Praxis Podcast with Rhett Smith

In my time on staff at the Hideaway Experience doing marriage intensives, my co-therapists and I had a few rules that we would often write out for the 4 couples on the their first day of intensive work. We found that having some guiding principles (rules) made the process more safe for everyone involved. And one of the rules that always stuck out to me was "Be curious vs. being judgemental". Pretty simple. We found that when spouses were curious about their partner, there were less likely to be in a posture of being critical or judgemental.

In fact, when someone is curious about you, it's probably likely you feel loved, valued, known...just to name a few truths. And so that principle has always stuck with me. And the more I started to think about it, it reminded me that I learned that principle about 15 years ago in seminary by one of my favorite professors, Dr. Ray Anderson, who is now deceased. He told my class a beautiful story about he and his wife that I share in this podcast episode...a story which highlights the importance of curiosity in a relationship.

So in episode 66:

• I talk about when I first learned about curiosity and relationships from my professor Dr. Ray Anderson.
• I talk about the rule that we used to share with couples at the beginning of our marriage intensives that helped foster curiosity.
• I share why curiosity is such an important factor in all relationships, whether it be marriage, parent-child, colleague, friends, etc.
• I share some quotes on curiosity.
• I share some ideas how you can begin to practice and experiment with curiosity in your relationships this week.

Please listen and subscribe to my podcast in the following places, and then leave a comment letting me know what you liked about the show, or what guest you would like to hear from. Thank you so much for your support.

iTunes -- Stitcher

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Resources and People Mentioned in this Episode

The Hideaway Experience Marriage Intensives

Dr. Ray Anderson

Marriage and Family Therapist Todd Sandel

Letters to a Young Poet by Rainer Maria Rilke

Rilke's quote on curiosity (i.e. questions)

Albert Einstein's quote on curiosity

Dr. Harville Hendrix's article on curiosity in marriage

In this episode I explore:

• the link between anger and depression.
• the different types of depression.
• different treatments for depression.
• reframing depression.

Please listen and subscribe to my podcast in the following places, and then leave a comment letting me know what you liked about the show, or what guest you would like to hear from. Thank you so much for your support.

iTunes -- Stitcher

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Resources Mentioned in the Episode

NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Health

NIMH: National Institute of Mental Health

ADAA: Anxiety and Depression Association of America

MAYO: Mayo Clinic

TWLOHA: To Write Love on Her Arms (self-harm, suicide)

I Just Don't Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression by Terence Real

Unmasking Male Depression: Recognizing the Root Cause to Many Problems Such as Anger, Resentment, Abusiveness, Silence, Addictions, and Sexual Compulsiveness by Archibald Hart

A Women's Guide to Overcoming Depression by Archibald Hart and Catherine Hart Weber

A Mind of Your Own: The Truth About Depression and How Women Can Heal Their Bodies to Reclaim Their Lives by Kelley Brogan M.D. and Kristin Loberg

Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation by Parker Palmer

Naming and Navigating Depression in the Lives of Teenagers by Rhett Smith

I've noticed over the last few months a growing anger and frustration within me. This has been very disheartening. Because I think if you were to ask my close friends and family, the word anger and frustration wouldn't typically be associated with me. But maybe that's my own lack of insight.

But in this time I've realized several things about what has been going on. One, I have been doing a horrible job of self-care, which leaves me little ability to regulate and manage my emotions in a healthy way. Two, my wife and I are in an incredibly challenging stage of life (like all of you), as we try to adjust to new challenges as our kids get older and work brings about a new level of busyness. Three, the most important lesson I've learned is not what I think of myself or how others may perceive me...but what those closest to me think. Those closest to me have the greatest experience with what my true self is in varying moments...and because of that, they are often on the front lines of helping me better understand myself, and acting as a barometer for my own negative coping behavior.

