through, from a different angle.
• How Your Survival Brain Is Sabotaging Your Happiness: pairs with Carolyn's polyvagal-state breakdown of sympathetic drive and dorsal shutdown.
• How Ego Is Sabotaging Your Leadership: another look at what's really running the show when a leader can't be vulnerable.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

Dr. Stephan Neff, a doctor and former patient, shares his personal experiences with trauma, addiction, and mental health. He emphasizes the importance of addressing past traumas and core beliefs that to addictive behaviors.

Dr. Neff discusses the role of substances as coping mechanisms and the need to find healthier ways to deal with emotions. He highlights the power of fear inoculation and the ability to come back stronger after facing and processing fear.

Dr. Neff provides resources for listeners to learn more about functional medicine and his book, 'My Steps to Sobriety.'

Dr. Stephan Neff's website

My guest Kim Mosiman was trying on dresses for a wedding, couldn't find a single one that fit, and did what a lot of us have done: sat in the dressing room and cried. "How did I get here?" she remembers thinking. "How did I get to this place where I couldn't choose what I wanted to wear?" If that sentence just landed in your chest, you're exactly who this episode on reclaiming your health is for.

Kim is a nutritionist with certifications from Precision Nutrition and the Institute of Integrative Nutrition, and the author of Reflections of Joy. She's also, as she puts it, smack in the middle of her own second act: her kids are grown, she closed the boutique gym she ran for seven years back in 2017, and in 2021 she and her husband sold the business they'd built together over 34 years. In between, she became her own client again, gained the weight back, and had to relearn everything she used to teach. We talk about what she found on the other side of that.

You'll hear Kim's small, unconditional daily checklist for a healthy second act (it's shorter than you'd think), her batch-cooking trick for getting dinner on the table in under 15 minutes, and the difference between body positivity and what she calls body responsibility, a distinction worth sitting with no matter what decade you're in.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Hx-m6UQy5Y

In this episode

• Why "how did I get so caught up in a life full of checklists and expectations?" hits so hard, and Kim's much smaller replacement checklist
• The dressing-room breakdown before a wedding that led Kim back into a fitness program, "if I can't do it, I'll quit"
• Non-scale victories: the progress the mirror and the scale can't show you
• Body responsibility vs. body positivity: why every body is beautiful, and every body still deserves care
• The batch-cooking routine that turns "I don't have time to eat healthy" into dinner in under 15 minutes
• Kim's book chapter "Let Go": releasing expectations, status quo, and fear to write your own second act

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and guest intro: meet nutritionist and author Kim Mosiman
• (02:06) From overweight and "too busy to exercise" to opening her own boutique gym
• (06:58) The dressing-room breakdown before a wedding: "how did I get here?"
• (09:33) Her book Reflections of Joy: learning to love the woman you see while becoming who you're meant to be
• (10:18) Non-scale victories: what the mirror can't show you
• (11:09) Closing the gym, becoming her own client again, and gaining the weight back
• (15:32) Kim's small, unconditional daily checklist: water, movement, real meals
• (19:39) "How did we get so caught up in a life full of checklists and expectations?"
• (21:05) Her book's final chapter, "Let Go": releasing expectations, status quo, and fear
• (26:33) Why you have the right to retrain what people expect from you
• (30:09) The batch-cooking trick that gets dinner on the table in under 15 minutes
• (33:33) Body responsibility vs. body positivity: every body is beautiful, and still deserves care
• (35:54) Where to find Kim Mosiman and her book, Reflections of Joy

About Kim Mosiman

Kim Mosiman is a nutritionist with certifications from Precision Nutrition and the Institute of Integrative Nutrition. She ran her own boutique gym for seven years before closing it in 2017, and in 2021 she and her husband sold the business they'd built together over 34 years. She's the author of Reflections of Joy, documenting her journey of reclaiming her health after years of unintentional neglect.

Learn more at KimMosimanWellness.com, or find her book Reflections of Joy on Amazon.

