In this episode, I open with a poem I wrote (The Brushpopper) about a wayward steer trapped in a thorny ravine - a picture of how so many of us get stuck in the thickets of porn, shame, and isolation.
In every herd, there’s always one who wanders, and I was that steer for a long time.
Today, I’m joined by two men who have become true brothers to me - Jim Hastings and Eric Guevin. We met in Reno for what we jokingly called “Uncle Vern’s Porn Camp,” but what ultimately became something so much deeper, The Brushpopper Retreat.
These guys took me in as family, threw mousetraps at each other in a old school minivan, walked me through the hills, mines, and history of Nevada - and most importantly, they showed me what real brotherhood looks like.
This episode is raw, funny, honest, and deeply spiritual - a full journey through connection, recovery, and the brushpopper metaphor that now shapes my own walk.
What We Talk About in This Episode
The Reno Retreat Story
I tell the story of meeting these guys at the airport, getting thrown into a white minivan, and driving all over Nevada looking for lead weights for our final night’s activity. We toured Genoa, Virginia City, the outskirts of the Bonanza set, old mine shafts, and wild Mustang territory. It was hilarious, chaotic, meaningful, and exactly what my soul needed.
The Brushpopper Metaphor
Eric shares how this old cowboy job, riding into thorn-filled ravines to rope out wayward cattle, became a picture of rescuing brothers stuck in porn and shame - and how this theme shaped our entire July retreat.
Why Fun Matters in Recovery
Jim said something I’ve thought about ever since:
“Fun is the oven joy cooks in.”We tend to think recovery has to be grim and serious. But joy, laughter, and shared adventure played a huge part in the connection that formed between us.
Porn as Fool’s Gold
We break down how porn looks attractive on the surface, but robs men of real gold:
* Our integrity
* Our relationships
* Our purpose
* Our walk with God
* And our connection to real community
The Napkin of Truth
Jim’s tool - a set of Level 1, 2, and 3 questions - is one of the most powerful relational tools I’ve encountered.I answer some of the questions live during the episode, including:
* What tattoo I’d get
* My “cell phone battery level”
* And what I believe God feels when He thinks about me
Connection as the Opposite of Addiction
We talk about the Harvard Happiness Study, Gabor Maté, why disconnection fuels porn addiction, and why genuine brotherhood heals it.
Men don’t break free in isolation.
We break free in a herd.
The Refiner’s Fire Ceremony
On our final night at the retreat, each of us dropped a dirty lead wheel weight into a melting pot over a fire. As the impurities rose, we talked about our own pain, trauma, and history.
Then we poured the purified metal into a bullet mold - a new shape, a new strength.
That moment changed me.
It symbolized the very thing God did in my divorce, my relapse, and my own recovery.
For more about this ceremony and the retreat, check out my article - The Reforging of Impurity.
A Message for Wives, Girlfriends, and Loved Ones
We address how recovery and brotherhood don’t threaten your marriage, they strengthen it.
Healing doesn’t pull you away from your spouse, girlfriend, or partner.
It makes you more honest, present, and whole for them.
Resources Mentioned
* The Napkin of Truth - Created by Jim Hastings
* Vern Tompke - Finding Traction & Pastors on Porn Podcasts
* Everything you think you know about addiction is wrong | Johann Hari | TED
* FASTT Check-Ins Article (Feeling Wheel Illustration Included) & Podcast
* Brushpopper Retreat Interest - If this episode stirs something in you, reach out at [email protected]. We’re building this slowly, intentionally, relationally.
Final Encouragement
Wherever you are - stuck in the thicket, climbing out, or saddle-ready - you’re not alone.
This podcast, these brothers, and this mission exist so nobody has to fight in the dark.
Saddle up.
Stay in the herd.
And keep fighting the good fight.
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