When I was in graduate school at Fuller Theological Seminary, one of my favorite professors and mentors, Dr. Ray Anderson reminded me that who we are (as a person) around those closest to us tells us a lot about who we are, and is a great indicator of our true selves in moments of struggle. Dr. Anderson reminded our class one day that if we wanted to know whether or not he possessed the fruit of the Spirit that the Apostle Paul writes about in Galatians 5:22-23, then we need to ask his wife and kids. They would be the best equipped at telling the truth on that matter.

So I am working hard on my own anger and frustration so that when people ask my wife and kids what I'm like, they will be able to point to Galatians 5:22-23.

Please listen and subscribe to my podcast in the following places, and then leave a comment letting me know what you liked about the show, or what guest you would like to hear from. Thank you so much for your support.

iTunes -- Stitcher

Player FM -- Libsyn

In this episode I explore:

• my recent struggle with anger and frustration.
• how I identified the feelings and emotions at the root of the anger.
• self-care as a tool to regulate emotions.
• the value of of close family and friends giving the most accurate feedback on our true selves.
• Dr. Ray Anderson's discussion on Galatians 5:22-23

I've been talking about Sabbath in the last couple of podcast episodes (Episode 61: Sabbath Rest and Your Identity, Episode 62: Sabbath Rest and Anxiety), and so I close the series in this episode talking about various practices. As I've come to learn more about Sabbath and practice various ways of being on that day, I realize that everyone's Sabbath may look differently. Ultimately, I believe the key is that Sabbath is a way of being, rather than doing, and so it's a day where we set aside our compulsion to have to do things, perform, be productive, etc, and we enjoy our relationship with God, others, and ourselves. In this episode I discuss:

• How to assess your busyness (i.e. "white space on the calendar").
• Setting a day to practice Sabbath.
• Setting a time for your Sabbath practice.
• Asking yourself questions about what a practice of being vs. doing would look like.
• Allowing for the fact that your Sabbath will look different than other peoples.
• Expecting resistance as you fight the culture of consumption and busyness.
• Etc.

Please listen and subscribe to my podcast in the following places, and then leave a comment letting me know what you liked about the show, or what guest you would like to hear from. Thank you so much for your support.

iTunes -- Stitcher

Player FM -- Libsyn

Resources and People Mentioned in the Podcast

Sabbath as Resistance: Saying No to a Culture of Now by Walter Brueggemann

Keeping the Sabbath Wholly: Ceasing, Resting, Embracing, Feasting by Marva J. Dawn

Living the Sabbath: Discovering the Rhythms of Rest and Delight by Norman Wirzba

Sabbath: The Ancient Practices by Dan Allender

Sabbath Keeping Versus Margin Keeping Practices We Must Foster

Diagnosing Our Online Busyness So That We Can Live More Holistically

As I mentioned in my podcast last week (Sabbath Rest and Identity), I have been thinking a lot about the topic of Sabbath over the course of the last year. It seems that it comes up in more and more of my conversations, and it's absence in the lives of many people (especially evident in many of the clients I work with), lead to a lot struggles, conflict, and issues with anxiety and depression. And it's absence in my own life is the source (I believe) for much of the anxiety that I have struggled with.

For a period of time (I actually blogged about Sabbath about 5 and half years ago, and here almost 6 years ago). So in reality, I guess I have been thinking about this topic for a long time...but maybe I'm just now starting to take it seriously.

This seriousness began last year when I read Walter Brueggemann's powerful book, Sabbath as Resistance: Saying No to the Culture of Now.

Last week I focused more on how identity relates to Sabbath rest, and though I will talk about that again in this podcast, I focus more on the anxiety that happens when we are caught up in a culture of productivity. In Sabbath as Resistance, Brueggemann writes:

Please listen and subscribe to my podcast in the following places, and then leave a comment letting me know what you liked about the show, or what guest you would like to hear from. Thank you so much for your support.

iTunes -- Stitcher

Player FM -- Libsyn

Resources and People Mentioned in the Podcast

Sabbath as Resistance: Saying No to a Culture of Now by Walter Brueggemann

Living the Sabbath: Discovering the Rhythms of Rest and Delight by Norman Wirzba

Sabbath: The Ancient Practices by Dan Allender

I have been thinking a lot about the topic of Sabbath over the course of the last year. It seems that it comes up in more and more of my conversations, and it's absence in the lives of many people (especially evident in many of the clients I work with), lead to a lot struggles, conflict, and issues with anxiety and depression. And it's absence in my own life is the source (I believe) for much of the anxiety that I have struggled with.