Favorite quotes "How did I get here? You know, how did I get to this place where I couldn't choose what I wanted to wear?" —Kim Mosiman "I am smaller than I was six months ago. I am stronger than I was six months ago. So who am I to pass judgment on the woman that I am today? She's still amazing." —Kim Mosiman "Body responsibility to me means that no matter what my size, I'm still doing good things for myself so that I can be healthy." —Kim Mosiman Resources mentioned

• Reflections of Joy: Kim's book on learning to love the woman you see while becoming the one you're meant to be
• KimMosimanWellness.com: Kim's website and blog

Related episodes

• My Life: The Rewrite!: another guest's story of rebuilding after the version of life she thought she'd have didn't happen, right alongside Kim's second-act reinvention.
• The Courageous Life: Crafting Your Own Terms: more on letting go of the expectations that no longer fit, the exact territory of Kim's "Let Go" chapter.
• Intentional Optimism: Embodying Hope, Presence, and Resilience: pairs with Kim's bite-sized, intentional approach to daily choices instead of an all-or-nothing overhaul.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

Twenty-seven surgeries. That's the number my guest Shelly Starks counted by the time she reached a radical hysterectomy that forced a four-month wait before she could even start hormone replacement therapy. She calls that four months "the most raw that I could possibly be," and that rawness is exactly where setting boundaries at work has to start: not with a script, but with finally admitting what isn't working.

Shelly is the CEO of Inline Consulting Services, an extended DISC coach and business advisor with more than 20 years of experience helping teams and individuals turn behavioral styles into scalable growth. She built that expertise the hard way: a 20-year marriage that ended after years of caregiving for a daughter born needing surgery just to eat, breast cancer at 26, and a body that, in her words, kept "growing things... very large and very fast" until surgery number 27. We talk about how she turned all of that into eight separate revenue streams, and why workplace boundaries start with figuring out whether the person across from you is task-oriented or people-oriented before you ever open your mouth.

You'll walk away with Shelly's own boundary script (ask permission before you disagree, every time), her DISC-based fix for a boss who skips "good morning" and jumps straight to the task list, and my own three-word method for finally processing what you've been shoving down: face it, feel it, free it.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sVd_LGhiaOk

In this episode

• Why "enjoying the journey" is, in Shelly's words, "kind of a fake word," and what to do instead of chasing enjoyment
• How surviving 27 surgeries (and a body that wouldn't stop "growing things") taught her the real cost of never processing pain
• The boundary script for family members who think your career should have been more linear: ask permission before you disagree
• How to read whether someone is task-oriented or people-oriented, and adjust your approach before the conversation goes sideways
• Why "you have to work hard to be successful" is, per Shelly, "such a scam"
• Dana's "face it, feel it, free it" method for finally releasing what you've been avoiding

Timestamps

• (00:07) Welcome and guest intro: meet Shelly Starks, CEO of Inline Consulting Services
• (01:50) Starting with the end in mind: the ebb and flow of stepping into entrepreneurship
• (08:07) A 20-year marriage, a daughter's medical crisis, and starting over alone
• (11:28) A radical hysterectomy forces a reckoning: "is this really what I want to do?"
• (13:18) Calling in her career coach and building eight revenue streams
• (16:15) Why the tools you need only come through pain
• (20:04) "Face it, feel it, then you can free it"
• (21:44) Naming the number: 27 surgeries
• (22:21) The "dis-ease" concept: what happens when you never process what you're carrying
• (26:47) Setting boundaries with family who question a non-linear career
• (27:18) What a boundary actually is: a buffer, not just yes or no
• (30:09) The script: ask permission before you disagree
• (30:42) DISC at work: task-oriented vs. people-oriented communication
• (34:08) Where to find Shelly Starks and her complimentary team assessment

About Shelly Starks

Shelly Starks is the CEO of Inline Consulting Services, with more than 20 years of experience in extended DISC coaching and business advising, and has been an instrumental force for communications coaching in the business community. She now runs eight separate revenue streams inside her own business.

Learn more at ShellyStarks.com, where you can request a complimentary team assessment.

Favorite quotes "You don't have to enjoy the journey... I think you need to live the journey. Like you need to feel it. You need to be in it." —Shelly Starks "The narrative that we have been told our whole life, that you have to work hard to be successful, is such a scam." —Shelly Starks "The boundary doesn't mean it's yes or no. The boundary is making sure that you understand where you are in that space." —Shelly Starks Resources mentioned

• ShellyStarks.com: Shelly's website, with a complimentary team assessment offer for Phoenix and Flame listeners
• Extended DISC and burnout assessments (Shelly's coaching frameworks, discussed throughout the episode)
• Stephen Covey's "begin with the end in mind" principle (referenced early in the episode as a starting point for Shelly's story)

Related episodes

• Why Successful Entrepreneurs Set Boundaries: more on the boundary-setting instinct every entrepreneur needs, the same territory Shelly covers from the DISC side.
• How to Spot Burnout Before It's Too Late: pairs with Shelly's "dis-ease" concept for catching the warning signs before your body forces the issue.
• People-Pleasing and the Sticky Rope: for anyone who recognized themselves in Shelly's "put a good face on" description of her Bible Belt upbringing.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

Escaping victim mentality starts with a question most of us never ask ourselves, according to my guest today: are you telling this story because you want to be heard, or because you actually want to feel better? JJ Flizanes is an empowerment strategist who spent six frustrating sessions with a therapist who kept steering the conversation back to talk instead of the EMDR she'd come for. She finally walked away and found someone new, wrote out exactly what she needed in writing before their very first session, and they did EMDR that same day.

