Radio Toilet ov Hell

This week your boys are going through their favorite songs of the year of our lord, 2k22. We'll run the gamut between deathpop, blackgaze, tradgoth, gothenburgcore, saxowave, and doodilydoodily art music. In between, we have a larf at the exclusive tiers of Metallica Live Music Experiences™ you can purchase to get the most out of your heavy metal experience at a 100,000 capacity NFL stadium with either Pantera or Five Finger Death Punch as your opening options. Woof.

Music featured on this week’s show:

Brutus - Liar

Asunojokei - Chimera

Sonja – Wanting Me Dead

The Halo Effect - Feel What I Believe

White Ward - Cronus

Bill Orcutt - Two Things Close Together

This program is available on Spotify. It is also available on iTunes or whatever they call it now, where you can rate, review, and subscribe. Give us money on Patreon to get exclusive bonus episodes and other cool shit.

During highest time of the year, Dylan watched some of the lowest flicks of all time with the host of I Hope You Suffer, Nathan Sizemore. The disappointed duo tackles three more entries in the awful Evil Bong series: Evil Bong 3D: The Wrath of Bong, Gingerdeadman vs. Evil Bong, and Evil Bong 420. Featuring such wonders as space bongs, getting off at the bakery counter, a pastry tribunal, topless bowling alleys, quite possibly the most audacious scene in cinema history featuring the most hideous character ever, and a whole lot of cum for movies about weed.

If you want the whole bong hit for context, you can listen to Diary of Doom's previous coverage of Evil Bong and Evil Bong 2: King Bong in Chapter 73, also featuring Nathan as well as Kit Hart.

The boys are talking the big topics of the day: getting COVID, office holiday parties, and fucking around on the Toilet ov Hell Discord. M. Shadows of Avenged Sevenfold offers his solution for the Ticketmaster problem: let businesses take advantage of you. Also NFTs? The Hu is now recognized by the UN as a UNESCO heritage uhhh band. Is this the most prestigious achievement by a folk metal band? Opting out of metal memes and retiring our old villains to make room for newer, younger enemies in the metalsphere. Zakk Wylde sits down at his Gateway desktop to learn Pantera songs on YouTube. Finally, we spend no more than 5 minutes talking about the fucking Grammys. It's a good one.

Music featured on this week’s show:

Zhmach - Moss Icon

This program is available on Spotify. It is also available on iTunes or whatever they call it now, where you can rate, review, and subscribe. Give us money on Patreon to get exclusive bonus episodes and other cool shit.

I got covid so Jordo and Breno took over the show this week. TOPICS: Jordo chopped off four years of long, flowing hair so now it's time to start regrowing hair. The Ozzfest Metaverse "concert" with "Motorhead" happened and we're all worse off for it. Maynard from Tool joined the Joe Rogan show for four hours of pseud bullshit. Have fun with that. Megadeth and Metallica are still fighting because everyone involved is still emotionally 18 years old. Finally, we're glad Twitter is dying so it can kill off our reply guys. Happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

Music featured on this week’s show:

Edenbridge – The Call of Eden

This program is available on Spotify. It is also available on iTunes or whatever they call it now, where you can rate, review, and subscribe. Give us money on Patreon to get exclusive bonus episodes and other cool shit.

The gravity blast was a mistake - Hans

The crass conservationists assemble again, just in time to watch the planet get cremated.  We have two special guests this time to help Hans and Eenzy crank up the heat: Carlos from Salvadoran crust-grinders Conflicto and TovH's own Snooty Mcwords from eco-slammers Extinction.  In this ecology-themed episode, we're talking about their new five-way split Crimes Against Wildlife, the looming spectre of radical climate change, and most importantly how impending ecological doom has inspired some pretty brutal metal, which makes it all worth it.  We premiere two songs off the split, each pick our own anthems to environmental collapse, and wrap it all up with some horrendous romance-language mispronunciations, courtesy of Eenzy.  What can I say?  World is a fuck.  Born to die.  Kill 'em all 2022.

New Music Features This Week

Eenzy's Picks

Cattle Decapitation - Regret and the Grave

Conflicto - Cementerios de Coral

Hans's Picks

Mass Extinction - (A)bstain // (A)bolish

Extinction - Cloud Forest Fruitopsy

Carlos's Pick

Malón - Grito de Pilagá

Snooty's Pick

ANOHNI - 4 Degrees

THIS WEEK ON TOILET RADIO: Our chief Gen X correspondent Ian sits down with Johan Längquist, the original and current vocalist of Candlemass to talk about the new album, rejoining Candlemass after 31 years, the COVID years, the great heavy metal vocalists, Doctor Carl the doctor who plays keyboards, and getting into the "Candlemass mood". BUT FIRST, Joe and Jordan talk about SICK NEW WORLD FESTIVAL. We go through the lineup and determine if the nü metal When We Were Young is worth a shit or what. It’s a good one. Interview starts at 37:04.

