Raising Teens with Collett Smart

To hear more Money: Faith & Finance, click on this apple podcast link: 
https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/money-faith-finance/id1656825243

Teenagers earning money and paying you board? What about adult kids living under your roof?

Joni asked Pete and Ben to get stuck into the family affair of working out if your kids with jobs need to stump up. So they did, diving deeper than their kneejerk response of "YES". Growing up with the expectation of paying board, Pete and Ben acknowledge the changed landscape of home ownership and accessibility. But the life lesson of paying board remains, as well as the opportunity to live out biblical principles of respect.

Key Takeaways:

• Financial Responsibility: Charging board teaches young adults to manage finances and prepares them for independent living.
• Family Dynamics: Open communication about finances and responsibilities can reduce tension and foster understanding among family members.
• Economic Landscape: Rising costs of living and rental rates contribute to adult children staying home longer.
• Adapting Traditions: Modern families may need to adjust traditional approaches to rent and board, weighing financial necessity against educational opportunity.
• Value-Based Discussions: Families can leverage biblical principles, such as honouring parents, to guide discussions about board.

Notable Quotes:

• "Shouldn't they, in a sense, contribute to the cost of the house? And I think the answer is yes." – Pete Burrows
• "In adulthood, spoiler alert, you're going to cop 100% of the cost of living." – Pete Burrows
• "We're trying to prepare you for adulthood. And in adulthood…you need to pay a percentage of those costs." – Pete Burrows
• "Is it more about while you're here, we're trying to teach you a lesson?" – Ben McEachen

 

Got a question, comment or personal story to share? Send it through at hopepodcasts.com.au. Ben and Pete will get stuck into it on a future episode.

Pete Burrows is an accountant for small business and individuals with Lower Russell and Farr in Penrith, Western Sydney, Australia.

Ben McEachen hosts Hope Mornings on Hope 103.2FM in Sydney, Australia.

Support the show: https://hope1032.com.au/donate

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Fancy winning a signed copy of Jay-Lee Nair's book? Head to the win page of Hope 1032!

https://hope1032.com.au/relationships/win-a-signed-copy-of-good-sport/

Support the show: https://hope1032.com.au/donate

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About the Guest:

Dr. Jay-Lee Nair is an esteemed Australian sports psychologist with deep expertise in performance anxiety among young athletes. Residing in Singapore since 2012, she specializes in strategies to help high achievers and perfectionists thrive in competitive sports. Her impactful work in psychology and sports spans from her educational pursuits in the United States, where she earned Academic All American Honors while playing collegiate golf. Dr. Nair's passion is further evidenced by her book "Good Sport," reflecting her commitment to leveraging her experiences and insights for the betterment of young athletes globally.

Key Takeaways:

• Parental Role in Sports: The importance of parents acting as collaborators rather than directors in their children's athletic development, providing support through attentional silence and non-verbal encouragement.
• Handling Performance Anxiety: Young athletes should focus on controllable elements within their performance to mitigate anxiety linked to results-focused thinking.
• Effective Post-Game Debriefing: Introducing the "Good Better How" methodology helps to ensure debriefs are constructive and focused on strengths and areas for improvement.
• Gender-Specific Insights: The role of relationships and community in keeping girls engaged in sports through their teenage years.
• Promoting the Green Zone: Fostering a culture where athletes are encouraged to react positively to mistakes can help them develop resilience and maintain strong performances.

Notable Quotes:

• "Help young athletes connect with their strengths and that just takes conversations, questions, helping them build their independent awareness."
• "Pointing out their mistakes just exacerbates their dilemmas when it comes to competition."
• "When athletes get to a certain age, the focus on improvement shifts to scrutiny of mistakes and technical perfection."
• "Mistakes are statistics. If we prioritize reactions to mistakes, they develop resilience in their games."
• "My hope is that all young athletes embrace and learn their strengths and start to transfer that to every other part of their life."

Resources:

• Dr. Jay-Lee Nair's book: Good Sport
• Follow Dr. Jay-Lee on Instagram 

 

Click here to contact Collett or ask her a question or Click here to contact the Raising Teens team.

Collett is a psychologist, qualified teacher, speaker, and internationally published author, with 25 years' experience working in private and public schools, as well as in private practice.

Visit Raising Teens for more resources, click here for Collett's books, or join the discussion on Facebook.

Listen to more from our Hope Podcasts collection at hopepodcasts.com.au. And send the team a message via Hope 103.2’s app, Facebook or Instagram.