That story is basically JJ's whole philosophy in miniature: know what you actually need, ask for it directly, and stop waiting for someone else to read your mind or fix your feelings for you. She calls herself an empowerment strategist because she works both sides of the brain, the emotional right side and the strategic left side, to help people get unstuck from victim mentality. We also get into her own marriage, which ended after years of what she calls "punishing" silence, and how letting go of trying to fix it was what let her finally move forward.

JJ also walks through the exercise she gives away for free: a feelings-and-needs list built out of 86 basic human needs, and why naming what you actually need is the fastest way out of a spiral.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bwg-bU2-zsU

In this episode

• Why JJ calls herself an "empowerment strategist" instead of a coach, and how she works both the emotional (right-brain) and strategic (left-brain) sides of healing
• The question to ask someone stuck in victim mentality before they start venting: do you want me to just listen, or do you want help finding a solution?
• Why some people in victim mentality don't actually want to get better, using JJ's story of a client who was "getting" more from staying stuck than from healing
• How JJ's own marriage ended, and what "lovingly detaching" from trying to fix someone else actually looks like
• The free feelings-and-needs exercise JJ uses with clients, built on 86 basic human needs, to figure out what's actually driving a negative feeling
• Why JJ says it's no one else's job to make you happy, and how she applies that to her own law-of-attraction philosophy

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and guest intro: meet empowerment strategist JJ Flizanes
• (01:40) What "empowerment strategist" means, and why JJ works both sides of the brain
• (06:08) What to do when someone you know is stuck in victim mentality and doesn't seem to want out
• (15:51) Where JJ's curiosity about human behavior started, from acting school to personal training
• (20:58) JJ's marriage, the years of "punishment," and finally letting go
• (29:12) The therapist who wouldn't do EMDR: JJ's story about advocating for exactly what she needed
• (32:58) Helping women find the words to say what they want in a relationship
• (36:20) The 86-basic-needs feelings list, and how to use it as a check-in exercise
• (36:51) Where to find JJ and get the free feelings-and-needs list

About JJ Flizanes

JJ Flizanes is an empowerment strategist and the creator of the Empowering Minds Network. She works with spiritual truth seekers who want to remove emotional blocks to success, helping people identify sabotaging patterns and move out of victim mentality into a personalized roadmap for emotional healing.

Learn more at JJ's website, or get her free feelings and needs list.

Favorite quotes "Are you just wanting me to listen because you're wanting to vent and feel validated for your feelings, or do you actually want a solution to feel better?" —JJ Flizanes "It's no one's job to make you happy. It's yours." —JJ Flizanes "As long as you're blaming somebody else, you don't have any power over that stuff." —Dana Skaggs Resources mentioned

• JJFlizanes.com: JJ's website
• JJ's free feelings and needs list, built on Dr. Marshall Rosenberg's nonviolent communication work
• "Fit to Love," JJ's book on getting physically, emotionally, and spiritually fit to attract the love of your life (also the name of her podcast); available on Amazon, though the transcript doesn't specify which of her two Amazon links below is this title: link one, link two

Related episodes

• Your Logical vs. Subconscious Mind: Who's Really in Control?: pairs naturally with JJ's whole-brain approach to healing and her talk of neural plasticity.
• People-Pleasing and the Sticky Rope: more on the patterns that keep us stuck in a story that isn't serving us, a companion to JJ's victim-mentality discussion.
• I Get To Be Me! The Freedom of Inclusion: another guest's story of stepping fully into who they are, echoing JJ's message about owning your own empowerment.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz

Setting digital boundaries sounds simple until you actually try it: leave the phone in the car at the grocery store and see how long you last. My guest, marketing expert Emanuel Rose, does that on purpose. He also unplugs completely, no phone at all, for one full week every single month, so his brain has a chance to "detoxify" from what he calls the drop of dopamine every scroll delivers. That's not a productivity hack. It's how he stays a human being instead of what he calls a "thumb-clicking thing."