Music featured on this week’s show:

Candlemass – Sweet Evil Sun

This program is available on Spotify. It is also available on iTunes or whatever they call it now, where you can rate, review, and subscribe. Give us money on Patreon to get exclusive bonus episodes and other cool shit.

Hot damn, it's a new episode of Toilet Radio! This week, our chief Gen X correspondent Ian sits down with Dan "Chewy" Mongrain of Voivod to talk about how, exactly, to get that Voivod guitar tone. No shit, we're giving you a step-by-step guide to getting the exact Voivod sound on guitar. Also, Ian gets Chewy to open up about cartoons like Batman and Ultraman. BUT FIRST, you have the three regular hosts talking about August Burns Red cheaping out with some awful AI artwork for their new album and Joe Brandon threatening Ticket Master over their horseshit fees. It's a good one. Interview starts at 34:20.

Music featured on this week’s show:

Voivod - The End of Dormancy (Metal Section)

This program is available on Spotify. It is also available on iTunes or whatever they call it now, where you can rate, review, and subscribe. Give us money on Patreon to get exclusive bonus episodes and other cool shit. 

(Image Via)

This week on Toilet Radio: We went out to see some shows. Jordo checked out Blitz Kid and Joe went to see The Misfits and Mercyful Fate. We're talking horror punk, Fear, Alice Cooper (feat. the monstrous Kane Roberts), Danzig's continued failure, the delightful Kreator, and the unbeatable King Diamond. OTHER TOPICS: Marty Friedman's war on Cap'n Crunch, The Sword calls it quits, Metallica selling dog turds, Ozzy's virtual (read: not real) metaverse performance, Jon Schaffer going into hiding, and the upcoming midterms disaster. Folks, it's good to be back and it's also a good one.

Music featured on this week’s show:

Kreator – Strongest of the Strong

This program is available on Spotify. It is also available on iTunes or whatever they call it now, where you can rate, review, and subscribe. Give us money on Patreon to get exclusive bonus episodes and other cool shit. 

(Image Via)

This week we're joined by Doktor Ross Sewage of Exhumed and Ludicra to talk about the latest record from the former and the unexpected reunion shows of the latter. BUT MOSTLY we're here to talk about BODY MELT, a 1993 Australian horror movie that doesn't make a ton of narrative sense but DOES get extremely gooey. Join as we try to suss out the narrative thread, discuss the consumerist criticism it's founded upon, and talk about the director's twisted disco post-punk band. It's a good one.

There's only one episode left of this year's October Spooktacular. If you wanna join in for the Patreon-subscriber-only bonus show, we’ll be watching Society (1989).

Music featured on this week’s show:

Exhumed - Carbonized

This program is available on Spotify. It is also available on iTunes or whatever they call it now, where you can rate, review, and subscribe. Give us money on Patreon to get exclusive bonus episodes and other cool shit.

Which TovH podcast is actually cool enough to discuss the brutal, intricate depths of metal lyrics?  Rhetorical question

The erudite edgelords emerge once again!  In honor of Halloween we're talking about a topic that should make your skin crawl: metal lyrics.  They range from low-effort filler ("Hello me, meet the real me!") to high-minded lameness ("I AM THE TABLE") to gory descriptions graphic enough to cause you some Crepitating Bowel Erosion.

I'm madly in anger with how Lars types

Look, if the lyrics were meant to be profound, you'd probably be able to understand them in the song itself instead of having to look them up.  Riff Raff doesn't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows.  No metal musician is winning a Nobel Prize in Literature any time soon.  But some metal songs still have interesting, clever, and dare I say, rather beautiful lyrics.  Exactly six of them, to be precise.  And they've been plucked from the wastelands of lyrical mediocrity by your favorite poetic poseurs Hans, Eenzy, and Spooky.  As emo Livejournal blogger T.S. Eliot once said

This is the way the podcast ends

This is the way the podcast ends

This is the way the podcast ends

Not with a headbang but crosstalk and mic-breathing

New Music Features This Week

Eenzy’s Picks

Pig Destroyer - Jupiter's Eye    lyrics

Cave In - Moral Eclipse    lyrics

Hans's Picks

Dunsmuir - Orb of Empire    lyrics

Hellripper - Anneliese    lyrics

Spooky's Picks

Entombed - That’s When I Became A Satanist    lyrics

Hell - The Age Of Nefarious    lyrics