Support the show: https://hope1032.com.au/donate

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

For more episodes of "Undistracted with Laura Bennett" subscribe here on Apple Podcasts and Spotify

Join host Laura Bennett as she delves into parenting with psychologist, teacher, and author Colett Smart. Explore strategies for managing school-related stress, fostering children's identity beyond academics and activities, and maintaining healthy family dynamics. Colette shares insights into balancing extracurricular commitments, approaching other parents' expectations, and the impact of adult stress on children. Discover how to raise teens with intention and purpose, emphasizing the importance of staying present and engaged. 

Key Takeaways:

• Navigating Change: Colette discusses how any form of change, even positive, induces stress and suggests approaching a new school year with a mindset that embraces both excitement and challenges.

• Emotional Load: She highlights the emotional burden parents and children carry during transitions, advocating for early intervention and support if stress becomes overwhelming.

• Balancing Activities: Encourages parents to support their children's passions but maintain a healthy balance to ensure time for social interactions and relaxation.

• Parental Influence: Stresses the importance of modeling positive responses to stress and maintaining open communication to alleviate children's anxieties.

• Social Engagements: Advocates for clear communication among parents to manage expectations regarding children's social activities, making these experiences enjoyable without overwhelming commitments.

Notable Quotes:

• "All change can cause some form of stress, but it also brings exciting opportunities for growth." – Colett Smart

• "You need to be the voice for your children and get them support early on." – Colett Smart

• "Try to expand and make sure that they have other avenues where they reach out to others." – Colett Smart

• "Someone needs to be brave enough to start the discussion... most parents are relieved." – Colett Smart

• "We need to give our children hope and talk about what they can bring to the world." – Colett Smart

Resources:

• Colett Smart’s book: "They’ll Be Okay: 15 Conversations to Help Your Child Through Troubled Times"

• Listen to Undistracted with Laura Bennett here on Apple Podcasts

Support the show: https://hope1032.com.au/donate

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Key Takeaways:

• Embrace the busy and often unpredictable nature of the festive season with a mindset of self-compassion and adaptability.

• Family traditions may evolve over time, and it’s okay for things to look different year to year.

• Practicing mindfulness and taking time for personal reflection can be crucial for mental health during busy times.

• Asking for help and setting boundaries can mitigate overwhelming feelings during the holiday season.

• Finding joy amidst change and nostalgia is essential, even when family members are geographically apart.

Notable Quotes:

• "The Christmas period is actually quite different this year for me to what I've experienced before." – Colett Smart

• "Too late for whom? Whose rules are those?" – Colett Smart

• "It's okay that I'm missing my other children... I'm giving myself permission to feel nostalgic." – Colett Smart

Resources:

• Listen to the episode "When it’s Not the Most Wonderful Time of Year" for coping strategies during difficult holidays.

• Explore insights on self-compassion with Dr. Veya Seekis' episode here 

 

Click here to contact Collett or ask her a question or Click here to contact the Raising Teens team.

Collett is a psychologist, qualified teacher, speaker, and internationally published author, with 25 years' experience working in private and public schools, as well as in private practice.

Visit Raising Teens for more resources, click here for Collett's books, or join the discussion on Facebook.

Listen to more from our Hope Podcasts collection at hopepodcasts.com.au. And send the team a message via Hope 103.2’s app, Facebook or Instagram.

Support the show: https://hope1032.com.au/donate

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Check Susanne's website out - https://www.susannegerstmyer.com/

"I help way too busy mums break the cycle of overwhelm 
and enjoy life more" ~ Susanne Gerstmyer

Join Colette Smart as she explores the theme of busyness with guest Susanne Gerstmyer, author of "Breaking Free of Busy." They unpack the mental and emotional aspects of a packed schedule, the impact on family dynamics, and offer practical strategies to prioritise connection over perfection. Susanne shares her journey from burnout to balance and offers insights into making intentional choices to reclaim time and energy. This ep provides valuable reflections for parents navigating the demands of raising teens while fostering meaningful relationships and self-awareness.

Key Takeaways:

• Susanne Gerstmyer emphasises that the root of busyness goes beyond schedules and tasks, stemming from internal beliefs and emotions.

• The different dimensions of busyness include practical, mental, and emotional aspects, which must be managed comprehensively for effective change.

• Recognise the unrealistic societal deadline mindset often associated with end-of-year schedules and the importance of simplifying tasks.

• The emotional climate set by parents heavily influences family dynamics; prioritising connection over perfection is vital.

• Introspection into why we overcommit is crucial; understanding the need for validation or the fear of failure can help manage tendencies towards busyness.

