Modern dating has become increasingly expensive for men — not only financially, but emotionally, socially, and psychologically. In this episode, I look at the inflation of chivalry: the way ordinary courtship has turned into elaborate performance, "princess treatment," promposals and endless proof of male devotion. What is the problem with this? We also look at the rise of "the ick," and what that signifies.

Chapters: 00:40 The Cost of Modern Dating for Men 02:09 No Effort, No Reciprocity 03:00 Promposals and Princess Treatment 04:22 What Chivalry Was Supposed to Be 05:27 The Rise of "The Ick" 06:17 The Train Ticket Example 07:01 When Men Stop Performing 08:22 Women Want Permanent Courtship 09:00 Male Vulnerability and the Collapse of Empathy 10:11 Consuming Relationships Instead of Building Them 10:38 Fragile Narcissism and Modern Intimacy

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On June 3, 1968, Valerie Solanas walked into Andy Warhol's studio and shot him. Decades later, she has become a feminist icon, her SCUM Manifesto is taught in universities, and Hollywood celebrated her life in a major film that is now returning to theaters in a new restoration. How did an attempted murderer become a cultural hero? In this episode I'm joined by Janice Fiamengo, Tom Golden, and Jim Nuzzo to explore one of the most striking double standards in modern culture: why female violence is so often explained, romanticized, and even celebrated, while male violence is treated as evidence of innate evil.

Follow them here: Janice Fiamengo: https://substack.com/@fiamengofile

James Nuzzo: https://substack.com/@jameslnuzzo?utm_source=global-search

🔴 Tonight: Live Google Meet for paid subscribers: https://hannahspier.substack.com/ Tonight at 3:00 PM Eastern I'll be hosting our exclusive monthly Google Meet for paid subscribers. We'll be discussing fathers, masculinity, and what is happening to men in modern society, with plenty of time for questions and discussion. If you'd like to join, upgrade now. You'll immediately gain access to the paid subscriber chat, where the Google Meet link has already been posted. I'll also send an email with the meeting link to all paid subscribers before we go live. I hope to see many of you there.

00:00 Valerie Solanas and the Attempted Murder of Andy Warhol 01:06 Introducing the Panel 01:37 Why Is Valerie Solanas Being Celebrated? 05:16 Hollywood's Romanticization of Female Violence 11:48 The SCUM Manifesto and Feminist History 17:00 Did Feminism Embrace Valerie Solanas? 22:49 Was Valerie Solanas Mentally Ill? 25:15 Why Society Excuses Female Violence 30:01 Feminist Utopias and Anti-Male Ideology 34:17 Is Feminism a Public Health Problem? 36:33 Female Violence and the Double Standard 40:35 Why We Don't Excuse Violent Men 42:29 Gynocentrism and Cultural Bias 46:39 Protection vs Special Treatment 49:00 Why We Ignore Violence by Women 52:00 Final Thoughts

Most treatments for Borderline Personality Disorder focus on emotional dysregulation. The goal is to reduce distress, self-harm, anxiety, and crises. But that misses the mark.

In this episode, I argue that modern psychiatry has adopted a model of Borderline Personality Disorder that is incomplete. By focusing almost exclusively on suffering, it neglects the maladaptive strategies harm others.

I also examine the striking contrast between how psychiatry approaches Borderline Personality Disorder—predominantly diagnosed in women—and Antisocial Personality Disorder, diagnosed predominantly in men. Why do we define one disorder primarily by the patient's suffering and the other by the harm inflicted on others? And what has this double standard done to treatment?

In the second half of the episode I outline what I believe a more realistic treatment model would look like.

If you've ever wondered why Borderline Personality Disorder remains so difficult to treat, this episode offers a very different way of thinking about the problem.

What is the real difference between a psychopath, a sociopath, and antisocial personality disorder? In this episode, I respond to Dr. Ramani's claim that "psychopaths are born and sociopaths are made" and explain why that framing is far too simplistic. I also explain why cold psychopaths unsettle us so much and how antisocial personality disorder fits into this.

In this episode, I break down the red flags of narcissism in women and why female narcissism is often much harder to recognize than male narcissism. Women are taught from very early on to speak the language of empathy, compassion, healing, boundaries, emotional safety and self-awareness. But that does not necessarily mean the underlying personality is agreeable, sacrificial or kind. In many cases, the narcissism is simply cloaked differently.

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Postpartum depression is real, and in some cases it can be severe and even dangerous. Mothers who are struggling deserve compassion, support, and proper care. But what happens when a normal, difficult transition into motherhood increasingly becomes viewed through the lens of pathology?

In this episode, I explore the rise of postpartum depression as a cultural phenomenon, the expansion of screening and diagnosis, and whether we are sometimes pathologizing experiences that previous generations understood differently. I also examine the role of feminism, women's media, and modern therapeutic culture in shaping how women anticipate and experience motherhood.

