Is sibling rivalry just something to expect? Is it a foregone conclusion that our kids are going to be simmering with jealousy, rivalry, and unkindness toward one another? Or is there a way to promote friendship and affection between brothers and sisters? We have eight kids, and while they've had their moments of conflict, we've been blessed to see them grow in genuine love as they've matured. How can we foster this sort of relationship in the home?

TRAPS TO AVOID

We know families where the sibling relationships are so broken, some aren't talking decades after the original hurt feelings. Our college students have remarked how many of their classmates are uninterested in going home for holidays or breaks. Where does the breakdown begin? More importantly, what can we avoid or correct, to preserve and promote better relationships?

* Bullying or provoking behavior - they're two forms of the same problem

* Name calling - and when nicknames are and aren't cool

* A culture of sarcasm and irony

* Battle of the sexes - don't even start

* Favoritism - it didn't end well for Joseph nor Isaac

POSITIVE TRAITS TO PROMOTE

On the other hand, there are many things we can do to cultivate a better sort of family culture.

* Teach them how to be friends

* Praise and reward good behavior

* Make family harmony a matter of honor

* Provide opportunities to be friends

* Build memories together

* Share emotions - rejoice with them that rejoice

* Cultivate respect - starting with husband and wife of each other, then parent/child and siblings

Remember, and teach your kids, that when the Bible speaks about love, it involves knowing the other person, and choosing to behave in a considerate and kindly manner to them. It's an active choice, not just a feeling! And that means that we can hold that as a standard of behavior ... and know it's something we can actually do. Trust that when our actions are right, the feelings tend to follow!

UPCOMING EVENTS

February 27-29 - "Teach Them Diligently" Homeschool Convention - Nashville, TN

March 13-14 - LeaderLife Conference (Home Education Association of Virginia) - Williamsburg, VA