Notable Quotes:

• "Who we are is far more important and impactful than anything we do."

• "I realised that it's okay for other people to be unhappy or to be inconvenienced."

• "When we're too busy, we often miss some of those subtle signals and cues about what's going on with our families."

• "Trying to choose connection over perfection and recognising that it's when we're actually just being real and not trying to make everything perfect."

• "My hope is that families would really be able to be intentional about that and in doing so, enjoy the season and show up as the best that they can be rather than a busy, crazy person."

 

Click here to contact Collett or ask her a question or Click here to contact the Raising Teens team.

Collett is a psychologist, qualified teacher, speaker, and internationally published author, with 25 years' experience working in private and public schools, as well as in private practice.

Visit Raising Teens for more resources, click here for Collett's books, or join the discussion on Facebook.

Listen to more from our Hope Podcasts collection at hopepodcasts.com.au. And send the team a message via Hope 103.2’s app, Facebook or Instagram.

Support the show: https://hope1032.com.au/donate

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Help with eating disorders - The Butterfly Foundation

Help with feeling suicidal - Beyond Blue

Psychologist Collett Smart discusses vital signs of mental health struggles in teenagers during Mental Health Month. Drawing on insights from Graeme Cowan, she offers six key indicators, such as changes in behavior, social withdrawal, and substance abuse. Tips include listening actively, supporting through small tasks, and encouraging professional help. Tackle the daily ups and downs of teenage life with practical strategies and a compassionate approach. 

Key Takeaways:

Recognising Changes in Behavior: Parents should look for sustained changes in their teen's behavior or mood over two weeks or more, which might signal underlying mental health issues.

Social Withdrawal: A noticeable decrease in a usually social teenager’s engagement with friends or activities could be a red flag of mental health struggles.

Changes in Appetite: Significant increases or decreases in eating habits might indicate emotional distress or potential eating disorders.

Negative Talk: Expressions of hopelessness or worthlessness should be taken seriously and approached with empathy and support.

Substance Abuse Signals and Tiredness: Increased use of alcohol or drugs and persistent fatigue or insomnia can be indicators of deeper mental health issues that need addressing.

Notable Quotes:

"Their brains are going through massive changes, and they're learning to do really hard things." – Collett Smart

"You know your teen better than anyone. What you will be looking for are changes to what you consider normal for your teen." – Collett Smart

"Mental ill health drains your energy. They might not feel like they want to put on a brave face for everyone when they go out." – Collett Smart

"It's important to walk with people sometimes side by side or sit in the car, particularly for some teens if listening face to face is confronting." – Collett Smart

"Rather than saying you need support, which may make some teens feel like they're weak or they're not good enough, I love to use Michelle Mitchell's phrase, you deserve support." – Collet

 

Click here to contact Collett or ask her a question or Click here to contact the Raising Teens team.

 

Collett is a psychologist, qualified teacher, speaker, and internationally published author, with 25 years' experience working in private and public schools, as well as in private practice.

Visit Raising Teens for more resources, click here for Collett's books, or join the discussion on Facebook.

Listen to more from our Hope Podcasts collection at hopepodcasts.com.au. And send the team a message via Hope 103.2’s app, Facebook or Instagram.

Support the show: https://hope1032.com.au/donate

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Key Takeaways:

I CARE Framework: Learn how to Identify changes in behavior, show compassion, Access mental health experts, Revitalise social engagement, and the importance of Exercise.

Engaging Teen Boys: Effective ways to engage young men in mental health conversations through shared activities and subtle inquiries.

Self-Care for Carers: The importance of carers maintaining their own vitality, intimacy, and prosperity to provide effective support.

Holistic Approach to Recovery: Emphasise the role of a holistic approach, incorporating regular exercise, healthy eating, and strong social connections.

Community Resources: Utilise resources like Reach Out and Kids Helpline for additional support and information.

Notable Quotes:

"A conversation could change a life." – Graeme Cowan

"Don't be afraid to let that [question] hold out there. Don't feel you have to fill the gap with noise." – Graeme Cowan

"Self-care isn't selfish; if we don't care ourselves, there's no way we can offer support and patience and guidance for a young person who could be struggling." – Graeme Cowan

"The more that a young man feels understood, the greater our capacity to influence them." – Graeme Cowan

"We need to act like a VIP: vitality, intimacy, prosperity. Think each day, how can I top up those glasses?" – Graeme Cowan

Resources:

• R U OK? – Information about the organisation and resources.

• Reach Out – Resources for young people and parents.