For a period of time (I actually blogged about Sabbath about 5 and half years ago, and here almost 6 years ago). So in reality, I guess I have been thinking about this topic for a long time...but maybe I'm just now starting to take it seriously.

This seriousness began last year when I read Walter Brueggemann's powerful book, Sabbath as Resistance: Saying No to the Culture of Now. In the book, Brueggemann writes:

"In our own contemporary context of the rat race of anxiety, the celebration of Sabbath is an act of both resistance and alternative. It is resistance because it is a visible insistence that our lives are not defined by the production and consumption of commodity good. Such an act of resistance requires enormous intentionality and communal reinforcement amid the barrage of seductive pressures from the insatiable insistences of the market, with its intrusion into every part of our life from the family to the national budget." Loc. 196 of 1231 (Kindle)

This is the first of approximately 3-4 podcasts I am going to do on the topic of Sabbath. And in this episode I explore:

• the context of Sabbath in the Exodus story
• God's freeing of Israel's identity from being one of production and performance, to one of rest and dependence in him.
• the ways in which we build our sense of identity around our busyness, production, performance, accomplishments, etc.
• Sabbath is a call to place our identity and sense of self in relationship to God who sustains and cares for us in our being, rather than in one that is dependent upon our control and doing.
• the lack of Sabbath as a producer of anxiety.

Please listen and subscribe to my podcast in the following places, and then leave a comment letting me know what you liked about the show, or what guest you would like to hear from. Thank you so much for your support.

iTunes -- Stitcher

Player FM -- Libsyn

Resources and People Mentioned in the Podcast

Sabbath as Resistance: Saying No to a Culture of Now by Walter Brueggemann

How to Be Here: A Guide to Creating a Life Worth Living by Rob Bell

Henri Nouwen

Over the course of the last 3 years I have really been experimenting with my diet. That is to day, I have been adding and subtracting certain foods that I consume, and then I pay attention to see what the results yield. And it's because of this experimentation that I have really been arriving at a place where I have noticed just how drastically the right food can improve my overall healthy, fitness and relationships.

I once heard someone say that change begins with what's on your plate. And without going into other ideas I have about that (especially theologically), I agree that as humans, what we put into our body affects so much of who we are and the experiences we have.

This started several years ago when I decided to just give skim milk up on a whim and switch over to almond milk. I haven't looked back as I noticed immediate changes in how I felt. It soon followed with giving up cheese, and then dairy. And then I started giving up more and more meat, and adding more and more vegetables. Somewhere along the way I introduced a daily green smoothie into the mix, and this last Lent I gave up meat for 55 days. All these experiments have impacted me in some very positive ways, and I have seen the ramifications in how my diet has affected my fitness (especially my running), my relationships (especially with my wife and kids), and just my overall health (I haven't been sick or had a cold in probably over 3 years).

So I'm interested to see what happens to your life when you begin to experiment with your diet. I'm not a licensed dietitian or medical doctor, so make sure you consult them first when making any changes that might negatively impact your health. But also realize that we are responsible to be good stewards of our lives, and that includes our physical bodies...so do the research because the information is everywhere. And then try eliminating and adding various things from your diet and see what happens.

In this episode:

• I explore the importance of being responsible for your food choices and health.
• I talk about my experience with giving up milk, cheese and then dairy.
• I talk about giving up meat for 55 days and what that experience was like.
• I talk about the importance of not getting bogged down and shaming yourself when you make bad food choices..but start again fresh the next day.
• I talk about how you can begin to experiment with your diet.

Please listen and subscribe to my podcast in the following places, and then leave a comment letting me know what you liked about the show, or what guest you would like to hear from. Thank you so much for your support.

iTunes -- Stitcher

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Resources Mentioned in the Episode Rich Roll

Running is not new to this blog or podcast. In fact, I've done episodes on various aspects of running before (listen to Episode 20, Episode 25, and Episode 32.)