Sponsor: Get 15% off OneSkin with the code HANNAH at https://www.oneskin.co/HANNAH #oneskinpod

Chapters: 00:00 Coming Up 00:14 Motherhood as a Risk State 01:35 The Rise of Postpartum Depression 02:37 From Motherhood to Pathology 03:02 Screening Mothers Everywhere 04:16 The Baby Blues vs Postpartum Depression 05:03 What the Data Actually Shows 06:54 Why Diagnoses Feel Validating 07:49 Anticipating Illness and Self-Fulfilling Prophecies 08:24 How Women's Media Shapes Expectations 08:48 "Women's Magazines Don't Just Report It, They Stage It" 10:03 The Isolation of Modern Mothers 11:47 Does Feminism Really Care About Mothers? 12:35 Final Thoughts

Is feminism really a movement for equality or could it be something else entirely? Evolutionary psychologist Dr Dani Sulikowski joins me to discuss if feminism may be best understood as a form of intrasexual competition between women. Let me know what you think in the comments.

Follow Dr. Dani Sulikowski:

https://x.com/DrDaniS

https://substack.com/@drdanis

CHAPTERS:

01:05 Feminism as a form of female competition 02:02 How feminism suppresses female reproductive success 03:07 The attack on attractiveness and femininity 04:22 Body positivity and competitive strategies 04:39 "Feminism was always intersexual competition" 05:05 Was feminism ever about motherhood? 06:09 Ancient Rome and declining birth rates 07:43 My challenge: is this really about resentment? 09:40 Why feminism targets desirable men 12:33 "It's not suicidal empathy, it's homicidal virtue signalling" 21:56 Feminist mothers and transing children 29:35 Activism, status, and moral superiority 32:32 Competitive strategies vs evolutionary adaptations 33:35 The attack on masculinity and femininity 39:15 Does this theory remove female agency? 58:30 Final reflections 01:00:32 "That wasn't the answer I was hoping for"

In this episode, I look at the mechanisms behind female grievance culture: externalizing blame, turning victimhood into identity, and rewarding antagonism through therapy-speak and social media. I argue that when ordinary disappointment is constantly translated into harm, trauma, invalidation, gaslighting or exploitation, this prevents maturation. When they are trained to scan for injury, keep score, and treat gratitude or accommodation as weakness, relationships are doomed to fail.

Want to listen ad-free? Go to Substack: https://hannahspier.substack.com/p/71-the-3-mechanisms-behind-female

• 00:32 The mechanisms behind female grievance culture

• 01:31 Marriage, fertility and adult adjustment

• 02:26 How motherhood became framed as burden

• 02:56 Mechanism 1: Externalizing blame

• 04:27 Mechanism 2: Victimhood and suspicion

• 05:13 Mental load and the grievance lens

• 06:37 Are fathers really doing less?

• 07:28 Marriage as a zero-sum game

• 08:12 The burdens fathers carry

• 09:20 Interpersonal victimhood and personality

• 10:23 When grievance becomes identity

• 11:02 Mechanism 3: Rewarded antagonism

• 12:05 Why suspicion is treated as intelligence

• 13:32 Female venting, validation and social media

• 14:47 Therapy-speak and the female psyche

• 16:36 The three mechanisms together

• 17:28 What feminist wellbeing research misses

For decades, feminist literature has claimed that feminist identification is associated with better psychological well-being in women. But what exactly was being measured and did those measures tell us anything serious about women's adjustment to adult life? In this episode, I look at the gap between self-reported empowerment and broader indicators of functioning: marriage, fertility, divorce, emotional regulation, and the rise of late mental-health labels among adult women. I also trace how feminist ideas moved from academia into popular psychology, advertising, music, television, and social media , shaping how women were taught to interpret frustration, dependence, men, marriage, and motherhood.

Chapters: 00:00 Feminism and female psychological health 00:40 What the studies actually measured 02:14 Assertiveness, empowerment, and anger 04:02 Functioning versus feeling empowered 05:17 The indicators of women's adjustment to adult life 06:29 Marriage, fertility, divorce, and mental-health labels 08:53 The feminist narrative push 09:51 Early feminist literature and marriage as exploitation 10:49 Advertising, independence, and female self-possession 11:32 Media portrayals of men, fathers, and marriage 13:35 Sisterhood, resentment, and female loyalty 15:28 Music, ridicule, and the female psyche 16:33 Why these messages reach girls early 17:06 The influence of feminist academia 18:48 Popular psychology and female grievance 19:32 From pendulum to freight train 20:11 Modern feminism, 4B, and decentering men 21:43 Social media and the divorce reflex 22:09 Grievance as a psychological orientation 22:50 What comes next: the psychological mechanisms

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Prevention matters because once these patterns are learned, they are extremely difficult to undo. I am not convinced we can confidently call them curable. This is a practical look at what could make a difference, first at the individual-level, and then at a societal level.

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Chapters:

00:00 The Missing Piece: Prevention 00:28 The Temperament Foundation 02:10 How it Develops 05:35 Where Parents Lose Ground 06:53 Containing Neuroticism 11:30 Training Agreeableness 13:14 Culture vs Parenting 16:06 The Danger Effects of Peer Saturation 17:19 The Role of Social Norms and External Constraints 18:11 Cultural Shift: From Restraint to Expression 21:13 Feminism's Role in Shaping Behavior Norms 23:14 A Practical Example 26:06 Preserving Innocence and Delaying Instrumentalization 27:29 What Needs to Change (Family, Culture, Mental Health Framing) 30:25 Indulgence vs Adversity (Why Traits Are Increasing Today) 31:37 Final Framework: Containment vs Expression