• Graeme Cowan's Books: Access to the "Back from the Brink" series.

• Kids Helpline – Support and resources for young people and parents.

Click here to contact Collett or ask her a question or Click here to contact the Raising Teens team.

Collett is a psychologist, qualified teacher, speaker, and internationally published author, with 25 years' experience working in private and public schools, as well as in private practice.

Visit Raising Teens for more resources, click here for Collett's books, or join the discussion on Facebook.

Listen to more from our Hope Podcasts collection at hopepodcasts.com.au. And send the team a message via Hope 103.2’s app, Facebook or Instagram.

Support the show: https://hope1032.com.au/donate

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Key Takeaways:

Influence of Self Talk: The constant internal chatter significantly impacts our emotions, behaviors, and overall well-being, with both positive and negative aspects.

Parental Responsibility: The manner in which parents talk to their children can shape their children’s inner voices, underlining the importance of mindful and compassionate communication.

Recognition and Awareness: Encouraging teens to recognize and articulate their negative self talk can diminish its impact and pave the way for positive thinking.

Challenging Negative Thoughts: Teaching teens to question the validity of their negative self talk and to reframe it in a constructive, supportive manner is crucial for mental resilience.

Impact of Media and Social Influences: Monitoring media consumption and discussing its impact helps teens understand and mitigate negative influences on their mental health.

Notable Quotes:

"Our voice will become our child's inner voice."

"Negative self talk can often be the loudest and most constant voice in our heads."

"Saying sorry teaches kindness, humility, and empathy."

"Helping teens challenge their thoughts by asking, 'Is this actually true?'"

"Respond to negative self talk as you would to a friend—with kindness and support."

 

Click here to contact Collett or ask her a question or Click here to contact the Raising Teens team.

Collett is a psychologist, qualified teacher, speaker, and internationally published author, with 25 years' experience working in private and public schools, as well as in private practice.

Visit Raising Teens for more resources, click here for Collett's books, or join the discussion on Facebook.

Listen to more from our Hope Podcasts collection at hopepodcasts.com.au. And send the team a message via Hope 103.2’s app, Facebook or Instagram.

Support the show: https://hope1032.com.au/donate

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Listen to a Past Episode from Dr. Veya Seekis here - TikTok and Body Image

To learn about Dr. Veya's work, at Griffith University or her Paper on TikTok

This episode, Collett Smart teams up with Dr. Veya Seekis from Griffith University to discuss the transformative power of self-compassion in raising teens. Delve into actionable insights on acknowledging emotions, soothing techniques, and the difference between self-compassion and self-esteem. Listen as they explore practical steps for parents and teens to foster self-compassion, ensuring healthier emotional development and well-being.

Key Takeaways:

Definition of Self-Compassion: Self-compassion involves acknowledging one's pain, recognising it as a shared human experience, and offering oneself kindness, as one would to a friend.

Comparison with Self-Esteem: While self-esteem is contingent on success and external validation, self-compassion provides a stable, internal framework for managing stress and emotions.

Traffic Light System: This practical approach uses red for stopping and acknowledging feelings (mindfulness), amber for recognising shared humanity, and green for practicing self-kindness.

Benefits for Teens: Practicing self-compassion helps mitigate stress, prevents rumination, and may alleviate symptoms of anxiety and depression, making it a vital skill for teenagers.

Pilot Program Insights: Dr. Seekis’ school program shows that self-compassion techniques can be successfully integrated into the curriculum and can impact teens' ability to manage stress effectively.

Notable Quotes:

"In a nutshell, self-compassion is really just learning to be your own best friend."

"When we are being self-compassionate, we are acknowledging that we're in pain, understanding that this pain is not unique to us, and showing ourselves some kindness."

"Self-compassion is an emotion regulation strategy. It helps us in those moments when we're stressed, disappointed, or in pain."

"The traffic light system uses red to stop and acknowledge feelings, amber to recognise shared humanity, and green to practice self-kindness."

"Self-esteem can only be high during positive outcomes, whereas self-compassion offers a way to manage emotions irrespective of external success or failure."

 

Click here to contact Collett or ask her a question or Click here to contact the Raising Teens team.

Collett is a psychologist, qualified teacher, speaker, and internationally published author, with 25 years' experience working in private and public schools, as well as in private practice.

Visit Raising Teens for more resources, click here for Collett's books, or join the discussion on Facebook.

Listen to more from our Hope Podcasts collection at hopepodcasts.com.au. And send the team a message via Hope 103.2’s app, Facebook or Instagram.

Support the show: https://hope1032.com.au/donate

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.