Emanuel has spent three decades in marketing and runs a digital agency, which makes his take on boundaries land differently: his literal job is to stay connected and one chapter ahead of every trend. But at 24 or 25 he went through a divorce, moved seven times, and lost his father, all inside about twelve months, and it pushed him into nature: fly fishing, backpacking, long stretches alone in "unmanicured space." That's where he learned the difference between using digital as a tool and living inside it as a lifestyle, and it's the same lesson he now brings to burned-out professionals drowning in their inboxes.

We talk about the practical version of all of this: how to schedule quiet time like you schedule everything else, how to use the accidental thirty seconds at a stoplight instead of reaching for your phone, and why the fastest way back to your own creativity is time spent completely disconnected.

Watch this episode on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CpJPufPBCHs

In this episode

• Why Emanuel treats digital tools as a tool to manage, not a lifestyle to live inside, even though his marketing career depends on staying constantly connected
• How losing his father, moving seven times, and going through a divorce in one twelve-month stretch at 24 pushed him into nature instead of numbing out
• The one-week-a-month digital detox that lets his brain "reset back into being a human being"
• Practical ways to set digital boundaries without white-knuckling it: scheduling quiet time, using "interstitial" moments like a stoplight or a grocery line, and the family phone-jar rule
• How to handle being targeted or "weaponized against" on social media without giving your peace away to someone who isn't a safe source of feedback
• Why time disconnected from screens is where Emanuel says real creativity and energy actually come from, for both work and life

Timestamps

• (00:01) Welcome and guest intro: meet marketing expert Emanuel Rose
• (04:47) The twelve months that changed everything: divorce, seven moves, and his father's death at 24
• (06:39) What helped Emanuel find stability: friends, solitude, and being an "ambivert"
• (08:17) Why being outside, in "unmanicured space," feels different from being indoors
• (11:40) How Emanuel ended up in marketing after two jobs that reneged on him within the same six months
• (15:41) Using digital as a tool, not a lifestyle, and understanding the brain chemistry behind the scroll
• (18:17) The one-week-a-month digital detox
• (23:19) Practical boundary-setting: scheduling quiet time, "interstitial" moments, and the family phone-jar rule
• (25:07) How to respond when social media is being used to weaponize opinion against you
• (27:21) Emanuel's books: children's books on stillness and nature, "Nature Bound," and "The Seven Principles of the Magic Rock"
• (30:00) How creative time outside your work spills back into being better at your work

About Emanuel Rose

Emanuel Rose is a marketing expert with over three decades of experience in direct-response advertising and content marketing, and the founder of a digital marketing agency. He's the author of several books on nature and well-being, including "Nature Bound," 50 activities to do with your kids outside, and "The Seven Principles of the Magic Rock," about structuring solitude in nature for both fulfillment and creativity.

Learn more at Emanuel's website.

Favorite quotes "We have to use digital in all of its aspects as a tool and accept it as a tool, not as a lifestyle." —Emanuel Rose "It's kind of like giving an alcoholic alcohol 17 hours a day... We've created these cultural zombies." —Emanuel Rose "Living to be a full contributing human being versus just a production unit, I think is a much bigger, more beautiful experience as a human." —Emanuel Rose Resources mentioned

• EmanualRose.com: Emanuel's website
• "Nature Bound," Emanuel's book of 50 activities to do with your kids outside
• "The Seven Principles of the Magic Rock," Emanuel's book on structuring solitude time in nature
• "The Secret of the Grouse," one of Emanuel's children's books, about the power of sitting still

Related episodes

• Boundaries and Social Media: pairs directly with Emanuel's take on managing digital tools instead of letting them manage you.
• Setting Boundaries for Well-Being and Success: more on the practical side of boundary-setting in a demanding, always-on professional life.
• How to Spot Burnout Before It's Too Late: a natural companion to Emanuel's story of the burnout-adjacent year that pushed him toward nature and boundaries in the first place.

Subscribe & connect

If this episode gave you something to sit with, follow Phoenix and Flame so you never miss an episode: all apps in one place, or jump straight to Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Amazon Music, or YouTube. And if it moved you, leave a review; it's the easiest way to help another listener find the show.

Learn more about Phoenix and Flame, connect with Dana, and listen to more episodes here.

Curious where your own boundaries stand? Take my free Work Boundaries Quiz: danaskaggs.com/quiz