But a couple of things have changed since I last talked about running on the podcast. First, I am just about to complete my certification as a Level I Running Coach through the RRCA. I've been wanting to do this for a while and was so excited to take the course. I had a great time with the cohort. Second, one of the main reasons I wanted to get certified was so that I could bring that knowledge to some therapy running groups I am working on starting. Even though I have been running through years and feel that I can be helpful to runners when building a program...I really wanted the information and knowledge to do it in a way that just wasn't relying on my experience since every runner is different.

So, in this episode:

• I talk briefly about my coaching certification process.
• I share my desire to start therapy running groups in my practice.
• And I review the 4 key components of self-care that running engages.

Please listen and subscribe to my podcast in the following places, and then leave a comment letting me know what you liked about the show, or what guest you would like to hear from. Thank you so much for your support.

iTunes -- Stitcher

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Resources Mentioned in the Podcast

RRCA Coaching Certification

Finding Ultra: Rejecting Middle Age, Becoming One of the World's Fittest Men, and Discovering Myself by Rich Roll

Born to Run: A Hidden Tribe, Superathletes, and the Greatest Race the World Has Ever Seen by Chistopher McDougall

Eat and Run: My Unlikely Journey to Ultramarathon Greatness by Scott Jurek

Why We Run: A Natural History by Bernd Heinrich

Ultramarathon Man: Confessions of an All-Night Runner by Dean Karnazes

I've been thinking a lot recently about the struggle we have of living in the tension of things not coming to fruition as quickly as we would like. We live in a fast-paced culture that expects everything on demand...and quickly. But where the tension comes in is that the life of faith is not a life that can be obtained on demand, or often very quickly. God doesn't seem to concerned about doing things quickly, or on my time frame. God seems to work at a different pace than me...and that can create a lot of anxiety and impatience.

We may want things done in a day, but God has shown that sometimes the journey make take 40 years. Time and time again I'm struck by the fact that the journey for the Israelites from captivity in Egypt into the Promised Land was a essentially a 13 day journey...but it took 40 years. Often people will quote Jeremiah 29:11-12 to me (which is a wonderful passage), but I have to bring to attention that verse 10 reminds them they will spend 70 years in captivity first.

So God isn't in a hurry to accomplish things, and we have to begin to learn to live in the tension of our anxious impatience for things to be done quickly and in the way we want it to be done. In this episode I reflect on the varied journeys that God takes us on in our life, and as I do this I share some passages from my book The Anxious Christian: Can God Use Your Anxiety for Good?

Please listen and subscribe to my podcast in the following places, and then leave a comment letting me know what you liked about the show, or what guest you would like to hear from. Thank you so much for your support.

iTunes -- Stitcher

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Resources Mentioned in this Episode

The Anxious Christian: Can God Use Your Anxiety for Good?

One of the more tricky aspects of working with adolescents is trying to discern at times what is "typical" teenage behavior, and what is depression. I mean most of us can remember back to our own teenage days where we experienced bouts of moodiness, irritability, and wanted to isolate ourselves from others, or at least our parents. And just because we experienced those things that didn't necessarily make us a candidate for a diagnosis of depression.

I wrote about this issue last year for the Fuller Youth Institute in an article called Naming and Navigating Depression in the Lives of Teenagers. That article got a lot of attention, and it's such a big topic, that I'm currently working on another article for the Fuller Youth Institute on depression and adolescents...hence why I decided to do a podcast episode on this topic.

Please listen and subscribe to my podcast in the following places, and then leave a comment letting me know what you liked about the show, or what guest you would like to hear from. Thank you so much for your support.

iTunes -- Stitcher

Player FM -- Libsyn

Resources Mentioned in the Article

Fuller Youth Institute

Naming and Navigating Depression in the Lives of Teenagers

National Institute of Mental Health -- Depression

Anxiety and Depression Association of America

DSM 5